Wednesday 28 July 2010

Man Utd and the Devil

I think today it's my turn to write about the Man Utd thingy. Yes the one about the jersey supposedly to bear the true portrait of the devil and how all the ills of this world were actually committed by Man Utd Jersy wearing fans. Yes, those fans who don't wear these jersey are okay, only those who wear them would turn into devils and start wreaking havoc. I didn't know that Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini and Mahathir are Man Utd fans.

Funny, I could have sworn seeing a certain rempit snatching a lady's handbag while wearing a Malaysia Boleh T-shirt. I am sure he had the Man Utd emblem tatooed on his chest. Hmm, come to think of it, was Man Utd around when Jack the infamous Ripper was up and about practising his surgical skills? Could it be that Attila and Conan were both central defenders of pre-historic Man Utd?

Anyway, being a diehard fan of Man Utd since my primary school days and now being 54 you could guess how long that is, I would like to confess that I do not own a Man Utd Jersy. First, they are costly, the original ones, and second, the local ones do not have my size coz I wear multiple XL size shirts. No, it has not got anything to do with the 'devil' in the crest coz, I swear the devil actually do not look anything like that. How do I know? Hey I see them on tv everyday, especially on the news dispensing goodies during buy-elections and making false promises, like, "we are doing it for the people" and " we always have the people at heart".

Now this fellow, who came out with the edict must have been a silent Liverpool fan or Drogba's gay bed-partner. Yes, Man Utd have enemies and they come in all shapes, sizes and headgears. He was surely very silent when Liverpool had a certain beer company advertised on their jersey but now that they have switched to that of a bank's, he comes out spewing venom at Man Utd. How convenient.

I wonder if this donkey would next recommend that everyone only wear UMNO and BN shirts so that their passage to heaven would be a smooth one. Those who have more BN and UMNO shirts would go to heaven riding a certain unsubmergeable submarine, but they would have to pay commissions to get the ride. Those who don't have any would have to board engineless fighters and you and I know where that would take you to.

Mr. Mufti, rather than telling people what not to wear, wouldn't it be better if you tell leaders what not to do and how to behave? Wouldn't it be better if you tell people in power, how to manage the people's money? Wouldn't it be better if you tell leaders what corruption is? Oh you did and they didn't listen? Oh in that case you are forgiven.

Tuesday 27 July 2010

Hahahahahaha! It's payback time.

General: Mr. President, can we call our boys home?

Obama: From where? Iraq or Afghanistan?

General: Everywhere, including Japan, Philipines, Germany, heck! everywhere sir.

Obama: Wow, this has got to be serious. I have never ever seen you without a smile and sounding so grim. Sit down please. You look as if you have just seen a devil.

General: More like The Angel of Death sir. Our death, the death of the USA sir.

Obama: Wo, wo, hold your horses general. You're making me dizzy. You would only speak this way if we were to be attacked by aliens. Why are the Martians coming?

General: Worst than aliens sir. We are done this time sir. Please call our boys back sir coz our bases overseas are in extreme danger.

Obama: Please tell me first, what is it that is making you shit in your pants general. I can't go calling our boys back home if I do not know what the danger is.

General: Sir, one more request, could you order NASA to speed up the next space shuttle trip. Make it tomorrow but this time sir, take your family and mine along. If there is space in the cargo hole, I would like to hitch a lift too. Please sir.

Obama: You are not on drugs are you general? I told you not to mix with the Mat Rempits in Malaysia, they are bad news. Now settle down, here have a cup of steaming, black, Obama coffee.

General: Not the Rempits sir, it's Malaysia. Read this sir.

Obama: Get me NASA, I want the next space shuttle to be ready for lift off in 2 hours. Oh, God, this is stressful. Why must the End always happen when a black is in charge?

General: Sir, you've soiled your pants sir.

Obama: Damn the French for this.

Sunday 25 July 2010

Is your head lowered?

My dear Muslim brothers and sisters. Listen to this. He has a thing or two to teach us. In the end, ask if you are walking with your head lowered in shame? Is Allah satisfied?

Monday 19 July 2010


To all readers, sister blogger Dalilah Tamrin of OneBreastBouncing has left us to meet her maker. To her husband, children, parents and her loved ones, please accept my condolences.

I can't write much coz I am too devastated coz I have lost a dear sister.

Thursday 15 July 2010


Yahoo, finally we have made a start. Phew! What a relief. I thought I was going to have to wait years for it but finally the agony of waiting is over. Thank God.

You see a few months ago they were talking about making Malaysia a high income country. Yes, us Malaysians earning so much money that banks would turn people away because they have too much money to handle.
Wow! With the added income, of course, I would be able to afford everything that I have been dreaming off.

What? What nonsense am I talking about? Wait, wait, calm down, let me explain to you. You see I understand what is going on.

I know what the government is doing. Yes, of course there is no concrete increase in salaries yet but as they say, a journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.

You see, in a high income society it would be utterly shameful if the citizens keep on buying cheap stuffs. It is a sin for rich people to look for bargains. 

People from a high income society must look for expensive things, even though, the goods they are buying actually cost very little. I mean, we Malaysians are going to earn so much that CEOs from the US are already looking for properties in Kodiang and Lahaq Yoi to relocate.

So we must make a start and the beginning is to make the prices of goods go up. Just a moment ago I was greeted with the orgasmic news that the prices of Gas, Sugar, Petrol, Diesel and whatever would increase effective midnight. Finally they have made the first move. Now we could go ut and proudly buy expensive stuffs. Just imagine the pride, buying like a high society shopper.

Now don't you go condemning the government about the increases. They don't actually need the money, they are just taking making a start. Soon they would increase the prices of other essentials like rice, transportations, meat, vegetables, breads and everything on the racks of TESCO.

Of course all these increases would be followed with increases in salaries. Just bear with the government. Maybe in about 30 to 40 years, our salaries would go north.

Oh, I forgot, when we have our increase in salaries, we would be using Rupiahs, not ringgits.


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