Friday 12 February 2010

Austerity Drive

Director: Ok people, take your seats and be silent please, the minister would be here in a minute.

Minister: Good morning and please be seated. That was a nice breakfast you served and the dances were superb but I would like to to stress that we are currently running on a poor man's budget.

Officer: Meaning sir?

Minister: Good question there. From now on, I don't want all these welcoming functions with expensive makans and dances and fireworks. No more renting of canopies. We are on an austerity drive so we must save wherever we can.

Director: Do you hear that people? The minister doesn't want wastage. I told you all about this but you are stubborn.

Officer: But sir, it was you who....

Director: Shut up and don't interupt me when I am talking. Be seated and let the minister finish what he has come to say.

Minister: Thank you. From now on there will be no more overtimes. If you need to work extra, we will replace with a day off for every 6 hours of extra work you put in.

Officer 2: But, we all have a lot of commitments.....

Minister: Shut up! Don't interupt. There will no more be mileage claims. You will all be paid RM26 flat per month for mileage.

Officer 3: But even one trip could cost us more than that?

Minister: I know that is why I have ordered that there be no more courses or meetings or briefings. Use the internet. There will be no more phone bill claims.

Officer: How are we going to call people then?

Minister: Don't call them. If they need you, they call you. Use email to contact them. No more airconds from tomorrow onwards.

Director: But sir, this office is completely closed, my people would die.

Minister: Never mind, I have already allocated RM5 million to renovate this office to put in a few windows and add a few fans. My brother's company would be coming in to do the renovation tomorrow.

Officer 4: But we use up only about RM2K a month for electricity? Wouldn't RM5 million be too much?

Minister: Shut up. What do you know about economics? I know better, that is why the people elected me.

Officer: Are we going to lelong the present airconds?

Minister: No, the units will be donated to a few UMNO Bahagians and this office is responsible to pay their electricity bills. Director, reserve about 10K amonth for these.

Director: But sir....

Minister: Shut up, no buts. On my way in, I saw that the compound is just not up to the mark. The gate is old and the guardhouse is just like an outhouse. I am using RM10 million of the poor people relief fund for a new guardhouse and landscaping. My brother's company would handle that. So people, I would like to remind you that we have to serve the people and we should do that by not wasting. All allocation should go directly to the people. Any questions?

Officer 6: Sir, I hope you wouldn't see this as a waste but our toilets are old and not up to the mark. This would not reflect well on this department sir.

Minister: Oh, that's bad, that's bad. We don't want the people to think lowly of us. How many toilets do you have?

Director: 5 sir.

Minister: Hmmmm 5, ....... Okay I'll use up 30 million of the OKU unused fund to upgrade the toilets. RM5 million per toilet and the other 5 million is to upgrade the surau.

Director: But we don't have a surau sir. There's a mosque just outside the gate. Our people and visitors use the mosque for prayers.

Minister: Oh, that is a mosque outside there? No, no, I don't want our people to leave the premise for prayers. Mr Director get a 10x10 area for a surau. Of course my brother will handle this. Okay, I am done. Ahmad come lets go to the mosque outside there. I hope we could find something to repair. If there is any, I'll allocate 35 million, 34 for my brother and 1 for your second wife.


Anonymous said...

Salam cikgu,
Thats sum up every thing. So YB can I CIFU today ???? Just my 2sen cikgu.

Anonymous said...

Director: Mr Minister, but our new submarine is sinking when diving in sea, Sir?

Mr Minister: Dont worry, the Tuya Tuya ghost will come save the submarine from sinking especially in the Chinese New Year month and Ching-Ming month in April or so.

Director: Mr Minister, but what about others days of the year, Sir?

Mr Minister: We will allocate 3.5billion from Public Finance Initiative to build big subamrine made from sampan woods in Pulau Duyong, Terengganu. Wood swont collapse like concrete, so not many expected to die if it sinks.

Director: Oh, like that kah Mr Minister.... Selamat Lari Laya huh!!

Singam said...

The sad part is that this is not even funny anymore! We know it is happening and we are still unable to do anything about it.

Unknown said...

2 sen,
Exactly, that sums it all up.

Unknown said...

Anon 12.03,
I thought they are going to build the subs with coconut husk.

Unknown said...

Correction, not many wants to do anything about it.

ahoo said...

Is there someone out there who has got the figures of those projects that were left uncompleted such as the " navy vessels " etc. Many billions was involved if I remembered correctly and vessels that were delivered were not up to specification or something and not sea worthy too.

Those wastages / corruptions must be into the hundreds of billions by now. What a shame that we the people have had allowed these diseases to spread unhindered. We must have the courage to amputate this gangrene to save other vital organs before it affects the whole body and cause death.


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