Confessions?

Mahathir:
Okay, okay I admit, I played a bit part in asking the Agong to call for Salleh Abbas's sacking. I swear I tell you, that's all the wrong I did. What? Corruption? Okay, I know about them but I did not do them. Okay, maybe I encouraged some people to be kind to my children but it's not like I forced them. Okay, okay, maybe I stared at them a little bit. ISA? Hey, I did not start ISA, blame the British, why blame me. It was there so I used it, what's the big deal, everyone uses it. Anwar? Who's Anwar. I swear, I do not know any Anwar except Anwar Sadat and I had no role in his assassination.

Pak Lah:
Yes, I confess I was a bit slow in implementing what I had promised but believe me I have a valid reason for it. I have this affliction. I tend to get sleepy and when I wake up, I can't remember what it is that I had set out to do. Blame it on my enemies. I think they all mandrum me already. Before being PM I don't sleep much but after assuming the PMship things changed. That's all the weakness I have to confess. What, Khairy and 4th floor? So what's with them? I look at things this way. It's better that they screw up the country than Najib. I need someone when I am asleep. If they are not there then it is Najib and behind Najib is Mahathir, so make your choice. You talk as if they screwed up big time. Just a few billion here and a few billion there, what's the big deal man, Mahathir did it too with his Diam, or is it Daim?

Samy Velu:
I admit to neglecting the Indians a little bit la. Actually it is my officer's fault, not my fault. Maybe I was too busy giving my service to the country that I forgot about the Indians. They should tell me la. What? My gangsters will harass them? No la they are my friends, not my gangster. Where got Indian gangster. These friends of mine are a little bit rough la but actually they have good hearts you know. I take no blame for the poor quality of the highways. Why should I? Not my company built the highways what. How am I to check every inch of every highway? I can't be in many places at one time. What? How come I am very rich? I save my money la. I am a vegetarian, I only eat rice a tauge once a day and drink a lot of water. All my clothes I bought from Kamdar or Mydin.

Najib:
I confess, sometimes I did not tell the truth but they were not lies, just untruths. Yes, I know Altantuya, but just like that only, I was never intimate with her. No, I never went to Paris with her. Maybe I may have met her there but I did not go with her. What? Who killed her? You mean she is dead? I didn't know that. When? Why didn't anybody tell me?
No, I never take any commissions for the purchase of those things. Can't you see, that the commissions were paid to other companies and were paid by the sellers, not us? Yes, the company gave me some small change but how am I to refuse without offending the other party? Can't you see the dilema I was in? I did it all for the country you know. Come on Port Dickson was an old case. Didn't you know I was in KL not in PD?

JJ:
I confess I was there at the bar but I was drinking milk shake and eating kacang. No I was not intoxicated. Maybe a little bit la but that was from the fume of other people's drinks. Actually everything was a misunderstanding. I saw the lady slightly disoriented. I thought she was dizzy so I ran to help catch her just in case she fell. As fate had it, I tripped while running and I grabbed at anything in my sight to stop from falling. I didn't know that I had cupped at her tomanggoes. They felt nice though. Then she screamed. I swear I tell you, but I don't blame her. Anybody would have screamed if they were squeezed like that. Any way she retracted her report what?

Toyo:
Okay, I confess it was not tempe. I didn't know what to say so I said the first thing that came to my mind and I thought it was clever of me to say tempe. Now I realised, I shouldn't have said tempe. Actually, the doctors said that I had a rare disease. This disease, whitens the complexion by stretching the skin. In the process it pushes the nose-bridge up a bit. Hey, I am a victim of a rare disease, I should be pitied not humiliated. No, we did not shred those documents on purpose. It happened that that week was our document shredding week, so we thought we would be saving the new government some work by doing the shredding ourselves. See, They did not thank us for our kind gesture but blame us of something imaginary. The copies of the documents? Yes, we had them but it seems they were lost in the floods when we moved them for safe-keeping. Blame god, don't blame us. I don't involve myself in Balkis' affairs. For what I care, you can arrest them and put them to life in the slammer. In fact, that wouldn't be a bad idea, many Datuks would thank you for it.

Anyone care to add?