Wednesday, 25 June 2008

The Statement

IGP: Hey you, come here.

Insp: Yes, sir. You want to see me sir?

IGP: Yes you, have a seat.

Insp: Thank you sir.

IGP: Coffee?

Insp: Huh? That's very kind of you sir. Yes, please.

IGP: You are new to the HQ are you?

Insp: Yes sir. Just got in last week.

IGP: Cigarette?

Insp: But, the no smoking .....

IGP: Aaah fuck it, do you smoke?

Insp: Yes, I do and thank you sir. You are so kind.

IGP: Plenty more where it came from, stupid smugglers. Married?

Insp: No sir, still young.

IGP: Oh you haven't screwed around enough huh?

Insp: Well, that's one way of putting it.

IGP: Actually I have an assignment for you. Its real important but very dangerous. If you live through it, I'll personally see to it that you be made OCPD. What say you? Are you up to it?

Insp: OCPD sir? Any district I chose? Your wish is my command sir.

IGP: That's my boy. My deputy will brief you on your assignment and anyway, I am very proud of you young man. The country is proud of you.

Insp: Thank you sir.

Dep IGP: Here's your assignment. Everything is in that envelope. I am giving you the day off, start tomorrow at 0800 hours. Good luck son.

3 months later at the KLGH hospital 1st class ward.

IGP: I see your injuries are healing fine. You've really got balls to accept that assignment.

Insp: Thank you sir. I am just glad to be alive. I never thought I would make it.

IGP: As promised, which district would you like to be OCPD?

Insp: Thank you so much sir. Bukit Mertajam if you please. They say, stay there a year and you've made it for life.

IGP: Good choice son, good choice.

Insp: Thank you sir.

IGP: Actually what happened that day? All I knew was that you were badly injured and there wasn't a single soul to testify what happened to you.

Insp: Actually, there's nothing much to report sir. I rang the bell and there she was, minus the make up. That scared the hell out of me. When I said I was asked to record her statement regarding the RPK SD, all hell broke lose. The next thing I knew was that I was warded and had been in coma for almost 3 months.


fergie said...

This script is really FUNNY, cigku. I read that allegations in RPK's SD have been denied. Weird. I don't think a man of RPK's calibre would make a false SD do you? Something very fishy is going on. We can meet up one day when the BPL season starts and talk about United. My son doesn't like politics. In fact, everyone is surprised at me for reading all the blogs and stuff. It was just before 8 March when I met an Indian and he was so emotional about Hindraf and the injustice he perceived towards Indians in Malaysia. I have always been a supporter of the underdogs.

Kata Tak Nak said...

I am also like you, a sipporter of the underdogs and justice but only when it comes to football that I am a supporter of the Champion and I guess you know which team that is? Okay its a date then come next EPL season.

frankie said...

Brilliant script cikgu, and the punchline at the end, let's our mind wonder. And in between, you slipped in Bukit Mertajam, that is the sarang of the high players. That is just so brilliant.

cakapaje said...

Salam Cikgu,

Bet the Impossible Mission Force are green with envy on this escapade by a young horn in our Police Force, eh? Now, who says we are the pits of the world - Malaysia Boleh!

pst. We are the armpits of the Monggols! Good thing Genghiz and Kublai are no more around.

MANTRA said...

I cant resist to menyampuk your plot.. sorry about that, so here it goes;

Insp : But sir, I'm curious about one thing. Why my skin is fairer and smooth, my head is a bit bald, my nose is sharper.. ehem..ehem(clearing his throat).. my voice is different. Can i have a mirror sir!

IGP : Oh sure. Just relax and enjoy the view.. here it goes

Insp : Oh no.. But why sir?

IGP : We need to do this.. You are the only witnessed who saw the madam without her makeup.. We need to protect you!

Ydiana said...

I tak faham, cikgu. Did i miss something? Maybe I had not read the papers for the whole week? :(

monsterball said...

