Monday, 7 April 2008

Here's to you, kid.

There comes a time in a man's life when he gets tired; tired physically; tired mentally and tired emotionally. I have come to that stage in my life. I am physically tired. I am 52, with high-blood pressure, diabetes and fistular. I am also prone to asthmatic attacks though not serious and I suffer from fatigue easily. I need a rest.

I have been writing almost daily taking a break only when my brother died almost a year ago. I have been writing to pour my heart out about how I feel about my country; I have been writing about the politics of this country; I have been writing about the dramas I see being acted out; and of late I have been writing about the elections, pre and post, I need a rest.

I feel jaded, I am frustrated about what's going on, I am disgusted about how one would cling even to the weakest of twig just to hold on to power; I am disgusted about how when already out of power, one strikes relentlessly as an act of retribution for fear of having his legacies dismantled; I am sick and tired of how low some sycophants would stoop just to please their bosses; I am sick of being sick.

I want to take a break, to do some soul-searching. I want to take a break to rest my battered body, tired mind and disgusted heart.

I want to rest to decide that if ever I started blogging again, would I follow the same course that I had taken this past year or so or start fresh on a new course which I myself don't know.

All I know is that, I need a rest. I have made so many new friends, the closest of whom are Doc, Tokasid, Shah Cakapaje, Ahmed Kerpov the Arsenal lover, Mat Salo the swamp man,Zorro my blogging guru, Elena of Acciaca2ra the retired musician and strong mother, Raden Galo, the iron lady and my sister, Pak Zawi the wise man from Kelantan. Asil an occasional visitor and many more.

So to all my friends, consider ourselves lucky that we have friends because there are so many lonely people out there. Funny, sometimes even amongst friends we can be lonely.

Actually it was this clip that prompted me to make this decision. I asked myself what Beatles number do I like best and Eleanor Rigby strikes out of no where. Yes, amongst all the Beatles classics, I love this song the best. It could be for a reason. Amongst all the Beatles members I like John Lennon the best, though this song is primarily Paul's.

Please stop for a while in what ever you are doing to give this song a listen. The melody and lyrics, at least to me, is haunting.

So till we meet again, when, I don't know, being fickle, it could be tomorrow, here's talking to you kid, adios muchachos, astalavista baby, chow chin chow, na poite ware and may ALLAH save and bless this country.

Update: You see what happens when you name people? You more often than not forget. Now I want to mention his name and he may think its because he commented. It just slipped my mind. Amongst those I consider my blogging friends is Bergen. I have a lot of respect for that guy and I hope he knows it.


ewoon said...

Take it easy, Cikgu. Have a walk in the park and remember to smell the roses.

God be with you.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...


didnt expect to read this boss. but i'm sure you have a valid reason for this. have a good break. based on your recent postings, lets just say unwinding yourself would do you good and once fully recharged, i know che det sure to kena some more. aiyahh!..hehehe...

but no worries cikgu. May Allah bless you with good health for you to continue doing what you're best at. looking forward for you to be in town. even docTA has made it a point to be in town whenever you're around. not sure about the Swamp Man but i can assure you me and Shah will clear up our schedules just for that one teh tarik session with you. do keep us informed, sir.

*my all-time Favorite Beatles' song- If I fell.

bergen said...

Cikgu, it's not good. It's not good for you to feel this way. Don't like it slide down any further. You've gotta pull back. I've read you long enough to know that there's so much anger in you boiling inside. I don't really wanna know what it is that's boiling you inside but it's not good. If you don't mind my saying so, I think you take things a little too seriously, especially the things you shouldn't be taking 'em too seriously like politics. Maybe you see it your responsibility to be connected with it but I believe it's not good for you. Maybe you ought to take things easy. I've never met you but I got a feeling you're the kinda person I shouldn't be around when you're angry.
Take it easy, cikgu. Politics, economy, social stuff, these are things we can't do much to change things. And politicians, you know very well who they are. Dr Mahathir used to have a big row with Tg Razaleigh and now looks like they're on the same bus going to Putrajaya to throw molotov cocktails at Badawi's house. Who knows, maybe later Dr Mahathir and Anwar will shake hands and plot against Tg Razaleigh. And where does all this leave us?
You can't feel tired, cikgu. You've gotta feel up and above like a pony on the open field. I've seen people this way and they let it go down and before they know it, they gotta deal with depression. It's not good, cikgu. It's the first sign that don't mean too good.
Listen to a different songs. Songs that don't mean nothing. Commercial songs that people say don't have no art or meaning. Like Boney M's brown girl in the ring. ha ha.
Go easy, cikgu. You take care good, y'hear?

tokasid said...

