Friday 27 July 2007

Gud Prestasation

Police :Tan Sri welcome to my station.
TanSri :Oh tankiu. Your stesen is very cleanful.
Police : Thank you Tan Sri. How may I help you?
TanSri : Wa you beri gud. I only kam wan minit you oredi wan tu hep me. I will tel yu boss. Yu prestasation beri gud.
Police : Tankiu Tan Sri. Can you help me get transferred to Johore?
TanSri : Ha, ha, ha, yu oso wan tu go joho. Can mik mani de? Ha, ha, I laik yu.
Police : Thank you Tan Sri, now how can I help you?
TanSri : Ha, ha, ha tuday 2 taims yu wan tu hep me. Ha, ha, ha, yu bery gud.
Police : Thank you Tan Sri. So you come here for what Tan Sri?
TanSri : Ha, ha, ha, I wan tu mik a pulis repot.
Police : Sure, sure Tan Sri. Please have a seat and I will get my man to help you.
TanSri : Ha, ha, ha, tuday 3 taims yu wan tu hep me. I laik yu, I laik yu.
Police: : What is your report about Tan Sri.
TanSri: Got wan king son bery bad. oways say bad tings abot the Agong. I Malaysians bery angri. Bad prestasation wan.
Police: Who is that fellow Tan Sri.
TanSri: Wait. Ape name si penulis blog tu? Raje Din? Okay. Oh he name is King Din. Bery bad pipel he.
Police: What did he do Tan Sri.
TanSri: Oh he bery noti. He say many bad tings abot Agong and he say many tings can mik the pipel fait fait. If pipel fait fait the kontri prestasation go down. Ha, ha, ha, no go down tu Ostolia, Ostolia for put mani only. Ha, ha, ha, I beri fani.
Police: Where and when did he say all these?
TanSri: Oh hi say dis in the komputer. Yu know the komputer put the talipon wayar and pipel eberiwe eberiwe can communication.
Police: Oh, you mean the internet?
TanSri: Ha yes, yes, net, net. Beri noti pipel he. Bad prestasation.
Police: Don't worry TanSri we will apprehand him.
TanSri: Hmm? ok ok after yu apri his hand yu apri his leg oso.
Police: Er, Tan Sri, about my transfer to Johor?
TanSri: Ha, ha, ha, wan tu mik mani ha? ok ok I mobile the chif now. ha, ha, ha, yu same laik mi. wi tu gud prestasation.

Tuesday 24 July 2007

Its Been 2 Months Already

I was tinkering with the music player of my phone when I found a track that read Track 4 - Unknown. I played the track and the familiar sound of Carlos Santana's solo on Black Magic Woman suddenly arrested my attention. The first thing that I could visualise was my late brother with a microphone in hand and eyes closed. His thick long curly hydrogen peroxide bleached locks were blowing in the wind and fans were screaming.

Yes, my late brother was a singer and he was pretty good. He was also good with the guitar but not good enough to be a permanently featured guitarist. When he was younger he was one hell of a looker and may I add a Casanova. He was many times mistaken for a Mat Salleh for he had no Malay feature at all. Only when he opened his mouth would his race be revealed. Oh how I wish I am the kind who collects photographs.

Yesterday was exactly 2 months to the day my late brother left us and I can't help thinking of him. I just came back from Raden's blog and she was talking about her late mother in law and it reminded me of my late brother more. Just a few minutes ago I received two empty sms from my late brother's number. I called back and my niece apologised. She said that Masha, my grandniece, my late brother's only grandchild, was playing around with the phone.

I still see him when I am alone. I see his smiles and I see us talking together. I remember how he used to tell me stories about his work and exploits in his younger days. I remember the dinners he used to take my family and I for whenever we visited. I remember his fondness for mutton and how whenever we visited, mutton is a must for lunch. He loved to dine and money was no object when food was concerned.

For someone with only a decent result in his MCE, he sure worked his way up the ladder. He joined a Hong Kong based factory in Prai as a trainee technician and was sent to Hong Kong for a 3 month training stint. From then on he worked his way up. When the Japanese bought over the company his rise was more meteoric. He was already a manager in his 30s. Then he went to Matsushita where he ended up a General Manager for one of the departments.

What gave him the edge was his work ethics. He was completely different from. I do at times take mc just to rest. Whenever I fell sick, I would definitely get an mc. He on the hand had never taken an mc for about 25 years before he retired but in those times he had been warded quite a number of times and had surgery once. How did he do it? He took his annual leave. Even when he was hospitalised, he would use up his annual leave and never the mc given. I remember when he had surgery for hernia, he left for work the very next day despite being ordered by the doctors to rest.

