Thursday 31 May 2007

It Must Not Be Legal

Apostasy in Islam is not tolerable. Muslims cannot agree to someone being an apostate. I am not asking Muslims to rise and do an Altantuya on those who apostate. I am saying that, whether a Muslim is a turban-wearing kampung man, or a progressive profesional, he is duty-bound to not agree to it.

What I am getting at is that it cannot and must not be made legal. Heck if you talk of human rights, than its a Muslim's right whether he wants to pray or not. No, its not a right, its a duty and so is it a duty for every Muslim to die a Muslim. I don't really take kindly to non-Muslims working their butts off to allow Muslims to apostate. As for those Muslims, the so called progressive ones who are also disappointed with the outcome of the Lina Joy case, its their business. Whether they roast in hell or party in heaven is not for me to say.

What I have just said above is my stand in this matter and as to whether anyone cares what my stand is, what do I care? Strange, when Muslims get slaughtered daily by satanic forces in their very own country, not that many would want to speak out. When a Muslim wants to leave his/her religion many clamour to assist in the name of human rights.

I am no Taliban, a terrorist or even a member of an Islamic party. I am just a simple Muslim who happens to believe that one do not change the contents of the Holy Book in the name of progress or human rights. There is no New Quran and Old Quran. There is only One Quran. I will only listen to the words of another Muslim who has read the Quran cover to cover and understood the Quran. I will not listen to non-Muslims who have read the Quran and gives his version because he obviously reads it to prove that the Quran is wrong and if the Quran is wrong then Islam is wrong. I will not listen to anyone who says the words in the Quran is wrong.

No, I would not be calling for Muslims to rise and destroy all apostates. What happens to them is for the state to decide here on earth and for ALLAH to deal in the here after. Yes, like someone said in a posting somewhere, Lina Joy would still be a Christian. Yes Lina Joy would still be going to church and yes she would still be eating pork. That's her business. The crux of the matter is her actions cannot be made LEGAL whether in the name of human rights or whatever rights.

Wednesday 30 May 2007

The Operation Was A Success

Alhamdulillah, the operation was a success. I had just got to the hospital at 12.30 when I received a call from my eldest not to go to my wife's ward but to proceed to the 1st floor of the GH. Evidently when my daughter called her mother saying that she was on the way, her mother told her that she was getting ready to be taken to the operation theatre.

When I got to level one, I was in luck coz she was about half minute away from being wheeled into the operation theatre. They were waiting for the automatic door to open so I got a chance to give her some encouragement. She looked afraid. Then the nurses wheeled her away and so began the 4 hour wait.

In times like this I don't like to sit down. Most of the 4 hours I was standing up, occasionally surrendering to the cries of my feet to sit down. I weigh 106 kg and my height is about 5' 5'' so you can picture what a hefty figure I am. Imagine you are my feet and you have to carry that much weight around, even you would be screaming.

After the 1st 1 and a half hour, every time they push an empty stretcher into the operation theater, I would stand up to see who it was they were taking out. I lost count of the number of times I walked in and out of the waiting area. These people are damn cruel. They designate every area in the GH a non-smoking area and it was at that time that I needed my nicotine fix most. One thing about smokers is their resourcefulness and after a little bit of scouting I managed to find a pot.

At about 4 in the evening I was already hungry. I had breakfast at about 9am and nothing since. I told my son that I was going out for roti canai just across the hospital. He said I would not be able to get back in coz its not visiting hours yet and I told him that I will find my way. It took me only 15 minutes to finish lunch and I walked back. I may be big in size but I knew how to sneak through the security and true enough I was back at the operation theater in a jiffy.

At about 4.30, they wheeled my wife out of the theater and we all followed her to her ward. She was semi conscious. She did acknowledge our presence. At the ward we had to wait coz they had to get her comfy. While we were talking a nurse came over and asked us not to bother her too much coz she's still groggy and this might induce vomit.

My wife did tell me that she couldn't see feel her legs. I pinched one and she said she felt nothing. Then I saw the machine besides me and a label which read 'epidural'. I asked the nurse and she confirmed that they did the epidural to cut the pain and thus the lost of sensation. Guests started coming. My feet were screaming again. I told my wife that I would be visiting her again tomorrow afternoon. There was no way I could get a quiet moment with her. She did not protest and I left.

I thank ALLAH the Almighty for the success. I also thank fellow bloggers who offered prayers and wished for a successful operation.

Life Was Hard Then (Its not that much easier now though)

When I was about to end my Dip Esl course in UM in march 84, My friends and I were offered to continue our studies in UKM to do English with 1 semester off. After carefully weighing the fact that I was only earning 600+, am married with a 4 year old daughter and another baby just 2 months away, I decided to decline. On half pay I would be getting about 300+. That's not even enough to see my own self through in UKM.

About 9 years after that at the age of 37, I was getting pretty bored with teaching life and decided to try getting back to the university to get me a degree. I had conditions though. The degree course must be in Penang so that I don't have to uproot. I read a circular of an offer to non-grad teachers to read for a degree in English Language and Literature Studies (ELLS) at USM Penang. Just the kind of opening I needed. I applied and after going through the formality of an interview I was successful. In fact those with Dip Esl were given a year off and we could finish in 3 instead of 4 years. I was jubilant but at the same time afraid. I was wondering if I could do it. In school I was not actually one of those brilliant students. I was only average. Just to digress a bit, my neighbour once told my mother that god would be blind if I could pass my MCE. Well I proved that her god was blind, not mine. That was one fine neighbour, don't you think so?

