Friday 8 June 2007

Marriage Jokes

Love is in the air. The quiet Wedding of the Year is coming so maybe its time for some marriage and wedding jokes.

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life sentence!!!)

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the women gets her Master.

Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends.You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

It's true; all men are born free and equal - but some of them get married

A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.

There was a man who said "I never knew what happiness was until I got married... and then it was too late!"

There was this lover who told his love that he would go through hell for her. They got married - and now he is going through HELL!

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe-Jackie Mason

A friend asked my wife if I was hard to please She replied, "Don't know. Never tried."

Beifeld's Principle:
The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the company of:
(1) a date,
(2) his wife,
(3) a better looking and richer male friend.

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same
purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all
afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night." - Marie Corelli

Do you know why God witheld the sense of humour from women?
That we may love you instead of laughing at you."

Son :How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father:I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it.
Son :Is it true, Dad, that I heard that in ancient China, a man
doesn't know his wife until he marries?
Father:That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE.

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.

Marriage life is full of excitement and frustration:
-in the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
-in the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
-in the third year, they BOTH speak and the NEIGHBORS listen.

Couldn't have been happier when my wife became a "libber" Now, she complains about all men and not just me

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.- Rita Rudner

If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, you're aiming too high.

The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you're sick of him.

A really great salesman is one who can actually make his wife
feel sorry for the girl who lost her panties and bra in his car.

Women don't make fools of men; most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

For twenty-four years I've been in love with the same woman.
If my wife ever finds out she'll kill me.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde

Sure God created man before woman.. but then you always make a rough draft before The Final Masterpiece

A man who won't lie to a woman has very little consideration for her feelings." - Olin Miller

Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
-Robin Williams


Unknown said...

And today, on a fine Friday morning, I'm laughing my heart out in my office... Muahahaha... Bro, those are funny, man!

Hope to see you esok petang, I'll text you eh?

Take care, bro and salam.

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

Salam Chegu, Nak tambah dua lagi to the collection.

"Why do men die before their wives? They want to."

"I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always."

Unknown said...

Comment deleted?
What happened, I did not delete any thing? Can some tech savvy people tell me why that happened? Could it be my setting or what?

Anyway, Raden I have emailed you my reply.

Those 2 are precious, real precious.

Anonymous said...

i'm not married but i can pretty much relate to marriage life having experienced the 3rd one everytime at mamak stall..hahaha

tokasid said...

Salam che'gu:

Kah3 aku sampai dok tergolek ni. You made my gloomy morning bright again.
dah habih marking exam papers ka?
Matsalo is in Penang, he might give u a call esok(saturday) kalu dan.
Selamat perabih cuti dan mula sekolah balik Senin ni noo...

Unknown said...

you are not married? Read everything again very carefully. No just joking.

Nak start hari ni la. Yeah Raden pun nak mai. I am waiting for tomorrow. Glad you started your morning well. Pak Lah should read this before making his decision, but then he has been in it before. Agaknya di barat marriages is quite frowned upon la kot. I tak tau coz I haven't been there. Setakat tengok tv and wayang saja banyak exaggeration.

Mat Salo said...

Salaam Chegu NK,

Tergolek Dog baca chegu nyer post ni, apalagi RM50/- per hari internet hotel cekik darah kat Batu Feringghi nih. Tried to call your hp to no avail....

Anonymous said...

thanks for the tips cikgu. atleast i'm better informed abt what hell's like...hahha..

Unknown said...

Nice piece kata tak nak..and all those funny quotations.
You sound like Omar Kayam
By the way...Sheih's mom is getting better.

Anonymous said...

Che Gu ni ada-ada saje. memang tergelak habih.
hmm... maklum le, semalam baru anniversary. kali ni suami tercinta yang ingat dulu. banyak dugaanNya che gu in this marriage. termasuk hikmah disebalik kepulangan arwah afifah.

Unknown said...

Mat salo
Hotel di BF memang cekek darah especially kalau ada special event dan ramai guests, Raden is coming over 2moro and she's wondering which hotel you're in. Call me again if you read this. I called you but dpt answering service sj.

Yeah byt I think I prefer heaven.

Thanks for informing me about Sheih's mother's improving conditions.

So last night anniversary la? Candle light dinner kot. I sambut anniversary every year with the whole family, lbh seronok mcm tu. Tapi you all org muda lbh romantik la kot.

buayaputih said...

Salam chegu,
Lama tak dropped by

I am so sorry to hear about your brother (tak pasti kalau comment ni sesuai kat sini, tapi t'is one is ur latest post, i just dont want u to miss the latest). Mintak maap kalau salam takziah ni terlambat. Semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat.

Wah, makin advance chegu sekarang, tak mengganggu aktiviti di sekolah ke? Tapi kadang2, this kind of drive injects some energy to our daily routine, for your case maybe might put in more creative touch in your class activities, maybe.

Keep on writing chegu!

BTW, comment deleted tu maybe deleted by the owner of the post, maksudnya kalau ada orang comment kat sini tapi lepas tu tukar fikiran n then dia delete his/her own comment.

Unknown said...

Terima kasih atas ucapan takziah tadi.
Bila saya balik I don't like to think so much about work unless its the exams season, buat jadual baru )saya buat jadual waktu untuk sekolah) atau ada apa2 special events that requires work to be taken home. Memang lama saya tak menulis dan bila mula menulis semula rasa energetic sikit.
Saya pun agak juga yang author tu sendiri yang delete. Yang saya nak tau macam mana nak buat macam tu?

Apandi said...

Chikgu, good one. Hmmm especially yang kawin kat Cina ta kenal bini tu. So true everywhere.

Bab delete komen tu kalau logged in as blogger ada gambaq bakul sampah, click boleh delete entry tu. But only for the author.

Unknown said...

Terima kasih, I learned something new today then. Kita tak mungkin know everything about someone. Tu yang adventurous tu.

Unknown said...

kata tak should be a stand up commedien...but sadly in Malaysia...cannot earn a living...if can...we both combine...why both of us will least...hahahahaha


Related Posts with Thumbnails

Blog Archive