Is It That Difficult To Be A Human Being And Apologise?

I read The People's Parliament and this strikes me very deep.

Too late, Dr M, too late. Too late to cover up your dark deeds by blaming the Badawi administration.

How I had wished, when you were in your hospital bed in IJN recuperating, that you would do the decent thing - repent and admit all the wrongs you had done towards this nation and its people, all too numerous to enumerate here.

True repentance would have led you to speak the truth at the VK Lingam session, would have caused you to open up and apologise and attempt to make things right, would have been medicine for this suffering nation. But you did not.

True repentance means you are willing to do all that it takes to undo the harm you caused. But you are not.

I have been waiting for a very long time for this heartless entity to apologise but only he who thinks what he has done is right would not apologise or only he whose ego dwarfs the Himalayas would not apologise for the humongous misdeeds that he has committed.

Just a simple sincere apology for all you have done to the country would suffice. Don't blame Pak Lah, he had you as a teacher. The domesticated judiciary, the impotent police, the incompetent ACA, the sterile and dirty YBs and Minister, the sycophantic MSM and the corrupt bureaucracy that we are experiencing now is sadly your legacy.

I don't want to hate you even after you are dead. You will die you know. For once in your life, be humble and admit your wrongs and apologise.

You Don't Buy Cars From A Fishmonger

Things happen for a reason. Accidents happen either because of carelessness or faulty equipments or bad intentions. Flood happen because of heavy rain, or bad drainage etc. If I want something to happen, I would go to the person most likely able to make it happen or I would go to the person who knows the person most likely able to make it happen. If I want drugs, I wouldn't go to a fishmonger unless I know the fishmonger knows who can supply me the drugs.

In the RCI, Lingam has vehemently denied that he is able or has the power to broker the appointment of judges. Since he said it under oath we must believe that he is telling the truth. In reality taking an oath to tell the truth doesn't mean that whatever is told is the truth. There is always the possibility of an attempt at deception. So evidence must be put forth to show that what someone swore as the truth is actually a lie.

Let us go back to the Lingam case. As it is, his defence is strong. He said that he did not broker the appointment of judges. He also claimed that he could have been bragging because he is prone to bragging if he gets a little tipsy. How do we say he is lying then. It is not easy, unless of course he slips and says something else that he should not that could be tied up to the claim that he is lying when he denied his brokering history and ability.

I wasn't there to witness the whole proceeding. I am only able to read what is written about it. I am not a lawyer and therefore what I am going to say might not carry water but just for the sake of discussion lets study this premise.

Lingam claimed that a certain lawyer, Lazar, from the Bar Council had in the past approached him to be appointed to a high chair, thereby bypassing the normal route an aspiring judge should take to get to that chair. That was certainly a slap in the Bar Council's face, since it was one of the many parties calling for the setting up of this Commission in the first place.

My question is, if it was true what Lingam had claimed about Lazar, why did Lazar approach Lingam and not the late Christopher Fernando or the late Manjit Singh or Karpal Singh or any other senior lawyers. Is it possible to get that chair this way? There are many UMNO lawyers who are connected with the powers that be. He should have approached them or a very high up Judge with access to the powers higher up. Why did Lazar approach Lingam?

Could it be that Lingam is in fact able to do what Lazar had purportedly wished for or that Lingam knows someone who could fulfil Lazar's wishes? If Lingam could do what Lazar had wanted him to do then he was lying when he denied that he has brokerage ability. If he knows someone who could do it then he is also in the wrong by keeping quiet about it.

The fact that Dzaidin expressed shock at the leakage of classified information regarding the alleviation of judges and that this leakage comes from the mouth of Lingam himself could surely be linked. It is unthinkable that he was bragging about something that he doesn't know. Anyway, bragging means to show off about what one knows and who one knows and what is one's ability and what is one able to do. How come he has classified information, bragging or not. Is he in a privileged position where classified information regarding the judiciary is at his disposal? Why is it that he has these information? Could it be that these information would be helpful to him in 'helping' friendly parties to move up?

I think in his eager attempt to give one back to the Bar Council, Lingam has said too much. What puzzles me is that why wasn't there an attempt to even ask Lingam why Lazar approached him and not anybody else? Do all sides have things to hide?

I know those who know the law could tear me up in shreds but am I wrong asking these questions?

VK and SL

To all visitors, I would be indebted to you if you could spare half a minute to participate in the poll I have running in my sidebar. I know it won't be reflective of the general mood in the country but at least I could kind of gauge what visitors to my blog think of the subject. Thank You for participating.

VK: Hi, SL, alone only ah? Where's Angie?

SL: Don't joke la VK, I kena teruk already some more you want to perli me.

VK: Joking only la SL, come in, come in.

SL: Thank you, hey what is this VK?

VK: Sorry la SL, from now on my men will do body check on everyone who comes to this house. Camera phones will be held for safe-keeping. You know la, satu kali kena, must remember la. I am sure you also don't go to the same room in the same hotel anymore what. Right or not?

SL: Correct, correct, correct.

VK: Cilaka lu, now you want to perli me ah?

SL: Aiya joking only la VK. Now I cannot go to any hotel anymore. My wife makes me wear a chastity belt and she keeps the key.

VK: Ayo! Like that ka? Ha, ha, ha. Okay you are clean, you can come in. What would you like to drink, Toddy or Samsu?

SL: What toddy or samsu? I saw in the video you were drinking whisky and now you only offer me toddy or samsu.

VK: Ayo, SL, that one only bottle la. Inside either toddy or samsu la.

SL: Coffee will do la.

VK: Yes, how can I help you?

SL: I want to sue the bloody bastard who did this to me la.

VK: Yes, yes, you must, you must. I was wondering why this fellow so quite, why he don't want to sue ah?

SL: I want to sue a lot and I want to win. I don't want to lose one.

VK: Then you've come to the right person la. I can assure you victory one.

SL: I know, everyone say like that one. If want to win go see VK, sure win.

VK: HA, HA, HA, HA, wah, everyone also know ah?

SL: Sure la, who don't know that you got all the judges in your hand?

VK: First thing first la, you know who did it ah?

SL: I know, he is my party man also.

VK: Who, who, who?

SL: (whisper, inaudible)

VK: Aiyo! That fellow ah? Susah la like that. He is serving, not resign already. They all won't agree one.