As far as work ethics was concerned, he was a carbon copy of my late father. I can't remember my father taking more then a day off at a time. I don't think it is any wonder that they were similar coz amongst us siblings, he was the one who had the most Pakistani feature. My second brother do look Pakistani but the Malay in him do show. My sister and I on the other hand have the most Malay feature. We take after our mother a lot.

My late brother died exactly 29 years and 1 day after my father. They both had liver cancer with my brother outdoing my late father with an additional complication, that is liver cancer. Both died with only 1 grandchild and both died relatively young. Whatever the memory is, I still think of him.

Sunday 22 July 2007

A Piece Of History Graced My Balcony

As I had mentioned in my previous post, I just got back from a course. The course was held in Ipoh Perak from the 16th of July to the 19 of July. I attended a movie making course using Microsoft's Movie Maker No we didn't learn how to make movies but rather how to come up with a more sophisticated presentation and may be intergrate this presentation in classroom teaching. I dare say that the course was very interesting accept that too much was cramped into too short a time thus giving old-timers like me a difficult time catching up, otherwise, the course part of the trip was excellent. I would like to thank the PPD Pulau for giving me this opportunity.

I may write about the actual course content in another post but what I want to highlight in this post is the trip and Visit Malaysia Year. Yes 2007 is Visit Malaysia Year and I am sure Perak is playing her role in attracting tourists, local or foreign. I can see how tourism could help in the country's economy. Malaysia could gain a lot through well orchestrated campaigns to encourage people to visit this country.

If you had read carefully, I did say well-orchestrated campaigns. Of course a well orchestrated campaign involves many elements and all these elements combined must add up to value for money. One aspect of value for money is of course courtesy and comfort.

Now I don't know how much the organisers had to pay per head per day though from previous experience I think its in the region of RM140 to RM150 per head per day. As in many other courses that I had attended participants are always housed 2 to a room, unless the course is for Pengetuas where they are given a room each. I have no complaint about that coz it fits their status as heads of departments.

We were taken to Heritage Hotel Ipoh by 3 very comfortable coaches, Kudos to the organisers. There was a slight hitch though, the bus I was in, which hit the road only a week earlier encountered air-cond problems and also the door refused to close.

At the hotel, I was told it was a Perak State Government hotel, we were attended to swiftly and got into our rooms in near-record time. That was the end of the smooth sailing that was accorded us. The room was, what should I say, roomy, quite spacious. After about an hour, we had to make our first call for assistance. My room mate called for the ironing set and was told that he could have it only for 15 minutes. Well, fair enough. The set came and the board was all wired up at the feet with very rough wires. The joints at the feet of the board kept coming out and the board nearly collapse a few times. Ironing was like a juggling act. You had to ensure that the iron was on the board and the board remained stable.

Then the next call. We called for bolsters to which we were told that they DO NOT HAVE ANY. We asked for extra pillows instead. We were given only two, one each. The answer was, I am sorry sir, we have full occupancy and so there is no more left. What a lousy liar. I could see that there were many empty rooms. Then the next call, the air-conditioning was not good. We had a maintainance personnel in our room in double quick time. He opened the sagging ceiling and after doing whatever he did which took about a minute, he said that the aircond is a single blower type and so that was the best we could get. He asked if we wanted to change rooms. Change room? Full occupancy? Hey they don't add up. We said yes, and in half an hour we were given cards to our new room. Horror of horrors, 1 double bed. We asked if we could get 2 single beds coz both of us were not too receptive to the idea of sleeping with someone of the same sex. You know what I mean. Hey we are straight. Somehow I got the feeling that they are going to say they are out of 2 single bed rooms and I got the grand prize for my guess. The prize was sleeping with another gentleman on a double bed in a hotel.

You must wonder what is the picture of a mosquito breeding project site doing in this post. Well this project-site is actually the balcony of our room. Please take a while to marvel at such a heavenly sight. The slime, so tastefully put there to add character to the balcony. Hey this is the Heritage Hotel right, so they must have something historical, perhaps from the Birch era, to decorate their rooms and what better way then to decorate your balconies with slime probably bearing imprints of Maharaja Lela as he embarked on that fatefull day (day or night?) to give the Mat Salleh a dressing down.

No, I don't want to create a commotion coz that would trouble the organisers who had done a good job. It was not their fault that the people at Heritage wanted to try a revolutionary drug for Dengue. While admiring tis piece of history, I saw something else that arrested my attention.

