Wednesday 29 April 2009

The Delegation

Sec: Boss, we have a group of supporters waiting to meet you.

Boss: Supporters? From where? Which State?

Sec: From Penang boss.

Boss: From Penang? I am sure Dollah is not one of them, hahahahaha.

Sec: Hahaha, sure no la boss. If that happens then surely you would strike lottery la boss, not that you need it.

Boss: Okay, okay send them in.

Sec: Okay boss ........ Hmm gentlemen, the boss is ready to meet you. He is a busy man so please be brief because he has a meeting later on.

Supp1: Okay, okay, this would not take long.

Supp2: Salam boss. We are very excited to meet you boss. We have been waiting a very long time to meet you in person to congratulate you on your appointment as the boss of the country.

Boss: Come, come in, gentlemen. Have a seat please. Please to meet a delegation from Penang. Drinks gentlemen? One moment, Timah, get us some refreshments please.

Supp3: Boss, we have a signed letter here stating that you have our association's undivided support boss. 100 percent. We are behind you in everything you do.

Boss: Thank you, thank you gentlemen. I really need support from Penang. How's the Tun?

Supp4: You mean the Kepala Batas Tun? He is history la. Actually we never liked him. We have always been rooting for you.

Boss: Thank you, thank you gentlemen. You do not know how much this support means to me especially with Penanti waiting. I don't know whether we are going to go in or not but with support like yours, I think we can win la.

Supp5: Penanti is another reason why we are here boss. We hope to convince you to take the bull by the horns boss. Go in, fight. We are very confident we are going to win boss.

Supp4: Yes, boss, ini bukan cakap kosong. We have made many surveys and the winds are shifting very strongly to our advantage boss. I tell you we will easily get a 5K majority boss.

Supp3: Yes, boss and that is a conservative estimate la boss. We are so excited because now we have a chance to beat them in their own backyard la boss. Imagine the boost you would get boss. Go on, fight them boss. We will give all our support boss.

Boss: Wow!! I am getting excited just listening to you. Your confidence is infectious.

Supp1: Yes, boss, go in boss, go in, fight them boss. We will surely win or else my name is not Mat Awang la boss.

Boss: You can be sure that I would seriously consider this, in fact I'll get my PA to inform you as soon as the Biro Politik makes it's decision. Thank you gentlemen. Er, I am sorry, I have an important meeting with some business people from France so I have to cut this meeting short. I truly am sorry, I would love to talk to you more.

Supp2: Never mind boss, we know you are busy. Just a few minutes with you is enough for us la boss. Remember boss we are solidly behind you and we will get Penanti back, no problem.

Supp3: Aaah boss, before we go, here is something from us boss.

Boss: Ah, just leave the envelope with Timah. Thank you gentlemen.

The Next Day

Boss: Aah Timah come in please?

Timah: Yes, boss?

Boss: Remember the delegate from Penang? The one that met me yesterday afternoon?

Timah: Aah, yes, boss and oh a moment please ....... here's the envelope that they gave me on their way back yesterday.

Boss: Open it, if it is money, then use it to order lunch for everyone in the office.

Timah: Okay, ..... What money boss, all these are quotations la. This one is from Mat Awang Mat Hussein, Kontraktor class F,

Repair mesjid = RM120000,
Repair longkang RM85000,
Supply Amplifier untuk surau RM 55000.

This is from Dunia Cantek Class C,D,E,F;

Tar jalan Pekan Penanti RM350000,
Tar jalan dari Jerat Cina sampai SMK Guar Perahu, RM750000

This is from Sarkas Roboh Sdn Bhd.

Roboh surau lama dan bina surau baru RM1.5 juta.
Roboh dewan lama dan bina dewan baru, RM1.8 juta

This is from Warna Warni Sdn Bhd.

Cat semua bangunan kerajaan dgn warna Biru Tua RM3 juta.
Cat semua jalan di Penanti dgn warna biru tua RM 5 juta
Cat semua batu nisan di Penanti RM 1 juta.

Boss: Celaka they all, this is why they want us to fight.

