Monday, 17 March 2008

Unconfirmed News

I would like to pick up from where Shah of Cakapaje 'Talk Only' left on Unconfirmed News and the dangers in believing in them. Believe at your own risk.

This news just in a while ago.

1. Manchester United confirmed that they have paid 50 million pounds for Malaysian striker extraodinaire B Dollah. The striker who was reported to have scored 12 hattricks in one season including a triple hattrick in the game against Liverpool in a testimonial match in Moscow would be representing United in the World Club Cup final against KL Plus a team from Malaysia.

2. Insiders in Hollywood leaked that the next instalment of Terminator is being shot in secret in the North Pole. The fourth instalment, however, would have a new action hero in the debutant Sam Valueless. He is reportedly paid US70 million to replace Arnold Swarzenegger in the biggest Hollywood production ever. Mr. Valueless however refused to entertain any questions, opting to direct journalist to his agent Mr. Tripplecorrect Lingam.

3. Hong Kong movie megastar Chow Yuen Fatt has teamed up with Malaysian stud Sylvester Chua in the remake of Lady Godiva Rides. Also appearing is Angie Yam. Making a cameo appearance is Bill Clinton who's only line in the movie is "I did not have sex with the woman".

4. Rap superstar 50 cents would be collaborating with newcomer MC K V Yas in his upcoming Album entitled 'Defeated'. K V Yas would sing solo in the 3rd track 'Lost in Rainy Town' composed by new songwriting sensation K Jailma Uddeen a Bollywood stand up comic who switched to song writing after a brief but unsuccessful foreplay with politics.

5. Retired Malaysian Officer Mr. Rush It has won the Nobel Peace Prize for his contributions to democracy and justice.

6. China has secured the services of world reknown port facilities guru Mr. Klang Chan to act as consultant in their ambitious multibillion dollar Port cum business cum tourism project , the second such project in the world. Phase one of the project that is the acquisition of thousands of acres of cooperative land is completed.

7. Malaysia finally bagged their first Olympics gold medal ever. The won the newly introduced event of tear gas volley. They created a record of sort with 50 hits in 50 shots. All the targets, poor demonstrators, were reported to be hit precisely in the hit. The Malaysian team are also favourites in the water cannon event when they qualified for the finals this morning. They did it with style flooring 500 demonstrators with a single hit of the hose. However, the Malaysian team maybe forfeited when the Pakistani team complained that the Malaysian team laced their water with chemicals which the Malaysian Chef De Mission Mr Braharoom vehemently denied.


 

16 comments:

Abdullah said...

Well, I can get it. Good stuff Sir. You always score highly. Very creative and moral stories. Anyway, I will not succumb to any rumour, much more when it originates from UMNO, BN and their cahorts in the blogsphere.

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Kerp (Ph.D) said...

another unconfirmed news.

in Kedah, a bomoh will be called in to locate the missing documents at the Menteri besar's office. According to inside sources, ghouls will most likely to be blamed for all the things that has mysteriously disappeared.

monsterball said...

hahahahahaha....What a waste...you are a teacher la.
Had you gone to be a serious politician...two roads...either die in ISA as somewhat out-spoken hero..or...filthy rich...under UMNO.
But Allah does work in a mysterious way....made you a teacher....healthy and level headed.to be able to come out with such comical realistic..ideas.
kerp...is inspired .to add one more point to your message.
Hantutelur should live up to his name and do something.
When you are in trouble....who do you call....Ghostbusters...hahahahahaha

Kata Tak Nak said...

Abdullah,
Thanks and that is the way. Just do not listen to cheap market talks erspecially if they come from the BN.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Kerp,
What about this,
3 former MBs have decided to open their own clinic. They specialise in Bomohlogy. It is reported that they are doing brisk business with clients from the now defunct BN party. Most of the clients who suffer from ED as a result of their shock ouster are seeking the Bomoh's help to stop their wives from running away with the millions stashed in their accounts,

Kata Tak Nak said...

Monty,
It's better to be a teacher than to be a politician. At least I have peace of mind.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

hehehehehe...real good shit. but i wonder who the 3 former MBs are. as at the last count, there are 4 ex MBs and an ex CM. one dentist is a sure bet.

cakapaje said...

Salam Cikgu,

I say old Chap, HRH The Emperor of Mong Gol, has expressed his desire to recommend you the Gobi Medal of Literature for a work well done!

However, HRH, have also expressed his curiousity at the missing Mr N Jib of Town, in your report. Also missing are: Mr Not Shahid Dan, Mr An War Moose A and Mr A Adek - both of Kelantan - Mr Chris His Sham Din, Ms S Rid Zat and Mr I Juice Soh! News From The Grapevine reporters have reported some of the names mentioned above are either being consorted or they are consorting some Bollywodd producers.

However,well done old chap! Well done! :)

Kata Tak Nak said...

They are MBs of Kedah, Selangor and Perak. 3 cukup la, banyak2 sangat nati dia bomohkan kawan dia pulak.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Shah,
You Majesty the Emperor of Mong Gol, thy humble servant is truly honoured and I swear upon the scattered bones of Altantuya I'll get N jib of the sleepy hollow of Town.

hantutelur said...

Where do you check your facts? Utusan? Bernama? KV Yas should be spelled KV Ass lah!

Kata Tak Nak said...

Hantutelor,
Ya la it should be KV Ass, sounds better and describes him to the T

tokasid said...

TakBernama reported about the new cabinet line-up.

1-Che'gu KataTakNak-Prime Minister merangkap guardian og Puteri HmmmNo

2-Uncle Monty- TPM merangkap Menteri Dalam seluar
3-Cakapje-menteri Penerangan merangkap guardian II Puteri HmmNo
4- Kerp al-Gooners- menteri Kebajikan Masyarakat dan Perpaduan Kaum merangkap guardian Putera HmmNo( he will advise all mat rempits not to rempit with kapcais but use wheelchairs instead)
5-Pak MatSalo: Menteri Galian dan Sumber Alam merangkap menteri muzik dan konsert.
6-Pak Zawi-menteri pertanian dan perladangan.
7-Daphne Ling- Timbalan Menteri Kebajikan Masyarakat dan Perpaduan Kaum.
8-Elviza-Menteri Undang-undang.

9-E Accia: Menteri Muzik II dan pendidikan Asas
10-Pak Mior; Menteri Keharmonian Keluarga
11-Wak Pinter: Menteri Alam sekitar dan Pengindahan Negara
12-Akmal-Menteri Belia dan Muda-mudi
13-Dr Mokk- Ketua Menteri Sarawak dan Menteri Kesihatan.
14- Mama Drzeze- Timbalan Menteri Kesihatan
15-Tokasid- BALL CARRIER.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Doc,
Lets trade places but I get to keep the guardian puteri hmmmno part only lets not call it guardian, why not call it Sahabat Puteri Hmmmno

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

ok doc. since daphne to be my deputy, i'll take it.

hehhehehehe...

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