The second picture is that of a horse stable. Notice how each cubicle has an aircond unit attached Wow, the life of a race horse sure is good but I wouldn't want to be one anyway. Hey if you are human, break a leg and they put POP. Try breaking a leg if you are a horse and you end up as dog food. What has the picture of a stable got to do with my story? Beats me, I don't know, its just that I got this picture and I thought it would be nice to put it here.

Anyway back to the room. No Birch didn't visit me that night coz I think even he was disgusted with what he saw.

There are many other minor complaints but those kind of complaints are normal and can be found in any hotels. What I would like to highlight here is that be serious if you are embarking on a campaign. That pool that I highlighted shouldn't have happened and shouldn't be taken lightly. It is damn downright embarrassing. This hotel is not a cheap whore infested hotel where lust is the pull so no one gives a damn as to how it is presented. If it is true that this Hotel belongs to the state government then something needs to be done. The exco in charge should be sent on a trip to Papua New Guinea on a NURI.
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Thursday 19 July 2007

Six Down And Counting?

Just got back from a four day course in Ipoh. It was quite interesting but that is not what I want to write about. Oh no, what I would like to blog about is something more interesting. It is about another Malaysian malady: they don't fix thing until there is death. If there is a road cutting into the path of a railway track, they won't put up a gate until of course a bus got stuck on the rails and a train smashes into it killing more than 10 people. Of course it would be said that the driver was a drunk or even a junkie, or that the company has very bad maintenance record or that the bus was bought in 1968.

Well talking about 1968, that was the year, we bought some helicopters. It was brand new then. I was only 12 then, but I am 51 now and those choppers or the remaining ones that is are already 39 now. Considering the hours the choppers were used, both as a military transport crafts and also for politicians to use like those choppers belong to their grandfathers, some of them should be gracing some military museums while the others scrapped. Oh no, not in Bolehland. Anyway we have only lost some lives before, not enough to warrant replacement, anyway, I don't think an adequate enough commission has been agreed upon to justify purchasing of new transport choppers and the fact that a certain commission expert is currently HELD up in a very life threatening CASE so the purchase can wait.

When I saw on TV just now about how the remaining 3 bodies were plucked onto a hovering BOMBA helicopter I was moved to tears thinking of the lost to their families and loved ones. It is not only their loved ones and families who lost, the country too lost. The country lost 6 valuable lives. Lives that could have been spared had the people up there been more sensitive to the needs of their personnel. We don't need refurbished used expensive submarines but we sure do need new safe transport crafts for our air-force people. The amount of money spent in training these people vanished with their deaths. The experience they had vanished with the last blink in the radar.

Today's papers reported that the cabinet had agreed to replace the aging machines with new ones. Yeah, tell that to the orphaned children of the deceased, tell that to the grieving parents, spouses and kins. After this I am sure they will feast us with shows of generosity by the arm forces and the government both federal and state. Associations would come forward to adopt the children of the deceased; cheques would be flashed for all to see that there still people who care; the circus would come to town with people clamouring to show that they care with the press playing their part in suppressing any negative news.

In the meantime these old horses would still be used putting at risk the lives of those who step foot on them. This time we should see how many of our dignitaries would dare step onto one while out campaigning in the coming elections. I got this feeling that come this election our air-force helicopter pilots would not be working as hard as the last election coz somehow the demand would strangely drop. Private choppers would be doing a roaring business though.

I wonder when would we be setting our priorities right. I wonder when would all these shit stop.

Saturday 14 July 2007


Raden Galoh's of mother in law passed away this evening. I would like to convey my deepest condolence to her and her husbang Mambang Hijau. Be strong, this is after all ALLAH's will.

Tuesday 10 July 2007

Its Quiz Time

These are questions related to REAL personalities. Try to answer the questions first before peeking at the answers at the end of the post.

Two Tough Questions

Question 1:

If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion? Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.

Question 2:

It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates.

Candidate A.

Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with an astrologist. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B.

He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C.

He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, only drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife. Which of these candidates would be your choice? Decide first ... no peeking, then scroll down for the response.


Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question: If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.