Saturday 25 April 2009

Get Smart

He took off his shoes, held his breath, coz he knew what the stench would be like, placed the sole on the panel behind the bottle of bleach, in the janitors room, and a secret door slid open. He looked to see if the coast is clear and quickly stepped into the compartment and the door immediately slid shut.

For the next 10 minutes he stared at the cold steel door as it heads down at top speed. 10 minutes and 120 miles later the door opened and he walked straight into a full room.

Ah, yes, Agent Maxwell. We have all been waiting for you. The chief said while all the while looking at the numerous screens. Max took his seat next to the chief's.

People, I am sorry to have to summon you here in such short notice. I know some of you had to brave danger at enemy lines to get here and to those who perished while trying to get here what can I say, except, they are brave people and the world salutes them.

Yes, chief, what is it that is so important that I had to called from the caves with Osama. You know I was about this close to getting him.

I know Max, but Osama can wait. We'll get him later. I have an even bigger job for you and the rest.

Bigger than Osama? Can't be Osama right, coz he's on our side. Hahahaha, got it, got it?

Max, this is serious so cut the jokes. Anyway none of yours are funny. they never were.

I know boss, that's why I keep practicing but er,er,ermm...... Okay boss, I know, you are not amused.

Max meet Moe, Larry and Curly. They just got here from Iraq. I'm afraid Shemp didn't make it. He hugged a suicide bomber whom he swore looked like his grandpa.

This is agent Bean of MI6. He has just been recalled from Chechnya and that is agent Count Drac. We had to drag him all the way from Romania and he can't stand daylight much.

Hello guys, nice to meet you.

Okay people, I call you here because you will each head a unit for our next job. Kill the lights please. Gentlemen, the map you are looking at is the map of Bolehland. Our intell tells that Boleh will be getting a new leader. This man here will be their new leader.

So, what's so strange about getting new leaders. Every country gets new leaders when the time comes except maybe Italy and Thailand, they change theirs like Newcastle change managers.

This new leader they get is going to be a big threat to the Western World. He has it in him to transform everything. Under him every country would have to stoop to them. According to the Real Lost Bible, which you can get for 2.95 paperback version, he is actually the Chosen One. He would lead the forces of the East against us in the West and would eventually triumph.

What? You mean he is Superman? Superman's from the East? But he's got big eyes?

Max, just shut up. This man here is his advisor. He is Atlantes, Baba Yaga, and Merlin put together and there is still space for Rasputin and Manson. With his help, the civilised world is in grave danger of destruction.

You mean that advisor is stronger than Genghiz Khan boss?

When you get over there, never ever mention Genghiz, Ulan bator, Gobi Desert and any Tuyas that you can think off. You are sure to blow your cover. Err, Mr. Bean. You look like you have a question?

As a matter of fact I do. Do you mean Her Majesty's Throne is under siege?

Not yet but it would soon be, so, you know why this is our number one priority?

Oh no, this is serious and you can bet your last penny that The British Government would do everything possible to terminate this threat to the Empire. I wonder if Mr. Bond is aware of this. He must learn to stop shagging every pretty damsel that he comes across.

Gentlemen. The future of the World and White Superiority is in your hands. You must fight this serious threat. Make use of the media. Run them down. Get them but be very wary of their Minister of Misinformation, a certain Mr. Reyes Orphan. He is a wily character. He could write a PhD thesis on how something is black and than go out in public and screams that it is white.

Boy we have a great fight ahead of us boss.

Yes Max and it is important that we succeed. Europe, Great Britain, Australia and even the Latin World has pledge half their annual budget just for this. We must stop this new Empire from the East from gaining momentum. Max will head the whole thing.

Friday 24 April 2009

Time off in heaven

God: Hey angels, why don't you all come over and watch tv with me. It's been a long time since we last sat around a nice warm cosy fire and watch tv.

Angel1: You really mean it boss? You mean you're giving us the day off today?

God: Lets make it a few hours off okay?

Angel2: Half a day?

God: Don't push it.

Angel1: Okay, okay, a few hours is better than no hours off at all. These humans are really driving me crazy you know.

Angel3: What channel boss?

God: Hmmm, Just turn to any channel you fancy.

Angel3: What about Channel Bully?