SL: Yes, la they all won't agree. It was not them caught screwing, it was me. Now they treat me like pariah. No one wants to be seen with me. Bloody bastard they all.

VK: Aiyo, I must talk to Patel first la. He will contact the top people. If they say can, then only we proceed. Pomp, pomp, pomp, pomp you get your revenge.

SL: Please la, try la. How much you want, you ask la. Never mind, what amount I get, I give you. I just want my revenge only.

VK: Where will you stand for election this time? Same place ah?

SL: You some more want to perli me ah? If can get to be PIBG committee member also consider lucky la.

Tag on Muhibbah

To all visitors, I would be indebted to you if you could spare half a minute to participate in the poll I have running in my sidebar. I know it won't be reflective of the general mood in the country but at least I could kind of gauge what visitors to my blog think of the subject. Thank You for participating.

I was tagged by Bakaq - Penarik Beca about a post started by A Voice on Muhibbah. I am supposed to write something on Muhibbah. Then I have to tag 2 others whom I feel are very qualified people to talk about this subject.

Well lets look at the word Muhibbah in the Malaysian context, roughly when it surfaced, why, and why now. Roughly without the aid of any dictionary, Muhibbah can be translated as a successful integration of various ethnic groups and races. It has got to be successful.

I can't remember when exactly did Muhibbah as a slogan became famous but I was still very young. What the tv did was to portray the 3 different races getting along fine. There was the spirit of friendship, understanding and tolerance amongst the races.

I think the friendship part is already addressed. Most Malaysians have friends from the various races. There is not much of a problem there. The understanding part is a little blurry but the tolerance part is the part which we have to address if we want to have Muhibbah the Spirit, not Muhibbah the Slogan.

Even back then, I still do feel that Muhibbah was just a propaganda slogan picked to win elections. Back then Muhibbah had no meaning to me because I was already living Muhibbah. If people complained about Muslims celebrating Thaipusam recently, let me ask them a question. Did they celebrate Thaipusam as Hindus or Malaysians wanting to share the happiness of their friends?

I did not celebrate Thaipusam when I was young simply because it was held on the island and I was a mainlander. I did join the Ti Miri though. It was very much like Thaipusam but in the end there was fire-walking. I would go to the place where they pierced the devotees, follow them on the long walk to the temple and watch the fire-walking.

My friends and I would celebrate St Anne's Feast every last weekend of July. We would join the tens of thousands of people to the old St Anne's Church in Bukit Mertajam. Heck I have even been to the big cross of the church.

Chinese New Year, Deepavali, Christmas and Hari Raya were truly celebrated together by my friends and I. I even led the Christmas carol group singing from house to house . I didn't sing all those songs as a Christian. I did it to help my friends to raise money.

Now back to the question of Muhibbah. Do we need the spirit of Muhibbah? In this multiracial country like ours we would be fools to say no. What do we need to have Muhibbah the Spirit? Not political slogans, that is for sure. We need to realise that we need each other, like it or not. We need to know that we depend on each other. We need to know that we are equals, all children of god. None of us are children of angels and none children of devils.

Knowing all of the above is not enough, the difficult part is the tolerance part because with tolerance there must be sacrifices. This is where we have failed. There just aren't that many people willing to make the sacrifice to make Muhibbah the Spirit successful. Lets not mistaken being forced to make sacrifices and willingly making sacrifices as the same.

Some non Malays would say we have sacrificed a lot. That I agree, but I would like to add that most did it because they were forced to. They did not do it willingly. Would the Malays make the sacrifices needed? Some would say that they have been making sacrifices from day one so much so that they are beggars in their own country. My answer would be, yes sacrifices were made but those sacrifices were forced unto the Malays by their leaders. Would the Malays willingly make all those sacrifices? I seriously doubt so.

We seem to be a united lot but I do maintain that our unity is a 'balloon unity': tight and smooth on the outside but at bursting point. A slight prick and boom goes the balloon. We have seen minor explosions before haven't we?

Why then are we in this predicament? The answer is simple. Muhibbah in Malaysia today is a political word and political tool. The very people who talk about muhibbah practice racism behind closed doors. In meetings with people of their own races, they are as racist as PW Botha. This goes for the Malays, Chinese and Indians.

Do I have a formula? Of course I don't. I am not a magician. Can we do it then? Of course we can.
I can only suggest, which some people would say as wishful thinking. By implying that it is wishful thinking we are actually saying that we are not willing to participate which God approves of.

What then is my suggestion? Try to see the next person as a human being, period. Yes, the next person, be he/she a Malay, an Indian, a Chinese, a Muslim, a Buddhist, a Hindu, a Christian, a Bangla, an Indon, an OKU, a beggar or whoever is a human being. Oh, yes, one more thing and this is paramount, believing in god is not enough, do what He commands. No god is unfair. No god approves of hatred amongst races. Treat religion as divine, not a convenience and not an identity tag.

I don't know if I have contributed anything to this discussion but I dare say that what I have said comes from the heart.

I would like to tag 4 people
1. Doc Tokasid
2. Shah Cakapaje.
3. Kerp. (Would like to hear from the younger generation and he is a good sport)
4. Mat Salo (hope you can find time, I know you are busy but I know you have a lot to contribute.

If you have the time please do join in.

What a Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong

I don't know with you but I find this song therapeutic. I would like to borrow from one commenter in youtube about this song,

"The anthem of the world,the anthem of life".

Anyway Armstrong is simply great, he is irreplaceable.

I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky

Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do
They're really saying I love you.

I hear babies cry, I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than I'll never know
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.
Yes, I think to myself what a wonderful world.

Almost Ready

Lah: Oi! Rashid, My popularity has dropped so much la now. I have to go to polls. I can't wait. Are we ready?

Ras: Ala, Bang Lah, don't worry la. You give me 1 week and I'll let you know.

Lah: What Bang Lah? When did my father marry your mother? I extended your contract for you to work la idiot not makan angin.

Ras: Datuk, where got makan angin, I've been working day and night la.

Lah: Then, why not ready yet?

Ras: How to be ready Datuk? They all kacau me like hell la.

Lah: Who kacau you? Najib ka?

Ras: Not Najib la Datuk, the opposition. They check everything.

Lah: Last time also like that what but still you can do it? What's so different now?

