Friday, 30 December 2011

But Tuan ......

Awang: Hello tuan, can you please help me?

Tuan: Sure we are always here to help. Are you poor?

Awang: Yes, tuan I am very poor tuan. I only get 700 a month and must support a wife a 5 children.

Tuan: Oh, how sad. How may I help you?

Awang: You see tuan recently because my children very hungry I stole from the supermarket and got caught. The court fined me RM3000 tuan so can I borrow to pay the fine?

Tuan: Hey! This is Pusat Urus Zakat, not Ah Long. We don't help these cases all.

Awang: But Tuan, why Menteri can borrow?

Saturday, 17 September 2011

Kicap Cap Sia

Manager: Boss, I am sad to report that our sales have dropped quite a lot la.

Boss: I know and that worries me. Do you have any ideas on what to do?

Manager: I don't know la boss. Everything we do just didn't catch fire la.

Boss: Let me see the product again. Hmmm! I know, lets change the name of the product, add more colours.          get a catchy name.

Manager: You mean a new product?

Boss: Sort of.

Manager: I don't get you

Boss: Instead of Kicap Cap Isa, we change it to Kicap Cap Sia. Just add a little more Ajinimoto inside, change the labeling to make it attractive and offer a bigger bottle for the price of the old one.

Manager: Do you think the people would buy it?

Boss: Do you have any other idea?

Manager: What about close shop?
         

Saturday, 10 September 2011

Please don't go!!!!!!!

Mat: Please, please don't go. Where am I going to find another partner like you? Please. Don't you cherish all the good times we had together?

Dollah: Noooooo! I'd rather die than to be without you please, don't go. Please, please, I can't take this.

Samad: What is life without you? If you must leave, then please take me with you. I've never had a partner like you before.

John: No, we have to go. It saddens us to go what with your tin and rubber but we must leave. Remember, you were never colonised, you were a partner, an equal partner. You have been independent all this while. Thanks for your gifts of rubber and tin. Her Majesty sincerely appreciated it. Bye-bye partner. Remember, whatever people may say about our relationship, one day a chosen one by the name of KELING would clear the air.

Wednesday, 7 September 2011

Sorry la Datuk

Journalist: Sorry boss, I can't go la, my daughter is sick, get someone else la please.

Chief: Aiseyman, where to find replacement, after all, it is only a few hours work. Kampung Baru only, near your house what.

Journalist: Cannot la boss, my wife will be angry la, please la boss. When have I ever refused you assignments? This time betul-betul cannot la boss.

Chief: Where to find people ah? You are the 18th person who turned down this assignment. Usually you all would be pestering me to go because of the free makan and allowance.

Journalist: You go la boss, got chance to be buddy buddy with the VIP.

Chief: Actually I want to go but my grandmother is getting married. What to do ah? Okay la, I'll call the VIP and let him know that we can't send anyone. ....... Hello, Datuk, Bernama here, we can't send the 500 journalist that you requested to go to Kg Baru this evening la, sorry la Datuk. What? 490 also can? I can't even get 1 la Datuk. Please don't be angry at me la Datuk Azeez.


Saturday, 3 September 2011

UMNO Parrots and the Communists.

Mat Sabu said something about the communist attack on Bukit Kepong under British rule, which means, it was a British police-station. UTUSAN MELOYA spins the story to make it look like Mat Sabu had glorified the commies and then out came some of the most stupid Malay parrots and began to condemn Mat Sabu to the extend of calling those who saw no wrong with what he had said as commie worshipers.

I am so ashamed of these Malays who tried to sound educated but are truly so damn bloody stupid as to give credence to what UTUSAN had spun. Now I am going to accuse these arseholes of something which they are going to vehemently deny because it is not going to look pretty on their masters. These arseholes are actually racists of the lowest kind.

They are not actually mad at communism, they are actually mad at Chinese communists. I am not going to dwell much on what Sabu had said because it has been amply documented. What I am going to touch on is the hypocritical ways of these arseholes.

First let me reiterate that I am no commie lover, lest those morons start calling me one. They denounce the communist regimes as evil when the regime that they glorify at home is no better. Let me show you a few examples of the hypocrisies of these arseholes.

In a comminist regime, the masses, meaning the ordinary folks, have no access to information. All channels of information is controlled by the regime. Here in this country, the kampung folks who incidentally speak no English, are fed with news from MELOYA, and the Media Prima group. Where do they get access to alternative news? They are being prevented from getting the real news. So commie like.

In a commie regime, those accused by the regime of any wrongdoings are never allowed to explain themselves to the masses. Here it is the same. Was Sabu ever allowed the space by MELOYA and the Media Prima froup to explain what he had said? It is a big NO. Reminds of of the communists?

