Friday, 30 May 2008

I hereby quit the opposition

Thats it, Enough is enough. I've been in the opposition camp for about 10 years now and all I see is rhetoric. I've had enough. I think, no, I am sure only UMNO and the BN could lead this country and the opposition is only good at making promises and accusations.

I would like to thank the opposition though for waking the BN up from their slumber in the last GE. Their unexpectedly good showing has made the BN realise that they have gone astray. They have finally opened up their eyes. They are taking the right road now.

Since after that drubbing that they got during the last GE, they have done so much that I believe this government is sincere in what they say. I was concerned about the independence of the Police Force, the ACA, the AG and the Judiciary and the PM has allayed my fears in all these by making drastic changes in government policies regarding these agencies.

The police is now no longer the running dogs of the government. They now have a mind of their own. They act without fear nor favour. Just imagine, the police whacking the Grand Saga people and their thugs to protect the demonstrators. I heard a few police personnel risk their limbs and lives by charging at the thugs who wanted to attack the demonstrators. What service to the people; what heroics for the sake of the people; what devotion to duty.

The AG now is no longer a peon of the Prime Minister. I heard that he scrutinises every report that is sent to him. He even calls up police or ACA officers and screws them up if he sees any deficiency in their investigations. It was brought to my intention that he intends to charge everyone in the AG's office for failure to dispense justice to the people. What excites me most is that he is even charging himself for what he has done from the late 90s to the present time.

The ACA is no longer an impotent body hooked by the nose to the PM's hotline. They are now as independent as can be. The latest I heard is that all Ministers and former ministers, dead or alive, since the days of the Mahafiraun would be charged for corruption. All ministry high officials who drive anything more expensive than a Tiara would be brought to book. Since Eric Chia has got away, they are making sure that it won't be for long. They are charging him for misappropriating a few pens and pencils, just as long as he serves time.

As for the judiciary, I heard that Pak Lah has already identified the members of the commission to appoint judges. To ensure absolute transparency, the PM has named farmers, labourers and unemployeds to the commission. They will list down people for the job and we the rakyat will be given the opportunity to decide who heads what. This would be done by sms ala Akademi Fantasia. Each week the judge with the least vote would be dropped.

Seeing all these being done by the PM, I got to thinking why do we need the oppositions anymore? The government has begun to fulfill its election promises and I say we should allow them. We should 'work with them'.

I am sure this is the brain child of a certain Ezam who has now joined or shouold I say rejoined UMNO. Ezam wait for me, I am joining you. Hold on, hold on, my bank account is CIMB 5647877769.

Wednesday, 28 May 2008

Bolasepak Di Parlimen

Wakil Pokok Sena:
Wahai Tuan Speaker yang bijaksana
Saya wakil dari Pokok Sena
Nak tanya Menteri Sukan yang handsome bergaya
Tentang nasib bola sepak negara
Yang dulunya gah merata-rata
Menjadi juara Pesta Bola Merdeka
Mengalahkan pasukan seperti Korea
Tapi sekarang asyik rebah saja
Sampai takut dengan jiran Selatan kita
Yang saiznya hanya sekangkang kera
Dan berpenduduk hanya beberapa juta
Dengar cerita berpuluh juta dah dibelanja
Tapi pencapaian tak kemana
Negara yang dulu belasahan kita
Lani dok peteh kita punya kepala
Mana perginya maruah negara
Tidak inginkah menebus semula?

Menteri Sukan:
Wahai wakil dari Pokok Sena
Terima kasih soalan ditanya
Jangan lah salahkan diri saya
Saya baru saja mula bekerja
Masuk pejabat pun baru 2 kali saja
Memang saya pun sedih juga
Dengan mutu bolasepak kita
Kita selalu kalah dalam set ketiga
Itu pun lepas deuce lima.

Wakil Batu:

Masa saya di stadium dulu
Sering dengar orang menjerit referee kayu
Baru hari ini saya tahu
Yang Menteri Sukan jugak begitu
Menteri apakah ini saya tak tahu
Tak boleh beza bola dari batu

Menteri Sukan:
Tuan Speaker yang Maha berkuasa
Gunakan lah kuasa yang ada
Wakil Batu menghina saya
Otak saya beku dia kata pada saya
Kenapa begini sikap mereka
Kepada saya mereka berjenaka
Pada hal soalan saya dah jawab semua.

Tuan Speaker:
Maafkan saya wahai YB menteri
Izinkan saya mencelah di sini
Memang saya rasa nak maki
Kerana mereka perli YB menteri
Tapi maki saya tak jadi
Sebab saya sangat geli hati
Dengan jawapan yang YB menteri beri
Nampak sangat YB menteri tak reti

Saya sungguh rasa terhina
Kerna Tuan Speaker pun join sama
Dengan mereka menghina saya
Cepat beritahu, apa salah jawapan saya?

Betul tadi kata Tuan Speaker
Jawapan yang YB menteri memang tak kena
Bola sepak tak main set punya
Dan juga tidak ada deuce lima
Itu badminton permainannya
Bola sepak ada tak ada jangka masa
Tujuan nya untuk menimbang bola
Siapakah yang timbang paling lama
Dia lah yang diistiharkan pemenangnya.

Maafkan saya wahai Yang Berhormat
Jawapan itu tidak lah tepat
Bola sepak di main berempat
Bola dibawa ke satu tempat
Disepak bersama sambil melompat
Rembatan dibuat mestilah tepat
Kalau jatuh sekali lagi start.

Wakil Pokok Sena:
Memang lah betul yang mereka kata
Badut sarkas memimpin kita
Konon nak memaju sukan negara
Beratus juta belanjawan dipinta
Tapi semua tak tahu apa
Bagai penghuni Zoo Negara.

Tuesday, 27 May 2008

What a start.

What have I done so far these holidays? Hmm, let me think. I was down with the flu even before the holidays started. On Friday, the last day of the school term, we had our own Hari Guru celebrations.

As usual I was entrusted with the ordeal of reading out the annual speech sent to us by the Minister of Education and the Director of Education. This year I was given Hisham's speech which was 25 pages long. Just imagine a 25 page speech to be read to school children who came more for the games and concert.

I do not know if the people in the ministry know it or not but almost all schools do their own editing of these speeches, so mine, the 25 page torture tool was decimated to a mere 5.

Immediately after giving my speech, I got the permission of the PK Petang to go to the clinic because it was getting just too unbearable. Yup, the doc gave me pills for almost everything you could think off, no, no Viagra, and an mc.

Considering that I had not had a bite to eat that day, I stopped at the KFC outlet a few doors away from the clinic for some nuggets. I was not too steady and spilled the drinks all over me. I was too sick to feel embarrassed. I ate the 6 piece nugget and left.

I got back to school and asked to be excused for the rest of the evening and the PK Petang sportingly allowed me to, considering that I could be quite a heavy load should there be a need to carry me away. Yes, I missed the jamuan and the games and the concert.

I got home, took the medicines and went to bed. When I got up a few hours later, I found that my handphone, a 3 month old Nokia N95, my pride and joy, my source of countless hours of music, refused to come out of its self imposed slumber. Evidently, when I spilled the drinks, a lot of water found its way into the pouch. Hey if you hate me, drown me, not my prized possession. Its about the only thing expensive that I allow myself to be pampered with. The warranty does not cover death by drowning so I am waiting with bated breath as to how much the resuscitation process would cost me.

Actually, I had to cancell my trip for KL to meet blogger friends on the 24th because of some pressing family commitment. My condition screwed everything up. Even if I had not cancelled the trip earlier, I would have to do so because of that pain in the butt flu.

Saturday and Sunday were spent at home, mostly in bed and occasionally at the computer. I had so much sleep in the day time that every night I would get up at about 3 and just sat on the sofa doing nothing. Once in a while I would surf but there was just nowhere to go.

Last night I was up at 4 and am still awake now. I have finished my course of antibiotics and the sleep inducing pills for flu and only now am I feeling a little bit better. I am working up a little bit of sweat and am looking forward to starting the holidays.

What do I have in store? Considering that the trip to KL is cancelled, I guess its hours and hours of doing nothing. It beats hours and hours in bed with the flu, anytime.

Sunday, 25 May 2008

Nak Menang Macam Mana?

Saja nak sentuh sikit sini sana tentang apa yang dok jadi dan baru jadi. Yang paling jelas dan nyata ialah, aku beransur pulih tapi tak elok sepenuhnya.

Pulau Batu Puteh.
Aku tak tau la apa signifikannya Pulau Batu Puteh yang kecik setoet tu yang buat Malaysia dok rebut dengan Singapore. Katanya dah lama depa berebut tapi lani baru selesai dan yang menang Singapura. Aku tak heran Singapore menang pasai pengadilan dibuat di ICJ bukan di Palace of Justice di Malaysia.

Bila di tempat yang tak korup, depa tengok semuanya dari perspektif undang-undang. Kalau di Malaysia depa tengok dari segi siapa lawan siapa, depa tengok dari segi, kalau aku buat keputusan menyebelahi si A aku dapat apa, dan kalau menyebelahi si B aku dapat apa?