God: Okay, lets see what's going on there. ....... Hey wait a minute, wait a minute, is that a black man in the The White House?

Angel4: Yeah, boss, the people has got fed up of white people so they wanted to try a different shade.

God: So, how's he doing?

Angel4: Too early to tell boss, he's new. A little shaky start but promising.

God: Keep me posted about him please. Next Channel......  Hey I can remember that river but I don't know of no humongous dam being there when I made it.

Angel5: Oh, that place, the old regime has given way to a more modern and robust regime boss. Look at how their bosses dress. They make damn cheap things there boss but the quality leaves much to be desired though.

God: Boooring, next channel.

Angel1: This is my favourite boss.

God: Why so red? Are they fighting? Let me see, is this the place of the White Elephants?

Angel1: You're sharp boss, yes.

God: Go a little south please ..... Hmm they still treat their women as merchandise do they?

Angel1: They service the whole region boss. Good for the economy.

God: Economy my foot. Would you like your sister or daughter to end up in one of those sin houses? Wait a minute, wait a minute, why are there noise signals at the bottom of the screen?

Angel2: Oh, those are distortion signals from the land of Boleh just south of White Elephant land. They are trying to stop us from getting a real picture of what is happening in their land.

God: Do they realise that this Heaven that they are trying to fool?

Angel2: They thought that since they could distort infos to their people, they could do the same with us.

God: Okay, turn on the anti-distortion switch.

Angel2: Right boss.

God: Oh, they have got a young man now. Why is it that his assistant is older than him? Stupid fellow.

Angel2: They are all not too smart boss. Ruthless? Yes. Smart? No.

God: Stop! Rewind for a thousandth of a second and freeze that frame.

Angel2: What boss, why?

God: That dark shadow behind that young man. Can you get an image from that shadow?

Angel2: If CSI could do it, surely we in heaven could do better. Here you go boss.

God: What!!!!! He is still around? Look that man is bad news. He is like what, a few thousand years old?

Angel2: Let me see through our data base. He's over 80 boss.

God: What is that young man doing with that old buzzard? Oh boy, that young man is a gonna.

Thursday 23 April 2009

Super Clean

Boss: Welcome to the Super Clean Puspakom.

Customer: Superclean? Wow! I hope you truly mean it.

Boss: Don't worry encik, we have revamped the whole system. We have got rid of all our dirty officers. Our personnel are super clean and efficient.

Customer: I am impressed, truly impressed with your confidence but its still left to be seen.

Boss: I don't blame you for being skeptical but I am sure you'd be surprised at the sudden transformation.

Customer: Okay, I have a vehicle without roadtax for 3 years. It's quite old but now I intend to sell it. I can't renew the roadtax and was asked to come here to have the vehicle inspected before getting clearance to renew my roadtax.

Boss: Oh, that is simple sir. Please go over there to counter 4. Get your number from the friendly clerk there and soon you would get the car inspected.

Customer: Thank you. I am beginning to like this transformation already.

Clerk: Your number sir. Wait till your number is called, and have a nice day.

Customer: Thank you. ...... er, er miss, miss, this number says 2713. Currently attending to number 2608, that means I have to wait for more than one hundred numbers, when will my number be called then?

Clerk: It depends sir. On average a number is called every 15 minutes.

Customer: What? Every 15 minutes? That will take days for my number to be called and I don't see anyone else waiting here so where are the 100 over people waiting?

Clerk: I don't know where they are sir. Maybe they went for coffee, or lunch or even for holidays.

Customer: Since they are not here can't you call my number first? I don't have much time you know.

Clerk: Sorry sir. We will wait for 15 minutes before calling the next number.

Customer: This is absurd.

Clerk: Don't worry sir,you could see the officer to get clearance for your number to be called early

Customer: Oh, then which officer do I see?

Clerk: Go to that counter and get a form, fill in the form and you would be attended to shortly.

Customer: Thank you. ..... Can I get the form to see the officer please?

Clerk2: Oh, one minute sir. here you are and that would be RM150.

Customer: RM150? For what? For the whole inspection? But the price list states only RM50.

Clerk2: The inspection is only RM50 but the form costs RM150 sir.