Salam Che'gu:

You deserve a break but not a long one.

Forget about our local politics for a while for whtever we write about the stooges, the'll just be the same pain in the ass to us. They are fighting each other bitting at each other's throats let them be.

I know its difficult to let them be for what ever they do will affect our lives.

And as for football...just watch and enjoy it but don't get to upset when MU is tailed cloesly by Drogba and gang.

Why not you blog about the old Penang that you grew up. About the old school.
I'm thinking of my childhood in Kedah and taiping....

Anonymous said...

salam chegu,
kadang saya rasa there is always something in me yang orang lain tak akan faham. itu, saya hanya boleh share dengan Allah Taala. inshaAllah, semoga chegu segera bersemangat kembali. :)

hantutelur said...

Chegu, you have to get away from home to a secluded place. Don't bring a pen and your laptop. Free yourself from worldly things. It aint middle age crisis, issit? Ha ha, you'll get over it.

Writing is supposed to be non-strenous. For me it's something you have been longing to do but can't find the time. I mean when I retire, I'm going to write books or maybe start painting or something.

I think you take things much too seriously. Of course things happening today affect us and our livelihood directly or indirectly. But most things are beyond our control and we should leave things be and do what's best for ourselves.

You like songs, you like the Beatles. Listen to "Let It Be".

Best of luck to you.

suealeen said...

baru je nak kenai dengan che'gu ni.. tapi biasalah ni che'gu.. ada time kena rest dari blog-memblog ni.. i did it once from sept to jan/feb.. bila tengok blog sendiri je terus idea terbang hilang...

neway, just take the rest & take care

Keang said...

just when i was enjoying the ha-ha's after "discovering" your blog, now you are going to be gone...

but you are right ppl need to get away once in a while, and in your case, do blog once in a while.

yes, a lovely elanor rigby song...

hantutelur said...

I listened to hundreds of Beatles songs. I never like this one. It's so depressing. Since you pasted it here, I have to listen. No wonder you are feeling this way. Most of Beatles songs during that era have negative overtones. Eleanor Rigby deals with loneliness, rejection, depression and death. Maybe during that time people were soul searching. Hence some of them took drugs or turn to Eastern religions like Hinduism (Hare Krishna) and Buddhism, to find peace of mind and solace. 60s (and 70s) were hard times and a lot of people lost direction. There were wars. Vietnam war and cold war. Locally too we had problems with our identities. Some adopted Western cultures (Budaya Kuning as it was called then) - flower power (hippies) and drugs and free sex. We had racial tensions and we had economic inflation. Chegu, situation today is much different than it was 40 years ago. Today you can never feel lonely because you have friends in this blog. You make everybody laugh and happy and so are your friends here. Maybe I don't share the same ideology, interest and opinion with you (I am an UMNO guy and fan of Liverpool, but please don't make fool of me) but I'm still your friend. Believe me if you come to Pangkor we can chit chat over teh tarik and we can be better friends.

hantutelur said...

Sorry Chegu, just to lighten you up... this is what Samy has to say: "Para pengkritik tersebut perlu diingatkan bahawa tindakan mereka hanya akan menjejaskan BN. Keadaan sekarang adalah seperti menaiki bot yang mempunyai lubang besar."

Oh shit... we are definitely sinking!!!

Zawi said...