Di Malaysia jugak ramai Hakim akan menunggu arahan dari satu pihak tertentu. Pihak itu akan kata bahawa dalam kes ini bagi A menang atau bagi B menang. Undang-undang, bukti dan sebagainya tak penting. Yang penting ialah arahan.

Pendakwa-pendakwa di Malaysia kurang latihan sebab depa dah tau keputusan satu-satu kes itu walaupun kes itu baru bermula. Dalam kes depa mau menang arahan sudah disampaikan kepada hakim untuk menyusahkan pihak yang dituduh maka peguam-peguam bela akan menghadapi berbagai tekanan. Yang di tuduh akan kalah bukan sebab pendakwa berkalibar, tapi sebab pembelaan ditekan.

Kalau pulak yang dituduh itu orang yang ada hubungan rapat dan akrab dengan orang-orang di ataih, pendakwa dengan sengaja akan buat bodoh. Mungkin bukan sengaja la sebab mereka memang betoi-betoi bodoh. Mereka ter tak nampak bukti-bukti yang kukuh, mereka terlupa panggil saksi-saksi yang kuat dan mereka ter beri hujah-hujah yang bodoh sehingga Hakim terpaksa melepaskan yang di tuduh.

Bila dah ada barisan pendakwa yang manja macam ni, yang tak pernah bekerja keras, yang kemenangannya atau kekalahannya dalam sesuatu kes sudah ditentukan pada hari kes itu difailkan, maka bahaya lah jawabnya sekiranya mereka ini perlu berhadapan dengan barisan Hakim yang mereka tak boleh pengaruh.

Singapura menang sebab barisan peguam mereka adalah mereka yang berkaliber, yang membuat homework sepenuhnya dan juga yang pergi ke sana untuk bekerja. Kita kalah sebab barisan peguam kita terdiri daripada pendakwa-pendakwa yang tak pernah melawan walau satu pun kes secara adil.

Singapura melawan kes berdasarkan fakta, kita lawan kes berdasarkan auta. Tu lah Mahathir, lain kali bila nak bagi sistem perundangan dan Kehakiman kita jadi bacul, fikir lah dulu. Tu lah Pak Lah, bila dah dapat ambil alih kuasa awat dok simpan lagi sampah-sampah ni semua?

Saturday, 24 May 2008

Some Blues For The Flu

Still down with the flu. Don't worry, you won't get the flu by watching this clip.
Happy holidays to all.

Friday, 23 May 2008

Flu anyone?

Would not be putting up any post for a few days until this stubborn flu bug decides to leave. The whole body aches and couldn't get much sleep either. I may roam whenever I could but would not be putting up any post for fear that you may catch the bug reading my posts.

Anyway have a nice weekend.

Thursday, 22 May 2008

Manchester United Are Double Champions

We have done it again. Manchester United are the Champions. Was there any doubt. Yes, it was a heart stopper but the better team wins and this goes to show that Manchester United are the best team in the world.

Sorry Chelsea, you played second fiddle for the second time. You should feel honoured to be given the chance to play against the best team in the world and one thing, don't hope you would get any trophies next year.

Anyway Chelsea if you want to taste holding a trophy why don't you apply to play in the Malaysian League. Who knows you could just make it.

Oh I forgot. Actually I wanted to keep this quiet but in this jubilation, I can't hide it. Thank you MU for the best birthday present ever. They beat Barca on my youngest daughter's birthday, they won the Premier league on my son's birthday and they win the Champions League on my birthday. What a present.


Wednesday, 21 May 2008

Don't hump with a broken pump.

I was at Bombay Duck's blog reading his latest write-up on Viagra and how that magic blue pill has come to the rescue of many men with difficulty to get old Willy up. Mind you its not for those with reduced libido unless, of course, his partner has given him an ultimatum to get it up ship or out.

I say its not for men with reduced libido because why would an old man with reduced sexual desire or drive want to get it up for? Hey besides the fun, sex is damn bloody hard work. You do work up a sweat doing it you know.

When you are old and there is no demand from the partner and you yourself are as cold as the South Pole (pun intended) why spoil it all? Imagine, peace in bed. undisturbed sleep and no unnecessary exercise and no strain on the old overworked ticker.

Why all of a sudden this interest in the blue pill? In the blog I mentioned earlier, it seems that half of those who bought the pill do not repeat. Why?

You see, these naughty old men actually thought that the day you stopped having sex, you stop being a man. Being old, they forgot that their spouses are also way past their prime. The fact is that, their spouses would rather put up with their husband's snores than their grunts.

In many cases, after their first experience with a Viagra driven, chemically aroused old husband these wives, sent Chemical Randy to the sofa the next night.

So, what have we learnt from this? If you are old and your spouse is also old, you can't actually get it up and she aint complaining, let it be that way. If the two of you are game but the old boy could only afford to stagger an inch or two then you may give it a try provided the ticker is ready to do the pumping while you do the humping. You hump with a broken pump and you'll drop plump on your rump, then you'll slump and no more hum.

If you are young, why do you need Viagra for?

Tuesday, 20 May 2008

Seloka Letak Jawatan

Dudok melengung seorang diri,
Dok pikiaq bila Pak Lah nak pi
Pusin kelilin sana sini
Tapi Pak Lah dok ada lagi
Punya lah geram pedih di hati
Rasa nak boh sekali tang dahi

Pekik sudah melolong pun sudah
Tapi dia buat tak endah
Ahli lain pun sama sajalah
Buat tak dengaq aku punya jerkah
Rasa macam nak pi sergah
Tapi kaki tua ni tak larat melangkah

Lani kena guna pulak Plan B
Jadi bagoih, tak jadi mati
Kena bincang dengan si Sanusi
Tanya mau ka dia keluaq party
Di Aloq Staq nanti kami berdiri
Gempaqkan semua di seluruh negeri

Langkah ini banyak bahaya
Kalau tak jadi aku naya
Takut nanti hanya kami berdua
Yang lain takut ikut sama
Kami di luaq ternganga-nganga
Depa dok dangdut seronok gembira

Kalau plan B ini tak dapat sambutan
Plan C pulak aku gunakan
Suruh kroni aku mulakan gerakkan
Ramai-ramai tunjuk perasaan
Merayu aku ubah fikiran
Tarik balik surat perletakkan jawatan

Kalau lepaih ni pun dia tak turun lagi
Kena bincang pulak dengan MIC
Suruh depa pecat Samy
Suruh Nalakarupan join sekali
Di Dublin Estate kami berdiri
Umumkan aku Presiden party.

Monday, 19 May 2008

Mahathir Quits UMNO?

First I read about this from Zorro who was alerted by his Hantu. I immediately crossed over to Malaysian Insider and below is what I got.

More to come
KUALA LUMPUR, May 19 — News reports say former Prime Minister Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad has quit the ruling party after a long feud with his successor Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi.
Star online and Malaysiakini news portals say Mahathir is quitting the United Malays National Organisation party with immediate effect. He is urging other members to do the same.
Malaysiakini said Dr Mahathir announced this at a speech in Kedah earlier today.
It quoted him as saying: "I will only come back to the party when there is a change in leadership." He said his decision is a sign of no-confidence in the leadership of Prime Minister Abdullah.
Mahathir appointed Abdullah to succeed him in 2003 when he retired after 22 years as prime minister. But the two fell out within a year. — AP

The question is,
1. What is he up to? He asked others to follow him so will Mukhriz be the first? After their 2 hour meeting, would Najib also jump into this new unbaptised ship? Would Ku Li also do likewise?

2. Is he doing it to gauge the support he has?

3. The moment there are others who follow him, UMNO and thereby BN would be weaker so what does this signal? Would his followers be independent independents or would they be BN supporting independents who could hold Pak Lah at ransom?

4. Is he trying to get enough numbers to be Kingmaker? Should he get more than 30 followers, wouldn't Dollah be hardpressed to retain his premiership and thereby concede certain conssesions like closing an eye on the Lingam fiasco or even offer PR his people's support for the same conssesion?

5. After playing the racial card, would he also be inviting non Malay MPs to join him?

The game is getting very interesting. Is PR ready.

He has performed a well choreographed sandiwara before where Rafidah clung to him tearing her hairs off, though I am sure she regrets it now, and said he was resigning. The script then was for someone to 'pujuk the cry-baby' into not resigning, and that sulky old man finally acceded to the 'appeals' of the members.
I wouldn't be surprise if very soon there will be appeals after appeals by his cronies but made to sound as if it was from the majority of UMNO leaders and members and he finally retracts his resignation thus slapping Pak Lah in the face. Just a thought.


My aunt, my late mom's younger sister, passed away this morning at about 1.05 am from coronary heart disease and chronic renal failure.

She went into the hospital to get a dialysis done but couldn't. Upon further examination the doctors found that she had 4 blocked arteries. The family was told about her heart condition and upon consultation with the specialists they were told that a bypass could be done and chances are, though 74, there would be no adverse effect.