In a commie regime, the concentration of wealth is within the party politburo and those connected to them and what is the difference with what is happening in this country?

In a commie regime, protests, no matter how peaceful are brutally treated and we know what met the protesters in BERSIH and BERSIH 2.

I am in no mood to go on any longer because it nauseates me. All I want to say to these few parrots is please try to be original. Just because MELOYA said something doesn't mean you have to parrot it, It just shows your stupidity.

Friday, 5 August 2011

Ponder.

Masuri is very ambitious. He wants to be Prime Minister so he decides to use the service of Koyakutty who himself was an ex Prime Minister. He knew how Koyakutty ruthlessly smeared and cut down to size Matakuyu. Matakuyu was the one who succeeded Koyakutty as PM.

So successful was Koyakutty that Matakuyu is now a non entity. Koyakutty installed Nasmon as Matakuyu's replacement hoping that Nasmon would toe the line and abide by his orders but Nasmon had a very strong missing rib who got him in all kinds of trouble, not to say that Nasmon himself is not without failings.

The story goes that Koyakutty is very-very displeased with Nasmon for trying to be independent and decided to get rid of him and eventually install Mucousryz, his son, as the next Emperor. As his name suggests, Mucousryz is still green, his mucous has not dried yet, so no one would take kindly to the idea of being led by a baby.

Koyakutty knows that he has to install someone else first and serve for enough time till Mucousryz's mucous dry up so he pounced on Masuri, knowing of his ambition, and made a pact. Masuri welcomes the offer and a plan had been put in place.

The plan is so successful that Nasmon is suffering the fate of Matakuyu before his 'banishment'. Koyakutty wants everything to be done fast because he knows that his twice by-passed tinker could decide to call it a day anytime. He is no spring chicken you know.

I do not know the outcome of this tale but I do have a few questions. Masuri, though not known for his brilliance, is not dumb to be able to be where he is right now. He should know that a person like Koyakutty is not to be trusted at all. If Koyakutty could destroy Matakuyu and Nasmon, he could do the same to him (Masuri).

If he succeeds in dethroning Nasmon then it would mean that he will have to toe the line and do whatever Koyakutty orders or suffers the same fate as PM5 and PM6. Now would he want to be a mere puppet? I don't think so.

Does this mean that Masuri is confident that he could be his own man? How? Does this also mean that Masuri is banking on Koyakutty's tinker deciding that it is taking a long long long break and with that he could send Mucousryz to Kerala to meet his distant cousins?

I do not know what is going through Masuri's mind right now but, no matter what the outcome is, it looks like it is a 'heads you win and tails I lose' kind of thing.

Tuesday, 2 August 2011

My 5 months old granddaughter is getting married.

Don't be surprised if I were to tell you that my granddaughter who was born on Valentine's Day 2011 is getting married soon.

Hey, if a PR could get citizenship in 4 hours, why not this?

Monday, 11 July 2011

Help, help.

My knees were shivering as I broke into cold sweat fearing the impending Crimson Tsunami. Why have we awaken the sleeping giant? Oh, no! we are surely gone now. They are going on a war path. Read this, and you will know why I am so afraid.

If on the 9th, they mobilized a staggering 300 and painted the capital Red, imagine what would happen if the could mobilize 301.

Anyway, feast your eyes on this. Hmm, I wonder if they are Pakistanis or Bangladeshis?


Thursday, 30 June 2011

Stop Press

A jaundice patient who was in critical condition was dragged from the ICU ward at a government general hospital yesterday.
A police spokesman confirmed the arrest and added that they are very serious in combating BERSIH.

Wednesday, 29 June 2011

Bastard!

I checked with the Registration Department and true enough I couldn't find The Bar Council's parents marriage certificate, in fact, there was no mention of any parents' name in the Bar Council's birth certificate.

I guess Bgheheng Ali's accusation that the Bar Council is a bastard is  most probably true. Then, out of curiosity I checked that of Perkasa's and was taken aback. The damn organisation also has no mention of parents in it's birth cert and to be fair, I have to conclude that Perkasa is also most probably a bastard. Hmmm! so, in that case, Bgheheng must be the Chief Bastard of Perkasa then.

Thursday, 9 June 2011

Will you please shut up!.

Will Tun Mahathir please shut up. Your time is over la. Karpal is right when he asked you to repent. Repent la old man. You are not going to live forever you know. Do you know what is NYANYUK? Yes, it is SENILE.   As for your comments about PAS, please see below.