Then a bombshell dropped, one that required me to rethink the whole matter again. Under the Cabinet Scheme, those who get to further their studies could apply to freeze their housing loan. At most they only pay the interests only. Under SSB, there was not such facility. I wonder whose brilliant idea it was. After doing some serious calculations, considering that I freeze payment on my coop loan and pay subscription and interests only, on half pay I would be getting RM125 per month.

At that time, two of my children were already schooling, one in form 1 and the other in std 3. My wife was not working and I had my car installments of 600+ per month to pay. Look, I could do easy juggling acts but I was and still am surely no magician. There was surely no way I could get a balance sheet out of that kind of shit.

I was lucky when my brother in law offered me and my family a room in his house which is only about 5 minutes away from USM. I could then rent out my house here and use the rentals and what is left of my pay to provide for my family's needs. Rentals in BM were cheap then so that did not come out to much. RM125 plus RM350 rentals to feed 5 people and school 2. In fact the next year, my youngest would be going to std 1. Then there will be the car installments and my own needs as a student.

I decided to sell the car and got some money in hand, not much though, about 6K. I bought myself a used motorcycle for about RM1500. My brother who was was running a canteen in USM offered me a part-time job as a cashier, doing the 5pm to 11pm shift. The pay was not much, but if I tightened my belts, with much hardship, I should be able to get by but there would be lots of sacrifices.

I spent 3 bloody hard years at USM. I had classes in the day time and work 7 days a week at the canteen from 5pm to 11pm leaving me with hardly anytime to study and complete my assignments. About a year before my studies ended, my wife got a part-time job at a factory. She contributed about 400+ and my children were the main beneficiaries to the extra money.

Despite the limited time that I had to study I did quite ok. I passed with a second class upper. There wasn't anyone with 1st class. Only 12 of us got two upper so I could kinda say that I did pretty well.

I am not particularly well off now, but looking back, I wonder how I got through those harrowing years. Would I do it all over again? Well er......

Tuesday 29 May 2007

Just A Kenduri

When we talk of a wedding feast, we talk of fun, laughter, colour, food glorious food and music; we talk of fiesta. Any groom would want his wedding feast or kenduri to be such. He would want it to be a memorable day, a day he will never forget for the rest of his life. Yes, I can say to my nephew his kenduri was memorable indeed. Its not always that one has such a feast 4 days after one's father's death; 3 days after burying one's father.

The kenduri on Sunday started a little bit late coz the caterer was caught in a jam. By 12.30 the three canopies were full with people. I got to meet some old friends who came for the kenduri and also to offer their condolences. There were also those who did know of the death 4 days earlier and were visibly shocked when told of the news.

The bersanding which was planned was cancelled. It was at the behest of the groom himself. I would have put my foot down if they had wanted to go on with it but common sense prevailed. He had taught and raised his children well.

Despite the full attendance and the colour and the hustle and bustle and the presence of 4 YBs, there was something missing. I dare say that what was missing was the most important ingredient of a kenduri. What was missing was a beaming, smiling and proud father. The mother was there but she was in tears. She greeted her friends not with pride but with tears.

Most of the conversation, at least those involving us the close family members, centred not so much on the bride or groom but on arwah.

When the eldest got married 3 years ago, we had a deejay and ended the feast with a karaoke session and arwah was so happy. Arwah was a singer himself, singing part-time in nightclubs for many years. He had long hair and sang only rock numbers. This time around there was no music to entertain guests.

At about 5pm things started to taper off and by 6 the last of the guests had arrived. Then it was cleaning up time. The groom, despite our protestation helped in the cleaning up. I guess he wanted to do something to keep himself occupied.

At about 8 there was hot kopi-o served and the groom and I together with a few of his friends were resting and chatting. Then he said, "Uncle Ajit, this time he goes for good. He has gone for courses for weeks but this time he is not coming back." I decided to be brutally but not cruelly frank with him. I told him that after this they are going to get lonely. When all is over, the relatives would have gone home and they would be left at home to pick up from where things had temporarily stopped, they are going to feel very lonely but life must go on.

I told him to take care of his mother, keep her occupied and not hurt her. He asked me to keep on visiting them to which I say I would.

Now all is over and today, just about 2 hours ago, begins a new chapter in my life. Nothing very significant to others but important to me and my family. I just sent my wife to the GH where she was warded. Tomorrow she would undergo surgery to take out a ovary. Yes, it is quite a common procedure nowadays but every invasive surgery comes with a certain amount of risk.

Sunday 27 May 2007

Tears and 7 White-robed Men

We are very thankful to Allah for allowing my late brother to be around for his son's Akad Nikah and the wedding reception at the bride's house two weeks later. Sadly today, the day of the reception in his own house, he is not around. It is Allah's will and no power on the face of this earth could change that.

Yesterday I was at his house, for the preparations, up till late at night. It was a tiring day with so much to do. As usual there were many stories told and since it being only a few days after his death, many of the stories would be about him. During a breather, the groom told me how one day he and my late brother were talking about the kenduri and how arwah told him that he will not be around for the kenduri. I could see how he was controlling himself not to give way to his emotions but he couldn't. In between sobs he told me that arwah told him to take care of his brother and sister after he was gone. I could feel how broken-hearted he was while relating to me the story.

In another session near the kitchen I heard something that really tore my heart. It was about my niece and my eldest nephew. My niece is the youngest of arwah's three children and the only girl so it is only natural that she is his 'anak manja'. She was almost always with him when he was sick. She helped her mother care for him both at home and in the hospital. She saw how her father deteriorated. She did once say to my daughter (they were born 22 days apart) that she doesn't mind seeing her father bedridden as long as he is alive. I was happy to see how should took her father's death coz she didn't wail or shout. Yes she cried but they were sobs.