My cousins discussed amongst themselves and after asking their mother, decided to go ahead with the surgery. She had a quadruple bypass and was undergoing dialysis.

When I visited her, the nurse who was attending to her said that the dialysis would be ongoing for as long as necessary. She looked calm with some spasmodic involuntary jerks of the hand so much so that they had to restrain her hand to the side of the bed.

Last night at about 8.00pm I received a call from my cousin saying that things have gone for the worse. I rushed to the hospital and was told that her pressure was extremely low and that the reduced blood flow was hampering her wound healing process. The worst part was that, because the pressure was low, they had to stop dialysis.

The specialist said that the bypass went well but her kidneys were failing. I knew that without dialysis her condition would be bad. I was right, her lips were blackish and she was slipping in and out of consciousness.

At about 1.15am I received another call saying that she has passed away. I got to the hospital at about 2.00am and after a while they wheeled her body out. When I looked at her, she reminded me so much of my late mother.

There were 9 of them, 5 daughters and 4 sons. All 5 daughters and 1 son are gone. I have 3 more uncles remaining.


Sunday, 18 May 2008

Blackmail vs Blackmail

First he said that the content of the Lingam RCI report was tantamount to blackmail. Blackmail? Blackmail whom?

Did he mean that the intention of the whole thing was to blackmail him? It couldn't be to blackmail Lingam because he was the one who received the whacking, justly so.

So when he said that they wanted to blackmail him, what has he got to do in return as to not be blackmailed? Stop bugging the PM? Blackmail works along the premise that the blackmailer has knowledge of something bad about someone and threatens to divulge that info unless that someone does something or gives something in return.

Has the blackmailer asked anything from him yet? Hey, blackmail is an offence. If he/she has, then he should report it to the police. Could it be that he is saying all these because he is afraid that he would be blackmailed? Funny, blackmail victims or those who fear blackmail would not speak out in public but he did.

Now lets see this new development. This is reported in The Star:
By charging me in court, I will have the opportunity to explain many things that the judges did, including lobbying,” Dr Mahathir said.

Did he say this with the wish to be charged? To me it sounds more of a warning than a request. What he is implying is, you charge me and I will sing like a canary, Now this is an open blackmail. A blackmail in public.

First he said that they wanted to blackmail him and now it looks like he wants to blackmail them. Funny fellow this desperate old man. Okay lets say that what he said about including lobbying did happen, why didn't he initiate action against them? The Tribunal in the 80s did not try those judges for lobbying. Nowhere was it mentioned that they were guilty of lobbying.

When he said including lobbying he means that there are other wrongs beside lobbying so why were they not charged for those other wrongs?

What the people could see was that since that episode, the quality of the Judiciary went down the drain. The people could guess the outcome of cases depending on the personalities put on trial and the Judges presiding over them.

Funny, by getting rid of bad apples, as he implied in his explain many things that the judges did, including lobbying, he replaced them with down right rotten and toxic ones.

He is so desperate that he is turning into a joker and no one is laughing. What is he really afraid of?

Oh yes, how come suddenly he can remember so many things but lost his memory when confronted by the commission?

Saturday, 17 May 2008

Macam-Macam Hari Ada

PM: Hey Samy, saya mau you masuk balik dalam cabinet la.

Samy: Oh, isekarang sudah mau saya masuk balik dalam cabinet ka? Saya tau apa pasai. Satu kali dengar PR sudah panggil MIC join, DS sudah takut ya?

PM: Samy you jangan cakap banyak, you mau ka tak mau?

Samy: Sudah tuntu la saya mau. Apa Kementerian mau kasi sama saya? Saya mau ganti sama sapa?

PM: You tak ganti sapa-sapa. Saya bagi sama you baru punya kementerian.

Samy: Baru punya Kementerian ka? Apa kementerian itu?

PM: Kementerian Hal Ehwal Peniaga Pasar Malam.

Samy: Ayo, DS! Pasar Malam punya mintri ka?

PM: Mau ka tak mau?

Samy: Okay la, tapi lain kali kalau Najib mau resign ka, lu kasi sama saya itu Timbalan Pardana Mintri la.

PM: Agong, you tak mau jadi ka?

Samy: Jangan perli itu macam la DS. Ah, DS saya mau sikit tanya la. Kita Malaysia dalam banyak hari ada. Hari Guru, Hari Polis, Hari Tentera, Hari Ibu, Hari Bapa, Hari Sukan Sekolah lagi macam-macam punya hari ada tapi Hari Mintri tadak ka?

PM: Apa? Hari Menteri? Nak buat apa?

Samy: Aiseman DS. Ini Hari Mintri banyak baik la. You tengok, itu Hari Guru punya jam, budak-budak kasi hadiah sama dia punya cikgu. Lagi dia orang buat konsert, menyanyi itu Guru Malaysia punya lagu, wah banyak seronok la itu macam.

PM: Apa, you mau hadiah ka? You hari-hari dapat hadiah lagi mau ka?

Samy: Bukan itu macam la DS. Kita bikin satu hari, Hari Minteri. Nanti kita punya staff sumua beratur kasi hadiah sama kita. Kita bikin concert suruh sumua mintri nyanyi la. Kita panggil TV3, RTM, sumua TV mai angkat video kasi sumua rakyat jelate tengok. Rakyat nanti ingat kita baik punya worang pasai kita punya staff bagi banyak hadiah. Ini Public Relations la DS.

PM: Kalau itu staff tak bagi hadiah, malu la kita.

Samy: Ayo, apa susah. Kita cakap sama kita punya supplier beli itu hadiah la, belakang kita suruh la kita punya staff angkat itu hadiah kasi depan itu camera. Ayo, please la DS. Saya sudah banyak lama mau tirima hadiah dalam TV la DS.

PM: Apa faedahnya Samy?

Samy: Hari, hari orang maki sama kita. Sini pi kena maki, sana pi kena maki, duduk rumah saja pun bini maki, satu hari orang kasi hadiah tak bole ka DS. Kasi public holiday la, orang manyak suka itu macam, belakang buat live telecast la tunjuk mintri sumua dapat hadiah. Please la DS.

PM: Tak tau la. Nanti saya fikir dulu.

Samy: Ah, ah, DS, nanti kalau bikin concert punya jam, jangan panggil itu Najib mai la.

PM: Apa pasal pulak? Dia kan Timbalan Perdana Menteri?

Samy: Bukan la, nanti dia bawak itu Rosmah. Nanti dia satu orang saja mau nyanyi lain orang tak bole.

Friday, 16 May 2008

Hepi Ticher Dei

To all teachers, Hepi Ticher Dei. No, its not a holiday, in fact its a normal working day, but all the same its your day.

I hope yu tich with gud presatation. Oh, yes, when yu go to Ostalia don carry many money with you okay.

Something I dug at YouTube.

I was at Shah's when I saw a video about Dr Hook and The Medicine Show. Wow, I haven't heard that band for many many years so I went over to YouTube and woweee, Sylvia's Mother. Now thats one song I can't forget. I don't know if Doc, Zawi and Shah could remember this song. As for Kerpie, I know this is not his cup of tea and as for Mat Salo, I don't know. As for the rest, maybe they haven't even heard the song before. Just give it a listen.

Thursday, 15 May 2008

Negara lain Lagi Teruk

Soal jawab bersama Jemaah Menteri.

Pemberita: Masaalah kekurang beras dan kenaikan harga semakin menjadi-jadi. Rakyat sungguh gelisah. Apakah tindakan YB untuk mengatasi masaalah ini?

Menteri: Pertama sekali kita mesti sedar yang ini adalah masaalah global. Bukan Malaysia saja yang mengalami masaalah ini. Saya diberitahu bahawa orang Eskimo pun sekarang menghadapi kesulitan yang sama. Di Afrika ramai yang mati kebuluran dan rakyat Singapura pun mengeluh kerana gejala ini. Ini adalah sebab wujud mereka yang tamak yang membeli bekalan beras dengan banyak dan menyoroknya supaya mendapat untung bila berlaku kekurangan. Kita tak akan tunduk kepada perbuatan jahat ini. Saya menyeru kepada rakyat Malaysia untuk membantu kerajaan memerangi perbuatan jahat ini. Mari lah kita sama-sama berpuasa. Rakyat perlu sanggup berkorban walaupun untuk bertahun-tahun lamanya. Tunjuk lah anda cintakan negara ini.

Pemberita: Rakyat mengeluh bahawa rasuah makin menjadi-jadi di negara ini. Rasuah wujud di semua peringkat, dari office boy hingga ke Jemaah Menteri.

Menteri: Gejala ini bukan saja wujud di negara ini. Di Afrika, Indonesia, India dan negara-negara Latin lagi teruk. Disebabkan kita tidak lah teruk sangat maka kerajaan tak akan berbuat apa-apa. Kita hanya tunggu sehingga ia berkurangan dengan sendirinya. Kalau tak turun jugak, sama-sama lah kita sembahyang hajat minta masaalah ini di kurangkan. Oh ya, di negara maju pun ada rasuah jadi kita terpaksa terpaksa lah hidup dengan masaalah ini.