Ras: Every time I thought I was ready, they bring out new problems. Just yesterday they found out that we have 5078 voters who are more than 400 years old.

Lah: Why you so bodoh one? Why so old? Cannot make it 100 year plus ka?

Ras: Cannot, all the 100 year plus one sudah bersih.

Lah: What BERSIH? Don't use that word la lembu. Even Cak Kun Cak also we all stop playing, now you want to use.

Ras: Sorry, sorry, sorry. Even my grandson's name also they detect.

Lah: How old is your grandson?

Ras: Baru habis pantang Datuk.

Lah: Why do I have to suffer fools la. Why so young? Ayo! Rashid, like this susah la.

Ras: I asked for 56000 new ICs but your people don't want to give, macam mana ni Datuk?

Lah: Who don't want to give? You give me his name. Bloody kacang puteh.

Ras: Datuk, not enough money la.

Lah: What not enough? Just 3 months ago I gave you 120 million, how come not enough?

Ras: Where got 120 million Datuk, he gave me only 12 million. 12 million how to do work Datuk? So many people to feed.

Lah: Bloody basketball, I gave 120 million and he gave you only 12? This fellow also too much already la.

Ras: Another thing Datuk, we cannot have too many voters registered in one house. Yesterday they asked me about that house in Seligi Pasir Puteh. How come one house got 3251 names? Susah nak jawab Datuk.

Lah: You la bodoh, why put so many names? Why no more houses ka?

Ras: That's the problem, no more house Datuk.

Lah: Then create new houses la. That one also I must teach you ka?

Ras: Already 50% of the addresses are bogus Datuk, how to create new ones?

Lah: Alamak, pening la like this. Then what do you suggest?

Ras: I need a few thousand buses Datuk. I need all the Banglas and Nepalese and Indons either in detention or legally working. We must mobilize them.

Lah: Okay no problem?

Ras: But Datuk, they want citizenship in return.

Lah: Give la.

Wake Up

We Malaysians, concerned or unconcerned, at this point in time are being treated to a SANDIWARA, so badly produced and directed that it is only fit to be acted out in hell as punishment to sinners. What then are our sins? Only one I dare say: putting a bunch of jokers in government.

Its like watching a drama where the actors are literally holding the scripts and reading them aloud like a year 1 boy in primary school learning how to read aloud. At the end of it all, a light pops out blinking the word 'Applause' and we are expected to clap as if it was Morgan Freeman and Samuel Jackson who had just finished their take.

Let me put this in another way. I just told Kerp this. Imagine a naked robber carrying a bazooka robbing someone at a traffic lights right in front of a CCTV. He is taken to court and the police couldn't produce any evidence and a smiling judge finds him not guilty. After judgement is delivered, we are supposed to swallow it and say 'Justice has been done'.

This is the very SANDIWARA that we have been put through in many serious cases and there is a hint that a remake is forthcoming as far as the Royal Commission of Lingamgate is concerned.

So what do we do? Go through the remake and applaud when that blinking light is activated or for once get enough numbers to boo the drama to make it known to the producer and director that it stinks and we know it?

Our problem is that we are a disunited lot. Yes, there is a lot of dissenting noise in the internet but like the drama, our dissenting voice is not coherent. Our tunes are a mixer's headache. Ghazal, keroncong, hardrock and opera all being sung at the same time. It creates more confusion and sadly no solution.

Ours, sadly, is exactly like the drama being played. On one side we have an ex director who is not happy with the present director for not keeping to the script he was forced to leave unfinished. He makes a lot of noise and his people sings along with him.

Then we have a few old directors, only given the chance to direct in school plays; who see the deficiency of the old script but could not wake the sleeping audience up because their voices drown each other; each professing that his script is better and their supporters too join in the fray going for each other's throat while the present director and his crew enjoy this sideshow.

We now have a former assistant director who was dismissed by the ex director; who knows first hand how the scripts have been manipulated; who says that he has had enough and he wants the people to see the real script, so he says. His voice too is all mixed up in the din created by all these director wannabes and their supporters.

Our problem is compounded by our own insistence that our choiced director wannabe is right. When a proposal is put forth before us we always say, 'I'll wait for what my director has to say about this'.

It is we who matters. We have the power to tell the present producers and directors that we are fed up being served remakes in new costumes. Don't we realise that we too have the rights to tell our own director wannabes to stop squabbling and to put up a united front?

The way things are going, it looks like we are going to continue being served with remakes. I fear the day when they will be so bold and not produce remakes any more. They will only serve us reruns instead.

Wake up.

The End

Comm: Mr. Veekay, please take a seat. Remember you are under oath to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

VK: I say Haidy, Dev, what is this oath, oath thing all, come on man.

Comm: Mr. VK, let me remind you that this is a Royal Commission and as such, we, members of the Commission are all royalties. Please address us as Tengku.

VK: Ooops! Sorry, correct, correct, correct. Sorry your highnesses Tungkus.

Comm: That’s more like it. Counsels, your questions.

Lawyer: Please watch the video clip we are about to play.

VK: Ayoo! I’ve seen that video so many times already la, boring la seeing that mad or drunk man talking nonsense.

Lawyer: So you have seen the video, the whole 14 minutes, and do not want to watch it again?

VK: Yes, la, if I see it one time I will surely vomit one.

Lawyer: Do you recognize the man in the clip?

VK: Aiyoo, I already told my lawyer what, that man surely looks a lot like me and his voice also like mine.

Lawyer: So you are saying it is not you?

VK: I say or not that is not me? I say look and sound like me but I did not say that is not me.

Lawyer: Than who is that man?

VK: Not my job to know who he is, that is your job so why want to scold me?

Comm: Counsel, let me remind you that the witness has given a clear answer there.

Lawyer: Whats so clear with that answer your honour?

Comm: Are you saying I am talking nonsense? If I say he has given a clear answer then you must accept it. Go on to your next question or I will dismiss the witness.

VK: Aiyo, Tungku Dev, don’t scold him la, he is a young man, what he know? I am here to give my full cooperation with the Commission, I want to help my country, I love my country so much, and in fact I have already written the findings for this proceeding. It’s all here in this pendrive. Last time I use diskette la, but now modern what, so I use pendrive. YES! That is me in the video clip.

