Sunday, 8 June 2008

Awang Delivers

You should consider yourself lucky that you got yourself to this very post because, have I got an info for you. You could say that this is the info of the year. If this is a newspaper or tv then they would call it a real major scoop. This news is big, bigger then reporting that George Bush had a botch circumcision job or Mrs Clinton paid Monica to do it to steal the limelight from Randy Billy.

This is fresh from the oven, so steaming hot that you wouldn't need a sauna for the rest of your life. Its like this, if Zorro has his Hantu, that spying owl, well you can say I have my Toyol, whom I affectionately call Awang. No, Awang is not related to a certain tempe eating ex Menteri Besar with a penchant for destroying official documents.

Awang

Well, Awang told me that instead of reverting back to the old subsidy rate for petrol and diesel to address the unrest rumblings in the ground, the government has made a 90 degrees turn. They are not only doing away with subsidy completely, they are going to charge a levy on petrol and diesel. Yes, you read it right, a levy on fuel and petrol, that would take effect from next year.

Nope, this is not a joke because I am never known to be a joker as claimed by one writer that Malaysians are basically jokers.

It is estimated that by January the unsubsidised price for petrol would be about RM4.00 per litre and the pump price would be RM7.00. Yes, an RM3.00 levy per litre. Would you believe that? I was spinning with confusion when I heard Awang told me this and I had no reasons to disbelieve him because all this while he had never lied. Remember when I broke the news that when Neil Armstrong landed on the moon he saw Mugabe, Mahathir, Ananda and Golda Meir there? It was Awang who got me that scoop.

Anyway, I asked Awang why the hell would the government want to do that? I mean that would be political suicide and not to mention utmost stupidity. Not that I hold any of them or the previous one also, in high esteem, but hey even Samy Velu knows that that is a stupid thing to do.

It seems that the increase is a well planned job by the people up there. You see, later they will announce that as of 01/01/09, one does not need an AP anymore to import a car, but with petrol prices being what they are in 2009, who would want to import cars anymore?

Some of them are already busy buying up scrapyards for the impending booming business of towing away unused vehicles parked by the roadside, but this is not actually the coup de grace, no, not by a longshot.

Some of the cronies have already leased hundreds of thousands of palm oil estates to be used for, get ready for this, no, not bio fuel, horse and donkey farming. They would park millions of horses and donkeys in these estates. Yes, no need to feed and they get to milk the oil from the trees and trade the animals as modern means of transportation.

It seems that Scomi has ditched its plans in manufacturing train coaches for the more lucrative horse carriage business, envisioned to be the only mean of transportation post 2011. Now to ensure a monopoly, horse carriage manufacturing would be considered a strategic industry and one needs a licence to set up a plant. It is said that only one licence would be issued and we all know who is going to get it.

No, that is not all. Remember about the AP that I mentioned? Yes, you don't need an AP to import a car but you need an AP to import horses and donkeys and the issuing of APs would be handled by ECM Libra. It is estimated that the country would need millions of horses and donkeys and also carriages. Since it takes time for a kid to mature into a full transportation beast of burden, there would be a need to import these animals from overseas and this is where they would make the big, no, make it mega bucks.

As for heavy transportations, Awang told me that Samy and gang would be given the APs to import APs from India, Africa and Thailand. It seems that Thaksin is also in it. I won't be surprise if KJ would ditch United for City after this.

Now is that news or is that news? Remember you read it here first. Chow, will bring more infos as and when Awang delivers them.

23 comments:

Ydiana said...

You are good! I didn't know whether to believe it or not until I reach the few last pargraphs...hahaha

Kata Tak Nak said...

Yd,
Just to let off steam without letting off steam.

Anonymous said...

Salam che gu,

taken to mimpi in the day time
ka? now kena belajar bawak kereta
lembu lak kot, lesen lembu pun kena
ada kan? JPJ bungkus lah, tukar
JPKL. aduh ya ampun!

inderjeet

Kata Tak Nak said...

inder,
Yes, nak bawak kuda pun kena test dulu, test reverse, parking dan emergency brake.

hantutelur said...

Any tip on who will get the job of heading Tahikudanas Bhd, a company tasked to clean the streets of the horse's manure, and packed the shit for use in tapioca and sweet potato estates? Maybe Awang has a clue.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Hantu,
Maybe Shahidan and Idris Jusoh? Hey, man's gotta put food on the table and for his entourage.

cakapaje said...

Salam Cikgu,

Oh! I believe Awang alright; I believe he is related to Awang Kenit.