Customer: RM150? You ,must be out of your mind, why so expensive?

Clerk2: Sorry sir, that's the cost of the form. You could wait for your turn.

Customer: This is crazy. Here's the 150.

Clerk2: Thank you sir, here's your form.

Customer: Where's the receipt?

Clerk2: Sorry sir, we don't issue receipts for forms, only for services.

Wednesday 22 April 2009

Clean-up For PUSPAKOM

Let's be fair to them. When they do good then we applaud, when they do bad, which is more often than just often than we screw them.

Now, maybe because they have already realised that they are in big shit, they are trying to do good. So, we should applaud them for it.

I mean we all know how dirty PUSPAKOM is. I bet there isn't a clean soul in that organisation. Un-roadworthy vehicles get passed after the exchanges of some money. The fact that these vehicles could be a hazard is just not that important.

I read in The Star Online about efforts to

Clean-up for Puspakom

Now, this is more like it. This is what the people wants to hear. Now they are serious about cleaning up and I am the first one to congratulate them.

Yes, I know there are skeptics out there and I don't actually blame them for they have been fooled too many a time to take these people seriously but I got this gut feeling that this time it is for real.

In fact I have inside info about this and the info I got has convinced me that that they are serious.

I am told that PUSPAKOM would take delivery of the latest state of the art detergent to clean up all equipments and the whole compound of unwanted, stubborn, greasy and messy black-oil stain.

Now you tell me if they are serious or not.

Tuesday 21 April 2009

I want it, I want it.

I want it, I want it, I want it, I don't care, I say I want, I want it, I want it.

Now, now, now, what more do you want? We've already given you almost everything right, so what more do you want now?

Ha, ha, you said ALMOST, I don't want ALMOST, I want EVERYTHING. You must give me EVERYTHING I want.

Oh, please now, haven't I given you enough? What would people say. They'd accuse me of being too soft, now you wouldn't want that would you?

Who cares about you, soft or hard, I don't care. I want I want I want. Give me give me give me.

Its not that easy you know and its expensive. Now for once in your life you must learn to take NO for an answer.

WHAT!!!!!!!! Are you saying NO!!!!! How dare you. I don't care, if you don't give me you'll be sorry.

Okay, okay, what about this. You like this? I'll give you this and this and and and that one over there, okay?

NO no no no no, I don't care, you must give me what I want or I'll get angry. You know how I am when I get angry so don't give me anything I didn't ask for. You are making me angry now.

Now, now, its not good to get angry. Okay, okay I promise I will think about it and give you the answer later. Is that okay with you? In the mean time you can have all those that I offered you a while ago.

Now, I am sure I am going to get angry. I promise you I'll bite you hard. I'll bite you harder than I bit the last fellow. You are going to suffer.

Oh, please for goodness sake, you are just too difficult to handle. NO, I say NO. I don't care, whine all you want but you are not going to get it. Ouch, ouch, don't don't, go away, stop biting.

How dare you not give me what I want, how dare you say NO. Waaaaah! Waaaaah! Waaaaah! Aaaaww, aaaaaaw, hoooooo, hooooooo, Waaaaaah!

Okay, okay, stop shouting, I'll give, I'll give, just stop shouting.

Do it now, I want it now, call them now and ask them to do it now, I want to see you do it now. I don't want promises, I want to see you do it now, call them now, now, nowwwwww!!!!

Okay, okay, I'll call him now.

Put on the loudspeaker, I can recognise his voice so don't try to pull a fast one on me or you'll be sorry.

Hello, yes, aahh, I have talked this over and I have decided to do it. Yes, build the Crooked Bridge. Yes, THAT bridge. I don't care how much it costs just build it.

Yea, yea, now I'll finally get it, I'll finally get it. I know I will get whatever I want. Now let me see, I have the Twin Towers, Putrajaya and now The Crooked bridge, hooray, hooray.

Are you satisfied now? Now will you just be quite and not meddle?