Her eldest brother, is the fighter in the family. I have never seen him cry throughout the whole episode since January. Yes, there were occasions when his eyes were wet but no cries. Last Friday night, my niece was asleep in the sofa while the rest were talking in the dining room they suddenly heard a scream. They rushed to the sofa and my niece was suddenly crying like a baby. She missed her papa. The eldest went to console her. While stroking her head gently he told her not to cry and all of a sudden, he started crying himself. They tried to block their tears when they should let it go.

Many people believe that when someone is dying he would show signs or see signs especially the Malays. A few days before his death, when he was still well enough to sit in his wheel-chair and watch tv, arwah suddenly looked up. My sister in law asked him what he was looking at and after a while he said he saw 7 white-robed men coming to take him away. He told them to please give him time coz his son is about to get married. A few days after that they came again, and he asked his wife to make 7 glasses of drinks. Premonition or delusion? I don't know, coz I am the type who need a lot of convincing to believe in this stories. I am not saying that it did not happen. It could be that he was thinking so much of his impending death that his mind played tricks with him.

Now I am getting ready to go for the kenduri. The last time there was a kenduri at his house was December 2006 and we were all in jolly mood.

Friday 25 May 2007

Liverpool, Go Join The Malaysian District League!

I was in mourning so did not watch the Champions League Final. I did not even watch the repeat coz of the insignificance of the event and any way I am still sane so why watch LIVERFOOL play when I could watch more interesting shows like the test pattern on tv.

Liverfool is actually a living fossil that do not evolve. The game of football has evolved so much but if for some STUPID reason, a team choses not to evolve with it then welcome to the Malaysian league. The FOOLs chose to bask in the glory of their not so illustrious history that they forget they are in the new millenium. Let me tell them something, kind of a wake up call.

When you have a team of players, pay them salaries they don't deserve (Liverfool players should only be given token allowance), have an ugly stadium to maintain, your objective is to bring home trophies. The trophy that you should go for is of course the league you are in. What? You have won them too? When was the last time? What? Louder please. What? 17 years ago? You're a reall history buff aren't you, remembering stuffs 17 years ago.

Let me tell you of a team called Manchester United. They have been winning the Premier League so often, occasionally to make things interesting the let others have a taste, that even God is jealous. Why don't you learn from this GREAT TEAM? Maybe on certain days you can invite their ball pickers, you know those boys who pick balls during matches, to teach you a tactic or two.

A fast solution to your empty trophy cabinet problem would be to apply to join the Kodiang district football league. Now if you put your best players, maybe, just maybe you could win a minor recognition like the team with the best looking socks.

Oh you still want to be based there. Then take my advise, play billiards instead.

Thursday 24 May 2007

Good Bye My Dear Brother

Today at about 11am we buried him. He is no longer with us in body but will forever be with us in soul. He is now with his maker. God bye Don, I miss you so much and will always miss you. May ALLAH bless your soul. Good Bye dear brother.

To all friends who sent their condolences and words of comfort only ALLAH can repay you for your kindness and thoughts. From the bottom of my heart, Thank You.

Wednesday 23 May 2007

My Brother is Gone

Its all over, he passed away at about 5.30 this evening. I just got home for a while to change and do other needfuls before going back.

On Monday, I received a call from my sister in law saying that he was hospitalised again but this time at the Kepala Batas Hospital. She said that he looked very runned down so she was worried. The doctors told her that his cancer was in such an advance stage that all they could offer was to make him a little more comfortable. They did tap his stomach to drain about 1.4 liters of fluid and inserted a tube through his penis to drain his bladder.

On Tuesday he was at his antics again. Maybe because he felt a little better, he was demanding to go home. He was so insistant to the point of being almost violent. So they had no choice but to discharge him. I don't blame the hospital, it was his choice. At home last night he was quite ok. In fact he did strike a conversation with his wife and the new groom although he was quite unaudible most of the time.

This morning I called my second brother to enquire and he said that my brother was still sleeping which was quite unusual. My brother did say that he was a little worried coz my eldest brother did not seem to response to their calls. A few minutes after that I received a call from my second brother saying that it was ok, he was responding.

Then at about 11.30 I received another call from my second brother asking me to go over there coz he seemed to have deteriorated. I could only leave at about 12.15. I was in his place in half an hour and I saw him lying down, with his head propped against 2 pillows, his mouth opened and he was almost struggling for breath. When I saw him I knew that the end was near but kept it to myself.

At about 4.30, the new groom went to the porch where I was sitting saying that he and his elder brother had decided to call for an ambulance. I was taken aback but I understood their concern. Though I was not for it I did nothing to stop them. At about 5pm the ambulance arrived. I was in tears when I saw them struggling to get him into the stretcher. Not once did he open his eyes. He was still still struggling for breath. They put him into the ambulance and went off followed by my nephews in their car. My sister in law was with my brother in the ambulance.

I told my second brother that this is the last time he will see my eldest brother alive in that house. We were chatting when the phone rang and true enough the report was my brother was no more. I was expecting it, I knew it would happen sooner or later to which I prayed that it would be sooner but I still could not control myself. I got out to the porch, sat on a settee and cried like a baby.

We were told that he died on arrival, probably in the ambulance itself. The whole process in the hospital did not take long and his body arrived home at sometime after 6. He looked peaceful, a far cry from the struggling look I saw about an hour or so earlier. This time I couldn't care less if there were people around, I just emptied my eyes. Tears were flowing freely. I did call zorro to tell him about it coz his is the only phone number of fellow bloggers that I have. I did also tell him to inform Monsterball. Many may see him as a rougue but I see him as a friend and brother.

Now I am here typing my heart out while waiting for the missus to get prepared for the trip there. This time a lifeless body would be waiting for me and while typing this last line, I am crying again.