Comm: Do you realize the implication of your admission? Would you like a year’s break before we proceed? This is very dangerous you know. Think of the implications on some of us here.

VK: Don’t worry la Tungku Dev, Tungku Haidy, I discussed this with that Patel fella already, all rehearsed already one. Young man, go on with your questions.

Lawyer: Who was the person you were talking to on the phone? Was it ex-CJ Fairuz?

VK: Actually, that night, I had a quarrel with my wife, I ask but she don’t want to give so I got angry la I went down and had a few drinks. I am only a social drinker so if I drink a little bit too much I will talk nonsense la. Then these 2 Chinamen came to my house trying to sell me Amway products. I don’t like to turn people away. I pretended that my phone vibrated, so I went on and on la. Every time I looked, they were still there, don’t want to go away. I saw that young fellow recording me, I thought he was working for Kamalhasan or Rajnikant and they were looking for a new hero, so I put on my acting skills la. Actually 6 years already I have been waiting for a call from Mollywood and suddenly this thing happened.

Lawyer: Do you expect us here to believe this story?

Comm: Counsel, we believe his story. It is obvious he is telling the truth. Look at that pitiful face. Can that face lie, you tell me.

Lawyer: His story is not convincing enough. We have other witnesses to prove that he is lying.

Comm: We believe his story and it is up to us to say if he is telling the truth or not, not you. Anyway he has already written the findings which would make our job easier. He has in our encounters with him helped us in such manner many times so why must we ditch him now? We are not like that useless TA who pretended not to recognize a friend who had helped him a lot. We are not like that other ex-CJ who had forgotten who paid for his holidays? We are grateful people you know. We stick by our friends; we don’t ditch them in their time of need. You have a thing or two to learn about friendship.

Lawyer: But your honour ..

Comm: No buts, the Commission is pleased to announce that our job is completed. We will announce our findings later. Er, VK, where is that pendrive?

VK: Take from Apu boy there. Er, next week we meet in New Zealand ok? Vincent, Tun, that idiot TA, Patel and all the friends would be there. Make sure you come aah.

Comm: Aiyo! Why everytime New Zealand and Switzerland one. This time we go to Haadyai la.

Greenhouse Gases And The Mind

Has anyone really stopped for a while to notice that there is something wrong with our weather lately? I don’t know about you but I see and feel something wrong. It is been unusually windy at times and excessively hot at others.

Can’t really remember when was the last time we got so many windy evenings. Could this be the result of Global Warming? The Greenhouse Effect that so many people have been talking about and the predicted dangers that come with it is slowly being felt.

They say there will be flooding as sea-level rises. They say average temperatures will rise by a degree or so every few years. We can beat floods with proper planning and install more air-conditioning to counter the heat indoors. As for outdoors, the only solution is to avoid them as much as you can.

The real danger which no one wants to talk about, which I think the authorities are fully aware is how higher temperatures affect the mind. I don’t know if there are scientific studies to show the effect of higher average temperatures on the mind but I have proof, though unscientific, but convincing enough, at least to me, to support my claim that it does.

This matter only surfaced recently but what I saw was scary. We are quick to accuse people of faking things because of our own prejudices. We say what we want to say because what we said made us happy, gave us a sense of satisfaction but in the process we didn’t realize the harm our irrational behavior had on other people.

I know of a certain someone who at one time in his life was acclaimed to be amongst the best minds in the world. He is now decimated with a disease that eats up the neurons in his head and I am very sure it is because of the heat. At a very important gathering this genius was reduced to an insignificant entity who could only mumble ‘I can’t remember’ to questions put forth to him. It was so heart breaking to see him searching for his memory for very-very important recollections that even Alzheimer patients would remember. The confusion written all over his face when he uttered ‘I can’t remember’ brought tears to my eyes. Luckily the heat did not infect his bloated and inflated ego.

I was suspicious but not convinced but when another member of the same forum, couldn’t remember a good friend who use to party with him in expensive eateries and who use to have secret meetings with him with important dignitaries, I began to pay more attention to this new theory. I guess what convinced me was when shown a clip of his good friend, he went so far as to accuse his once best friend and banker and financier of either being mad or drunk. That’s it, I am convinced, it must be the weather, it must be Global Warming which has turned into Glokal Warming, it must be the Greenhouse Gases.

I waited eagerly for more proof that we are in grave danger when God answered my prayers. As if to make my work easier, He gave me proof in the same forum. A very eminent gentleman, a man so refined and impeccable couldn’t remember someone who went for holidays with him. He couldn’t remember the man who paid for his trip to ski in a land so far away. He couldn’t even remember his itinerary.

I hope, some scientist out there would conduct a study on this danger for I fear, it is infectious, highly infectious. Before it becomes an epidemic or even pandemic please do something about it. I would like to remember my friends when I grow old. I would like to remember who helped me in my times of need. I would like to remember who loan or gave me money and who paid for my vacations. Please God, help us.

I Can't Remember

Commission: Good morning Tun, please sit down. How are you Tun? You are looking fine. None the worse from that bypass operation I see.

Tun: Thank you, aah please for the record, it was not a bypass. I actually had a transplant.

Commission: A transplant? Where did they get a heart so fast?

Tun: I see that you all are so misinformed. Must be the press feeding you people with wrong information. I actually had a brain transplant.

Commission: Hmm, interesting so lets proceed. Please state your name and occupation.

Tun: I don't have to tell anybody my name, however I will tell you my occupation. I can't remember my last occupation but now I am the Director of the Memory Loss Research Project.

Commission: Don't you remember being the Prime Minister of this country?

Tun: Well let me see. Ah yes, I remember, I remember now. I was the prime Minister of Fiji for 22 years.

Commission: Fiji? This is Malaysia.

Tun: Malaysia? Sudah tukar ka? Okay, okay, Malaysia, whatever.

Commission: How long have you known Veekay?

Tun: Oh, Veekay? How could I forget. He was Anwar's driver whom we paid quite a lot to admit to being sodomised by Anwar.

Commission: No, Tun, you must have confused him with someone else. This Veekay is an Indian lawyer.

Tun: Hmm, oh, yes, I remember. I read about him in the papers, something about a video clip. Why, did he die? I'll send flowers.

Commission: Do you know him personally?

Tun: The only Indian that I know is the MIC President, er, er Datuk Sri Pandithan.