Pemberita: Toll kita sangat membebankan. Rakyat sangat marah. Apa kah tindakan kerajaan.

Menteri: Rakyat tidak seharusnya marah sebab toll kita adalah yang termurah di dunia. Negara lain pun ada toll jugak. Mungkin kita akan nasihati toll operators supaya menanam banyak pokok bunga disepanjang lebuhraya ini supaya dapat menenangkan hati pengguna tapi sebab ini akan menambahkan kos penyelenggaraan maka kita kena naik sikit lagi toll.

Pemberita: Mutu sukan negara semakin hari semakin merosot. Pasukan bolasepak kita selalu mengecewakan. Pasukan hoki jugak amat mengeciwakan dan badminton masih di tahap lama. Rakyat mahu sesuatu dilakukan.

Menteri: Kita tak lah teruk sangat. negara lain seperti Tibet, Papua new Guinea, Laos, Bhutan dan banyak lagi yang lebih teruk daripada kita. Saya rasa ini adalah sebab kita banyak sangat makan nasi. Kita patut lebih makan ubi. Untuk jangka pendek kita akan bekalkan semua athelet kita dengan steroid yang mencukupi. Kita akan suruh mereka ulang laungan Malaysia Boleh seribu kali sehari.

Pemberita: Kemalangan maut di Malaysia sangat tinggi. Rakyat merasa tidak selamat bila berada di jalanraya.

Menteri: Negara-negara lain lagi teruk. Di Amerika pun kemelangan maut sangat tinggi. Di India, satu keretapi tergelincir beratus-ratus mati, kita sikit saja, dua atau tiga saja jadi rakyat tak seharusnya bimbang. Kita akan wajibkan semua kenderaan membeli kota pertolongan kecemasan. Saya akan melantik syarikat anak saya untuk membekalkan kotak-kotak ini dengan harga hanya RM2000 satu kotak yang mengandungi antiseptik wash dan cream gauze, kapas dan Panadol. Untuk ini kerajaan terpaksa megeluarkan subsidi lagi RM2000 satu kotak sebab kotak-kotak ini sangat mahal. Saya akan pujuk anak saya untuk memberi diskaun RM10 satu kotak.

Ada sesiapa nak tambah lagi?

Wednesday, 14 May 2008

What Rice? Eat Potatoes la.

ISIS reccomends that Malaysians change their staple food from rice to potatoes citing that children simply love fries. Yeah change something that you have been doing for thousands of years just because some numbskulls, who most probably love western food anyway, think so. Hey! they are thinkers man, so what they say should be right or should I say, must be right. This could be what that Najib fellow meant when he asked us Malaysians to change our lifetsyles.

Well ISIS, since you are at it why not go further and recommend other solutions because it is not only rice that is expensive you know. For your information, we common people, who don't earn much are burdened with many other price increases, namely fuel, electricity, flour, meat, fish, A4 papers, no we do not know how much C4 cost so we will stick to A4, ink refills for our printers, underwears and last I heard even belacan, budu and cincalok.

So lets see what ISIS has to say about the other things.

I know it, I know it, they are gonna say, car pool, walk and enjoy the fresh air, ride a bicycle from KL to Seremban for work, take a bus which not only doesn't arrive on time but also costs a bomb.

Yes, use the good old candle. Remember Shakespeare's Life's Brief Candle? Well many a life would be brief when these candles decide to light up curtains as well as the room. Cook your potatoes, mind you no more rice, using firewood, sleep and work outdoors so no need for airconds, TV, radio and hifi pool so that we will use less electricity and increase mortality rate because of the frequent fights to change channels thus saving on food import bills.

Don't eat wholemeal bread, roti canai, roti benggali, roti capati, cakes, noodles, pasta, and flour infested kuehs. All these are bad for your health.

Value life, eat only dead vegetables, as if we eat our chicken and beef right from the barn.

Hey how many times must they tell you, eat only potatoes.

A4 Papers:
Use banana leaves for printing. Read only online news if your computers run on solar energy that is.

Ink Refiils:
Learn to memorise files to do away with the need to print so consuming less paper, oops! banana leaves and ink. It is good exercise for the brain.

Yes, yes, we know don't wear any, create a rather airy atmosphere down under and makes taking a pee a breeze. I am sure Kerpov is all for this.

Budu, belacan and cincalok:
Come on keep up with the time, this is the 21st century so no traditional food, only fries, wedges is also good.

There you have it ISIS. I have done your work for you so when are you going to make this public? Er, I am not being seditious am I?

Nak recycle pun tak laku.

Abu: Aku tengah dok marah ni. Hang jangan kacau aku nanti bincot kepala hang.

Kassim: La hang dok hot pasai apa? Aku nak tulong saja.

Abu: Geram betoi aku ni? Depa ni langsung tak dak hormat kat aku. Dulu masa aku ada kuasa, depa dok menyenyeh mai cium pungkoq aku. Kentot aku lagi wangi dari Estee Lauder, lani depa buat macam ni kat aku.

Kassim: Oh, hang dok geram kat depa lagik la? Yang hang ni pon, dah pencen tapi dok kacau depa lagi tu pasai apa? Hang dok diam-diam di rumah, pi mesjid mengaji, buat amal ibadat kan lagi baik. Ingat kita tak tongkat langit oi.

Abu: Hang pun satu, aku tengah dok hot ni. Hang pi main la jauh-jauh. Awat ingat aku tua sangat ka? Ni dalam Malaysia mana ada orang lagi terer dari aku? Takdak la, aku lah yang terer sekali.

Kassim: Okay, okay hang terer. Yang hang dok hot kali ni pasai apa? Apa depa buat kat hang?

Abu: Celaka betoi la depa. Hang tau kan hari tu depa buat satu suruhanjaya nak siasat video yang lawyer mabuk tu punya hal kan? Laporan dia dah siap. Aku dah baca sikit yang penting-penting. Aku dapat rasa depa nak pekena aku la. Yang ni blackmail ni.

Kassim: Oih, baik hang cakap betoi-betoi. Hang jangan senang-senang dok kata blackmail. Nanti hang kena charge dengan sedition baru tau. Bukan hang tak tau, Hang dulu pun macam tu jugak.

Abu: Memang la aku dulu macam tu, tapi aku terer, semua orang takut kat aku. Yang ni lembek punya orang mana buleh main macam tu? Kalau nak main macam tu mesti terer dan ganaih macam aku.

Kassim: Sudah la Abu, hang jangan guna perkataan blackmail sembarangan, nanti timpa balik kat hang.

Abu: Awat timpa balik kat aku pulak?

Kassim: Adakah orang nak blackmail orang buat amal kebajikan? Adakah orang nak blackmail orang buat baik? Takdak kan? Orang blackmail kat orang buat salah saja. Bila hang kata depa nak blackmail hang, hang bukan saja kata depa buat jahat, tapi hang jugak mengaku hang pun buat jahat.

Abu: Apa ni? Aku tak paham la. Hang cakap berbelit-belit.

Kassim: Memang la hang tak paham. Bila masa hang pernah paham bila hang salah. Bagi hang semua hang buat tu betoi. Hang ni pelik la. Kalau hang buat satu kerja dengan satu cara, hang kata betoi, tapi bila orang lain buat kerja yang sama dengan cara yang sama, hang kata salah. Hang ni manusia jenih apa ha?

Abu: Amboi, hang kutok aku no Kassim. Berani hang.

Kassim: Dah lama dah aku nak tegoq hang tapi dulu takut nanti jadi sama macam Nwat tu. hampa tangkap dia, pukoi dia, perosok dia dalam jail. Tapi lani hang dah takdak apa dah, buleh la aku kata tutok sikit kat hang.

Abu: Oh dari dulu lagi hang tak setuju dengan aku la? Macam ni ka kawan?

Kassim: Dengan hang tak patot buat kawan. Hang buat semua yang hang suka, hang tak kira halai haram, hang buat saja. Banyak orang kena naya zaman hang dulu. Yang dok sanjung hang tu surat habaq saja, tv saja, tapi hakikatnya ramai yang meluat kat hang. Hang zalim sangat Abu oi. Taubat la.

Abu: Kalau hang tak reti nak puji aku, tak reti nak sanjung aku, baik hang pi jauh, aku tak suka. Aku ABU, apa aku buat mesti betoi, semua orang mesti hormat kat aku.

Kassim: Okay lah Abu oi, hang dudok lah sana sorang-sorang, hang masok lah dalam bakoi, hang angkat lah sendiri. Buang masa saja cakap dengan orang macam hang. lagi pun orang putih kata, You are yesterday's news.

Tuesday, 13 May 2008

Who should be charged?

Below is something I got from Malaysiakini. I would like to point to some questions that arise. Read first.


The report was also said to have chided several key witnesses for not being forthcoming and truthful in their answers during the hearing.


THE Royal Commission probing allegations of corruption in the judiciary has recommended prosecuting key figures involved in the scandal, including prominent lawyer V.K. Lingam.