Tuesday 22 May 2007

Yea, Yea, Gaji Naik. Yea, Yea, Harga Naik

First of all it would not be fair of me to not thank the government for the pay rise, or salary revision or what ever you call it. The quantum is not bad too and to cap it, a 100% increase in COLA, wow! What's the general feeling? You know (I am not making this up) what many say? The elections must be near. Yes, many say that. Of course, they also liked what they hear. They should. The billion dollar question is "Would prices also go up?"

Now lets get to more serious business. We all know that the money comes from the county's coffers. Money in the country's coffers is the PEOPLE's money. I repeat the PEOPLE's money. It is not Pak Lah's money, not Najib's money and neither is it Samy Velu's money. Why do I have to say this when so many already know this? Its because many many more do not realise this.

"How could you work for the government and not vote for them?" I have had this question thrown at me many times? Sometimes the one who asked this question would smile victoriously as if this is the killer question to which I would drop down, roll over, beat my chest hard and knock my head against the floor and admit that I am wrong. My answer would always be "Why shouldn't I when they are paying me with my own money, they are not paying me with their father's money".

Some people treat salary revisions as the governments special gift to civil servants. Funny, they take your money, buy you a present and gift wrap it, give it to you and you're supposed to be their humble servant for the rest of your lives. The next time a bloody idiot comes to me and say that, I am just going to ask him to 'kiss my arse'.

By the way, I am very particular about keeping one's word. A few months ago, they said that the salary revision would be backdated to 1st January, but now its 1st July. I know, some would say, "what more do you want, they are already giving you a big raise". That's not the point. If I make a promise, I make one that I can keep or I don't make promises at all.

To end I would like to add that to get my vote, they have to do a lot more. Lets start with a clean government. I would accept a GENUINE effort to clean up the government. Save the lip-service to themselves. Oh! before I forget, please keep prices down, now and after the elections, and don't take the COLA away like you did in 1977.

Monday 21 May 2007

Manchester Rule (The Song)

This is dedicated to all those Man Utd haters out there. Click this here link for the best song in football. This is only a song so take it easy with the tantrums ok?

Sunday 20 May 2007

High But Low (updated)

Two weeks ago I blogged about the Akad Nikah ceremony and how my brother cried asking us to take him there and how in the end he, as usual, got his way. Yesterday was the reception at the bride's home.

This time it was a completely different ball game altogether. I got there and he was not outside the the house as he usually was. I said to myself that I couldn't be expecting him to be outside all the time so I got into the house and sure enough he was on his wheelchair with his head drooping, mouth opened and sleeping slumped in his wheelchair. So I went straight inside not wanting to disturb him.

While waiting I went to the hall and he was awake but looked very distant. He just did not connect with me. Even when I spoke to him he seemed to not be there. His answers were inaudible. His stomach was definitely bigger and his feet swollen badly. I asked how he was but received no answer. I just sat there waiting.

The groom looked handsome in his traditonal costume. He was ready; everyone was ready. As he was about to leave the house the groom went to his father but again my brother was so detached from the whole thing that was going on. He just looked up but did not say a word. As his son kissed his hand he just looked, lost.

I had a tummy ache and excused myself early from the reception at the bride's place. My eldest nephew, the brother of the groom, offered to take me home. On the way, he let the cat out of the bag. "Uncle Ajit" (thats what they call me) dia dok syoor (high) tu. Dia kena makan ubat tidoq sekali sehari tapi dia dok kena 4 kali lani (instead of once as reccomended, he is taking his sleeping pills 4 times a day). Kalau tak bagi dia buat kacau (otherwise he makes a big fuss). Dia selalu high, dia dah addicted dah (he is always high, he is an addict now)

I kept silent thinking of what my nephew had told me. All I could say was, "bagi kat dia, biaq pi" (give them to him). Why do I say that? He doesn't have long to live, give him what he wants. I don't know if I had made the right decision. Then my nephew added that my brother fell off his wheelchair one day because he was too high to know what happened. The problem with him is despite taking the pills he still couldn't sleep. I kept quite again chosing not to say anything, leaving the decision to them.

I was also told that he was taken to the hospital to drain the excess fluid in his tummy (the last time about 2 months ago, they drained 4 pints of fluid) but the doctors refused to do it because his BP was too low.

Many things went through my head. If we stopped his sleeping pills he would go wild asking for them. Considering his current BP, anything could happen if he suddenly gets violent. If we continue, the doses would only get higher and he would be totally dependent on that stuff. Is giving him what he asked for the right thing to do? Is denying him his doses (done in good faith) the right thing to do? I continued sitting on the sofa by his side. When he was awake he would just stare blankly at nothing, then lapse into a slumber with his head drooping. He was such a sorry sight and I felt tears running down my cheeks again.

The reception in his house would be this coming Sunday and I don't know what it would be like. Would he still be sitting on his wheelchair, high? Would he for once agree to go to his room and rest there? Would he still be around?

I usually have an answer for almost everything but not this time. Like him, I am also staring at nothing, not able to find a solution. I may be cruel, but, if left to me, since he is dying already, I would let him have what he wants. Yes, I can make decisions since I am his brother, but I have to respect his wife's and children's wishes. They are not keen, that I know.

Manage to find the camera. I thought I have lost it. See How he is looking at nothing.

We Lost.

We lost to the better team of the night. Congratulations to Chelsea. We are still thebest.

Saturday 19 May 2007

5 For The Road.

1. Two guys were discussing the new secretary at their office.John to George: "Man, I dated her last Tuesday and we had wonderful sex. She's a lot better in bed than my wife!"Two days later.George to John: "Well, I dated her too and we had sex as well, but she sure isn't a lot better than your wife."