Commission: Pandithan? You mean Samy Velu?

Tun: Samy Velu? Who is he? Is he Anwar's new driver? Can you give me his phone number?

Commission: You don't remember things very well do you? Just bear with us a little longer and then you can go. Please watch the video clip we are about to play and tell us if you know the gentleman in the clip?

Tun: I may have known him, but I just can't remember. All this happened a long time ago, I can't remember?

Commission: All What happened a long time ago?

Tun: Manipulation of the judiciary.

Commission: So you are saying that the judiciary was manipulated?

Tun: Did I say that? I don't remember saying that. Are you working for Anwar?

Commission: Eer, Tun, one last question before we take a short break. What is your name again.

Tun: Tun Mutahir, the Bendahara of Narathiwat.

Commission: You may go Tun. Bring in Tengku Adnan

Tun: Are you Tengku Adnan? Do you know Anwar? How much do you want to admit that Anwar hantam your belakang?

Adnan: What is this, are you mad or drunk?

Syukur Alhamdulillah

Dalilah or affectionately known as Raden Galoh of Onebreastbouncing a survivor of breast cancer who I consider a sister and an iron lady texted me a few hours ago to inform that she has received the report of her bone scan.

Prior to this, she has been suffering pains which were sometimes quite excruciating. After her successful battle with breast cancer which left her heavily scarred it is understandable that this new episode of pain is met with fear.

For those who have not read her entries you would only be richer if you do. Do go over. There is a link to her blog in my sidebar.

The reason for this post is to express my extreme relief that her report came out negative. She no longer has to worry. I think she would write about it in her blog so its better to read it there. Praise be to ALLAH for giving her, her family, her friends and me this news.

When I read her message I couldn't help but shed tears of joy because my 'sister' has had a mountain off her chest. I am sure fellow bloggers who visit her blog often and who are in constant contact with her through this hard time of hers are equally relieved. I am sure they too thank God for this extremely good news.

This Hearing Is Adjourned.

Judge: I understand you are representing Mr Ko a/l Rek in this hearing?

Lawyer: Yes, your honour.

Judge: I have before me a video clip implicating your client in a very serious case. What is your client's stand on this?

Lawyer: Your honour, my client, after watching the clip, was amazed that the person in the clip looked very much like him.

Judge: Only looked like him?

Lawyer: My client also admitted that the person also sound like him.

Judge: Looked like him and sound like him? Is he denying that it was him?

Lawyer: In our discussions we have never touched on that.

Judge: What do you mean that you have never touched on that? I am asking you a simple question; did your client deny that the person in the clip is him?

Lawyer: He has not denied and neither has he admitted that it was him because we never discussed about it.

Judge: Then what have you discussed with your client?

Lawyer: The possibility that the clip was doctored.

Judge: Doctored? This is a serious allegation. You are saying that someone altered the contents of the clip to make it look like it was your client speaking in the clip?

Lawyer: Exactly your honour, you took the words right out of my mouth.

Judge: If he says that the clip was doctored to make it look like it was him speaking then he is saying it was not him, am I right?

Lawyer: No, your honour, I do not know my client’s stand on this. I have to get his instructions on this.

Judge: Are you practising your double talk on me?

Lawyer: No your honour, I wouldn’t even dream of doing it and to be frank I don’t even know what double talk means.

Judge: Hmm, What else has your client instructed you to do?

Lawyer: My client was wondering what handphone you are using? Some say you are using a Nokia 3210. Your honour, that is so yesterday. It doesn’t even have a camera to record other people talking, not to mention bulky.

Judge: Handphone? What has that got to do with this hearing?

Lawyer: Everything your honour. First thing first. Would your honour be interested in a Nokia N95? Beautiful phone your honour, state of the art, very good camera, RM2000, 10 payments and its yours.

Judge: Come here young man. (whisper) he told me that it is free and you are trying to sell me that thing?

Lawyer: (whisper) No your honour, its 10 payments of RM200 a month …. Er, er, er never mind RM180 a month and I will pay the other RM20.

Judge: RM150 a month and no payment during Thaipusam and Deepavali?

Lawyer: Hmm, you sure do drive a hard bargain your honour, okay, deal.

Judge: Wait, wait, can you download the Soi Lek video also? I understand it is only about 14mb, not too big?

Lawyer: I’ll go one better, that video and M Daud Kilau’s Cek Mek Molek mp3, what say you, am I generous or what.

Judge: Gentlemen, we’ll take a recess and I will inform you when the next meeting would be.

Lets Take A Breather

Lets take a breather shall we? Lets look at some pictures and let you imagination run free.


Have you had this lately?


This is my kinda baby. Guess who he is playing with?
A. His mom
B. Samy Velu.



Is this why babies are born?



If you had Anorexia and this is what happens if you beat it, would you do it?



Listen to him, he knows what he is saying unless of course if you are feeling kind of suicidal.




Hmm, I think I have seen something like one of this somewhere, but where??? Got a clue?



This is actually Chinese made easy, tilt your head to the right about 80 to 90 degrees.



Kinda remind me of an ex Chief Minister of a Sultanless state.


Boy, am I in trouble with the ladies.


My grandma is better than your grandma.


Anybody home? Our leaders favourite position.

Unless of course if you liked to do it together.


Kerp and me watching Manchester United vs Arsenal

Life's Brief Candle

At about this time last year, I was busy running to the hospital visiting my late brother who was showing signs of serious deterioration in his health. Whenever he was discharged, it was shuttling to his house on the mainland either before school or after. There were times I had to pay midnight calls.

I could still remember the 1st time he broke the news that he had cancer. The world crumbled on me. Yes, it was him who had cancer but still I was the one who felt devastated at that time. After our parents had passed away, it was always the 4 of us. He, being the eldest, was the strength of the family.

Slowly he got worse and it was evident to me then that the cancer he had, was truly terminal. Then in February, we were all packed to go to Shah Alam for my nephews wedding reception. Before making the trip I went to the hospital to visit him. My second brother was there. My younger sister who I am sure had badly wanted to be with us couldn't make it because it was her son's wedding reception that we were supposed to attend.