It also called on the government to reopen investigations into complaints of misconduct against judges, said senior government officials familiar with a report that the five-member panel had submitted to the government last week.

The probe had followed the release of a 2002 video allegedly showing Datuk Lingam discussing the promotion of judges over the phone.

Yesterday, opposition leader Anwar Ibrahim also demanded that high-profile judicial and government figures be prosecuted for allegedly manipulating the appointments of judges.

According to the government officials, the Royal Commission had singled out Datuk Lingam for possible criminal prosecution, and recommended reopening investigations into allegations of corruption involving judges, based on testimonies by Datuk Lingam's brother and secretary during the hearing.

The report was also said to have chided several key witnesses for not being forthcoming and truthful in their answers during the hearing.

It is unclear if any particular witness was identified.

Prominent personalities who appeared at the hearing included former premier Mahathir Mohamad and former tourism minister Tengku Adnan Mansur.

The government will decide this week whether to make the report public, though Datuk Seri Anwar insists that this should be done.

'It really doesn't have a choice. The report must be made public and all the recommendations must be carried out in full if confidence in the judiciary is to be restored,' he told The Straits Times yesterday.

He had ignited the public controversy surrounding the judiciary when he released the video recording in September.

The Royal Commission reportedly found that Datuk Lingam was speaking to former chief justice Tun Ahmad Fairuz Sheikh Abdul Halim in the video, but it is unclear if it recommended taking any action against the former judge.

Okay, now that you've read the piece, should Lingam be the only one charged? What should he be charged of? It looks like the Commission is willing to take the words of Lingam's brother meaning they don't believe he is emotionally or mentally unstable so what about the shrink who said he is? Shouldn't he be taken in too? Looks like he was working with Lingam. What about the judges mentioned?

Who was it who was chided? Were they chided for not having good memory? If the Commission believed that their memory actually failed on that day why were they chided? They were after all giving evidence under oath so were they lying when they claimed early onset of Alzheimer?

Monday, 12 May 2008

Sunday, 11 May 2008

Manchester United Are The 2007-2008 English Premier League Champions

Yes, we are the Champions. There was no do
ubt about it. In fact we didn't win it on goal difference but win it fair and square.

It is Not Archaic

I was looking up for the meaning of the word 'sedition' and was astounded that no dictionary carries that word. I called up a few law experts all over the world and they too couldn't remember when was the last time they saw the word being used.

One even suggested that, since the word has no place at all in this modern and civilised world, it could have been relegated to the archaic words archives. He asked me why I had shown such an interest in the word.

So I explained about a strange phenomena where in a country somewhere in Asia, a well known personality with tendencies to question the authority's governance, was charged with sedition. I also told him of another case where an opposition leader is currently facing the possibility of sedition charges be slapped on him.

Then he suggested that I look up local dictionaries. So I did a long and tedious search and was knocked off my seats when I managed to find the word in the Be End Contemporary Dictionary by Aliph mimnun Wow Publications. Below is what the dictionary says about 'sedition'.

Sedition: An act that could create mistrust and cause hatred for the government or anyone in the government. This only applies to opposition members and those opposed to the government's brand of governance. Even a wink of an eye, if it offends the man in government it was aimed at, could be interpreted as 'seditious'. Anyone charged of Sedition must be found guilty by the presiding Judge who must first pass the Lingam Test before being appointed one.

Lingam Test: A confusing maze test, taken by ambitious aspirant judges, that leads to the doorsteps of The Palace of Justice.

Hmm, now I am beginning to understand.

Saturday, 10 May 2008

Deaths at Khidmat Negara Camps: The Solution

The government strongly denies that it is toying with the idea of scrapping the much criticised Khidmat Negara, Malaysia's version of National Service, programme. This came in light of another death, this time an 18 year old girl from Perak.

The government said that although it sympathised with the families of all those who died while undergoing the programme, it is not the programme's fault that they died. An ex-Minister who lost in the recent general elections said that, he suspected that God is conspiring with the oppositions to make the BN government look bad.

The government said that the programme has greatly helped the thousands of trainees and that these trainees should they live till the end of the programme would be assets to the nation.

A spokesman also added that the programme helped created many jobs especially to tailors, cooks, retired servicemen and friends of ministers.

Sometime back, the government had required all participants suffering from any serious ailments to report their conditions to recognised institutions. All those certified by these institutions, usually government hospitals,would then be officially exempted from attending the programme. Children of ministers and top government officials, however, are allowed to bypass these institutions. They only need to sign a declaration form stating that they are unwell to attend.

Despite this requirement, unexplained deaths persist. The latest casualty has prompted the government to introduce a new clause in the agreement the trainees have to sign.

As of the next programme, all trainees must promise not to die while undergoing the programmes. Their parents would be held responsible should their children renege on this promise and a hefty fine would be imposed on all parents of errant trainees.

It is hoped that with the imposition of this new clause, no more deaths would be reported.

Friday, 9 May 2008

Public kan ia.

Ni yang aku geram ni. Depa kata, laporan RCI tentang kes video Lingam dah siap dan dalam perjalanan untuk di persembahkan kepada DYMM Yang DiPertuan Agung. Fuyoo, punya la lama baru nak siap. Dah berkurun orang punya tunggu baru nak persembahkan.

Walaupun kelewatan ini sesuatu yang tak boleh dimaafkan tapi kita rakyat marhaen buleh buat apa kan? So kita tunggu la. Yang tak sedapnya, selepas tu, Cabinet akan menentukan samada nak di public kan hasil siasatan itu.

Apa? Cabinet nak menentukannya? Kalau Cabinet kata tak mau macam mana? Rakyat dok ternganga la. Apa depa lupa ka yang Malaysia ini rakyat yang punya? Pasai apa pulak ada orang-orang tertentu yang akan menentukan samaada rakyat perlu tahu atau tidak hasil siasatan sesuatu yang amat penting kepada negara?

Awat depa ingat, rakyat ni lembu ka? Apa rakyat hanya boleh tahu apa yang depa rasa rakyat perlu tahu saja? Sapa depa yang yang nak menentukan ini? Rakyat bukan letak depa diataih sana supaya depa boleh tapih maklumat untuk rakyat tau. Rakyat letak depa di sana dan bayaq gaji dan elaun depa yang banyak tu ialah untuk depa buat kerja untuk rakyat, bukan sorok maklumat daripada rakyat.

Ni yang buat aku betoi-betoi bengang. RCI tu di tubuhkan pun sebab rakyat heboh mintak ia di tubuhkan. Pasai apa rakyat suruh RCI itu ditubuhkan? Pasai rakyat nak tau apa yang terjadi sebenaqnya la. Jadi bila dah siasat, dah panggil orang tua pelupa dan tanya, dah panggil loyar korek korek korek dan tanya, dah panggil hakim yang suka makan angin dan tanya dan banyak lagi, sudah tentu la rakyat nak tau apa kesimpulannya. Ni depa dok memandai nak menentukan pulak.

Kalau depa kata rakyat tak perlu tau, atau pun hanya perlu tau sebahagian saja, maknyanya depa ada benda nak sorok la, apa lagi.

Ingat jangan sorok, hanya tokay-tokay beras, tepong gula dan mereka yang rasuah saja yang sorok. Nak jadi macam depa?

Baru baca, yang Chairman RCI tu atau someone daripada RCI tu suruh public kan report tu.

Dah nasib engkau la badan!

Budak: Mak, kan abah kata jangan park Mercedes baru ni di sini? Abah kata di sini ada banyak pencuri.

Emak: Tak apa nak, mak baru saja bagi kat Polis tu RM100 untuk jaga kereta kita.

Budak: Wah, Polis pun kerja part time jaga kereta ka?

Emak: Ya la nak, harga ubi kayu pun lani dah melambung naik. Kalau dia tak buat part time mana nak cari duit beli makan? Dengan gaji dia yang dua belas tiga belas ribu sebulan tu, mana nak cukup nak?

Budak: Kesian ya mak. Mak bagi la lebih sikit kat dia.

Emak: Memang mak nak bagi pun, tapi nanti bila nak balik mak tambah la dua tiga ratus lagi, kalau bagi sekarang, dia cabut lari, kalau bagi nanti, dia tunggu la.

Budak: Wah! mak pandai ya. Mak boy nak beli laptop baru la, yang lama tu slow sangat la.

Emak: Okay, nanti kita singgah kedai komputer mak belikan. Yang lama tu nak buat apa?

Budak: Kita bagi saja kat bibik. Suruh dia bagi kat anak dia main.

Emak: Bagus betul anak mak, tak kedekut. Jom kita masuk butik tu, mak nak beli baju baru untuk baca Yassin malam ni.

(lepas 1 jam)

Budak: Wah, banyaknya baju mak beli?

Emak: Ya la, kan minggu ni ada banyak rumah buat baca Yassin. Takkan nak pakai baju yang sama?

Budak: Jom la ke kedai komputer tu, nak beli laptop baru.

Emak: Nanti ya nak, kita pergi pasar dulu, nak beli ubi kayu untuk jamuan malam ni.