2. Jack decides to go skiing with his buddy Bob. They load up Jack's station-wagon and head north. After driving for a few hours, they get caught in a terrible blizzard. They pull into a nearby farmhouse and ask the attractive lady of the house if they can spend the night. "I'm recently widowed," she explains, "and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house." "Not to worry," Jack says, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn." Nine months later, Jack gets a letter from the widow's attorney. He calls up his friend Bob and says, "Bob, do you remember that good looking widow at the farm we stayed at?" "Yes, I do." "Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and have sex with her?" "Yes, I have to admit that I did." "Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?" Bob's face turns red and he says, "Yeah, I'm afraid I did." "Well, thanks a lot, pal...she just died and left me her farm."

3. There is a new commander of a base of the French Foreign Legion, and the captain is showing him around all the buildings. After he has made the rounds the commander looks at the captain and says,"Wait a minute. You haven't shown me that small blue building over there. What's that used for?"The captain says, "Well sir, you see that there are no women around. Whenever the men feel the need of a woman, they go there and use the camel." "Enough!" says the commander in disgust.Well, two weeks later, the commander himself starts to feel in need of a woman. He goes to the captain and says, "Tell me something, Captain." Lowering his voice and glancing around, he asks, "Is the camel free anytime soon?"The captain says, "Well, let me see." He opens up his book. "Why, yes, sir, the camel is free tomorrow afternoon at two o'clock."The commander says, "Put me down for two o'clock then."So the next day at two o'clock the commander goes to the little blue building and opens the door. There inside he finds the cutest camel he's ever seen. Right next to the camel is a little step stool, so he closes the door behind him and puts the step stool directly behind the camel. He stands on the stool, drops his pants, and begins to have sex with the camel. A minute later the captain walks in."Ahem, begging your pardon, sir," says the captain, "but wouldn't it be wiser to ride the camel into town and find a woman like all the other men?"

4. Three married guys die and meet Saint Peter at the pearly gates.Peter asks the first guy, "Did you ever cheat on your wife?"The guy answers truthfully, "Every chance I got."Peter points to two doors, telling the guy to enter the second one. He then turns to the second guy, asking him, "Did you ever cheat on your wife?""A couple of times," the guy mutters.Peter tells him to take door two.Peter asks the third guy, "Did you ever cheat on your wife?"The guy thinks for a couple of seconds and says, "Well, once. You see, I was in this saloon in Texas, and I noticed they only had one cowgirl working there to take care of all of the guys.I asked the bartender how come, and he said 'Well,she's all we need. That filly can suck a baseball bat through a garden hose.' So that's when I cheated on my wife."Peter then told the guy to enter door number one.The guy asks, "What's the deal? You sent the others to door number two?"Peter says, "Yes, and they are both going to hell. But you and I are going to Texas!"

5. A married fellow gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he asks. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. "You b*stard!!!" says the husband. "My wife's having a heart attack, and all you can do is run around the house naked scaring the kids?"

Friday 18 May 2007

Jokes on Politics

1. A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road when all of a sudden the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer after seeing what happened went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and then asked the old farmer, "Were they ALL dead?" The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."

2. Remember the good old days where you decided which candidate to vote for by asking who would do the most good? Now you ask who will do the least harm.

3. Elections are like a horse race. They end up exactly where they started. And when they're done, manure is everywhere.

4. An election year is when the air is filled with speeches and vice versa.

5. A highly politicised couple got married after many years of doubt about the wisdom of such a move. The problem was that they saw everything in political terms. He was a Conservative and she a staunch Labour supporter.On their honeymoon to Brighton, they were returning to their hotel after walking along the beach front. Outside the hotel a beggar approached the man saying, "Excuse me 'guvner, can you give me 50p for a cuppa tea?" The man refused and walked into the hotel. His wife was incensed. "If it wasn't for the Conservative Party that man would not be on the streets having to beg. And you refuse him a measly 50p.""If it wasn't for the failure of Labour Party economic policy he would have had a job and would not be begging!" A flaming row ensued, and the couple went to bed, back to back, furious with one another.After a lengthy silence, as a conciliatory gesture, the wife said to her husband, "There is a split in the Labour ranks, and if you can get the Conservative member to stand, he has a good chance of getting in!"Her husband replied, "The Conservative member has already stood and lost his deposit. Go to sleep."

6. How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?None, they only *promise* change

7. The word politics is a fairly ancient word, as it comes from two latin roots. The first part of the word comes from the latin root "POLY" which means many. The second part of the word comes from the latin root "TICS" which means "blood sucking parisites", hence the word politics actually means, "MANY BLOOD-SUCKING PARISITES." Need we say any more.

8. When the best actors are chosen by other actors, it's called the Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, it's called an election.

9. One night, after a long hard day at work a politician went home. It was fairly late, around 10:00 p.m. All of the sudden, a masked man jumped out of the bushes and demanded all the politician's money."You can't do that!!" The politician cried. "I'm a politician!""Oh," said the masked man, "in that case give me all MY money!!"

Courtesy of The Clyde's Searchable Humour Archive

Thursday 17 May 2007

A Plea From Portugal

I received a comment in my last post with a plea to be on the look out for a young girl missing in Portugal,

Please, it puts fhoto of Madeleine in your Bloggue Missing Madeleine!Madeleine, MeCann was abduted from Praia da Luz, Portugal on 03/03/07.If you have any information, please contact Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111Please Help.

I have visited David Santos' blog once and I think its from there that he got my blog address. I am sure many others could have received the same.