He was really bad. I couldn't find it in myself the strength to pry away from him. My second brother was with me and we called our sister saying that we could not make it because we thought that he wouldn't be able to make it through the day. I felt so very bad about missing the reception. My sister was all alone in Shah Alam and in times like that she really needed to be with close family. She needed us her brothers to enjoy that joyous occasion but then we all know that some things are just not meant to be. She gave us her blessings and I can still remember the quiver in her voice, that sad tone that shouldn't come from someone who was supposed to be in the mood of merriment.

Now as we all know everything is history. My brother passed away on the 23rd of May, a day after my 51st birthday and exactly 28 years and 1 day after my late father's departure.

Why do I write this, since this is not exactly an anniversary? Well, something that we don't realise when we were so engrossed in our own sorrows is that while we were down, or in this case, I was down, my wife was with me through it all. She was with me through all those visits and sleepless nights. She would stare at me while I cried a helpless tear and gave me courage.

Now she needs me because she is growing through what I went through a year ago. Her mom with whom she is so attached to, who was her only parent ever since she was 3, who slogged through poverty to raise her 5 children and school them is now completely bed-ridden, in a serious condition, probably living on borrowed time waiting for the day to meet her maker.

2 weeks ago, my mother-in-law, who lives with my family succumbed to a bad flu and we had to get a doctor to make a house call. She could still walk with the aid of that four-legged contraption that she has been using for the past year or so. One day while walking into her room from the bathroom which was hardly 5 metres away, her legs simply gave way. Her legs were weak prior to this but decided that they have had enough. We had to carry her to her bed and she has been there ever since.

Diapers replaced her daily visit to the bathrooms. She has to be spoon-fed all the time. Her words are no longer clear and now she can't even urinate. Sometimes they will be a huge swelling just below the navel from the urine that simply refused to go out the natural way. My wife has to press hard on it for the urine to flow out. Through this all, there was no pain. I think she has lost most of the sensation from the lower part of her body.

Once when my-wife's niece gave her an injection of vitamin c with a 2 inch needle almost fully embedded into her buttocks, she didn't even flinch. Now she begins to show signs of memory lost. She couldn't make out the time. She was confused if it was day or night and complained that she was not given her meal hardly an hour after her last one.

She refused to be taken to the hospital and we do not know what our next action should be. I began to feel exactly how I felt when my brother was going through his last days. I now feel that it won't be long. I am sure my wife feels the same too. I know she is putting up a brave front but I know the she herself knows that the end is near.

Anyway my mother-in-law is 81.

Leaders Opinions On The Crime Rate.

A reporter asked some leaders to comment on the frightening crime-rate. These are some responses.

PM: There is no reason to panic. Our crime rate is still low compared to many other countries. Anyway the figures did not explain one important point. If you were to take away crimes committed by foreigners in this country then the actual crime committed by Malaysians is not that high.

Najib: Yes, the figure may look quite high but crimes involving C4 is very low.

Samy : Mana ada jenayah di lubo raya? Lain tempat kalu saya apa puduli, Tanya lain orang la.

IGP: I have requested to government to build the biggest prison in the world which should be operable by the next VMY.

Adnan: This is a big boost to the tourism industry. We got quite a lot of publicity in foreign countries and I have instructed my officers to capitalize on this.

Sharizat: I have suggested to the cabinet that a percentage of the fines collected from those guilty of committing crimes, be allocated for welfare purposes. I think next year, welfare aid recipients would get a windfall.

Hisham: I had a permit to carry the keris so that should not be mistaken as a criminal act.

Keng Yaik: I spit on people who commit crime.

OKT: Saya telah memberi arahan kepada semua ahli MCA supaya tidak membuat jenayah. Kita akan pasang lebeh banyak cctv untuk mengintip mereka.

Zam: I congratulate you people for giving us a bad name. Why, why, why, why must you choose this to highlight?

Jasin: If the police had taken my advice by closing one eye then we could halve the rate. One eye see less then two, right or not?

Nazri: Something is wrong with our system. We have too many laws. A lot of things are considered crime that’s why our rate is high. If we do away with some laws then there will be less crime. We will make it harder to call an act a crime. Let me elaborate. Giving out of taxi permits indiscriminately should not be considered a crime. Stealing more than RM1000 is a crime, less, not a crime. Robbing with firearms is a crime, with a knife, is not a crime. Raping only once is not a crime, more than that is a crime. Corruption is frown upon but not a crime. If we adopt this then I assure you the rate will go down.

Lets Trade

There is no cooking oil, why? Its not our fault, since it is very cheap here, people are smuggling them out to neighbouring countries.

There's not enough flour, why? Since we heavily subsidised them they are cheap and people are smuggling them out to neighbouring countries.

There's no diesel, our fishermen can't go out to sea, why? Ours is the cheapest in the region, so there is massive smuggling into neighbouring countries.

There are no more young girl's in this country, why? Ours are the prettiest in the region so they are smuggled out to neighbouring countries.

Please people of neighbouring countries, return our cooking oil, our, flour, our diesel and our young girls and take our leaders in return. They are the best in the world, please take them.

Dahulu dan Sekarang

Last night Doc Tokasid sent me an sms on dulu and sekarang. Somehow, I lost the message and could remember only one or two. So based on what he said I added a few more of my own and would like readers to add whatever differences they see fit.

1. Dulu keras menunggu. Sekarang menunggu keras.

2. Dulu, cepat la sikit. Sekarang, takpa, minggu depan pun buleh.

3. Dulu 12 kali sebulan. Sekarang 12 bulan sekali.

4. Dulu, sayang, you nak pi Langkawi ka nak pi Pangkor. Sekarang, you nak pi Yan ka nak pi Kodiang.

5. Dulu, kalau I sakit, you la penawarnya. Sekarang, kalau I mati, you lah racunnya.

6. Dulu, eh sayang jangan angkat surat khabar tu biar I angkat. Sekarang, Ala badan you besaq macam peti ais takkan tak buleh angkat beras 20 kilo?

7. Dulu, sayang, tadi I pening tau tapi bila bau you kentut terus hilang pening tu. Sekarang, awat nak bunuh orang ka, pi la kentut tempat lain.

8. Dulu, kalau I jari you lah cincinnya. Sekarang, Kalau I kereta, you lah minyak hitamnya.

9. Dulu, sayang nak makan apa biaq abang beli. Sekarang, ooi tua, mana nasik aku?

Dan yang ini dia lain sikit dari yang atas.