Budak: Asyik-asyik ubi kayu, KFC, MacD, Pizza, asyik-asyik yang tu saja. Nak lain pulak la mak.

Emak: Nak apa nak?

Budak: Nak yang macam ni, yang dalam majalah ni. Cuba mak tengok, diaorang makan benda ni, yang putih putih tu, yang biji biji tu.

Emak: Yang mana? Bak mak tengok. Yang mana, yang ni ka? Alahai nak oi, kita mana boleh makan yang ni? Nak cari pun tak ada. Kalau ada pun kita tak mampu nak.

Budak: Apa benda tu mak?

Emak: Ini lah yang orang kata nasi. Orang yang sangat kaya saja yang mampu makan nak, kita yang jutawan saja ni mana mampu.

Budak: Sedap tak mak?

Emak: Ntah la, mak pun dah lupa, dulu masa kecik-kecik pernah la makan sekali dua masa Atuk kau jual tanah dulu, dia dapat banyak duit, ada la dia beli 5 kilo beras. Dia kata dia nak bagi anak-anak dia merasa makan nasi sebelum dia mati. Tu la last sekali mak makan nasi.

Budak: Tak aci la macam tu, mak dah rasa, boy belum rasa lagi, mak nak jugak.

Emak: Jangan la macam tu nak. Kita hanya orang kaya saja, bukan menteri. Makanan macam ni menterimenteri saja yang buleh makan, tu pun sebulan sekali kot. Sudah, sudah, nanti mak belikan roti canai ok?

Budak: Hooray, mak nak beli roti canai. Best, best.

Emak: Untuk anak kesayangan mak, mak sanggup belanja semua elaun mak untuk bulan ni. Nanti malam, kita makan roti canai ok? Tapi ingat, roti canai ni pun mahal tau? Jadi sebiji untuk dua orang okay?

Budak: Okay, apa pun takapa asalkan dapat makan roti canai. Hmmm, bila la agaknya boy nak dapat rasa makan nasi ya?

Thursday, 8 May 2008

Please Let Sanity Prevail

Dear Mr. Prime Minister Sir.

In the late 90s the country was plunged into the dark ages when the courts of the country were used to systematically destroy an innocent man. The powers then did not care that in the process they had made the family members of that man suffer.

The whole world was presented with a shameless show of total disregard for JUSTICE. The accused was presumed guilty and he had to prove his innocence in a series of kangaroo courts presided over by the most despicable monkeys ever to grace the judiciary. The accused was never given a fair trial and the rest is history.

That whole episode put the government of this blessed country into contempt. The arrogance demonstrated by the Executive signals the birth of a growing sense of resentment by the people, which you and your promises, early in your ascendancy to the premiership, managed to slow down.

The results of the last general elections show that you had reneged on your earlier promises of delivering a cleaner government and Judiciary. After absorbing the full effects of the results you once again came out with promises, much like the earlier ones you made. It seemed that the people were willing to give you another chance.

Recently, an event of epic proportion reared its ugly head. It took the people back to that fateful day where the whole government machinery was used just to incarcerate one man.

This time Raja Petra Kamaruddin, a brave man who fights injustices; a man who is looked upon as a hero by the people, was dragged to court to be charged for sedition. The people are angry again at this total disregard for the people's sensitivities. Nothing can be considered seditious if the people say it is not. Remember this. This is a government of the people, for the people and by the people and if the people say that what somebody has done is not wrong then it is not wrong. The laws of this country is supposed to have been made by the people through their elected representatives. These representatives represent the people. They do the people's biddings, not theirs. Please remember the people.

Sir, this letter is to plea for some sanity on the part of the government. Do not make the people your enemy just to save a few rotten people you have up there with you. Do not go against your promises twice.

Please do not say that the law must be allowed to take its course, because the people are very-very suspicious of the law in this present time. Hated personalities who played major roles in the earlier case I had mentioned are still around and the people simply do not trust them.

Raja Petra, if he has done anybody any wrong, should have been sued in a civil court by those who had felt that they were wronged by his writings. This would make it a fight between two parties without dragging the state into it. Order the state to stay out of this thus avoiding alienating the people.

I do not want to say more except to ask for sanity to prevail.

Wednesday, 7 May 2008

Beras oh beras, kenapa engkau kurang?

Saya ni mungkin tak reti apa tentang mekanisme-mekanisme kerajaan dalam hal beras ni. Yang saya tau ialah apa yang saya dengaq. latest saya dengaq ialah arahan kepada Bernas untuk tingkatkan bekalan beras. Itu arahan yang baik tapi separuh saja.

Bernas deal dalam hal makanan ruji rakyat Malaysia. Makanan ruji ni mesti lah dianggap sebagai National Security sebab tanpa nya orang boleh mati. Kalau tak mati pun banyak orang akan hidup susah. Pendek kata, kita lebih memerlukan beras yang mencukupi dan mampu dibeli daripada 1000 Sukhoi dan 100 kapal selam, baru atau pun second hand.

Kerajaan adalah bertanggungjawab untuk menentukan bekalan bahan makanan ini adalah mencukupi. Dia suka ka tak suka, dia ada masa ka dia tak ada masa ka itu tak releven. Yang releven ialah dia pastikan bahan ini cukup dan mampu dibeli.

Rakyat tak mau dengar cerita yang negara luar tak mau ekspot. Itu dia punya pasal. Kalau Thailand tak mau ekspot, itu Thailand punya pasal. Soalannya bukan mengapa Thailand atau Vietnam atau China tak mau ekspot, persoalannya ialah bagaimana negara-negara ini boleh ada lebihan sampai boleh diekspot padahal dia mempunyai lebih ramai rakyat?

Kenapa, mereka di negara-negara ini ada forsight bahawa self-sufficiency dalam bekalan makanan ruji adalah sangat penting. Jangan kata ini sebab mereka lebih pentingkan pertanian, sebab Thailand dan China juga negara industry yang hebat. Jangan kata tanah mereka subur sebab tanah kita tidak kurang suburnya. Jangan kata mereka dapat banyak hujan sebab kita pun melimpah ruah dengan hujan.

Mereka tahu yang dalam hal makanan ruji sesebuah negara tidak harus berharap kepada negara lain sebab bila keadaan bekalan menjadi kritikal, negara pembekal itu akan mengutamakan rakyat dia sendiri. Mengapa kita yang tidak kurang dengan tanah subur tidak berusaha kearah ini dari dulu lagi?

Adakah sebab, tanah-tanah ini jika di convert kan ke tanah commercial nilai dia lebih tinggi? Dalam keadaan di mana bekalan tak cukup, boleh kah kita sekarang korek tanah commercial ini dan tanak untuk di makan?

Mengapa tidak di rehabilitate kan bekas-bekas sawah padi? Kenapa mesti tunggu bila dah kritikal baru nak bertindak? Adakah kalau terlalu banyak padi tempatan ada di pasaran Bernas akan jadi redundant?

Okay, sekarang ni kita tolak sebelah persoalan-persoalan itu semua. Ini tidak bermakna persoalan-persoalan itu tak perlu dijawab. Yang penting sekarang ialah bekalan dah berkurangan merata tempat. Mengarahkan Bernas tingkatkan bekalan sahaja tidak cukup. Bernas mesti tingkatkan bekalan dan pasti harga dikawal.

Sepatutnya Bernas dibubarkan saja sebab dia menguntungkan beberapa pihak saja. Bernas sepatutnya beroperasi seperti satu koperasi di mana rakyat keseluruhannya adalah ahlinya. Ahli mesti dapat faedah daripada koperasinya. Faedah yang dituntut di sini ialah harga yang berpatutan. Pernah seorang pegawai koperasi berkata dalam satu AGM koperasi sekolah saya dulu bahawa dia tak mau lihat koperasi membuat keuntungan beribu-ribu sebab itu bermakna koperasi itu mengambil keuntungan daripada ahli. Kopersi itu sepatutnya memberi keuntungan kepada ahlinya dengan menjual barangan dengan harga murah. Biar koperasi itu untung hanya RM50 kerana ini bermakna ahli-ahli mendapat keuntungan yang maksima. Saya pegang pada konsep ini.

Kerajaan patutnya mengarahkan Bernas beroperasi mengikut konsep ini, bukan mengambil untung berpuluh-puluh malahan beratus-ratus juta tapi rakyat sengsara kerana harga beras tinggi.

Bila nak bertindak? Harga semakin naik dan bekalan semakin kurang.

Do you lick your envelope?

A woman was working in a post office in California .

One day she licked the envelopes and postage stamps instead of using a sponge. That very day the lady found a cut on her tongue. A week later, she noticed an abnormal swelling of her tongue. She went to the doctor, and they found nothing wrong. Her tongue was not sore or anything. A couple of days later, her tongue started to swell more, and it began to get really sore, so sore, that she could not eat. She went back to the hospital, and demanded something be done. The doctor took an x-ray of her tongue and noticed a lump. He prepared her for minor surgery. When the doctor cut her tongue open, a live cockroach crawled out!!!!