Anyway, I heard there will also be a spin-off business to the horse and cow trade. As animals goes by, horses and cows are the rudest of the lot - they'd be dropping their poop anywhere they want. So, the spin-off trade comes into two:
1. Scomi or its subsidiary will provide collection centers for the poops at minimal cost.
2. Anyone caught not scooping their animal poop, will be charged a fine equivalent to speeding ticket now. (Hey! The cops need to earn as well!).

Soon, this business will overtake all others be Malaysia's main income - shit!

Oh! There's a third! Since poops are rich in methane gas, Scomi or its subsidiary will be the supplier of this alternative fuel to TNB. Now, that's real shitty business :)

Kata Tak Nak said...

cakapaje,
Thus as hantutelir said, Tahikudanas Sdn Bhd is born. Now I know its a subsidiary of Scomi. Yes, like you said, the cops gotta earn a living you.
Then we have a new breed of rempits. I wonder what we are going to call them. May doc could suggest. Actually the AP part was Doc's idea you know. I just expand it thats all.

monsterball said...

UMNO idiots can talk and do as much as they can.with the limited time...to make as much money for themselves....before Anwar acts..by 16th September.
Anwar has to prove to Malaysians....he meant what he said...that he has the numbers to take over...and he becomes the PM.
I guess...one way to see it...UMNO knows it is real....thus enrich UMNO kitty as much as possible...since Petronas profits to the country...and taxes given to the government...only PM knows and decides.

hantutelur said...

This is a very neat layout, Che Gu. Please stick to this, I love it. I know, I'm a designer. The previous one burnt my eyes.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

hehehehhehehe...you know i like good shit and whatever is provided by Awang, i'll buy it.

boy, have i got a lot of catching up to do. this is what i get for staying away from the internet through out the whole weekend.

tokasid said...

Not Straight Time Bizreport:

Tahikudanas Sdn Bhd a subsidiary of Skomi has announced its proposal to the gomen on the following:-

1-Collection of horsedungs,donkey dungs and cow dungs Scooptaik Sdn Bhd.Scooptaik will be based in Rombaw.

2-Conversion of animal dungs into propane cooking gas by Gastahi Sdn Bhd.Its plant in Kepala Batas is said to be the biggest in the world.

3-Selling of dried cowdung(as cooking material like kayu api)) for the lower income groups will be taken by Dapoortaiklembu Sdn Bhd owned by a former Minister in charge of collecting tolls.

4-Pelda Bhd will turn its palmoil estates in Pahang into Ladang Lalang and manage by a new company Lalangsedap Sdn Bhd.

5-A new company Spekhensem Sdn Bhd will handle the manufacturing and disribution of dark glasses for the said animals esp when the lalangs turn brownish straw.These dark glasses will have a green effect for the animals.Studies showed that by using thse glasses the animals increases their appetites.

Further notice will be given out to the MSM.

Toilet paper said...

Tolong kenalkan Awang dgn saya..
nak minta tolong Awang bantu orang Sabah pulak..
pendatang tanpa izin ramai kat sini..
ada ic pulak tu..
mana tau awang ada tips nak halau..

Kata Tak Nak said...

Monty,
If and when Anwar takes over he must prove that the UMNO shit is still not in him. He MUST de4li9ver and not be another Pak Lah who is fond of making promises he can't keep.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Hanyu,
Yeah, I kinda a like this template so it would be around for quite sometime.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Kerp,
Looks like Awang is in demand. I think I will equip him with a camera so that he could bring video prove but must let him know that there is to be no bathroom shoots.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Doc,
Knowing this Scomi people, they would campor tahihidung in the tahikuda.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Toilet,
If Awang has any sibling I will send him to Sabah. Yes, you are right too many foreigners with Malaysian passports. Who started it? Wasn't it Mahathir the Great?

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

its ok, fitting rooms will do...hehehehehe

dinkoi said...

http://www.chedet.com/2008/06/oil-price.html

Shirzad Lifeboat said...

dear kata tak nak

although you might think that this is only a figment of your imagination, but sources close to the 4th floor, as revealed by one madam butterfly, another realible source indicates that they really plan to charge the petrol levi for the purpose you've mentioned. papers are being prepared.
So it is time for you to convert you tapioca land into a scrapyard. You might even consider getting a Harley for an interior decoration.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Jamal,
Maaf, selagi anak haram jadah tu tak mintak maaf atas semua perbuatan jahat dan setan dia, aku haramkan diri aku daripada masuk blog dia.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Shirzad.
If you know of anyone who wants to ditch his BMW by the wayside, let me know, I'll tow it away for him for free.
Now where was it I saw and scrapyard for sale.
Hmmm let me see how much I have in my bank. CIMB Rm17.75 Maybank RM12.35 and Ambank RM 32.75.

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