Monday, 17 March 2008

Botox or Mandrum

BC: Datuk, Datuk, we are dead la Datuk, we are dead la.

MB: I know, I know, I am breathing but I am as good as dead.

BC: How could this happen Datuk? Why did this happen Datuk? We were so strong.

MB: Before you go on I am warning you, if you blame my botoxing my face and lifting that bridge a bit, I swear I'll make Mee Jawa out of you.

BC: But Datuk, that was what all the other other Datuks are saying. They said they don't care if you want to botox your backside, but why do it now?

MB: It's the tempe I tell you; you don't believe me ka?

BC: But they said it's the botox. They swear they will stop botoxing their faces. They said botox brings bad luck. They have warned their wives with divorce if their wives continue to do it.

MB: Idiots, botox has got nothing to do with our defeat la. I tell you, somebody mandrum us already. We shouldn't lose; all indications from SPR said we will win. This one must be mandrum la.

BC: Mandrum ka Datuk? Aiyo that is more dangerous la.

MB: How?

BC: What if they also mandrum the botox to turn into Shelltox? Your face will detox la Datuk? Now what Datuk? That project you gave me how?

MB: Which project? I gave you so many what?

BC: The project to give all state employees free botox injections every 3 months?

MB: That one not yet sign , so cancel la.

BC: Aiyo, I lost so much money there la Datuk. I have already imported 3 containers of Botox. To get the AP I had to bribe so many officers plus the AP queen; now what I want to do; they are expensive you know.

MB: We all not yet sign why you import so fast?

BC: What about that other tender? The one to give a nose bridge lift and facial bleaching to all Kakitangan Cemerlang? I have already rented the shoplots and employed 20 plastic surgeons?

MB: You employed 20 plastic surgeons?

BC: No lar, actually beauty consultants la but if we call them plastic surgeons more oomph la Datuk. But now how?

MB: That one also not yet sign so it's off.

BC: Aiyo, Datuk, I am dizzy la, dizzy.

MB: You think you alone dizzy ka? I am not dizzy ka? You should not be worried about those deals that are not signed yet, you should worry about all the projects that you have completed and have been paid for.

BC: Why Datuk? Why should I worry about them? All paid for already what? You also got your cut already?

MB: All of them are illegal la. The land we took are all robbed from the people. All the deals did not get any approval. The money paid are all meant for other things. The broom factory you set up is built on state land without a permit.

BC: Aiyo, I am more dizzy now. How Datuk? Now how?

MB: I don't know how you intend to do it but I suggest you get a few people and go to the State Secretariat and shred and destroy all the files there. Every single piece of paper must be shredded and take out all the computers.

BC: I can take the computers ka Datuk? I can sell second hand.

MB: Idiot, you only think of making money, even in times like this. Take them just get rid of the hardisks, that's all and one more thing, ask the doctor who did my plastic surgery and botox to destroy all my files and move to Perth. In the meantime, I will make myself scarce for a few days.

* BC = Ball Carrier

Mandrum = Black magic

19 comments:

Zawi said...

Che'gu,
I wonder how you manage to produce so many in sucha a time boggles my mind. Keep em coming. I am enjoying everyone of them. Koh Tsu Koon didn't do any such shreddings and we should salute that man. Though he was a BC to PM, he is a gentleman in every sense of the word.
Remember he didn't sign the approval for PGCC. He must have seen what was coming.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Zawi,
Thank You,
Yes, I respect that fellow Tsu Koon. If when I was an UMNO member I respected TG Nik Aziz, now that I am an opposition supporter, I really respect Tsu Koon.

tokasid said...

BC: But Datuk Sri...I think not mandrum laa Datuk

MB: Why not?

BC: You see Datuk, many of us went to see bomoh la Datuk before the election. I know you also went to see that dukun in Parit Sichilorotelupapat Datuk. You ask that Dukun Wak Akusukatempe to help you bcoz so many people say you going to be in Parlimen seat.And you see that Wak so you c DUN,right?

