Tuesday, 18 March 2008

Cocky Ass

Although the Drug Rehabilitation Programme's success in Malaysia is open to debate, the government has decided to initiate another programme to give hardcore addicts a new lease of life. This new programme would be fashioned along the lines of the Pusat Serenti Programme. Programme participants would be called inmates and they would lead a regimented lifestyle for 2 years.

An official of the Home Ministry said that the government realised that the results of the March 2008 General Elections saw an urgent need for such a programme. The inmates in this programme are not drug addicts but rather defeated politicians especially from the ruling party and their supporters. It is reported that a high number of people are reported to be lurking around party headquarters in lounge suits handing out cash and batik sarongs to passers by and smiling.

When apprehended by the police these people rattled out nonsensical gibberish. The one thing in common amongst all of them is that all of them would utter the word 'Datuk' in their gibberish. They would then demand to see the Prime Minister.

A spokesman for the Health Ministry said that the government find this strange phenomenon very disturbing and are afraid for the safety of the people in general. A prominent psychiatrist said that these people could turn violent and hold demonstrations as demonstrated by the recent event in Penang.

Professor John Smith, head of the Election Psychology Department of Harvard University said this phenomenon is called Post-election-very-cocky-before-elections-and-traumatised –after-reality-sinks syndrome or Cocky Ass. This is a very rare disease. It only happens in countries where a ruling party that has been ruling for about 50 years suddenly suffers humiliating defeats. The expert also said that the outbreak of Cock Ass would be followed by an exceptionally high number of Mercedes and BMWs being put up for sale or repossessed by banks and finance institutions.

On a related development, MAS has reported a sharp drop in bookings for flights to Europe especially Paris and London. Cancellations of flight tickets to both these destinations are also reported to be unusually high.

As a stop gap measure, these chronic sufferers would be housed at the PWTC where reruns of previous General Assemblies would be aired continuously. Each of them would be given a plastic keris, to play with as temporary therapy.

19 comments:

20 Cent said...

Oh, dear God, this is simply magnificent. Not just this post, but every post that comes after this is more than aptly phrased with a sprinkling or wry humor and sardonic wit!

However, on a serious not, in relation to the drop in MAS for flights to Europe, there is a steady increase in flights to Australia.

This increase is in tandem with the decline of the stock market following the GE which saw a number of prominent statesmen sell their shares, shred official documents, and move to Australia to avoid possible jail sentences.

acciaccatura said...

also, botox at half the price. so ladies... or perhaps men too?

hantutelur said...

I notice that Azmi and Radzi are dropped from the cabinet. Is this has anything to do with the old man's appointment of Shahidan as MB being overruled by the Raja? Those two tak tau jaga periuk nasi la.

Kata Tak Nak said...

20 cents,
Thanks. Yes, Australia missed my mind.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Hantutelor,
It could be one of them was in the original list but the role they played in the Shahidan fiasco could have cost them the ministership. I hope Zaid would reform the judiciary not just an empty promise. They should know that bthe bpeople are looking.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Accia,
Botox free pun tak minat la. Bagi kat Toyo to last him a lifetime.

hantutelur said...

And to know that Radzi is Sec Gen of UMNO too. Out of favour now, hah?

Kata Tak Nak said...

Hantutelor,
No position is secured in politics, especially Pak Lah. He thought he has diffused the the situation by dropping KJ but it is not going to be that easy

tokasid said...

A study made by Universiti of Matlayau a week after the GE showed that many malay ladies were depressed. Upon investigation for the cause of these depressions it was noted due to many cancellations of Rombongan Cik Kiah to KB and Rantau Panjang and Langkawi.
A former MP who lost his seat was quoted:" Buat apa hantar Wanita dan Puteri HmmNo ke KB dan Rantau Panjang? Kita sponsor semuanya tapi bila balik mereka semua kata Kelantan tu lebih baik dari negeri mereka sendiri.Nampaknya mulai sekarang rombongan Cik Kiah hanya akan di buat utk ke Melaka sahaja."

cakapaje said...

Salam Cikgu,

Dear me, are we talking about a cock or an arse here? Oh, whichever. Just that, now we all have to take precaution just like we did during the Nipah Fever then. Hmm...you sure this is not a case of Bird Flu? :)

Kata Tak Nak said...

Doc,
Cik Kiah masih lagi phobia nak pi Melaka sebab masih terbayang ketua menteri lama.

monsterball said...

Cocky ass disease seem to attack the brains and make victims..hair turn white faster than normal.
Symptoms can be seen...Pak Lah moustache turning more whiter...but not the hair......and Najib have complete white hair. If he keeps a moustache...he really look uniquely sickening to irritating. But usually the hairs around the penis are all pink colours
[we will never know...best kept secret.}......as cocky ass diseases attacks pondans and cowards....trying to act brave...not one strand of black....since after erection....I mean...election.
And speaking of sex...that needs erection..cocky ass disease....will attack the victims....with an obvious clear symptom.
The stomach will blot up to unusual size. First such victim....is Samy Vellu. That's why he worked from 8am till 1am...when he was a minister....not because he was a bloody hard worker....but simply...all system....no go....for sex and pleasure....not even a self..hand job..poor fella.
Najib is smart to wear a better brand corset than Samy...this his huge stomach..seems naturally prosperously big ....like god gifted....like mine.......hahahahahaha.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Shah,
Definitely not bird flu, this is more dangerous, this illness is only rampant among keris weilding losers.

monsterball said...

So when it attacks the brain....just watch how the victims talk and behave.
Lim Kit Siang has to becareful.
He looks like having the signs....cocky ass disease coming to him....but judging from the way he talks...the brain is alert and normal....so he is safe.
Definitely Nazri and M bin M have them too.
Cocky ass disease do make same victims attack or love each other. It is actually a very rare disease.
Look at TDM against Pak Lah...then Samy have the disease long long ago......his love hate logics gone hay wild. Final step....is to Tanjong Rambutan mental hospital.
Then Pak Lah knows M bin M and Nazri have same cocky ass diseases...and they love him...so put them in the new cabinet..to fuck Mahathir.
Pak Lah found out..Rafidah also have cocky ass disease..just starting...but attacking a woman....actually make one more gartal. So Rafidah will not perform well as a minister...as she will be hunting high and low for midnight cowboys to ride her rough and tough.
If you want to know more...go to MPH book store and look for the book...'Cocky Ass Disease" written by...who else......

Kata Tak Nak said...

Monty,
They are not so cocky right now because their cocks are in their mouth.

monsterball said...

Oh my goodness!!!
They arc eating carrots or bananas and thinking cock is in the mouth.
That's another final sign of being a cracko.
Hope the relatives take away all pistols from the house.
They may shoot themselves....not to commit sucide....but thinking it s another cock to put into their mouths.

KLConfidential said...

I just love love love your writing!

20 cent just directed me here.

Fabulous, Cikgu! Wish I had the creativity to write so artfully and creatively.

Sadly, my style is in-your-face. And i have to get riled up to write something worth posting. Oh well!

Again, I just love your posts. I look forward to your next post.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

aiseh cikgu, not exactly but Kak E has taken my punching material!!

i'm having a go still. a certain ex-MB will make do with an ugly face once his botox injected months ago expires.

Kata Tak Nak said...

klconfidential,
Glad you liked it. I too, once in a while, try to come out with something in-your-face. That only happens when I am really pissed off otherwise a little bit of humour could get the message across just as well, I guess. Do come again.

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