Thursday 24 December 2009

Merry Christmas

My family and I would like to wish all Christians Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. You take care ya hear!!!!

Wednesday 23 December 2009

The Maintable

Minah: Hai Kak Kiah, waaa you very early this morning?

Kiah: Ooo, Timah! Yes, la. got so much work to do today, you know la with the kenduri and all, don't forget to come today aah.

Minah: Sure I come one, you know la how I love a good gossip but why do you shop? You tak ambil caterer ka? You want to cook everything yourself ka?

Kiah: No la, I cater but I want to add something special for the main table. I want to serve a Kiah Special.

Minah: Ooo like that ka, I thought you want to cook everything. What you want to cook Kiah?

Kiah: I think, I want to add lobsters to the main table la.

Minah: Waaa! Lobster ka? Eh can I sit at the main table?

Kiah: Of course la Minah, without you the main table would be too sober la.

Minah: Mat! You got lobsters or not today, Kak Kiah here wants to cook something special today.

Mat: Got, got, there at that corner.

Kiah: Alaaa Mat those lobsters so small la, what would people say? Got bigger one or not?

Mat: Got Kak Kiah but that one smuggle one, where can put on display one.

Kiah: What smuggle one? Since when you do this thing all Mat?

Mat: I say Kak Kiah mau hidup la.

Minah: Where then? We all must see first, then only can buy.

Mat: Abu, you take over for a while. Come, come with me to the store. This one only for trusted people only.

Minah: Waaa! your store so big one. Eh Mat! Is that a tiger's head?

Mat: Yes, Kak Minah, the meat I sold already. This head can fetch a very good price la. You want ka? RM15K I sell you.

Minah: Don't want la, what I want to do with a tiger's head. You be careful Mat, this thing all illegal la.

Mat: Here Kak Kiah, lobsters smuggled from the Bermudas, very big an fresh.

Minah: Eh, what is inside that box Mat?

Mat: That one ka? If you want I sell it to you cheap la. My customer in the US cancel the order already.

Kiah: At least tell us what it is, if okay we buy la.

Mat: F5E spare engine. Never mind if you take this one I will throw in a submarine periscope foc. You nak bungkus ka?

Saturday 12 December 2009

The Catch

MACC: Aaah, we have finally arrived home. It's been a real tiring weekend man

AG: Tiring? Yes, but, but our bounty shows the great skills that we have, don't you think so?.

IGP: Of course la, who can beat us in this game, we are the best

AG: Please, please gentlemen I admit you are good but, I'm the best in the country.

MACC: Woi, woi. who says you are the best?

IGP: Shh, shh, quiet, isn't that the PR people?

MACC: Where, where? Yes la, they have a few crates themselves.

IGP: Do you think they have been following us the whole weekend?

AG: Wait a minute, do you remember that group of people you caught sight in your binoculars? Do you think it was them?

MACC: Yes la, could be them la. Quiet, quet, act busy, they are heading this way.

Ah Kit: Hey Anwar, we should do this more often la. This is really the best weekend I've had in a long time la.

Hadi: Yes la Ah Kit I really enjoyed this weekend la. Tiring but fun.

Anwar: Hey, don't those people look familiar to you?

Ah Kit: Where?

Anwar: There those people with the crates.

Hadi: Yes la, lets go say Hi to them.

MACC: They are coming, they are coming.

Ah Kit: Hello fancy meeting you people here, you also just got back ka?

IGP: Oh Ah Kit, Anwar and Hadi, yes, yes, we also just got back. You know la, we can't be working all the time, once in a while must unwind jugak.

Anwar: Yes, we all also the same, it has been a hectic year.

MACC: What did you get gentlemen?

Hadi: Not much la, just some Baracudas, a tiger shark, a few 10 plus kilo Tenggiris and some giant kerapus. What did you get?

AG: As always, our favourite catch, ikan bilis.

Sunday 6 December 2009


PM: I hope you like your food Mr. Obama.

Obama: Oh, immensely I should say. The food was simply fantastic.

PM: How about you Mr. Putin?

Putin: I have never tasted food better than this in my life.

PM: Glad to hear that you love our food. How about you Mr. Jintao?

Jintao: China is known to be the best place for food but I must admit that these lobsters are the best I have tasted in my life. I must take some home.

MC: Your Excellencies, ladies and gentlemen. We now adjourn to Bilik Dahlia for the surrender ceremony.

PM: Gentlemen, this way please.

MC: We now call upon the heads of states of the USA, Russia and the People's Republic of China to come forward to read the Declaration of Surrender and sign it.

3 Heads: W,e the leaders of the USA, Russia and the People's Republic of China hereby surrender the sovereignty of our nations to Malaysia. All subjects of our country are now the subjects of Malaysia. We hereby declare our countries to be the 14th, 15th and 16th state of Malaysia with no voting power. All our citizens are now slaves to this country.

MC: Please sign your respective declarations.

PM: I am glad that the leaders of three of the most powerful nations of this world could see the futility of being enemies with Malaysia. Gentlemen, you could now leave and tell the people of your countries that they are now effectively Malaysians.

DPM: I salute you la PM. That move of yours was brilliant la. Just one decision brought them down to their knees. Now they know not to mess with Malaysia.

PM: Yes Din. I am glad we bought the 2 subs. See how they shiver at us now that we have 2 submarines? Hahahahaha. Do you know that we caught the lobsters we had for dinner with one of the subs?

Friday 4 December 2009

Hah Hah

MACC: Err, Datuk Seri please have a seat. Please sit down, never mind, it's okay.

DS: Err, I would rather stand.

MACC: Why are you so jitery, we only want to ask you a few questions that's all.

DS: Go ahead, all the same, I would rather stand.

MACC: We are your friends DS, relax.

DS: Could you tell me how high up are we?

MACC: We are on the 9th floor, so about 90 feet, why?

DS: Nothing, could I stand over there please. I am afraid of heights so standing next to this glass wall gives me the creeps.

MACC: No problem Datuk, please sit anywhere you want.

DS: It's okay, I'll stand here next to this brick wall. Are you sure this wall is actually made of brick?

MACC: Don't worry Datuk, it's solid. So can we begin the questioning Datuk?

DS:Okay, ask what you want.

MACC: Do you know Takselamat Ali Money Changers?

DS: Nope, haven't heard of that guy from Seremban.

MACC: How do you know he is from Seremban?

DS: Okay, okay, yes I know him..

MACC: We have reports that say you used Takselamat to transfer 10 million ringgit to England.

DS: Yes, that is true, why I cannot send my own money overseas ka. It's my money so I should be allowed to do what I want with it.

MACC: Yes, we know you have the right to do what you want with your money but we are interested to know how you made so much money.

DS: What! You call 10 million a lot? Anyway, I earned the 10 million.

MACC: You have not been a state CEO that long DS, your salaries couldn't add up to that much.

DS: I know, but my wife sells goreng pisang in the evening and my children sell nasi lemak in school and in college. I also give English tuition when I am free.

MACC: DS, you expect me to believe your story?

DS: What time is it now?

MACC: 5.10pm.

DS: Hah, hah, it's past office hours, you can't question me anymore. Sorry got to go.


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