I am honoured to be mentioned in the same breath as your more established friends. For a newbie in blogging, I still have far to go to come anywhere near those other friends.
We get burnt out sometimes. It is normal. Go take a break since you said you need one, but do comeback, we who are your friends need you here with your sometimes serious and sometimes funny takes on things.
Invidually we cant change the world but collective we can give it a try.
What Bergen said represents the feeling of all of us here. I fully agree with him.
We were talking
about the space between us all
and people who hide themselves
behind a wall of illusion
never glimpse the truth
then it's far too late
when they pass away
Since you are also a Beatles' lover, please peruse the lyrics of one of my favourite Beatles song.

Within You Without You
George Harrisons (Beatles)

We were talking
about the love we all could share
When we find it
to try our best to hold it there
with our love, with our love
we could save the world
if they only knew

Try to realize it's all within yourself
no one else can make you change
And to see you're really only very small
and life flows on within you and without you

We were talking
about the love that's gone so cold
and the people who gain the world
and lose their soul
They don't know, they can't see
Are you one of them

When you've seen beyond yourself
then you may find
peace of mind is waiting there
And the time will come
when you see we're all one
and life flows on within you and without you

suealeen said...

anyway, i'm a beatles lover too...-:)

cakapaje said...

Salam Cikgu,

Back a couple of weeks ago when I wrote about feeling tired myself, I remember a tough coach who jolted me out of it. Never mind I don't blog much about politics, but the little bits I did I found out did help to make some difference.

Cikgu, we are all tired. And I think you know my case quite well for me to partly lay claim to Eleanor Rigby too. Had it not been for you, Doc TA, kerpie, matsalo and the few that helped me continue on with an emotional outlet, I may have called it quits long time ago!

So take a break if you have too, old chap. But make sure you come back the strong man you have always been. You have our numbers, and you know what you should do when you need us. Take my elder brother :)

Wassalamu'alaikum warahmatullah hi wabarakatuh
cakapaje - your younger brother.

Asil said...

Salam Cikgu,

Your posts hit me here and there. Some I've responded with the same level of emotions, others I've no feels at all.

That's it. The connections are pure and natural. And it's true, the political aspects is taking toll on me as well. It's not what the political scenes I see, but what I'm facing everyday. Emotionally, I'm disgusted, physically I'm crippled.

Your health need most of your attention, right now. I love your blog but I love you more. So, take care of yourself.

Thank u and see u.

hantutelur said...

A special dedication to Che'Gu Nazir aka KTN How can you mend a broken heart

Oh, please come back. We are waiting for you here.

Mr. Right said...

Pergi la bercuti. Makan angin, as seriously nganga mulut besar2 dan makan angin di mana-mana. Of cos tempat yang ada angin best2 la. Orang kata pergi lepak kat pulau akan rasa tenang dan relax, tapi aku lebih suka tempat peranginan yang sejuk2, atas gunung.

Dah abis berehat nanti post lagi dialog yang lucu dan menusuk kalbu.

All the best bro...

Anonymous said...

Salaam Cikgu,

You're not alone Cikgu.I'm also 52 and quit my job two years ago.We have more or less same taste for music...Beatles, Roberta Flack,etc,etc, used to give us plenty of happiness.They still do until today.But now I also listen to One Republic,Nora Jones,Audy(Indonesian singer,listen to her if you haven't) and many more.I feel good.Anyway I still take my high blood pressure pills every morning.
Having said all that I just want to share with you and other readers a statement uttered by a security guard to me a few years back, "Allah kurnia kita kesenangan,jangan gunakan kesenangan itu untuk menyusahkan orang lain".All the best to you Cikgu and May Allah bless you and your family.

Kata Tak Nak said...

To all who cared to comment.
First off all, I would like to thank all of you. I am not going to go mushy, mushy about it otherwise Kerpov would say I am gay. Just thanks for caring. Anyway, after giving it a thought, what the heck, why should I stop doing something I like? I have taken my break. I went to school this afternoon and fill in the forms for a cuti rehat for today and am here as usual.
There may be no difference in the way I write and the subject I write about because I am me and I don't want to be someone else. For you, I have a new post.

Monster Mom said...

While relaxing, don't forget to watch Roma's visit to Old Trafford for the 2nd leg ok!


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