Monday, 30 July 2012

Monday Blues

MKT: DS, we are having problems with the civil service. They are not too happy with spiraling prices.

DS: Okay announce a 1/2 month bonus to them with a minimum of 500. Give 500 to the pensioners too just in case. What else?

MKT: The Felda people are none too happy with their present situation too.

DS: Felda too? Okay announce a special bonus. Make sure the total is under 50 mil. Next?

MKT: Sir the people are screaming mad with the National Day Logo and theme song.

DS: I thought so. I am also angry. Change the logo. We will see what we can do with the song and lyrics and tell Rais to not ever come out with any lyrics, even for his wife's birthday song.

MKT: Sir 2 of our MPs from Sabah has defected.

DS: Sack them. Make them look bad. Do we have any people who look like them so that we could come out with another sex tape?

MKT: No, sir, none.

DS: Get me Saiful then.

MKT: Sir, PR pledged to do away with duties for cars.

DS: Get our people to say that we will go bankrupt if duties on cars are done away with. Oh shit, this is a lousy morning.

MKT: Sir, is the elections still on for September?

DS: No, no, hold all preparations. I have got to call someone. (dial phone) Hey Ah Seng, ah, saya mau pinjam sikit duit boleh ka? Aiya mau election ma. Sumua duit sudah habis lor. EPF pun sudah talak duit, Apa? Petronas? Tak boleh lo. Itu orang tua sudah kasi sama dia punya anak ma. Apa gadai dia punya barang? Lu gila ka? Lu mau kasi wa mati ka? Tak boleh ka? Takpa la.

MKT: Sir, the elections?

DS: Call the AG and ask him to see if it is possible for us to have the elections in 2020.

Sunday, 29 July 2012

Awards Galore

Once upon a time, a long long time ago, Dollah Badawi was called the Flip-Flop Prime Minister for being notoriously fickle but even he couldn't beat this. Yes, the National Day Logo is being changed for something else.

What? National Day Logo? Changed? Just about a month before the event? Yes, yes, and yes. The million dollar question is Has this ever happened anywhere else in the world? Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, nope, can't think of any precedent being set anywhere else in the world.

Oh I see, this must be another one of those efforts to get ourselves into the Guinness Book of World Records famously initiated by Koyakutty, I can't remember, The Great. Well congratulations to the BN government. You have just got yourself into the Guinness Book of World Records in 4 categories.

Category One: The 1st government ever, to have changed their National Day Logo.

Category Two: The last government ever to have changed a National Day Logo.

Category 3 : The ONLY government to have ever changed a National Day Logo.

Category 4 : The stupidestest government ever to have sullied the Earth because it has to change it's National Day Logo.

Actually, the people at Guinness missed 4 more awards. The same accolades should also be given to the Information Minister. Sorry Rais no awards for you. I am sure you worked very hard for the nation to have been given such prestigious recognition.

At press time, the people at Guinness has just informed me that we are way ahead in the Worst National Day Theme Song Lyrics category. They told me that this category could only be finalised after the 31st of December but they strongly believe that we would win hands down.

How could I not be proud to be a Malaysian?

Saturday, 28 July 2012

Breaking News

Just In

The United Nations would be celebrating World Peace day on the 30th of February next year. To show their seriousness at making the world a truly peaceful place they have adopted the slogan 1 UN WE KEEP OUR PROMISE. 

A delegation is now on their way to Kuala Lumpur with the musical score for their theme song. They would meet the Information Minister who was tasked with getting the lyrics done.

According to an unnamed source, part of the lyrics goes like this:

One UN, One UN
We keep our promises, We keep our promises
So please remember us, Please,please remember us
One UN, We keep our promises.

Thursday, 5 July 2012


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