10. Dulu, Kerjalah dengan saya. Sekarang. Padan muka kena tipu, sapa suruh kerja dengan saya, bahalol.

Anyone cares to add?

Blessed Muharram

May Allah bless us all. May there be peace in the world and may there be light.

The Case of the Reappearing Fees.

Yes I know that I had mentioned in the comment section of my last post that I might be away for a short spell but I just can't lie down and do nothing can I? They say, an idle mind is the devil's workshop so if I were to be idle I may invite the devil to take me on a trip to a CCTVed hotel room. That would not be good because, first I don't have Angelina Yam or affectionately called Ah Yam waiting for me and most importantly I have not inked the royalty agreement yet.

Well, anyway, I was blog-hopping as usual and got over to Mat Salo's blog and in an instant I turned green with envy. He was doing a book review. He's a rigger and doing a book review and here I am an educator sleeping my butt away. No, I can't let that happen. How dare you Mat Salo doing a book review behind my back. "I have to do something", I said to myself. Did I sound like a writer there? If he can do a book review so can I.

I immediately googled 'new books' and one stood out like a giraffe doing an anaconda in a congregation of mormons. 'That's it, this is the book I am going to review and Mat Salo you can stuff your Soi Lek DVD up Samy's behind", I whispered with a vengence.

It took me a whole 12 and a half minutes to finish the book online and boy did I land myself a winner. You cannot get a better book than this. Its so contemporary as if you are reading some thing that is currently happening.

A few things struck me about the book. The sherlockholmish title and the fact that the book is rated 18SX. The title is The Case of the Reappearing Fees (tcotrf) and its written by a keris-wielding politician called Aaauw On. Its interesting to note that the 18SX rating is not due to the contents of the book or the presence of vulgar language. According to the publishers, NOAM Publishing House, no relative of Chomsky here, they had to rate it such because the author insisted on inserting his image in every page of the book. After viewing the image, I have to agree. You see the author has a mouth that stretches from one ear to another. It looks just like a vagina after delivering sextuplets. Its just too disgusting. The publisher wisely inserted a warning that they would not be held responsible for any case of diminished libido.

The 245 pager discusses a strange phenomena where a fee that was announced dead and buried suddenly makes a mysterious appearance which throws a whole country into confusion and chaos. Amidst the mayhem the main character of tcotrf surfaced from the floods of Johoho to add more confusion by saying, "you don't have to pay if you don't want to because it is not going to hurt us but we truly hope that you pay up or the whole system would short-circuit so please, please pay but I cannot do anything if you do not want to because the elections are so damn near but you wait next year, I am going to get you".

The book also gives deep insights about what actually happened during the planning stages of the 'no fees' announcement. The author says that he had a bad feeling that something is amiss when the announcement is not followed by a fireworks display in Parliament House. Apparently, the person entrusted to make the announcement and press the secret button in his pocket, fell asleep, which was not uncommon, but he could have chosen a better time to do it.

The author also divulged secret information on how the reappearance of the fees played a vital role in the resignation of an official charged with dispensing free condoms to addicts and free Viagra to his colleagues. According to the author, a certain Angelina Yam was approached by some rogues who promised her that they will help her pay the fees for her children if she agreed to treat the officer to some ice-cream and apom balik. She agreed because she had already spent the money meant to pay the fees on a lap top.

All I could say is that this book is a must read safe for the image inserted. You are advised not to read with a full stomach because the image of the author is known to induce vomit. For those who buys the book this January a free copy of a very popular DVD is included. According to the author all proceeds from the sale of the book would go to the Keris-Wieder's Association and Apom Balik & Ice-Cream Addicts Association.

Rating:*****

What The Leaders Have To Say

A reporter fielded this question, What is your comment on the Soi Lek case? and this are the answers that he got.

Pak Lah: He was only sleeping, he did nothing. We leaders need a lot of sleep you know.

Najib: Stupid, utterly stupid, he should have done it in Port Dickson.

Radzi: I admire him for being a gentleman and resign. I wonder when will Shahidan do it?

Ong KT: We have recruited some Ah Longs to help us investigate.

Samy: Cit, cit cit, I also did the same thing what, but the lights were off. After all was over, I on the lights and saw Indrani dressing up with a smile.

Keng Yaik: I spit on the people who invade other's privacy.

Muhyiddin: I hope this will not raise the price of chicken this Chinese New Year.

Tahim TC: There goes my supply of free Viagra.

Sharizat: I am sure he didn't mean to do it. Maybe he tripped and fell into her?

Augustine Paul: Irrelevant.

Khairy: My Mat Rempits are ready to investigate, we are waiting for the greenlight from the IGP.

Mahathir: Are you sure the one in the DVD isn't Anwar? He is immoral I tell you, he is immoral.

Zam: I am sure they borrowed the CCTVs from Al-Jazeera, bloody Arabs.

Lingam: korek, korek, korek

No School Fees?

Pak Lah nearly scored a bullseye when in the last budget he announced that there will be "No School Fees." Almost all mainstream media were playing and rewinding the same song daily. If elections were to be held within a month, he would have scored a handsome victory just singing that particular tune alone.

Remember the last election and Pak Lah's promises on 'clean and efficient government'? Where is the clean government now? Where is the people friendly government now? And like the way he reneged on those promises, he has done it again this time around with his promise of "No School Fees".

When school repened recently, parents were confused when told that they will have to pay a 'yuran tambahan' instead. This yuran tambahan is actually more than the amount they paid the year before.

Lets get a clearer picture of the situation. In the previous years, school fees was RM4.50. In addition there were MSSM fees and Takaful insurance which were fixed amounts. Then schools were allowed to collect extra fees for sports, printing and library. It is these extra charges that make quite a lot of difference. Schools vary in the amounts they collect for sports, printing and library. Some collect less and the total amount is low while others collect more which pushed the total amount to quite high. In addition schools also collect fees for magazines. This again vary from place to place and according to quality.

What happens now is that the government has decided to do away with school fees that is no more RM4.50 per head. Realising that this will kill the schools, they come out with a mechanism where they calculate school needs. They mysteriously come to 3 figures based on needs of schools and parents affordability. They decide to categorise into 3. Category A RM30+, category B RM40+ and category C RM40+.

Schools will decide which category they want to be in base on the amount they need to operate and also considering the affordability factor.

