New and Revamped ACA

Reporter: Mr. DPM sir, the suggestion to set up a commission on the appointment of judges has been well-received by the people. Has the government any thoughts about revamping the ACA?

DPM: Oh yes, in fact, it is the next agency that would be looking into. It is all my idea really. I worked hard to come out with this new and improved setup. We want to make our ACA an agency with integrity, free of interference and very transparent.

Reporter: Do you mean that the present setup is flawed and lacks intergrity and is not transparent?

DPM: Er, er, hmmm, er, let us say that the present setup has room for improvement. As time past, we have to move with the time and a revamped ACA is a sign of this dynamism.

Reporter: So what changes could the people expect sir?

DPM: For a start we are thinking of changing the name of the agency from BPR to BPRYG.

Reporter: Isn't that a little too long and what does it mean?

DPM: No, not too long. It means Badan Pencegah Rasuah Yang Glocal. Do you like it?

Reporter: Why 'yang glocal'?

DPM: I don't know but it sounds nice and 'glocal' is something that I coined, so I thought it would be nice.

Reporter: What else Mr. DPM sir?

DPM: This agency would be a very secret body. Not even ministers know who are the staffs.

Reporter: Even the directors are not known?

DPM: Yes, even the identity of the directors are secret.

Reporter: Malaysia is a small country Mr. DPM sir, people are bound to know.

DPM: Yes, I agree, but they would be operating in Geneva, not here, so it's going to be difficult for people to know who the staffs are. To ensure further secrecy, even their phone numbers are secret so no one would be able to contact them.

Reporter: If they operate from so far away, and their numbers are not accessible to the public, how are people going to make complaints to them?

DPM: That is the beauty of the whole thing. Man is a resourceful animal. If he really wants something, he would eventually get it no matter how long it takes. In this way, only those who work hard to contact the agency would one day succeed. This is to prevent frivolous cases from being reported.

Reporter: What if they still can't find but their grouses are real?

DPM: Ha, we have thought of everything, don't worry. We have a not so secret agency to deal with this. It is called BPRTBG.

Reporter: What is that sir?

DPM: Badan Pencegah Rasuah Tak Berapa Glokal.

Reporter: Its role sir?

DPM: To handle complaints on cases not involving high ranking government officers, politicians, right up to ministers, and 'friends of the government'. Only BPRYG can handle these cases.

Reporter: Friends of the government? What is that sir?

DPM: What its name suggests: those personalities who are very closely connected to high ranking government officers, BN politicians right up to the ministers.

Reporter: Hmmm, any more sub divisions sir?

DPM: Yes, one more. It is called BPRYTGL.

Reporter: Oh my god, that is quite a mouthful. What does that stand for?

DPM: Badan Pencegah Rasuah Yang Tak Glocal Langsung. Haha, do you like it?

Reporter: Er, interesting sir. What does this division do sir?

DPM: Oh, give ceramahs, hold exhibitions and stuffs like that.

Reporter: What kind of ceramahs sir?

DPM: Oh, ceramah like why it is helpful not to pursue corruption cases because eventually nothing will happen; ceramah on how and where to get bodyguards and how costly they could be, after you have made a complaint; ceramah on how to mind your own business and ceramah on how certain kinds of corruptions are necessary evil.

Reporter: Is this all designed to confuse the people and to frustrate the war against corruptions? What, is this, what is this? Where are you people taking me? Sir, sir, who are these goons? Where are they taking me? Help me sir, sirrrrrrrr..........

Update: This is completely unrelated but to those who want to hear the sweetest, most beautiful cover version of Mariah Carey's "Without You" please click here