Sunday, 29 March 2009

They are serious about change

I think, I trully think they are serious about changes. I really do because I have info that they have realised that if they do not change they have won their last election.

Actually their think tank have been working real hard since a week after March 6 and presented their recommendations to the MKT during the recent General Assembly. I heard, I can't really say its 100 percent true, but I heard the new line up in an emergency meeting had, after a much heated debate, voted to endorse the changes recommended by the think tank.

I also heard that a few diehards had threatened to resign from the party but after much persuasion and threats, they finally, grudgingly accepted.

So get ready folks cause the sarkas party that will emerge after this is going to be a spanking new party.

Just a few of the changes that I managed to wring from my informer are:

1. Change the font used to type the party's name from Arial to Calibri.

2. Their anthem will be sung at a slower, less threatening, pace.

3. The term 'Presiden' will be spelt 'Prasiden' to make it sound less English.

4. Fridays will be declared a Proton day so none of their people are allowed to drive Mercedes.

5. Their people are only allowed to eat at 5 Star hotels 6 days a week. On Fridays they must eat breakfast at home while lunches and dinners must be at 4 Star hotels or below.

6. They are not allowed to polish their Mercedes and BMWs more than 12 times a year so that these vehicles could spot the 'used' looks.

7. 5 percent of the furniture in their bungalows must be local while the rest could be imported.

8. Their bungalows must not be more than 8 storeys high and their swimming pools must not be bigger than olympic size.

Well opposition people, there goes your chances of winning the next election.

Thursday, 26 March 2009

Who Lost?

Layman1: Woi, did you hear that Khairy won the Youth post?

Layman2: So?

Layman1: So? Is that all you can say?

Layman2: I mean does it make a difference if any of the other two had won? I mean one is a tempe pushing broom lover and the other the son of a dictator, so does it make a difference if a pscho won?

Layman1: Yes, la I know there wasn't much of a choice but he wasn't the favourite candidate, how come he won?

Layman2: Do you think those voters voted with their mind and heart? Do you think they have suddenly changed? Those people are incapable of change.

Layman1: I am still stunt that both Toyo and Mukhriz lost. Really, I am in a daze.

Layman2: That is where you have gone wrong. No matter who the winner is, it's the Malaysian people who lost.

Monday, 23 March 2009

An idle mind

Just to pass the time.

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door.

When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."

The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?" Of course the Madam said no.

He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want."

Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.

The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"

He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant for dinner, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys.

She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease.

Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it.

In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!"

Wednesday, 18 March 2009

Possible and Probable

Scenario 1

Ali: Hoi Mat, Muthu, where to?

Mat: Aiseyman, Ali, Ah Seng, we all going for a break la. Line down at the office so boss gave us 2 hours break.

Ah Seng: We all also got break because line down. I say, why we all talking here, lets go somewhere else la, so hot one here.

Muthu: Yes, la, very hot one here, lets go there.

Ali: Jom, ......... waaa, now better la, a bit shady here. Just now ahh, got one new Meenachi in my office la, aiyooo so sexy one la, ...

Ah Seng: Heh! Heh! What is this? Apa ni, apa pasai tangkap saya, hey Muthu what is this?

Police: This is an illegal assembly. No one can rest under a shady tree. You are in contravention of the Akta Jalan Parit dan Bangunan 1974, for obstructing passage in a public place.

Ali: What is this Datuk?

Police: What is that? Is that a plaque? Arrest them and break that plaque.

Ah Seng: Hey encik, this is my laptop la.

Scenario 2

Mom: Eh Mat! Why are you so quite?

Mat: You'd be the same if you were in my place.

Mom: Now tell me, what's wrong. You know your mom has plenty of ways to settle things. Remember how I chased out the new neighbours with the help of the police?

Mat: Oh so it was you who did it, but how? I thought they bought it legally?

Mom: Oh I have my ways. Now tell me about your problems.

Mat: You know Pak Ismail is inviting Samdol, Bedol and me, Mat Dol in 2 weeks time to his house. There his relatives would decide who gets to marry his lovely daughter Timol. From what I heard, Bedol has been treating Pak Ismail's relatives to lavish dinners and has been handing out lots of money. I tried to do the same but Bedol's people shut me out.

Mom: What about Samdol?

Mat: Samdol is true to his name, he is a real 'dol'. Remember how he was caught at the Orang Asli's village carrying forbidden goods? Luckily they believed him when he said he didn't understand Orang Asli.

Mom: So, Samdol is out? You mean now it's between you and Bedol only?

Mat: Yes mom, but it's difficult to fight him.

Mom: Don't worry, I'll get the village committee to declare him unfit for marriage. They'll think of something, they always do, no matter how ridiculous it is.

Mat: What would people say? They would say that you manipulated the village committee they answer to you.

Mom: Don't worry, I'll unleash our Joyah's to spread our version of the story. You know la, our Joyah's are very good at this.

Sunday, 15 March 2009

The New cabinet

Sarkas: Boss, boss, have you read the latest from the old man? Aiyo finish la boss like this.

Boss: Now what, haven't I got enough problems already? Now what has that ancient man to say? Why he cannot retire quietly ka? Lah is going already what? Still not happy ka?