Penanti, Penanti, Penanti, you must fight in Penanti, I don't care, I don't care, you must fight in Penanti, you must fight Anwar, I don't care, fight, fight, fight, Penanti, Penanti, I don't care, fight Anwar in Penanti, fight him, fight him, destroy him, destroy him, I don't care, I don't care, waaaaah!!! waaaaah!!!! fight him, I want Penanti, fight himmmmm.

Sunday 19 April 2009

The Strategy

Boss: We lost so many by-elections and with bigger majorities. This is hurting us. This is hurting me the most. We need to do something.

Member1: Yes, la boss, everywhere I go, they all 'perli' me la boss. I malu only

Boss: You say you malu, what about me? I lagi malu you know.

Member2: Easy only la boss. We push through parliament a bill to abolish all by-elections.

Boss: You know why we lost? Because we have people like you la. To do that we need two thirds. Do we have two thirds in parliament?

Member2: Oh like that ka boss, sorry la, I am 1st term MP la.

Member3: I say boss, easy only la boss.

Boss: What easy? I am going bald pulling all my hair and you say easy? How?

Member3: Every time we had a by election in their constituency we lost with bigger majority. When we fight them in our own place where we won with small majority, we also lost. So fight them in our own place where we won by big majority la.

Member4: But Batang Ai big what?

Boss: What do you mean your batang big? Are you insinuating that our batangs all small?

Member4: No boss, I mean we won big in the Batang Ai by election.

Boss: East Malaysia don't count la. There we can cheat any way we want and nobody can do anything about it. Anyway member3, go on.

Member3: Although we did badly in the last GE, we still manage to win big in some constituencies so if some of these constituencies were to suddenly fall vacant, we can still win there. Maybe majority reduced a bit la but we can always blame on something else.

Boss: Hmm not a bad idea. Which constituency do you think is safe?

Member3: In Pekan we won big what. If pekan were to suddenly fall vacant, we surely have no problem to win it.

Boss: Why Pekan? Why not somewhere else?

Member3: Pekan is in Pahang so if we won a by election there easily we could always say that the people of Pahang loves you.

Boss: What do we do to the ex MP of Pekan then?

Member3: I say boss, we give him a few million and ask him to shut up la.

Boss: Who is the MP for Pekan now?

Member3: I can't remember which idiot la but don't worry la boss, all our members can be bought one.

Member5: Woi, woi, psst, psst, he is the member of Pekan la.

Member3: Why are you whispering, talk loudly la, we have no secrets here la.

Member5: Never mind, never mind.

Boss: Are you sure you are not related to Dollah or Khairy or Ku Li? Okay I agree with your idea but why not you resign? Say la you are sick or you need time for your family. We give you a few million and you go main diam-diam.

Member3: But why me boss? I am not the member for Pekan what?

Boss: I know you are not the Pekan MP because I am.

Member3: Alamak! You ka boss? I say sorry la boss, I didn't know. Shit la that Samy trapped me la. He gave me the idea.

Secretary: Boss, your prayers have been answered, I just received a confirmed news that there will be a by election in Penanti.

Boss: What Penanti? Want to die ka? No la, we are not contesting la.

Saturday 18 April 2009


Do you know how they got their so-called 3.7 million members? Of course through devious means like paying the subscriptions of those who have left the party, who have died, and maybe even those who are not aware of it.

Hmm I wonder if they have Netanyahu and Mugabe's name in their register too? Come to think of it, I wonder if the Nepal, Indon and Bangla labourers working in the vicinity of my quarters are ACTIVE UMNO members? Who knows the person below carries a Malaysian IC with the name Mat Awang Bin Mat Diah and is an ACTIVE member of Kampung Kubur?

All this started when I was at Tumpang Sekole to read his post about how the former DCM of Penang is still an ACTIVE UMNO member. I followed his lead to the checking counter and keyed in my numbers and voila, I am an ACTIVE member of UMNO.

You see, the problem is I left Taman Selamat in 1994 and has since not paid any subscription. Being a former Setiausaha Pemuda Cawangan, I know that if one does not pay his/her subscription then he/she is no longer a member.

I met the Ketua Cawangan in 98 and told him that I have left the party through disillusionment. I had always suspected that somebody would be 'kind' enough to pay my subscription for me.

