The Formula

Oh, for heaven's sake stop it la Pak Lah. Haven't we gone through this drama before? Haven't we seen it all? Didn't you show us how you can make promises, only to cross your fingers behind? Come on man, if you are going to do it again, at least try something new man. Try a novel approach, something that would fool the people again into believing that you really mean it this time.

Pak Lah the last time you said you were going for corrupt buggers, you hauled up ikan bilis only. Of course the people thought that you were teasing them with these ikan bilis and they waited anxiously for you to land the Megalodons. They waited and waited but still no Megalodons, heck not even ikan kembung man, only ikan bilis. Did you know that many died waiting?

Yeah, I heard that you admitted that it could be because you were slow in making changes that the people were angry at your government. Well, let me tell you this. You were not slow, you were standing still, you were not moving at all. You made a tortoise feel like an F1 mean speed machine.

Okay, so you realised you were slow. Okay let's say we buy that, but up till now you have not even started the engine yet. When you say something at least have the decency to show that you mean it. No we are not asking you to cry to show that you really mean it. We are asking you to stop crying and get to business. Ahmad Said's tears are tears of joy that now the RM1 billion a year is at his disposal; Mahathir's tears were tears of a desperate old man hoping to cling on to power, your unshed tears are for what? Get up man and crack the whip. Don't use the whip from a pondan stingray la. Use the one that took that crocodile hunter down. Use one that sends shivers down to the balls.

Oh, I see, you are asking why all of sudden I am talking about this when people are talking about Shahidan and Lim Guan Eng and Deris and Ahmad Said and the person you have forgotten, Anwar Ibrahim, and that senile old man who can't retire quietly who asked the tribunal to apologise, apa nama dia, ah, he's not important, and The Agong? Well let me tell you why I am shouting my throat coarse.

Do you know what's deja vu? I am sure you know; that I can give you. You are definitely not a Zam or a Mike Tyson wannabe. Well lately I have been having a bout of deja vu. The press were going ga ga about an inspector hauled up for demanding money, about some very insignificant people being taken in for questioning regarding corruption and today I read that a town councillor in JB is released on police bail also regarding corruption.

Your MSM is going to town with this news like they did when you first assume the Premiership. Remember? I am sure you do. So between these cases and those old ikan bilis cases, what is new? Nothing, nada, zilch, kosong, mote (egg in tamil). Hey at least get someone bigger to show that you mean business. You admitted to being slow but I think you lied. You were not slow, that was your full throttle speed. You just can't move, can you?

Let me tell you what to do if you harbour any hope of performing a comeback but the way I see it, things don't look too good. Imagine a kindergarten football team whose players are blindfolded and have their legs tied together playing against the mighty Brazillian team with full complements. Imagine again that you are the captain of that kindergarten team and you would get my drift. But then again nothing is impossible, so they say, lets say you want to get yourself out of the deep shit you are in now, very much of your own making, may I add, the thing you should do is make a big impression, no, make it a thunderous impression. How, you ask? Now you are talking and I have just the proposition for you. Read on.

The way to show that you mean business when you say you want to fight corruption is to order the ACA to arrest a few ministers for corruption. They must be full cabinet ministers either serving or retired. The arrest must be shown on prime time TV. If possible lead the team yourself. Hey you are the PM, you can assume any role that you want, except King and Agong la, if you know what is good for you. Take them to court the very next day and in full view of the people via live telecast; ( damn it, declare a national holiday la so that the whole country can watch, that also I must teach you ka? Hey, the people love holidays la) strip them bare of all their misdeeds. After finding them guilty, you can either jail them or shoot them, nobody is going to make a fuss about it.

What? Where are you going to find the people? Just look to your left and to your right; in front of you and at your back, they are all there. Just go ini mini maini mo, and the person your finger touches after saying these magic words is sure to be a corrupt bastard. Do that everyday of the week for as long as you can (which I don't think would be long) and maybe, just maybe, you could get your ratings up a wee bit.

What? You can't do it? Too many important people around you? Hmm lets see. Okay we go to plan B. This is easier. Empty your office cabinets and drawers and take all you personal belongings. Why should you do that, you ask? Must I tell? In front of all these people?