Friday, 19 June 2009

Who's rocking the boat?

Man1: Did anyone follow you here?

Man2: Nope, the coast is clear.

Man1: Are you sure? I don't feel too good about meeting like this. Why don't we meet overseas like last time.

Man2: They would expect us to do it that way. They know we've been meeting overseas so this time we fool them.

Man1: Okay, I can buy that but why in this god-forsaken place? There are mosquitoes, for god's sake. Why can't we meet in one of those 5 or 6 star hotels? Its more comfortable there and the food sure is better than this nasi bungkus we have here.

Man2: I say, come on la, you think I like meeting like this ka? I also want to meet in one of those posh hotels. If people were to see me there, it makes no difference coz for people like me its a normal thing but to see you there without your robe would sure to arouse suspicion.

Man1: I hope we can get this all done with so that I could be with your people. You can't imagine the discomfort I had to endure wearing robes. How I envy you and your kind with your expensive suits, bungalows and cars.

Man2: Those suits are nothing man. When you finally persuade them to join us, I'll take you to someplace where they wear nothing.

Man1: Astarghfirullah, how could you say that?

Man2: Don't try to act good la. Don't be a hypocrite. What's the difference between fucking around and betraying people's trusts? At least if I fuck around, I don't hurt other people.

Man1: Look man, I have been getting fired left and right so I don't need this from you okay?

Man2: Okay, let's start the boat and head out to the middle of the lake. No one would notice us there now that its dark already.

Man1: You sure no one can see us here? I am afraid la.

Man2: Don't you fear la, my men are ashore covering the area, no one could get in. What is there to report? When are you going to bring your people to join us? The boss is getting a little edgy.

Man1: Not so soon la. The big boss is pissed la.

Man2: That I know already, tell me something new.

Man1: I think we have to lie low for sometime la. We will make some statements to sooth the supporters while we find another way.

Man2: Shit, is this what you have to report? This is not good man. We need your people to join and we want it yesterday.

Man1: Haven't you heard about patience and how patience is half of 'Iman'?

Man2: Hey, idiot, don't preach la. Is meeting like this to betray your people 'Iman'? Shit, you are so dense la.

Man1: Even if you are angry at me you don't have to rock the boat.

Man2: Don't you worry, I am not rocking the boat. I am quite a patient man.

Man1: I am not talking about the proverbial 'rock the boat'.

Man2: Hey, hey who's shaking this boat, no, no, help, help, I can't swim, what's happening, who's shaking this boat. Aaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

( Meanwhile in an undisclosed place)

Chinese1: Apa, ah, I just can't help thinking about it la.

Chinese2: What have you been thinking Ah Seng?

Chinese1: You remember or not about 30 years at kenyir River?

Chinese2: Yes, how could I forget that one. I love them very much la.

Chinese1: I wonder how those Arapaima Gigas are, if they are still alive that is.


cakapaje said...

Salam Cikgu,

Lol...big time lol! ROFL and whatever :)

First, that arapaima are south american giant catfish and have been recorded to actually eat children. I love watching them swim at a small aquarium nearby. Unfortunately, the pool's too small for them.

And yes, I guess the 2legged kind araipama do exist here in Malaysia. But these 2legged kind are an insult to the real fish. Even the lure and bait (as in Man2), look suspiciously an insult too. Hmm...

Anonymous said...

Salam cikgu.
Wah! now Arapaima Gigas pula. That it ! 30 years ago! Now I remember. Yes, those 2 lovely babies that were released into the river. I was wondering what happened to them. Now they are coming back untuk menegak keadilan ! Betul cikgu. Who is "rocking the boat". Tak sangka ya ? There are many unexpected things in Malaysia Boleh. Just my 2sen cukgu.

fahmi said...

salam cikgu... still funny as always..

p/s cikgu, minggu depan saya nk masuk UM, degree TESL, ada tips berguna dari seorang otai cikgu English kepada saya x?

Anonymous said...

Lawak betul this time Cikgu.

Monday, after the President return Office for meeting with senior management Team, he will see one Arapaima-Giga looking Deputy President in robes walking intro Meeting Room.

Of course lah, that will also be the day Tuya lady friend, Ara-Roasted-Paima join along Bijan into Parliment declare Johore part of Singapore District.

That'll be the day.... it will come!

RPK and Pakatan Rakyat singing "If You Seek AMY" song by Britney Spears lah....

Hamba said...

Hmmm, I wonder? Is it the Arapaima Gigas or the snake that has turn into a naga? Is it the metaphor for UMNO, Cikgu? According to malay myth, a snake that went to 'bertapa' long enough will eventually turn to the mythical 'Naga'. I should think that UMNO after 50 years should by now turned into a 'Naga' too. It seem likely that it is NOT the Arapaima Gigas that's rocking the Pakatan Rakyat boat but a Naga ...UMNOnaga... Rakyat better be prepared cos the naga will eat the country whole, maybe the PKFZ scandal is just the starters. Just imagine how big is the main course! Petronas, maybe???

Kata Tak Nak said...

I think the arapaima would have to 'samak' itself after touching man2.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Boat rockers in malaysia come in many different forms. Some of them even wear turbans.

Kata Tak Nak said...

My only tip to you is to read a lot and watch movies alot. Have faith in your ability. If you could find it, look for "Comprehensive English Grammar". Damn bloody good book as far as grammar is concerned.

Kata Tak Nak said...

anon 15:53,
I think we have just the thing to settle our problems. Yes, you are right. We use the Gigas to get rid of our shits.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Somehow, this snake turned into a setan, not naga.

Hamba said...

Right you are, Cikgu. Right you are! Setan indeed.

fahmi said...

tq for the tip cikgu. it helps if u tell me the books publisher or writer.. anyway, i'l try searching that book & at the same time completing my application with doing medical check-ups and so on..

Kata Tak Nak said...

I can't remember the publisher. I used that book in secondary school. You could also try Wren & Martin. Just go to UM bookshop, I think they have them.


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