In previous years, yes its true, that there were schools charging up to RM100 based on their needs but there were many schools sensitive enough to charge only about RM20+ to RM30+ based on the affordability of the parents.

What happens now? Schools that used to charge up to RM100 could only, at best, pick category C which is RM50+ while schools that used to charge RM20+ to RM30+ would most probably pick category A RM30+.

In previous years my school collected RM24.50 school fees and RM10.00 magazine fees for a total of RM34.50. This year we decide to go under category A RM30+ but students don't get any magazines for this. Do you see that by going under category A we are charging more? Do you also see that somehow the RM4.50 which was supposed to taken off is cunningly factored in? No school fees?

Why this stupidity? I call it damn downright stupid because now parents have to pay more when they were promised that they don't have to pay any. Lets take those big schools that used to charge RM70 to RM100, they would most probably be opting for the category C bracket which is lower than the amount they use to charge. The question is how many schools charged more than category C in the previous years. Where are these schools situated. What is the income group of the parents of students in these schools?

The answers are simple. Not many schools charged that high, they are mostly city schools and most of the parents are filthy rich. What about schools charging about RM20+ to RM30+? They now have to charge a minimum of category A which is more than or at least equivalent to what they used to charge. The question is how many schools charged these amounts, where are they situated and what income group do the parents come from?

The answers are are again simple. Many schools charged this amount, they are mostly suburban and kampung schools and their parents come from the lower income bracket. So who are the government actually helping here. Are they helping the rich parents who incidentally have very few children, or are they helping the poor parents, who for reasons only known to them have many children.

So the main question again 'Why this stupidity'?

Could it be that, those idiots who furnish the government with information about fees are those idiots who conduct surveys in their vicinity which is Putrajaya and KL and Shah Alam? They did not bother to really check with what is going on in other parts of the country? I believe that is the case. This means that the people in government has been severed with reality. They don't know the hardship that the poor are facing. They don't realise that pittance to them could be riches to the poor.

We may not hear too many complaints here because the MSM would be working overtime to filter dissenting voices especially with elections looming. Bloggers you say? Most bloggers could afford even category A or are already paying more than that so they don't really have much to complain do they? Maybe they are not aware being city dwellers and all.

Or could all these be another ploy by the government in generating dissent and then suddenly the PM comes to rescue and say all will have to pay only RM10 and that the extra amount paid would be refunded. I won't be surprised if this happened because flip-flopping seems to be the order of the day.

If there is no reversal, the situation is that the rich actually gets a discount in fees and the poor either pay more or pay the same amount. If they were to pay more or the same amount then where is the promise of No School Fees?

Seminar Anyone?

Those interested can contact me.

Very Shiok One

Reporter: Many people say that it is you who is the minister implicated in the porno DVD
Minister: Yes, I am the one and wait a minute ah, where got porno one?
Reporter: Don't you think the content is pornographic?
Minister: Where got porno. Don't make it sound dirty la. We did not act one. We really do one. Shiok oh.
Reporter: So you think its okay for a person like you to do it. You are married with children.
Minister: If I did not do it where can get children? You tell me. Why your father bought you from TESCO ah?
Reporter: So you are implying its okay for a minister to be immoral?
Minister: What immoral. Everybody do one. What you think we all discuss every Wednesday, you think we all discuss about the country ah? Haiya, don't be silly la. We all discuss this la.
Reporter: Have you informed the PM about this.
Minister: He know long time ago la.
Reporter: What did he say?
Minister: He nice man, but he scold me la. He say no wonder the viagra all finish in gomen hospital. Wah, very funny la he.
Reporter: You said he did scold you, what did he say?
Minister: He say why don't go oversea do, why do here, here got many enemies, why stupid. And then he ask shiok or not. Ha, ha, gila one that fellow, sure shiok la.
Reporter: What has your wife and children got to say about this?
Minister: Want to say what some more, sudah jadi ma. They all angry la but must pretend okay one.
Reporter: So does this mean you will resign from the cabinet?
Minister: What you gila ah? Some more got so many hospital to make, what, want to give Samy eat all ah, haiyo, siau lang la lu.
Reporter: You are not going to resign?
Minister: Look young lady, everybody do like this one. If I have to resign then the whole cabinet must resign also, they all same one. Some even got children one, some steal other people wife also.
Reporter: All of them like this?
Minister: Got la one or two not like this. That one also because viagra cannot work one. If can you think he won't do ah? You young lady, you don't know anything. You got a lot to learn. I can teach you meh.
Reporter: Will you be standing for election then?
Minister: Sure la, why give other people stand?
Reporter: Won't this jeopardise your party's chances?
Minister: Haiya, where got jeopardise one, make 1 or 2 new school, build new roads, repair this repair that, sure win one. You think people care ah? Haiya, I got a room in another hotel, this one surely no CCTV one, come with me, I teach you a bit.
Reporter: Err, sorry Mr. Minister, I have to get back to the office.
Minister: Why you afraid ah? You got do before or not? You are missing something la, come la we go.

MCA MINISTER SEX SCANDAL

What a way to greet the new year. Since I don't buy mainstream newspapers, I of course am shut out from the local happenings, at least for a few days before I get them from the net.

Well, last night I received a call from a friend asking who is the MCA strongman involved in the DVD. "What DVD?" I asked him. "Haven't you heard, a DVD of an MCA minister is in circulation, it shows him doing the yo, yo with a bunny".

Boy am I slow in getting my news. No I am not about to rush to the nearest newspaper store. Anyway what you find in the papers would be pretty much watered-down and filled with question marks when they actually know who this horny dick is.

Anyway, Bakaq Penarik Beca has a nice post about this with links to other sites reporting on the same matter. If they allow this to hog the limelight then it means that they want to hide or downplay other important issues. If they don't, then I guess that it means that it is hurting them bad.

May I suggest something to Pak Lah. Get all your ministers to practice Yoga. A friend of mind, a divorcee, said that she does Yoga and takes a lot of ginger to kind of kill the spirit, if you know what I mean, otherwise cut the dicks off the ministers and use sow the slits of the female ministers. They should be taking care of the country, not their Alberts and Venuses or whatever.

Ah! Elections must surely be very near. First it was that Radzi and Shahidan fella, now a horny old man. I wonder when will the MIC start theirs?