Copied wholesale from

Sunday 8 July 2007

The Noblest of All Heroic Acts

What is the most noble of all heroic acts?
No it is not to slain fire-breathing dragons,
Nor aid a damsel in distress,
Nor save a village from pillaging barbarians,
Nor humble greedy landlords,
Nor blunt the teeth of meat-eating loan sharks,
Nor pluck a drowning kid from a swallowing whirlpool,
Nor cut the limbs of corrupt officials,
Nor disarm a vicious robber,
Nor cut the tool of a serial rapist,
Nor expose the identity of a ruthless murderer,
Nor strip naked a con artist,

No, no, no, its none of the above,
The truest, biggest and noblest of all heroic acts
Is to protect the people against their government.

Wednesday 4 July 2007

The Loves of My Life

Let me introduce you to the people you see in the banner up there. Why are they up there? They are my life.

1. Of course my wife (Asma Bee) comes first. I'd had it if I were to put her anywhere but first. Yes, she is first indeed. We've been married for close to 28 years now. Tell you a secret. She is actually my cousin. She is the youngest child of my late mother's eldest sister. The truth, she was not my first choice, no she wasn't a choice at all. She knows it. My late father adored her and to please him who was quite unwell when I was asked for the umpteenth time, I agreed. I am glad I did coz he died knowing that I am marrying his choice. My own choice was a no no coz her mum had other ideas. I am glad I married her coz she has been a faithful and loving wife. I don't know what I would do without her.

2. Then comes my eldest daughter, Mazira Nazir. She will be 27 this august, born exactly 9 months 10 days from the day I got married. Sharpshooter eh! When she was born in the Penang GH I was in Kelantan. She understands me completely. Just two weeks ago she bought me a Bonia sandal. I said no coz it was too expensive but she can be very stubborn. She is a bank clerk with CIMB.

3. Next to her is her husband Mashal Faizal. He is 30 and is also a clerk with CIMB. The love of my daughter's life is also the love of my life. He is like a son to me. He is rather quite. Maybe he married into the wrong family coz he is a diehard Liverpool fan living in Manchester United's den. Everyone else accept my wife who knows nothing about football are Manchester United fanatics.

4. Next is my son, Muneer Khan Nazir 23. It was very difficult for me to give in to him to go into the music industry but he loved singing too much so I gave in. He is currently with a Hip Hop group Urban Method and has cut their first album Evolusi which is not doing too well. Their hit single Wajah Rahsia Hati featuring the original singer Ogy Ahmad Daud did make it to no 2 in the Radio Era charts and stayed in the charts for a few weeks. He is still struggling. He intends to move to KL this August and I reluctantly agreed. I pray that he has made the right decision coz I would only blame myself if he bombed.

5. Next to him is his girlfriend Phone, 23. She is a Thai student in KDU Penang. She comes from Bangkok and presently is still a Buddhist. She has been staying with us for the past 9 to 10 months at my request. If she is going to learn anything about Islam then she should stay with a Muslim family. If she fancies Islam then convert if not then don't but that would mean no marriage. After getting her diploma she would be going to New Zealand to do her degree. I pray that their relationship lasts. I cannot get involved, this is their lives.

6. My youngest daughter is Mazira Nazir 20. She is very 'manja' especially with me. Her mother would tease her that I was the one who gave birth to her. I worry about her too. Early last year she was offered a place in the SPT Politeknik where she spent only a week. I had to go over everyday coz she was giving me so much problem and in the end I had to take her home. She is currently helping her mother caring for the 5 lovely angels. No luck yet with seeking employment.

My wife started baby sitting 10 years ago. A couple who happens to be friends of her niece desperately needed someone to care for their soon to be delivered baby and since we too needed the money, my wife agreed and like they say the rest is history.

7. Danial 10. He is the eldest of the 5. He is very good with computers. He loves strategy games and can sit in front of the computer for hours. In fact, this computer is more his than mine. He sleeps over when ever he feels like it and that is quite often.

8. Then there is Nur Sabrina 8. She is a real talkative girl and I know she is my wife's favourite. Don't get me wrong, she loves the others too but Sabrina is a little bit special to her.

9. Nur Qaisara is 7. She is a little bit sickly and can't really speak that well yet but she is a real pretty girl. My wife always accuses me of favouring her but that is not true. I love all of them.

10. Nur Kamelia is next. She is 5 and is the brightest of the lot. A real talker, she can win anyone's heart with her charms. At time she can be very stubborn. She has for the past few months started to play games on this computer and they really quarrel over it.

11. The latest addition is Iskandar Zulkarnain 11 months. He is a real darling. He makes all my aches go away when I come home. The moment he sees me dressed up for school, he would crawl up to me putting his hands up. How could I refuse. When I reach home at about 7 he would be waiting and would crawl real fast to the door begging me to lift him. All my problems, worries and aches would just disappear. He stays over quite a lot.