It takes only a few minutes to do this so why not. Should you have any info on the missing girl you could go to David's blog at

Tuesday 15 May 2007

Road Kisser

I just came over from Raden's blog and read her post on the many firsts in her life. No I am not about to write about it coz she has done it already. Maybe next time. What I would like to write this time is about the accidents I had in my 51 years.

The 1st time ever I was involved in an accident was when I was in standard 1. I was on my way for Quran class about 2 miles away. Traffic then was relatively safer. While crossing the road, I suddenly felt dizzy and stopped. The next thing I remembered was getting up in a pool of black oil. A motorbike hit me and I landed into a pool of black oil from a mechanic workshop. I wasn't badly hurt, only slightly bruised but took advantage of the incident to skip Quran class that day.

My next accident was when I was in college. As I was riding my brand new 1 month old Honda Cup at about 12.30 midnight along Tiger Lane Ipoh, I suddenly saw a big dog in the middle of the road. I had no time to avoid the dog. I hit it and was sent flying quite a distance away. I got up ran to my bike to see if it could start. I did not care if I was wounded or not. My bike was more important. I started the bike and it obliged. I looked for my sandals but couldn't find it. I rode home barefooted leaving a dead big dog on the road. I was bruised in quite a few places but nothing very serious.

Then the same year back in Bukit Mertajam, my hometown, I was riding my bike with a friend riding pillion. Suddenly I asked him to move a bit coz I wanted to spit. As I turned to spit, I suddenly blacked out. When I opened my eyes I was about 200 meters away from the place I had wanted to spit. I was hurt quite bad, bleeding in the elbow and lips and my friend was hurt as much.

I was riding in Old Town Ipoh heading towards New Town. I was racing with my friend when all of a sudden a FIAT 600 or was it 500, infront of me turned to the left. I braked but it was too late, I hit the front passenger door and went sprawling on the road. The lady driver came out and started shouting that it was my fault. Then she saw the damage to her car and she was shouting even more. I started the bike and sped away bruised.

I was on my way back from BM to Ipoh carrying my friend. As we reached Tasek and I was taking a corner, the back tyre suddenly skidded and both of us were on the road. I was stuck under the bike. My friend freed himself and he didn't lift the bike off me, he went for our bags in the middle of the road with me shouting at him to free me first. Again I was a little bit bruised.

I had my worst motorbike accident in Kelantan. I was carrying a friend on his Yamaha RXZ. We were on our way from KB back to Pasir Puteh. Of course I was speeding. As we reached Melor I saw a bike giving the left signal but it went right to the side of the road and stopped. I thought he had given the wrong signal so continued when he suddenly swerved to the right. I slammed the brakes and the bike skidded to the left. I hit the back of the bike and tumbled on the road. My friend, the owner of the bike, flew about twenty feet away. We were both quite badly hurt and the bike was quite damaged. When we got up, the bikes were no more on the road. Someone had pushed the bikes behind a shop. We dared not try to act tough coz we were in their territory. I settled by giving them 10 bucks and immediately our bikes were released. In fact one of the people got some minyak angin and messaged my hand.

This one is the mother of all accidents. It was in 79, and we were going home for Hari Raya. My friend from Melaka decided to drive and 4 of us decided to hitch a lift. The journey started badly. As we left the house and was about a quarter of a mile away, one of my friends realised that he had left his bag on the car. We stopped but the bag was not there. In the bag was RM700 that my friend saved from his arrears for Hari Raya.

A friend and I promised to pay for his fare from KL and also to sponsor his makan that night. As we reached Karak, suddenly this driver of ours stopped and said that he is tired and asked another friend who had only recently passed his driving test to drive. Boy was he excited. I sat in front and he continued the drive in the dark of the night. As we reached Gombak there was a bend. My friend who could be sleepy and not familiar with the road shouted when he suddenly saw a house in front. I saw it too. He swerved. There was a monsoon drain in front of us and a steel lamp post. He couldn't negotiate the corner and I could see the the lamp post racing towards me. I could only think of saving my eyes. I crossed my hands across my face covering my eyes and then there was the mother of all bangs. With the seat belt fastened real tired I was still thrown forward, ripping the tracksuit covering my hands and cutting me in my right hand. The driver hit his nose against the steering and bled. The others sleeping behing were thrown forward but were not hurt. I couldn't open the door and had to crawl out through the driver's door. We were all shook up and speechless for a long time.

After this I had another mishap on my bike in Taman Tun Dr Ismail. I hit a car turning left. I was a bit hurt. I have since steered clear of accidents by being very carefull whenever I drive and ride my motorbike.

Sunday 13 May 2007

It Was Just Not Meant To Be

I've wanted to blog about this for quite sometime now but had always put it off for some other topics. Ever since in form 1, I had been interested to learn music seriously. We couldn't afford a piano and neither could my father afford to send me for music classes. Even my eldest brother, the one who is suffering from cancer, could not persuade my father to send him for music classes. In fact it was my brother who indirectly brought out the interest in music in me.

One day my brother brought home a box guitar, a Suzuki, which he bought second hand for about 15 bucks. This was when I was in std 6. Whenever he was away, I would take the guitar and strum away. I tried to remember the chords he would play but it was not that easy. My brother had this habit of turning the other way whenever he knew that I was watching him play. That drove me even more to learn. I remember the first song that I could play was House of the Rising Sun.

As I played, I started to sing and began to like singing. I remember winning 3 talentimes in form 1 singing Yesterday, Patches and Bangawan Solo. Then in form 5 I took part in another talentime opened for all schools and I got third. This time the song was Small Town Woman. Next I got an offer to sing on Rediffusion Penang. I remember singing Small Town Woman and Help Me Make It Through The Night.