There were cockroach eggs on the seal of the envelope. The egg was able to hatch inside of her tongue, because of her saliva. It was warm and moist...

This is a true story reported on CNN

Andy Hume wrote:

Hey, I used to work in an envelope factory. You wouldn't believe
the....things that float around in those gum applicator trays. I
haven't licked an envelope for years!" I used to work for a print shop
(32 years ago) and we were told NEVER to lick the envelopes. I never understood why until I had to go into storage and pull out 2500 envelopes that were already printed and saw several squads of cockroaches roaming around inside a couple of boxes with eggs everywhere. They eat the glue on the envelopes.

PLEASE PASS THIS ON, TO YOUR FRIENDS. After reading this you will never lick another envelope or stamp again

Tuesday, 6 May 2008

Pembohong Besar

Laporan di bawah saya cilok sepenuhnya daripada Malaysiakini.

Keputusan kontroversi Suruhanjaya Pilihanraya (SPR) untuk membatalkan penggunakan dakwat beberapa hari sebelum pilihanraya umum 8 Mac lalu berdasarkan kepada laporan polis yang dibuat berasaskan khabar angin, demikian Dewan Rakyat diberitahu hari ini.

Pendedahan yang mengejut itu terkandung dalam jawapan bertulis Menteri Dalam Negeri, Datuk Seri Syed Hamid Albar kepada soalan ahli parlimen DAP dari Batu Gajah, Fong Po Kuan.

Pada 4 Mac lalu, SPR memutuskan pada saat-saat akhir pembatalan penggunaan dakwat tersebut - yang selama ini dituntut oleh badan-badan yang memperjuangkan reformasi pilihanraya bagi mengelak penyelewengan - atas alasan ketenteraman awam dan isu-isu keselamatan.

SPR menggunakan alasan itu berdasarkan laporan polis yang mendakwa, ada pihak-pihak tertentu telah membeli dakwat tersebut dari luar negeri, dengan niat untuk mencetuskan kekeliruan dan syak wasangsa mengenai status pengundi.

Bagaimanapun, menurut jawapan kepada ahli parlimen Batu Gajah itu, Syed Hamid berkata, siasatan polis tidak menemui sebarang bukti di sebalik dakwaan tersebut selepas tiga kertas siasatan dibuka.

"Setelah laporan tersebut diteliti, dan pihak polis telah menemubual pengadu serta saksi-saksi, didapati tiada sebarang bukti menunjukkan dakwat tersebut dibawa dari negara Thailand. Ini kerana tidak ada seorang saksipun yang pernah melihat dakwat tersebut.

"Daripada keterangan saksi, tiada sebarang individu, sindiket atau pihak-pihak tertentu yang dikenalpasti terlibat dalam kegiatan ini. Keterangan pengadu dan saksi adalah merupakan khabar angin dan tiada sebarang individu yang dicam atau dikenali secara positif," kata Syed Hamid lagi.

Berikutan itu, tegas Syed Hamid, tiga kertas siasatan yang dirujuk kepada Pejabat Peguam Negara pada 14 dan 21 Mac, kemudiannya di klasifikasikan sebagai 'tiada tindakan lanjut'.

Syed Hamid juga berkata, pengadu membuat aduan polis kerana mereka bimbang dakwat tersebut boleh dibeli dengan mudah di Thailand dan akan disalahgunakan sewaktu pilihanraya umum 8 Mac lalu.

Ini membuktikan 1 dari 2 persoalan adalah betul. Terpulang lah kepada anda nak percaya yang mana.

1. Pengerusi SPR adalah manusia yang paling bodoh, bahalol, tongong, blurr dalam dunia sebab percaya dengan laporan yang mengatakan ada penyeludupan dakwat masuk ke Malaysia untuk sabotaj PRU12.

2. Tau sama tau la.

Justice For Raja Petra Kamaruddin

They want to do RPK in, they want to shut him up, they want to ostracize him, they want to put him away for a long time and they are saying there is nothing we can do about it. Are we going to take this sitting down? RPK needs your help. He needs your support. Yes, he can afford it himself, he could also afford to just sit at home and keep quiet but he didn't. He speaks out for us, he speaks out for the country, he speaks out for JUSTICE. Let's show them that we are united in defending him. Please, please show your support in any way you can.

What’s Up

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. I f you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so........... it is time to shut UP.....!

Monday, 5 May 2008

Ikhlas la sikit. Malu saja.

Awat tak buleh ka belakon dengan lebih berkesan sikit. Tengok tu salam macam mana? Mana firm handshake? Yang tu pun tak buleh buat ka? Macam budak-budak saja.

Dua-dua sama saja, hipokrit. Tu nak cakap pasai UMNO lah, Melayu lah, Islam lah. Islam ka ni?

Bad Malaysian Overseas

Malaysians going overseas or staying overseas are causing the country a headache and giving the country a bad name so we have compiled the list of problems and got the relevant ministers to give suggestions as to how to overcome these problems.

Qt: Malaysian women are being made drug mules by their foreign boyfriends.

Minister: Only female foreigners be allowed into this country.

Qt: Children of Malaysian women married to foreigners work as whores in another country.

Minister: Help them to work as whores locally. Start with local cigarette bars.

Qt: Released ex Deputy Prime Ministers making a nuisance of the country when lecturing overseas.

Minister: Buy the overseas university and sack the ex con.

Qt: Out of work ex Prime Minister meeting our students overseas to poison their minds.

Minister: Get Siti Norhaliza to perform at the Royal Albert Hall at the same time and give free tickets to the students and give scholarship to all students who could show an autographed programme book. Siti must sign all programme books which would be given out after the concert.

Qt: Malaysian Ministers getting caught smuggling cash into foreign countries.

Minister: Teach all Malaysian Ministers to speak very bad English. Get MM to conduct these courses.

Qt: Malaysian Ministers building luxury yachts overseas.

Minister: Camouflage those yachts as old junks and give them Chinese names.

QT: Malaysians selling very bad Nasi Kandar overseas and had to close shop.

Minister: Give the TDC extra allocations to pay anyone stepping into the restaurants. Free medical insurance should also be given. All Malaysians living in that area must only eat in that restaurant or else their citizenship would be revoked.

Sunday, 4 May 2008

Minimum Wage

Samy: What did the union people want DS?

PM: They asked for minimum wage.

Samy: How much?


Samy: What did you say?

PM: I said cannot because they will be inflation.

Samy: What is inflation?

PM: That want also you don't know ka? Prices will increase la.

Samy: If prices increase, increase the pay some more la.

PM: Where to find the money?

Samy: Print la.

PM: Shut up la.

Samy: Ok ok, after that, what did they say?

PM: They said they may have to hold demos.

Samy: Ayo so berani one. What did you say?

PM: I said hold 100 demos also, I cannot agree.

Samy: If 101 demos, you will agree ka?

PM: Samy, go home la………………….

Saturday, 3 May 2008

Ketuanan Melayu

Mamat: Oi Kassim tahniah, tahniah. Wah hang dah jadi Ketua Cawangan dah lani, bagoih la tu. Nak tanya sikit la, macam mana hang buleh menang?

Kassim: Terima kasih, mai la duduk. Mamak! the tarik lagi 1. Alah bukan susah, takkan hang tak tau? Yang hari tu aku buat kenduri arwah tu pasai apa? Bukan ada sapa pun mati dalam keluarga aku?

Mamat: Tu hang selit envelope kat depa la kot? Mana hang dapat duit ?

Kassim: Alah aku baru dapat aku punya one third kan? Bini aku bukan tau apa pun, kalau dia tau mampoih aku.

Mamat: Ni yang hang pakai segak satu macam ni nak pi mana?

Kassim: Aku nak pi Kuala Lumpur. Ada semposium ka apa ka depa kata. Pi naik kapai terbang la. Maklum la lani dah jadi ketua cawangan.

Mamat: Simposium.

Kassim: Ha, yang tu la.

Mamat: Simposium apa tu Kassim?

Kassim: Pasai Ketuanan Melayu. Lani Melayu dah tak jadi tuan dah di Negara ni. Ni bahaya ni. Kita semua orang Melayu kena sokong, tak kira UMNO ka, PAS ka atau pun orang Melayu dalam PKR ka. Kita mesti berjuang kalau tidak habih orang Melayu ni.

Mamat: La, macam tu ka Kassim? Tapi dulu masa dapat peruntukkan bantu orang miskin, hampa tak bagi pun kat orang PAS ka orang PKR ka, lani dah tersepit baru nak panggil depa? Masa Mesjid nak pilih jawatankuasa hampa tak bagi orang PAS dengan orang PKR jadi. Hampa kata hampa reti nak tadbir, tu pasai apa panggil depa lani?

Kassim: Hai Mamat, hang tak tau ka lani orang Melayu dah tak dak kuasa? Semua depa rampaih habih.