I also checked my wife's number and wow, she too is an ACTIVE member of UMNO. She was shocked when I told her. You see she is quite naive about this whole matter. She had never suspected that this kind of thing could happen. Anyway to the Ketua Cawangan, thanks but no thanks. I think he'd rather a relative die then to take my name off the register. That's how this people operate.

Just in case any of you would like to know if you are ACTIVE members of UMNO, try this link

Wednesday 15 April 2009

He was only 50

About half an hour ago an old friend, Ah Hin, called, in between tears, to inform that another old friend Ravi has passed away. "Heart attack" he said. I was truly speechless. The news really stunned me and I couldn't believe it. He was only 50, a police sargeant.

When I was 8, my family moved to Taman Sentosa in BM and soon enough I made new friends and amongst them, the closest were Ravi, Ah Hin, Mani (Ravi's brother - deceased - cancer) Christie, Lawrence, Franco, Jerry, Ah Bin, Ah Hock, Ah Lai, Kesu and Devu, (deceased) all lived in the same Taman.

Then there were others who joined us from other areas. There were Pete fat, Pete short and Pete Black, Kim Guan and Kashmir Singh (deceased, last year)

Ravi was especially close to me because he was extremely friendly and easy to get along with. Actually, in those times, we used to spend almost every waking, non-schooling time together, foraging the jungle, swimming in a pool at in the jungle, catapulting birds and iguanas, curi ayam and loafing at a nearby coffee shop.

When I had my first girlfriend, she happened to be Ravi's classmate and he voluntereed to be my postman. We were so very close. Even his brother, the late Ramanathan or Mani as we affectionately called him alias Nathaniel Dawson the name he would cheekily call himself, was a very-very close buddy of mine.

I remember how I cried in the van after coming home with Ah Hin in his van after visiting Mani who was terminally ill with cancer and Ravi was there looking all gloomy.

He joined the police force and worked in KL, Johore, Pahang and finally in Penang. We did not meet for so long during that time but after he was transferred to Penang we do meet though not as regularly as we would have wished for.

Last I met him was about 6 months back. In fact I promise to meet him more often. Last I spoke to him was about 2 or 3 months back when he called me saying that Ah Lai who was in Penang for a short break would like to meet me. I waited at the coffee shop but only Ah Lai turned up coz Ravi was on duty.

I still can't get over it. My children are using the car but as soon as they return I am heading for BM to pay him my last respect. Of course I expect to see the rest of the surviving gang members there.

How sad it has come to. Living, and making a living has forced old friends to only meet at the funerals of other old friends. This has got to change, at least for me.

My dear friend Ravi, Rest In Peace

Monday 13 April 2009


The list is finally ready. Yes, 28 names in the first list followed by about 40 in the second list. With 60 over names altogether there is a lot of work for them to do. Yes, this is going to take the better part of 2 whole days.

Transportation and security is the most important and for that the Inspector General of Police must be roped in.

Of course this has to be so because in the list are the names of the people who are going to turn the country around. Yes, the country's future lies in the hands of this 60 odd, clean and incorruptible people and careful attention has to be given to their safety and well-being. Nothing must be spared, no expense too great. The country had been in a rut for far too long and for once they realised that country comes before party.

The job would have been made easier if they had not screwed up to the extend of making disbelievers of the citizens. Yes they know, no one trust them anymore. No amount of rhetoric is going to change that. Not even Saatchi & Saatchi, their preferred choice of public relations advice, could help them out this time.

It wasn't easy to come to this decision. There was almost a revolt at the Grand Council meeting when it was revealed that a truly clean, pure list is to be drawn. The Council had to be coaxed, pacified and threatened to agree to this list. they finally saw the need for a truly clean cabinet. They agreed that they had no one to offer.

Now the hard work begins. First the visits to 60 odd residences to get consents. Considering the amount offered, this should not be too difficult. Then there would be the matter of persuading the opposition, to put the constitution aside, to agree that this large number of new senators be sworn in. For the sake of the country, the opposition should agree. If they don't then a one day visit to the Federal Courts should do it.

Then the medical checkups and special transportation must be looked into. Finally the swearing in of the whole Cabinet. This is the tedious part. Getting the venue ready is one challenge but providing the right atmosphere would be an even bigger one.