It's more than no make up to scare the hell out of him.
He thought he was seeing a living blotted fish...short legs...round big belly....and a round human face!
He began to was always a 12th inch high heels...under a long gown...covering the whole truth...that he was so used to seeing her...and suddenly...the real facts.revealed!!
This fish...will do anything to protect the human kind...she married to.
He was totally shocked...and being a real coward..keep closing his eyes for months.....lying at hospital bed...enjoying ....makan gaji buta great chance.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

what the?

ooo i got it...


Kata Tak Nak said...

Thanx and yes, what else is BM famous for?

Kata Tak Nak said...

That was supposed to be the second episode where she gets her goons to get him at all cost.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Like Mantra said, it aint over yet, since he has seen her without make-up, she'll make sure he gets a brain and eye transplant.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Then the element of surprise is no longer there. I am sure you know what RPK is? So now SD means statutory declaration. Now you figure.

Kata Tak Nak said...

I think your desription of het fits to the T

Kata Tak Nak said...


Ydiana said...

Oh, thanks. I should have googled it. Oh WOW...!!

Ydiana said...

For anyone as 'blur' as me (or was I the only one here?-not anymore), here is the link.

And of course Najib will deny, and which police force is ready to lawan DPM? And since Pak Lah and Khairy denied keeping such reports, if Najib is smart, he can now toppled Pak Lah since the evidence held by him and Khairy to shut him up to oust him is 'not there'. But then agai, they will fabricate another story anyway...

Kata Tak Nak said...

The last part is so right. They can make things appear out of nowhere. We have magicians in the Cabinet.

Monster Mom said...

LOL!! That was brilliant!!

I think he must have mistaken the lady for a maid.... and asked to meet the true "Lady"...

MANTRA said...

Eagerly waiting your next episode.. Keep posting!

zorro said...

You are getting more hilarious by the day....on retiring script-writing should be your calling. I like that BM drift....heard they have the most Beemers in that little St. Anne's town.

acciaccatura said...

salam chegu,
and still ada yang kata meleisha is one of the safest place.

Anonymous said...

Badawi must be better than FBI. At finger's tip he knew Najib and Rosmah are innocent. I don't think we need Bukit Aman Police. Musa Hassan can call off any investigation, if any. Badawi can be the best detective for the country. This Idiot without thinking just tell Najib & Rosmah are innocent. Let the police do their job man. Any statement taken from the Colonel and wife??

Kata Tak Nak said...

Badawi has ready answers for all queries, but unlike other PMs who stick to their stories, he changes his.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Memang la Malaysia safe place. Safe untuk penjangak VIP.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Was born in BM so personally HAD friends who were smugglers, murderers, hired thugs and the crookedest of police.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Gotta to get ilham 1st for the next episode.

Kata Tak Nak said...

monster mom,
That's funny.

MANTRA said...

Perhaps you should also consider a prequel...

Well its the trend for award winning movies.

tokasid said...

Che'gu: maafkan saya kerana tidak hadir kelas blog selama beberapa hari.Saya telah di arahkan ke HKL untuk membuat plastik surgeri ke atas seorang Inspektor Polis yang di pukul dgn penguli roti oleh seorang wanita isteri seorang kenamaan.

Che'gu, on a serious note.This is hilarious. Tamilwood material

monsterball said...

Our UMNO politicians are really a bunch of kind hearted good souls.
Sworn statement by RPK ..accusing Najib's wife ...a suing..just ignore him.
Accusing Dollah and Khairy receiving vital documents...both denied and suing also.
If it is Lee Kuan Yew...he will make sure RPK is in jail..for protect his good name.
WOW!! UMNO politicians are real kind hearted blokes!
Anwar is so bloody unlucky...being jailed for 6 proven innocent.
RPK is protected by all the using him!!
So kata tak nak..make more statements....chapter 2 is eagerly waited by all your readers.

Kata Tak Nak said...

A prequel eh? Interesting.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Patut la takdak lama. Patut buat plastuc surgery kat si pembalun tu, bagi nampak macam manusia sikit.

Kata Tak Nak said...

The next chapter would come. I am waiting for latest development regarding the case.


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