Tuesday 5 January 2010

The Press Release

Press Release

After extensive investigations that span all the continents and suspicious looking satellites circling the Earth and with the co operations of the CIA, FBI, Mossad and consultations with the WHO, RSPCA, Yakuza, the Pallin For President group, the World Silambam Society and also the KKK, we finally got a lead as to the modus operandi of the group that stole the jet engines.

We are glad to inform that prosecution papers are being drafted and the culprits would be charged in court on the 30th of February.

The department would like to lay to rest speculations that personnel in the armed forces are involved. After going through volumes of files, logs, Readers Digests and Mad Magazines, we find that not a single personnel of the armed forces are involved in this hideous and treacherous act.

Our own investigation teams aided by Bomoh Pujangga Salleh of Jengka 5, Shaman Mwambra of the Tipu tribe of Uganda and the spirit of Mona Fandey, finally managed to trace the culprits. Forensic evidence were confirmed by Dr. Pornthip and the department has enlisted the services of Lucas Films, Steven Spielberg, Bruckheimer and the world famous director Datuk Eusoffe Grandslam to recreate the scenes in HD, the premier of which would be aired live on Astro Beyond at the affordable booking fee of RM99.99.

We have initially booked Judge Augustinus Hackus to sit on the bench but due to his indefinite unavailability, we have decided to alleviate the just married Bungkus of Sabah to the Bench.

We urge and plea to the general public to stop further speculations and to cease making comments that may tarnish the immaculately clean image of the arm forces.

To lay to rest all doubts about this whole affair we hereby name the people to be charged,

1. Aung San Mway ( Myanmese beggar along Petaling Street)

2. Jahangir Khan ( Pakistani carpet seller in section 22)

3. Daisy Loh Poh Kee ( China Doll of Rumah Urut Syiok, Batu Pahat)

4. Sheikh Mujibur Saifol ( Bangladeshi construction worker in Melaka)

5. Bahadur Kumar (Nepalese restaurant worker in Klang).

The department would soon get the services of several interrogators from the MACC to interrogate several other suspects whose name would be randomly drawn from a chest containing the names of thousands of illegal immigrants.


ahoo said...

Very original Chegu ! In the end they will hammer some small flyers and send them to "Timbaktu" for early tax free retirement with full pension and lodging too.

Well, the tax payers may be footing another bill for the new purchase of fighter jets since the current batch are too old and parts are too costly. New deals come easy and rewards well.

frankie said...

And the goverment is scratching their asshole wondering why our ranking in corruption index kept on getting worse.

This is like accusing the maid of selling off her employer's BMW.

Make no sense kan?

Unknown said...

Who knows maybe one day we will have missing skyscrapers and bridges?

Unknown said...

Where got corruption in this country? We all very clean what.

zorro said...

I have posted your piece for my readers.

Anonymous said...

The KEPALA OTAK former MINISTER OF DEFENSE will table the matter in United Nation Assembly in New York, amongst other things, the lost F-5E engines were stolen at night meeting under the 'dark' during the times of Elegant Silence took place.

The culprits were known to be Jordanians looking like the Pendatangs, fat bulging stomachs and ugly sagging noses like porky pig.

Due to professionalism and tactful of local enforcement agencies, both F-5E engines and culprits were bombed using TNT and C4 in bushes nearby lake Putrajaya where Anaconda snakes and Wild Boars roamed.

Inconclusion, the KEPALA OTAK informed UN "Case Tutup".

Anonymous said...

can we get those illegals to lelong our dumb cabinet / parliamentarians?


Mike Tan said...

IGP says the people listed are difficult to locate as they used foreign passport to sneak in and
there is no record of their movements.

Further more immigration is going to mount large scale special op
to flush the PENDATANG out and ask them to go back will implicate the effort to locate them.

However they are invited to formerly lodge report or make an SD if they are abuse by the RELA in the process,like force to squat and pee or extorted for maney.

Meanwhile all the employers of the alleged derhaka are not allowed to
make any statement or the police and MACC file charges against them for sub judice.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Muahahaha...good one cikgu. I think these fuckers should get you into their scriptwriting team as your idea will definitely inject more originality into their future drama. The one currently showing pretty much used the same storyline as the previous blockbuster.

Frank said...


Its hilarious!!!

Anonymous said...

Aiyah why have air force, who you want to fight ? If you win, what you want to do ? Having F 5E is like having aircraft carrier in navy, why so stupid. I only see mosquitoes attacking malaysians to give them dengue so buy some DDT enough lah.

If know who master thief is can we get him to steal some of the 500 million commission to give back to rakyat ?

Unknown said...

You know I have no objections and thank you sir.

Unknown said...

anon 19:02
The case was closed even before it was reported.

Unknown said...

anon 21.50
Hmm you think got buyer ka?

Unknown said...

K4es sudah tutup lama dah. Now only sandiwara.

Unknown said...

Yes, la Kerp, the recycle old scripts, so predictable.

Unknown said...

Glad you like it.

Unknown said...

Don't you know that Russia, China and the US are shivering at the might of the Malaysian arm forces especially our ruthless Nuris.

Anonymous said...

anon 21:50, replying to kata tak nak.

Sure, lelong mah, sell cheap cheap can sure got buyer 1.

"cheap comedians for lelong?"



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