Tuesday, 29 April 2008

Confessions?

Mahathir:
Okay, okay I admit, I played a bit part in asking the Agong to call for Salleh Abbas's sacking. I swear I tell you, that's all the wrong I did. What? Corruption? Okay, I know about them but I did not do them. Okay, maybe I encouraged some people to be kind to my children but it's not like I forced them. Okay, okay, maybe I stared at them a little bit. ISA? Hey, I did not start ISA, blame the British, why blame me. It was there so I used it, what's the big deal, everyone uses it. Anwar? Who's Anwar. I swear, I do not know any Anwar except Anwar Sadat and I had no role in his assassination.

Pak Lah:
Yes, I confess I was a bit slow in implementing what I had promised but believe me I have a valid reason for it. I have this affliction. I tend to get sleepy and when I wake up, I can't remember what it is that I had set out to do. Blame it on my enemies. I think they all mandrum me already. Before being PM I don't sleep much but after assuming the PMship things changed. That's all the weakness I have to confess. What, Khairy and 4th floor? So what's with them? I look at things this way. It's better that they screw up the country than Najib. I need someone when I am asleep. If they are not there then it is Najib and behind Najib is Mahathir, so make your choice. You talk as if they screwed up big time. Just a few billion here and a few billion there, what's the big deal man, Mahathir did it too with his Diam, or is it Daim?

Samy Velu:
I admit to neglecting the Indians a little bit la. Actually it is my officer's fault, not my fault. Maybe I was too busy giving my service to the country that I forgot about the Indians. They should tell me la. What? My gangsters will harass them? No la they are my friends, not my gangster. Where got Indian gangster. These friends of mine are a little bit rough la but actually they have good hearts you know. I take no blame for the poor quality of the highways. Why should I? Not my company built the highways what. How am I to check every inch of every highway? I can't be in many places at one time. What? How come I am very rich? I save my money la. I am a vegetarian, I only eat rice a tauge once a day and drink a lot of water. All my clothes I bought from Kamdar or Mydin.

Najib:
I confess, sometimes I did not tell the truth but they were not lies, just untruths. Yes, I know Altantuya, but just like that only, I was never intimate with her. No, I never went to Paris with her. Maybe I may have met her there but I did not go with her. What? Who killed her? You mean she is dead? I didn't know that. When? Why didn't anybody tell me?
No, I never take any commissions for the purchase of those things. Can't you see, that the commissions were paid to other companies and were paid by the sellers, not us? Yes, the company gave me some small change but how am I to refuse without offending the other party? Can't you see the dilema I was in? I did it all for the country you know. Come on Port Dickson was an old case. Didn't you know I was in KL not in PD?

JJ:
I confess I was there at the bar but I was drinking milk shake and eating kacang. No I was not intoxicated. Maybe a little bit la but that was from the fume of other people's drinks. Actually everything was a misunderstanding. I saw the lady slightly disoriented. I thought she was dizzy so I ran to help catch her just in case she fell. As fate had it, I tripped while running and I grabbed at anything in my sight to stop from falling. I didn't know that I had cupped at her tomanggoes. They felt nice though. Then she screamed. I swear I tell you, but I don't blame her. Anybody would have screamed if they were squeezed like that. Any way she retracted her report what?

Toyo:
Okay, I confess it was not tempe. I didn't know what to say so I said the first thing that came to my mind and I thought it was clever of me to say tempe. Now I realised, I shouldn't have said tempe. Actually, the doctors said that I had a rare disease. This disease, whitens the complexion by stretching the skin. In the process it pushes the nose-bridge up a bit. Hey, I am a victim of a rare disease, I should be pitied not humiliated. No, we did not shred those documents on purpose. It happened that that week was our document shredding week, so we thought we would be saving the new government some work by doing the shredding ourselves. See, They did not thank us for our kind gesture but blame us of something imaginary. The copies of the documents? Yes, we had them but it seems they were lost in the floods when we moved them for safe-keeping. Blame god, don't blame us. I don't involve myself in Balkis' affairs. For what I care, you can arrest them and put them to life in the slammer. In fact, that wouldn't be a bad idea, many Datuks would thank you for it.