MB: Ya laa...I went to see that dukun.But he got it right what! See I manage to get DUN seat and I won my seat.

BC: Ya Datuk. But many other datuks went to see many bomoh dukun pawang, tokmoh siam and mak bidan...but many were not pivked up as candidate and those picked up many lost la datuk.

MB: Hoi samdol, why some people go and see mak bidan? Mak bidan can mandrum ah?

BC: No la datuk...mak bidan bcoz someone's mistress got pregnant la Datuk. So ask mak bidan to remove baby la datuk. Anyway Datuk..I heard most of the bomoh in Persatuan Bomoh ,Dukun dan Pawang Malaysia wants to quit their profession. They say mant politicians wants to sue them for mandruming the opposite of what they want. They want to win handsomely but many already kantoi la Datuk. You lucky you won your seat but you lost your state. Sorry la datuk...

MB: Ya lah...cilaka all these bomohs laa.

BC: datuk I heard many ppl talking at teh tarik stalls..

MB: Talk about what?

BC: Last time you say you want Zero Opposition in Selangor. Now you become opposition la Datuk..How? I think you quit la Datuk so no opposition in Selangor.

MB: Woi mangkok ayun...jaga hang...

Kata Tak Nak said...

Doc,
The mak bidan and zero opposition is precious la doc. Bodoh kan Toyo, just pujuk the rest in BN to give up then there will be zero opposition la.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

hehehehhehehehe....another dig at 'my' former MB. and it feels so good saying it for the 274th times. FORMER MENTERI BESAR KHIR TOYO.

nice one boss. eh, that means no more brooms for the under-achievers ka?

Kata Tak Nak said...

Kerp,
Those who does not perform will be given a bad nose job or must perform a blow-job, whichever.

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHA... but you cant be referring to mat tempe, can u?..
dia punya english takkan baguih sampai camni?...
anyway.. one of my favourites! hehe..

Mat Salo said...

Chegu ktn - since the disgraced EmBee is of Javanese extraction I'm afraid Perth may not be his first choice of exile...

As I am already in Indo, I will urge the authorities here to use all facilities of the Kapolri, Kapolres and Kapolda in Jawa Timur to apprehend for a "short, white haired, 'berlagak hansom', pakai selipar gede, warga Malingsia" as he may hold the keys to the the state's broom closet...

Bener ke dia makai susuk moderen Pak?

cakapaje said...

Salam Cikgu,

Funny thing is, what you wrote - not about the former MB - is quite a true incident.

Yesterday, Wak and I covered a story - unable to release info yet - and the ameno cawangan chief or his people, took off with the dewan serbaguna's office stuff and many more! We found out about that while covering a bigger scandal along the klang river.

acciaccatura said...

hah, this fellowlah, masa bulan puasa hari tu, paksa orang selangor buat terawikh lapan saja.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Anonymous,
Give chance la since he lost, we give him decent english as a parting gift.

Kata Tak Nak said...

MS,
Susuk tu tak tau la botox tu definitely not. Tempe. Why don't people believe him. Who knows next he will appear in blink blink.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Shah,
I am not surprise, in fact I expected it to happen. Knowing them, this is the only natural solution to them.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Accia,
Itu dia ikut perintah Imam Hadhari la kot?

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

hahahahahhahahaha...

and civil servants will be on their toes 24/7.

monsterball said...

Most need complete new face surgeries.....false passports and run like hell.

Nor Haniza said...

Salam Che'gu,
I've been here a few times and thinking of saying my mind but always get sidetrack by laughing so hard. Oh, I wished I get this type of dialogue during my SPM days back in the 90s. You must be a fav teacher for your students; funny and full of humor.

Anonymous said...

Katataknak is the funniest blogsite I have visited in my life!!! Keep them coming!!!!

Kata Tak Nak said...

Nor Haniza and Anonymous,
Thank you for the compliment and thanks for coming. I appreciate it.

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