As far as I can remember, the person who had sent a letter to the Kelantan government in opposition over hudud laws at one point of time was Mahathir Mohamad and not Karpal Singh," Nik Aziz wrote in his Facebook.

Monday, 23 May 2011

Yet Again














This time it is especially sweet because no one gave us a chance.
WE ARE INDEED THE CHAMPIONS.

Wednesday, 18 May 2011

SOS

Please, please, please go to this link, read it and do what you feel is right. If you have been a regular visitor then you know who he is, if you are new to this blog then let me tell you this, Kerp is one hell of a special person and Molee is indeed an angel.

Saturday, 14 May 2011

I just want to celebrate the number 19.

I dedicate this song to the millions of Manchester United fans all over the world, from the North to the South Pole. We hit 19. Yes, 19




19

Sunday, 27 March 2011

Even ET is impressed

Army Chief: Datuk Seri, you are not going to believe this but please have a look out of your window sir.
Datuk Seri: On my money god! What is that?
Army Chief: I believe it is a spaceship sir.
Datuk Seri: A spaceship? Why land here? What do we have that is of interest to them?
Army Chief: Look, they are coming out of the spaceship? Do I give orders to shoot DS?
Datuk Seri: No, don't, that would anger them. We don't know how strong they are, if they could get here from god knows where, they must be from an advanced civilisation. For what you know, they could obliterate us with just one squeeze of the trigger.
Army Chief: They are coming our way DS. Do you want me to lock the door?
Datuk Seri: No, I think they come in peace, anyway, I think we couldn't stop them even if we wanted to.
Alien1: Earthling, do not not fear, we come in peace. We do not mean to create panic but we need your help.
Datuk Seri: You need our help? I think you got the wrong country. Try the US of A. They are very advanced. We are just a small country.
Alien2: We have checked, the US of A cannot help us. Only you can do it. We would be very greatful if you could help us.
Army Chief: DS, I think this is a trick. While we are engaged in conversation with them they could be invading is in the North and South.
Datuk Seri: Let's hear what they've got to say first. Err, first of all, may I know from which planet do you come from?
Alien1: We are from the planet Yatalantu in the Nogmaloia Nebular, 3 million light years from your Earth. We have a problem with a neighbouring planet. We need to check on the authenticity of a piece of evidence. We have checked from our database of the universe, only you have the people or should we say the person to help us. Not even the US of A have this expertise.
Datuk Seri: Oh, in that case, we are all to willing to help but what is there in it for us? I mean, don't I get anything in return?
Alien2: Are you asking for a bribe? We don't do that in our planet. If you help us, we will leave here in peace otherwise, we will obliterate this country.
Datuk Seri: Ok, ok, what is it that you want.
Alien2: We would like to prove the authenticity of this CD.
Datuk Seri: Oh, that. Gerneral, get me Yusri.

DatoT & Anwar Conspiracy

Thursday, 17 February 2011

I am over the moon.

This particular entry is very dear to me. On Monday, 14th Feb, my eldest daughter gave birth by caesarean section to a lovely baby girl who incidentally is my first cucu.

I am now officially Datuk Nazir Khan and no Sultan can take this Datukship away from me.




I am over the moon. Oh yes, the baby's name is Hannah Khaleeda.

Wednesday, 5 January 2011

Good News

Man 1: Oh no, not you again. Please don't open your mouth unless you have something nice to say about the government.

Man 2: I come to bring you good words about the government la.

Man 1: Like that ka? Like that means ok, come sit down. Mamak! Teh tarek 1.

Man 1: What good news?

Man 2: I heard from a very reliable source .......

Man 1: What source? How do you know the source is reliable?

Man 2: This one surely reliable one because it comes from the government itself.

Man 1: Ok, go on.

Man 2: I heard the government is getting richer la, by the day.

Man 1: What do you mean? I don't understand la.

Man 2: Ok la, I make it short and simple. RON97 up 10 sen la.

Man 1: @#$%&*@ you, go away la you.

Sunday, 2 January 2011

Change Your Lifestyle

Machai: Boss harga gula naik, apa nak kata kat rakyat?
Menteri: Senang saja, "Kurangkan gula untuk kesihatan".
Macai: Boss, harga minyak naik, apa nak kata kat rakyat?
Menteri: Senang saja, "Guna pengangkutan awam dan elakkan kesesakkan jalan raya".
Macai: Boss, harga ayam naik, apa nak kata kat rakyat?
Menteri: Senang saja, "Lebihkan makan makanan laut untuk kwsihatan dan kecerdasan"
Macai: Harga Daging, ayam, sayur dan beras dan makanan laut naik, apa nak cakap pada rakyat?
Menteri: Senang saja, "Puasa baik untuk kesihatan"

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