Anyone care to add?

18 comments:

farzain said...

masyaallah.... Walaupun blog posting anda boleh digelakkan, tetapi hanya sekadar menjadi bahan ketawa kosong dan mungkin kurang bermakna dalam memberi perubahan atau membantu apa-apa untuk negara atau kerajaan kita.Fikirkanlah, jika anda turut memberi buah fikiran yang bernas untuk perkara-perkara yang anda tuliskan, mungkin juga ianya akan memberi manfaat kepada mereka yang membaca blog anda.

wassalam.

ali allah ditta said...

Lingam: It looks like Mahathir,but not Mahathirlah,me the one lah who suggested this...to the bosslah,so that,that fellow be sacked..ya!..ya! correct..correct...correct

Kata Tak Nak said...

Farzain,
Saya ada pembaca saya. Terima kasih

Kata Tak Nak said...

Ali,
Lingam: Actually I admit to fixing a little bit only la. No I was involve in anything bit, just a few million here and few million there, thats all

tokasid said...

Derih J: Actually I didn't want the Monsoon Cup or the Crystal Mosque complex but what can I do? Pat Bad? He is not the MB but I am but as you know my hands are tied. I don't get anything out of it. Those are just goodwill gifts from them,I didn't ask for anything.I was never gedebe like they said. Well maybe a little bit but thats to make sure all the projects go along fine.And I was always taat with the Sultan you know.People are jealous thats all. Well I did talk with the Sultan using I You I you and not patek but you know I'm used to I you I You laa....Eventhough I am no more the MB I am not angry at anyone.Maybe just to a person only lah..but I'm still the BN and UMNO chairman for Trengganu.

Mat Said:
Ambe bukang nok sangak ke jawatang MB nih. Sungguh ,ambe dok pelawok weh. Tapi doh Raja nok ke ambe ,ambe nok wat lagu mane? Memang le, ade le jugok ingatang nok jadi MB.Mane ada YB yang dok mahu jadi MB.Ambe rase ambe dok lawang arahang PiEng. Macang ni loh...kalu ambe dok ikut ghoyak Sultang ambe kire dehake ke Sultang?Mung kene ingak Sultan ada dolat.PiEng mane ade dolat.
Masjid Bujal?Hok tu kesoh lame...wat pe mung nok tahu kesoh lame...buak habih peluh je....
Memang ambe nok smule duit royalti minyok tu...wat pe nye ehsang kalu ehsang ke samseng Besut tuh!

Ali Rustam:
Can I speaking in Malay?English not good one.
Bab babi ni, Kerajaan selangor ni memang tak elok. kena lah sensitif tentang org kampung yg kebanyakkannya Melayu dan Islam. Apa? Babi di Masjid Tanah? Err...kita tukar topik lah...tak perlu cakap hal2 babi lagi. Nak tahu tentang blogging? Ye..saya sekarang dah ada blog sendiri. Minggu pertama saya dapat beratus ribu pengunjung dan komen.Itu bermakna rakyat suka saya.mereka datang ke blog saya.Dan tentang tak boleh beri komen tu...saya rasa blog saya kena hack le...mana saya sengaja tak beri org beri komen.saya kena hack tu...

monsterball said...

In the Holy Bible..the book of 'Revelation" is like written by someone eating too much at night ad have dreams.
You must have eaten too much and dreamt all those impossiblities.
But it is real nice reading.
If that come true.I will have my head bald and be a monk for three month.
I know...I know...you want a photo of me...if that happens.
Dream on..kata tak nak...as dreams do come true...and all those can come true...if they employ monsterball...FOC..to squeezed their tiny balls..to confess.
If one pro UMNO..dress like a hantu...finito..all let loose.

bergen said...