For the first time in history, even the President of the biggest winning party will not be in the cabinet. Yes, this endeavour to get a truly clean, spick and span cabinet, means a radical, untried, untested, previously unthought off and revolutionary new approach must be taken. Of course they could opt to have clean members of the opposition in but the Council would kill them,country or no country.

Everything seems about ready and in place. Final check:

Refreshments - ready
Chief Judge - ready
Consent Letters - check
Suitable venue - Check
Nannies - Check
Birth certificates - check.

Bring the babies in.

Saturday 11 April 2009

Care to try?

I received a request from an anonymous reader through email if it could be possible for me to post a piece of writing of his. Since I really have nothing to write anyway and this being a working Saturday for us here leaving me with not much time so why not.

Hope you guys could give comments if you see fit.

So here goes.

MahaAssSucker Theory Test

Question 1: Please select anything that Tun Dr Mahathir's did during his governance which you don't agree with?
A) Dont have any
B) Some of it ( 1 or 3 things)
C) So many (4 to 10 things or more)
D) Everything

Question 2: Please select why you have chose the above answer
A) He got da wisdom and perfect leader for Malaysian
B) He's brilliant but not perfect
C) Brilliant but got hidden agenda
D) Devilishly brilliant
Question 3: None. That's it. Just 2 simple question for simple test. Check your answer for da theoretically genius discovery. Ready..

If your answer is D's for both question then you really have a deep grudge with our 'beloved' x­-prime minister and you is regarded as an extremist by UMNO. Believed me. Hate something and kapoof every tiny goods and deeds is gone into thin air. All turned ugly, bad, evil and etc. Come on dude, give that retired man a chance. There must be something good about him. Maybe a soft straight armpit's hair for example. It just happened to my lucky guess. You can try that...find some
and you'll be surprised that you'll be enlightened and calm as never before.

If your answer is C's for both question then good for you because you are cautious and careful to Mamak as he always knew how to kill 3 birds with one stone. I say you got a brain up there. Be careful not to let your 'bird' flying wildly everywhere. It might get smack with that magical stone that old man has. Actually i was wondering why is that old man using stone to kill 3 birds. He can
try to use wide electric net or something. It might kill 5 or a dozen of birds. That's will be more impressive.
If your answer is B's for both question then you are actually in loved with Mamak but being rational is not a problem anyway. Love is blind but brain is not. Someone that we loved must be guided and told for what is right and wrong, but who are you to him? Maybe he will say..."Hey what's wrong with u telling me what's right and what's wrong..go piss off somewhere else." This is painful I bet
especially when it comes from our most dearly person. You can wish to try your luck. What's more to lost anyway...just 22 years of messiness. 

If your answer is A's for both question then CONGRATULATION to you because you just prove to yourself that u are MahaAssSucker. This test is to prove that you got no brain all this time. If you have any then it is actually broke or critically malfunction. No heart feeling okay. I'm sincerely admired you because of the dependancy that you have with that Mamak's brain but here's the fact,
human is unique. Its God's ultra perfect creation capabilities. No one is the same, even twin is different. Uniqueness varies in infinite way. One of it is thought. How can you possibly agree with someone for everything he does and says. Come one there's must be something not to agree with. Go figures out yourself of something. If not then I pity you dearly for voluntarily letting your brain and heart to waste.

Anyway here some some tips that I forgot to give you during your test. Sorry..
Mamak = Tun ­ (Dr + Mahathir) * India

Ini la tulisan saye yang tak seberapa..
Terima kasih


Wednesday 8 April 2009

So that is why they lost.

Reporter: DS, DS can you tell us why you lost in the 2 Bukits despite the many instant mee projects.

DS: How many times have I told you, those are not instant mee projects. It so happened that after looking through our records, we found some unfulfilled promises made by our former leaders, some dating back to the times of the late Tunku, so we thought since now that we have the money, why not make good on our promises. Let me reiterate, they are not instant mee projects.

Reporter: Okay, projects aside, why do you think you lost, despite the presence of party bigwigs including TDM.