When I got to college, after coming in 2nd in the college talentime I began to develope a deeper interest in music. I said to myself that once I graduated and started work, I would enroll myself in a music school and study music seriously. Meantime, I was a member of the college band and we used to play whenever we had shows. I would rather give up the dancing and groping to play in the band. I would sometime play lead and sometimes bass and I would also sing. Then one day I was invited to sing on RTM Ipoh. I thought my music and singing career was about to take off.

Take off was abandoned, I was posted to Kelantan. Its not that I could not sing in Kelantan but I found it difficult to find the time to travel to KB and study music seriously. I did sing but it was mainly in the teacher's band. I got a big break one day when I was judging a local talentime. It was the qualification round. While waiting for the results to be announced, I asked the band from RTM Kota Bahru to play Too Late. After singing, on my way out, the band leader offered me to sing in some of their gigs. I was only too pleased to accept. I was first offered to sing on RTM Kota Bahru and after that they asked me to practice with them every thursday evenings. I had to decline coz I was in the afternoon session. At the end of my 3rd year in Kelantan I got married and that effectively killed any hope of making music another career.

After being posted back to Penang, I did go out with boys once in a while to pubs and clubs and sing a few numbers here and a few numbers there. Then the outings began to decline in frequency and I completely stopped singing. I did play the guitar at home when I was free and that too stopped. It died a natural death.

Now I don't even have a guitar at home. Yesterday at my brother's place, I saw my brother's fender. I was tempted to pick it up, but with my brother's condition not actually getting any better I decided against it.

I guess that is why, I never stopped my son from getting involved in the music industry. I had to make certain decisions in my life and those decisions did not have any place in them for music. I don't have the time, or rather do not want to have the time to regret my actions. What is passed is passed but I am not going to stop my son from doing what I never had the opportunity to do. I figure it is just not meant to be for me.

Mother's Day

To my darling wife, and all mothers out there. HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY. Since I am at it can I backdate 1 special wish to 1997. Mak, SELAMAT HARI IBU. Sorry lambat sikit, paham-paham la, anak mak ni terok sikit.

Wednesday 9 May 2007

Kidney Stones

To some the title sounds frighteningly familiar. Oh, yes, when I say frightening I really mean frightening as in the 'I'd rather die than to face it again' kind. Yes, yes I know women will say, "huh, you're a real pussy, no amount of kidney stones could beat childbirth". Well I haven't given birth yet despite my big tummy and the fact that I am a man so I can't really validate that claim, (oh boy am I inviting trouble) so I will stick to kidney stones to being the mother of all pains, at least for me.

I am not writing this post to describe how painful it is coz some over there have had the experience and I am not very good at describing pain for the simple reason that I don't like pain. What I intend to write is about a practical joke I played on the missus regarding kidney stones.

My wife is all too aware of me being prone to bouts of kidney stones attack. I call it attack coz each time, it comes without warning, it just squeezes the life out of you. I would be walking about aimlessly and painfully around the house holding my back and visiting the loo like once every 2 or 3 minutes only to see a few drops coming out. I remember once showing my wife coffee coloured urine.

One day feeling bored, the kids being not at home, I decided to play a joke on her. Now I would say my acting skills are quite good, Al Pacino, eat your heart out. She was doing the chores and was at my computer when I suddenly got up and walked to her complaining of back pains. She looked at me enquiringly and seeing the part of my back that I was holding, she asked if it could be stones again. In between holding my back and faking pain I said that I suspect it is so. I could see that she was worried. Usually when I have these attacks, I would not bother her, I would be on my own and so this time I did the same coz I do not want her to suspect anything fishy and as usual, every once in a while she would ask me if it is painful to which I would answer yes.

She didn't know that prior to that I had visited the kitchen to complete my act. I waited until she came out of the kitchen again to look on me when I increased the look of my pain and made a slow dash to the bathroom. She asked what happened and I answered that I think it is coming out and that I know it is going to hurt big time. I could see the look of helplessness and pity on her face. She wanted to follow me in but I said I'd rather do it alone. I locked the bathroom door before me. I waited a while and started making sounds, the sound of someone in pain. At first it was soft, followed by pantings as if I was tired and then more sound only this time louder and louder followed by a few seconds of silence and then a real loud one but not too loud so as to alert the whole neighbourhood.

I could hear her asking if my am ok. I answered yes tiredly. Then she asked if the stone is out, I answered yes. She asked to see it and I said ok and added that it is a real big one. I opened the door and put in her hand an ( I don't know what you call this in English) 'anak lesung'( a stone thing Asians used to pound chillies). I could see the change in her eyes from an anxious look to relief and then anger and then realisation that she has been conned. Of coz she gave me a whack on the back but I was in tears laughing.

When the kids got back, the whole house roared when the story was related to them. This was last year but sometimes when I was alone I would smile thinking of it.

Monday 7 May 2007


First of all, I would like to call upon all Man Utd supporters to pat themselves in the back for this glorious victory. Then I would like to thank Arsenal, not that we can't do it at Stamford Bridge, for making our work easier. Actually we were thinking of doing it this weekend with a 6 - 0 thrashing of old big mouth's team but nowadays everybody wants to do us a favour. Well! thats the way it is, when you are champions, everyone wants to be your friend except of course a certain team also in red who goes around boasting that they are in another final, one that they say is more glorious.

The English Premier League is argueably the best, most attractive and most gruelling league in the world where many of the world's best players play. A team goes though months of real hard play through 38 gruelling matches and the countless matches in lesser competitions such as the Carling Cup, FA Cup and Champions League. The team that wins the Premier League deserves to call themselves the best team in the world.