Mamat: Hai yang aku tau, PM orang Melayu jugak, DPM pun orang Melayu jugak, adun-adun PAS dan MP-MP depa pun orang Melayu jugak? Kerusi yang UMNO kalah,depa kalah kat orang Melayu PAS atau pun orang Melayu PKR. kami dok kira hari tu, Ahli Parlimen lani lagi banyak Melayu dari dulu, macam mana hang kata kita dah hilang kuasa?

Kassim: Tu la hampa tak tau. Memang la Melayu lagi banyak lani tapi Melayu UMNO dah korang.

Mamat: Oh, macam tu ka? Kalu macam tu depa kena kata Simposium Ketuanan UMNO la, bukan Ketuanan Melayu.

Kassim: Hang ni memang loqlaq la, tu la hang takdak jawatan apa pun.

Mamat: Kalu nak jawatan punya pasai aku kena tipu bini belanja duit one third KWSP aku, baik takdak jawatan pun takpa.

Kassim: Tu la hang tak tau, bila dapat jawatan, mula la depa orang-orang bahagian mai cari aku, jenuh aku depa bawak pi jalan-jalan. Buleh dapat kontrak lagi. Kaya la aku.

Mamat: Memang la hang kaya, tapi ingat, hang jadi pecacai depa. Hang kaya, depa lagi lah kaya, yang ahli-ahli lain tu dapat apa? Hampa dok pulun kat hampa saja, kira hampa la tuan, kami ni takdak apa. Dari dulu lagi memang macam tu, hampa yang ada jawatan kaya raya, kami yang di bawah ni dok susah macam tu jugak. Yang tu hang kata Ketuanan Melayu? Tuan apa? Hang habaq mai mana satu orang Melayu di sini yang kaya? Hampa saja, kami dak pun. Kami tak pernah jadi tuan pun.

Kassim: Kita jangan kira macam tu la. Kita berkorban untuk bangsa kita, jangan dok ingat kat diri sendiri saja.

Mamat: Baru tadi hang kata hang nanti jadi orang kaya, yang tu hang ingat kat diri sendiri ka kat bangsa hang ka? Ni aku nak habaq mai kat hampa, yang orang-orang bahagian tu dapat kontrak kat sapa depa sub? Depa sub kat bangsa lain jugak kan? Depa sanggup sembah kat bangsa lain tu minta sedekah. Tuan apa nama tu? Hampa ni semua bukan saja jadi pecacai tokay-tokay, hampa buat naya kat orang Melayu untuk bagi Tokay kaya. Hampa dapat ciput saja. Nu yang ada di ataih tu yang kaya raya. Depa dok pi makan angin di luaq negeri nu. Bukannya ada menega apa pun. Macam mana buleh kaya macam tu? Yang hang ni dok act di sini, orang dok guna hang, hang tak tau.

Kassim: Susah cakap dengan orang macam hang ni.

Mamat: Kita toksah begadoh la, hang nak pi pukoi berapa?

Kassim: Sat lagi la, aku dok tunggu Samad dengan Din.

Mamat: Hai depa pun pi sama? Yang aku tau depa tu habok pun takdak, macam mana nak bayaq teket kapai terbang tu?

Kassim: Aku la bayaq kat depa. Kami naik 1st class la. Aku bawak depa bagi jadi bodyguard, kot-kot ada orang macam hang dengki kat aku ka.

Mamat: Astaghfirullah Kassim. Ketua Menteri baru Penang pun naik economy, tak bawak bodyguard pun, yang hang ketua cawangan kokak ni nak naik 1st class dan bawak bodyguard pulak? Patut la UMNO hancoq lani, pasai orang macam hang yang tak sedaq ke diri la. Okay la, aku pi dulu. Kalau hang jumpa Anwar Ibrahim hang kirim salam kat dia no.

Kassim: Cis! jangan sebut nama dia la.

Mamat: Awat? Takut?

Happy Birthday Son

3 days back it was my youngest baby's birthday, today is my only boy's birthday. Yes, my boy is now 24.My son doing what he likes best

He is the only one who takes after me as far as music is concerned but he goes one further to be a recording artist with the now almost dissolved group Urban Method, something which his father never had the chance.

With his group Urban Method

As I am typing this entry, his mother is nagging him for still being asleep. How not to? He got home only at about 7.00 this morning after partying, courtesy of his friend's surprise party for him. What a surprise party it was, because he knew about it 2 days before the party.

When young, he was quite sickly, hospitalised quite a number of times and had his tonsils taken off when he was 5 and they were monstrous tonsils, kissing tonsils, the doctor called them.

Happy Birthday Muneer Khan, you know Ba loves you.

Friday, 2 May 2008

Same old song: Malay Unity, but pitching lari la.

I just came over from Shah's Takonly blog and what he wrote here is exactly what I feel. Let me tell you. Shah is an angel and an angel doesn't lose his cool for nothing. He has every right to lose his head like that because of the current state of affairs. I strong feel you should read his post for yourself. Whether you agree or disagree is another matter, this is after all a democratic country.

Now let me tell you about how I personally feel about what these Ameno people are up too. I saw on tv about how a certain division, Bandar Tun Razak, if I am not mistaken talked about the need for Malay Unity at this crucial moment. Crucial they say? Crucial for who? For the Malays or for UMNO?

I still remember many years ago about how UMNO did the same thing and persuaded the late Uz Fadhil Nor to sit with them to discuss. The good Uz stood to the point of Malay unity and never in his speech was any attack or insinuation made at UMNO. It was plain Malay Unity and then that evil man, sorry he deserves to be called that, Mahathir made his speech and he was hitting at PAS at every chance he had. That idiot was and still is not a gentleman at all. Malay unity in his eyes then was the perpetuation of UMNO's dirty struggle to enrich their cronies and kins.

Lets get back to the present time. UMNO is screaming Malay unity again. If they claimed that only 5 percent of Malays swung their votes from BN to the opposition so what is the big deal about calling for Malay unity. It should be MIC and MCA who should be shouting this battle cry, not UMNO.

Let me tell you why. It's not 5 percent, they know it and we know it. They know that after discounting the fraudulent use of phantom voters and postal votes, the actual figure is actually alarmingly high.

Does Malay unity mean that Malays must unite to vote for one party only? If it means that then which party is it? Must it be UMNO? Why not PAS? No, it doesn't mean that at all. The Malay unity that they are concerned about concerns Power, Money, more Power and more Money.

Do they really care about whether the Malays are united. They were not bothered about it when a significant number of Malays voted them in into power. They were not bothered when PAS only got some votes here and there and managed to rule only one state. They were not bothered when the youths of Kelantan started to venture out in search of job opportunities because they (UMNO led government) had denied Kelantan the opportunity to develop by systematically denying Kelantan all her dues. They were not bothered when they saw continuity in the flow of the Ringgit into their already bloated pockets and bank accounts.

Now they scream that the Malays are not united. They are scared shit of what will happen when the impossible becomes possible. The destruction of UMNO was once unthinkable to them but is now a distinct possibility. This scares the hell out of them not because they love UMNO as a political party for the Malays, but because UMNO guarantees them a free passage to rob, rape and plunder.

Boys and girls, just be good and accept what is coming. The Malays would still be united, there's no doubt about it, but you would be poorer, thats all. Save your voice, don't shout yourself course, just sit down and learn to live within your means. You would definitely not die of poverty, because the Malays from the other side of the divide would help you.

Thursday, 1 May 2008

Seloka Hari Pekerja

Pagi-pagi buka mata
Sudah siap nak bekerja
Kerja pulak sini-sana
Segala bahaya sedia ditempa

Kerja untuk dapat upah
Untuk mereka yang di rumah
Terima saja bila dimarah
Oleh boss yang cekik darah

Cukup bulan tunggu gaji
Bayaq bil dan juga ceti
Payslip ada kanan dan kiri
Tapi yang kanan panjang sekaki

Lepas tolak segala potongan
Lemah longlai tak boleh tahan
Baki hanya boleh tahan
Untuk belanja suku bulan

Gaji belum naik lagi
Peniaga sudah menjadi-jadi
Harga beras dan juga roti
Sudah naik berkali-kali

Mintak simpati kat kerajaan ini
Tolong tambahkan sedikit lagi subsidi
Bukan untuk kami nak berjoli
Tetapi untuk nak elak hutang ceti

Tapi kerajaan buat tak kisah
Subsidi barang enggan ditambah
Duit minyak yang melimpah ruah
Untuk subsidikan projek mewah

Kita pekerja hidup merempat
Tapi UMNOputra joli melompat
Kekayaan habis depa lipat
Untuk joli di bar-bar keparat

Begini lah nasib si pekerja
Yang hidup dia tidak terbela
Yang di harap bermaharajalela
Menyelongkar segala harta

Sampai bila hendak begini
Kami sudah tak tahan lagi
Menjadi hamba di negara sendiri
Di sepak ke kanan di terajang ke kiri

Kepada pakatan yang satu lagi
Sekirannya pada mu kuasa diberi
Ingat lah sentiasa kepada kami
Jangan lah kami terus begini

Kami pekerja yang bermaruah
Tak mahu di hina tak mahu diludah
Keperitan ini hentikan sudah
Supaya damai di bumi ALLAH


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