The Toyo guy lied the first time about how his face got to be smooth as satin. You can't laugh with a face like that, or you risk wrinkling the skin into buoh asang kecut. From that point on, his life took a nose dive because when you lied big the first time, people are not gonna believe you. And then he lied about the pig farm. And now look's like he's gotta tell another lie to cover his missus. I wonder if Pinochio lies more than this guy does. Maybe the move you lie, the smoother the complexion of your skin. But this only works for male, for the women, the more you lie, lagi nampak misai dan janggut. That Zaharah woman is turning into a Pinochio of a different kind, man.

Let's hope they stay together to weather this one. If they split up, things are gonna pretty messy. As it is right now, I wonder if people are willing to accept big liars like these two into the society.

Cakap bohong nanti lidah kena potong. Cakap bohong lama2 mencuri. They've been do just that, I reckon, for the past 8 years.

Pay back time. Big one.

cakapaje said...

Salam Cikgu,

ZAM: I, I, I...no speakie inglis! But, but, but, the al jazeera fault for she, she, she...no speakie Malay!

Hishamuddin: I confess, I did not kiss the keris...I licked it! But only because my wife used it for cutting cake. Cameraman fault for not taking the picture correctly.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Tok Ali Rustam oi, tau ka apa itu hack?
Alah, hack tu maknanya kena guna-guna la.
Oh mentang2 la selalu dok pi bomoh.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Monty,
This is not wishful thinking. I know those arseholes will never confess, this is just to make fun of them with their own follies.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Bergen,
Yes, that old Malay saying, cakap bokong lama2 mencuri suits these characters to the T. First the lie their way through then the rob. The lie, rob and rape while ruling. 3 cheers to them.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Shah,
Keris: Nobody understands me. I use that huge keris to compensate for the size of my own tiny keris.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

cikgu!

i wish i could add a few lah but brain still rusty from all the medication and lack of porns...hehehe...and you sir, you're always at your best. lagipon nak tambah all the main players are taken.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Kerp,
Its okay if you don't add, just commenting is good enough and welcome back from the self-inflicted dtupor. Looks like you have got the Dolah disease, sleep.

phillix-starscreamer said...

dear mr kata tak nak,

to say that 'saya ada pembaca saya' and go on without taking full on responsibility of the effect you have on our readers is not something i'd commend. it is injustice to make such remarks without backing up with full on facts (not myths or ambiguity) as it is very misleading.

i personally find your post very hilarious, and very amusing and i believe you are very talented in satirical texts there. but i don't think you should abuse it :)

just a friendly thought. you have very young readers and i dont think you'd want them to grow up bitter against the country.

(i still think you're very, very talented, so don't hate me now *winks*)

Kata Tak Nak said...

Phillix,
Thank you. Yes, you may be right about that very short reply I gave to Farzain, that is because when I went over to his/her blog, it showed that he/her registered just to post comments as a blogger. I have been to your blog too and you have made a start.
I know about young readers but I don't think many young readers follow my posts anyway. I get only about 300 to 500 hits a day which is really not much of a threat to national security.
Anyway thank you for visiting and commenting, perhaps I should be more civil next time but one does have an off day, don't you agree?

farzain said...

Thank you for acknowledging philix.

But mr kata tak nak, even if your blog receives 300 to 500 posts per day, and there are thousands more bloggers doing what you do (which is amusing to read what you blog about yes), but all in all, it *does* do something (even in a small amount) in the end to the people, because it leaves an impact to your readers.

I guess it's just me, but shouldnt we try to make things better at least for our government's sake
and make out some points that can make people think about some issues. I hope people will not take everything the bloggers write too seriously, and hope they are mature enough to make thier own judgements when reading these posts online.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Farzain,
If you had read most of my post you would have known by now that I don't fancy this UMNO led government.
The people of Malaysia is my people but the government is not one of my choice. As long as they still rule the way they do I will write the way I do.
Some go out and bang hard while I resort to something more subtle and light but the message is there.
Though I would want to blog for positive changes, one thing for sure is that, I will never change the person I am and they way I would like to write so this kind of writing would continue even if because of it I get only 1 reader per day.
Give the people a break, they know who to take seriously and who not to.
Thanx for the second visit and I hope you start blogging yourself. It is not nice when people are greeted with nothing when they click on your link.

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