Fittingly, this title goes to Manchester United this year after a three year absence. Manchester United has dominated this competition so ruthlessly by winning it 9 times in 15 seasons. No team could emulate this awesome feat. The English Premier League is so exclusive that since its inception only 4 teams have walked away with the trophy namely Manchester United and 3 other pretenders in Arsenal, Blackburn and Chelsea. I do not see the name of a certain team in red in the list. Yes, they have their claims to winning in Europe, a competition created solely for the purpose of making money where luck is the order of the day but when it comes to the real crunch, the real competition for men with skills, courage and balls, it must be The English Premier League.

A word to other teams, for their own good, do not try to fight us, learn from us.

Sunday 6 May 2007

Akad Nikah

Today my nephew performed the Akad Nikah. This nephew is the second son of the brother of mine who is in late stage of cancer. My brother has changed a lot. No he has not deteriorated physically, on the contrary, he has actually put on a liitle bit of weight. He is quite jovial and still as sharp as ever.

I got to his house at around noon today after getting some chores done at home. The first thing I saw when I reached his house was my brother sitting in his wheelchair and he looked happy when he saw us. I spent about half an hour with him in the porch, talking before going inside. As usual, all the 'hantarans' were ready on the floor waiting to be taken to the bride's house.

We took some family photos and then I saw my brother crying. He was never like that during his healthy times. My sis in law had to wipe the tears from his eyes a few times. I was sure that he cried because he couldn't follow. The trip wasn't far but he was not in the condition to go. The Akad Nikah ceremony was to take place in a kampung mosque.

Just an interesting point to highlight here. This nephew of mine is a very active UMNO youth member and his bride's brothers are very staunch PAS supporters. In fact they hail from a PAS stronghold but everything was very cordial and friendly.

On the way to the mosque, I received a phone call from my SIL. She said that my brother was crying like a baby, he wanted to follow us. Since my car was full, I told her that I would call her back once I reached the mosque. Once there, I discussed with the others and we decided for his sake, not to meet his request.

While waiting I suddenly saw a familiar car, and true indeed it was my other nephew with, of all people, my brother inside. I just shook my head. He's one stubborn bloke, my brother. The ceremony went on well, and again my brother was crying. He just couldn't control his emotions. A little about him and what kind of a person he is.

He started as a technician in a factory. He is known for his strict discipline as far as work is concerned. For a person with only MCE qualifications he worked his way up to GM in Matsushita in Sungai Petani. That is not an easy feat considering that he is a bumiputera. He did not get the post because of his race but because of his ability to get things done. Now this giant of a man is crying like a baby.

When everything was over, we got home and still there were visitors streaming in to visit him. I overheard, him telling one of his ex-worker, "Aku nak mati dah". What struck me as strange was that he said that without any trace of emotion, and yet a while earlier he was crying like a baby. I guessed he has resigned himself to the fact that he does not have time on his side.

The reception will be held on the 27th of this month and I got this feeling that he would fight to live till at least that day.

Here in this post I have two different pictures during two different weddings. The first is taken in December 2004 when his eldest son got married. The second one is taken today when his second son got married.

The picture above was taken while we were preparing to go for his eldest son's Akad Nikah in December 2004.

This was taken at about half past one today. Just see the difference. As I mentioned earlier, he is a bit meatier now. With him are his wife and grandaughter Marsha Nerina. He is sitting on his wheelchair. I don't know what was going through in his head. What was he thinking of?

And one more picture for the road. The picture at the bottom is that of my nephew during the Akad Nikah.

Thursday 3 May 2007


This is just a joke and is not meant to belittle the fairer sex. We have our fair share of men joke and like the good sports that we are, we bit our tongue till it splits, so be a sport and read.

Point system by women given to man In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects...Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here's a guide to the point system.

Simple Duties:

You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets(-1)
You leave the toilet seat up (-5)
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty (0)
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex (-1)
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom (-2)
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings (+5)
But return with beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something (+5)
You pummel it with a six iron (+10) It's her father (-20)

Social Engagements

You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy (-2)
Named Tiffany (-4)
Tiffany is a dancer (-6)
Tiffany has implants (-8)

Her Birthday

You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it is a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)

A Night Out with The Boys

Go out with a pal (-5)
And the pal is happily married (-4)
Or frighteningly single (-7)
And he drives a Lotus (-10)
With a personalized license plate "GR8 N BED" (-15)

A Night Out

You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2) I
t's called DeathCop3 (-3)
Which features cyborgs having sex (-9)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

Your Physique

You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too" (-800)

The Big Question

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5)
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)


When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes (+5)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+10)
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep (-20)

To Kalaiarasan, a buddy of mine since our Kelantan days, thanks for mailing me this.

Wednesday 2 May 2007


If you were to look at the sidebar I have added a video by the group Urban Method. If interested watch the 1st clip. It is a complete clip of this new group of youngsters. The song is Wajah Rahsia Hati featuring Ogy Ahmad Daud.

No, I am not particularly fond of rap and hip-hop. I do listen sometimes but the genre is definitely not one of my favourites. I go more for 70s rock and blues music. I also listen to pop, r&b and am now starting to appreciate asli and keroncong music.

Well if rap and hip-hop is not my kinda thing then why do I ask you to watch the video in the sidebar, you might ask. Well I think it is only natural for a father to be proud of his son. Yes one of the boys is my son. He is Muneer. My appraisal of the gig is it is only so, so but as a father I am proud that my son sees the project through coz they ( his friends and him ) went through some real hard times to realise this.

As to whether they are a success or not, its not for me to say. Yes they had their share of airtime on ERA and HOT FM. They managed to get into the charts in both these stations and some minor regional stations. In fact this song is no longer in the charts. Their second single has managed to get in. It was only about 2 days ago that this video clip is completed.

Let me know what you think of it. Please be ruthlessly and brutally frank.


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