DS: Frankly speaking, I am baffled. A day before polling we were confident that both the opponents would lose their deposits but, but, I am at a lost for words.

Reporter: Some said that the sentiments of 8/3 is still strong. The people has still not forgiven your party.

DS: What do you mean they have not forgiven us? What is there to forgive when no wrong has been committed? Okay, let me tell you a highly classified intel. Although this is classified but I think the people should know.

Reporter: What? Classified information?

DS: Yes, our intteligentia reported that they caught on radar last night, faint signs of foreign stealth aircrafts. Upon checking, they said that they saw paratroopers dropped somewhere in the vicinity of the durian plantations behind us. We believe that they are foreign agents brought by the PR to sabotage the elections. They must have used somekind of mind control rays to hypnotise the voters into voting for the PR.

Reporter: You mean, sabotage by a foreign government? Could it be from the US or Israel?

DS: We strongly believe so.

Reporter: This is a serious allegation DS. Are you planning of complaining to the UN?

DS: We know it is so but we have no evidence so no point in complaining to the UN. They do not have friendly judges like we have in our Federal Courts.

Reporter: So you mean to say, you are confident of winning if not for the act of sabotage.

DS: We were confident of winning. They people could see that we have changed. You could see from the crowd at our ceramahs. In fact, in one of the ceramahs that I went to there were close to 10 people who attended.

Reporter: You mean 10 thousand?

DS: No, 10.

Reporter: So what would the government do to prevent this from repeating?

DS: Oh don't worry, we are waiting for a former consultant now released, to come back with the latest equipments to counter this. In fact we are now channeling 50 percent of the 60 billion package, we announced earlier, just for this.

Reporter: But DS? That man is questionable?

DS: The courts didn't think so? Anyway we will not allow any commissions this time. We will reimburse him of all expenses incurred and maybe some sweat money not exceeding 20 percent of the amount and I'll make sure he doesn't use the services of any foreign interpreters.

Reporter: Is that the only reason DS?

DS: There are others also. The Old Man also played a part in our defeat at the other Bukit.

Reporter: Are you admitting that TDM is a liability?

DS: No I mean, the toupee man. He should have stayed at home and not go campaigning. He should realise that the Indians can't stand him anymore.

Reporter: What now after this DS?

DS: I am very tired and still have a new cabinet to think of, so I am going to go home and rest. Tomorrow I will open all the presents I have. Oh, I love naming a new cabinet, you suddenly get lots of presents.

Wednesday 1 April 2009

Here They Go

Minister1: Datuk Seri, Datuk Seri, one minute please.

PM: Why, what is it?

Minister1: Err, sorry PM, I was calling out to the DPM.

PM: Oh, okay.

Minister2: Datuk Seri, you left your bag la.

PM: Where? It's with me.

Minister2: Er, sorry, er, er, what's your name? Er, actually I was talking to the DPM, he left his bag here.

PM: No la, that is the coffee boy's bag, the DPM has his bag with him.

Minister2: Oh, okay, see you. Er, er, Datuk Sri, Datuk Sri, you left your glasses .....

Minister3: Er, PM, excuse me please.

PM: Sure, sure, why?

Minister3: No, no, I want to see the DPM for a while. Er, anyway, nice knowing you.

Minister4: Er, DPM, DPM, can I talk to you for a while.

PM: I think he can't hear you la, too many people talking to him.

Minister4: Yes, la, can't even get near him la, anyway who are you?

PM: What you don't recognise me anymore ka?

Minister4: Alamak, PM ka, I forgot my glasses la, that's why I didn't recognise you. Sorry la.

PM: Oh, it's okay, it's okay and by the way, you have not forgotten your glasses, you are wearing it now.

Minister4: Ya, ka, sorry la huh, see you at the farewell dinner.

Minister5: Datuk Seri, Datuk Seri, it's me, can you come to my house for dinner tonight please. What do you you want to eat? Woi, you all, let me move la, I also want to talk to the next PM.

Ex-Minister: Ayoyo so many people one here. Er, Datuk Siri, Datuk Siri, Woi, don't touch my hair la, nanti jatuh la. Datuk Siri, can make me Senator ka?


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