Sarkas: It's a veiled threat boss. He wants you to pick a clean Cabinet or he will get you. I mean its like asking you to get a rock from a gas planet.

Boss: That's an open threat, not a veiled one.

Sarkas: Oh it's veiled alright. Can't you see that he wants you to pick as many of his people as possible? Pick his people, meaning his sons and his balls carriers and he keeps quiet.

Boss: Is that what he meant? Maybe he really wanted me to pick clean people.

Sarkas: Common boss, don't you think he knows that there are no clean people in our organisation to chose from? He should know because he was the one responsible.

Boss: Yes la, last time we could still find a few good men but when he came in he took the dirty ones in only to hold them by the balls.

Sarkas: But boss, if you pick his people, where are you going to throw our people? Remember they worked hard for you and I am sure they won't be happy. You won't last long la boss.

Boss: Oh god, this headache is killing me. How many do you thing would make him happy?

Sarkas: To make him happy you have to fill the whole cabinet with all of his people. Even the janitors and tea ladies must be from kerala la boss.

Boss: That's impossible? Where am I going to throw you? What, he wants me to take his grandchildren also ka?

Sarkas: Enough is enough la boss, you must not give in.

Boss: What if he unleashed his people on me like he did to Lah? I have got more hidden skeletons.

Sarkas: I have an idea la boss, I'll talk to our people to be patient. We give them some big contracts and I am sure they would be happy and in the mean time, you pick some really clean people as long as none of them are from his camp.

Boss: Yes, yes, that's a good idea. You compile a list for me.

Sarkas: Actually I have already got the list boss. Here.

Boss: Give me, .........., WHAT!!!!!!!

Sarkas: Why boss? What's wrong?

Boss: This list is full of PAS, DAP, PKR and PSM people. Even Ibrahim Ali's name is not in. What is this, Kit Siang, Hadi Awang, Nik Aziz, Nurul Izzah, Gopalakrishnan and and and er er ...... not even one from our party.

Sarkas: Yes la boss, we want clean people what. At least I have your name up there as PM.

Wednesday, 11 March 2009

Dear Sir

Dear Sir,
I read with great relief that you have decided to put forward a rescue plan to the tone of RM60 billion to be spread over 2 years.

Phew! The first part of my prayers to god has been answered. You see sir, actually, I had prayed for something in the region of about RM100 billion but 60B is quiet palatable. It is definitely better than nothing.

As I understand it, being someone who has no training in economics, a large portion of the amount is not direct from the treasury to the people. I mean you are not actually going to que up at the lines at Bank Negara (Do they have lines there?) with a withdrawal slip and withdraw 60B and open up a counter at the entrance to disburse the money, aren't you? Phew! That's a great relief sir. For a moment there, I thought you would actually do that. Would appreciate it if you could give me a call should you decide to actually do it coz I would like to be amongst the early birds, if you know what I mean?

Anyway, from what I have read there will actually be some spending direct from the treasury. If I am not wrong, this direct sum do add up to quite a few billions of RM. Now sir comes the second part of my prayers.

I am only a low down civil servant so I would not be gaining much. I wonder sir, if the amount you would be spending could go down directly to the people drowning in the Economic Tsunami? I mean if you want to throw a lifeline, it would be better to throw it directly to those drowning rather than hand the lifeline to a fat sleepy headman who would then exchange the strong rope for an inferior one and hand it to his lieutenant who would further change it and in the end the drowning guy has to content with used rafia strings (Did I spell rafia correctly? Too lazy to look it up)

I can still remember sometime back in the late 90s when they had the Operasi Payung, a 250K allocation to a school ended up with less than 100K worth of jobs because the rest were hijacked along the way.

In other words sir, please ensure that this rescue act is not looked upon as another gravy train. 10B could mean a lot if 10B worth of jobs is given out meaning that 10B worth of employment is created. If only about 3 or 4B of actuall job and employment comes out of a 10B allocation then I can guarantee you sir, your plan would be a failure.

Please tell all those fat-bellied friends of yours that this time it is for the country, not for them. They are already rich enough sir. Its us, the people down here, the people who are swallowing water in nose-deep pools who need the aid most.

Which is more important, their bank account or our stomach? Come on sir, while we are screaming for dear life, they are still dining well. Their bank accounts are still sinfully bloated while ours, if there is still any, is dangerously thin.

As for the rest of your plans, I can't say I could comment much because I don't know much about economy but one thing I do know is that all those soft loans that you have stashed up there should be disbursed of fairly, not just to sympathisers and sycophants.

Tuesday, 3 March 2009


I know I have not been a good old man by not updating my blog. The reason? Actually there are three.

First, I have been rather unwell lately, what with my BP deciding that it actually like heights, and my big fat lumpy body declaring that even breathing is a strenuous exercise.

Next, I have been busy with personal matters though almost incapacitated by extreme fatigue brought about the the above mentioned malady.

To cap it all, I am simply not in the mood to write at the present time.

So now dear readers, I am announcing a self-imposed sanction for about 10 days. I will be back on the 13th. Why 13th? I don't know, maybe because 3 plus 10 makes 13.

I will still surf and comment at others but will not write anything unless of course something really big happens.

See you in 10 days.


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