There you are, my extended family. I may not be a rich man, but I am a happy man.

Sunday 1 July 2007

The Big Boss

We called him Boss. Why? Maybe because he was very very much older than us and the fact that he had a lot of money. He first moved in into our neighbourhood after getting out of prison. Yes, he served time for smuggling. It seemed that boss knew no legal ways of earning money.

He was strange and violent. He had 3 children. The eldest one, despite toughened by the violent beatings by his father ended up gay. You would have taught that he would be a mean son of a bitch himself but not, he was gentle. The second one took after his father, a real rouge and a samseng. The youngest a girl, ended up a bitch.

His idea of a row with his wife involved the use of a chopper. I remember once there was so much commotion and shouting and screaming. Of course being the busy body neighbour that we were ( I was perhaps 12 or 13) almost the whole neighbourhood ran to his house. I could see from outside he was holding a chopper with his right hand and his left hand was dripping blood to the floor. He shouted in Hokkien "Lu ai see ah, lu ai see ah". His wife who was about 2 to 3 feet away looked at him in fear. Then suddenly he let fly the chopper, she screamed but the chopper missed her by inches. He turned to look at us and we ran away. After that we found out that prior to the incident, they had a quarrel and she smashed a bottle and ripped his left hand with it.

His idea of disciplining his children must not be known by the people in Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo. I once saw him hanging his 1st son to the gate with a rope tied to his hands and then beat life out of the boy. The second one once had both his hands tied. Using the untied length of string, he swung the boy a few rounds and then just let the string go. The boy went sprawling to the cement floor. Even his pet Alsatian was not spared his wrath. Once he was angry because it left poo on the cement floor, he lifted the dog and smashed it to the floor. King, that was what he called it, ran away for good.

His daughter, once complained to him of receiving obscene phone calls so one day when the call came in, he went to his right door neighbour's house and called his left door neighbour who was an operator in telekoms. Before that he asked his daughter to play along with the caller. The neighbour managed to trace the call to a public phone about 2 kms from his house. He got into his car, sped to the phone booth and saw a boy talking. He caught the boy, stripped him naked and made him walk home.

When I was about 17 my friends and I befriended him. He was nice to us. He never left home without a few thousand ringgit in his pocket. He used to sponsor our parties with the condition that his son's are allowed to attend. We had no choice but to allow the brats to attend. I remember we use to gamble in a friend's house. We would take out about a few bucks each and he would boast and laugh aloud when he took out about 1K to gamble with us.

One more strange thing about him was one year he bred some dogs. Each of his dog had a cage and in each cage he installed a fan. His children were never given a fan in their bedrooms. He was the one who introduced us to blue-films. He had a collection of projectors and hundreds of reels of blue-films. One while screening in a friend's house, one of the customers took early leave and phoned the police. The police arrived and caught the friend who was incidentally a teacher. It made the news in BM. On another occasion, my friend who borrowed a few reels from him left the reels on a bicycle in his house. That night the police raided his house because they suspected that his brother was a bicycle thief. They found the stolen bicycle all right but with a bonus. My friend was remanded for a week. Boss bailed him out the same way that he bailed the teacher friend.

Then there was the time when he accepted 80K to carry drugs to KL. He paid another friend's brother to do it for 20K and pocketed 60K just like that. Then there was the story about the lady who paid him 2K to pour acid on another lady's face. He approached the other lady and told her that he comes to disfigure her face. He said he was paid 4K. She paid him 6K to not do it. He went back to the lady and gave back her 2K and said that he couldn't do it.

Now come to the part that I could never forget. One day we were taking in the teacher's house when boss' car suddenly screeched to a halt in front. He signalled us to get in. We ran to the car and got in and he sped off. We asked why and he said, his sister's bulldozer was just repossessed. After about 10 minutes he spotted the bulldozer. He drove to the side of the driver and told him to stop. The guy refused. He signalled the guy to pull over a few times but to no avail. Then he sped to the front, turned the car and stopped. The bulldozer had to use the giant scoop to brake. Boss took a truncheon from underneath his seat, went to the driver and gave the driver a hard blow square in his forehead. The driver a hunk of a man himself, staggered and bled profusely. We, in the car were shocked and scared stiff. Then boss got into the car and drove to the police station to make a report. We were still pale.

When I left for college, I seldom meet him and it has been about 30 years since I last saw him. Recently a friend told me that he is still alive but a lonely man. His wife left him a long time ago and his children do not want to have anything to do with him.


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