Tuesday, 9 September 2008

Paradise Lost - Remixed and Remastered

Satan: I call this meeting in the great Hall of Pandemonium to discuss a matter of great importance.

Fallen Angel1: What is it that is so important that could not wait Lord Satan. You do look worried. I have never seen you this worried since God caught you whispering into Eve's ears.

Satan: You call that worried? Na! that was concern, I mean losing my place alongside God was only a concern. I like it here in Chaos, here I rule and I surely wouldn't like it if I were to be dethrone from this fiery Kingdom of mine.

Fallen Angel2: You mean there is a threat to your reign here? Oh common, you've got to be joking.

Satan: Do I look like I am joking? I joke when I tricked humans not to pray; I joke when I get humans to go to war; I joke when I persuade a virgin to give herself up to a Mat Rempit, but I don't joke with my slaves. You understand that?

Fallen Angel2
: So that's it huh? I am just a slave to you huh? After all we've been together, I am still only a slave to you? Should have listened to the other angels.

Satan: Are you regretting following me? Do you know what happens to errant Fallen Angels?

Fallen Angel2: Alright, alright, you've made your point, I hear you. You don't have to shout do you? You'll wake the neighbourhood up.

Satan: That's why we are here for you fool, to wake the neighbourhood up. Oh why do have to suffer idiots like this, they don't make devils like they use to, I tell you. How, I long for the old days.

Fallen Angel3: Err, boss, you were saying?

Satan: Ah yes, look, our territory is being encroached. For the first time since we were thrown out of heaven, we have competition.

Fallen Angel4: Aww common boss, who could be badder than us, tell me, tell me?

Satan: Well they say a picture paints a thousand words so I have got here a video for you to watch, courtesy of YouTube. Look and you will understand why I am worried.

Fallen Angel1: Hey those are mortals boss, they are no match for us? I know they are bad but they aren't badder than us.

Satan: Ooops! Wrong disc, that's George Bush. Yeah I agree he is not that bad. He only bully others, not his own people. Ah, here's the disc.

Fallen Angel5: Where is that land? What country is that? You sure that's not Mars before it went dead? That place sure looks spooky.

Satan: That, my angels, is Malayuss.

Fallen Angel3: Wow that's a real big mess you got there boss. How did things get to be that bad?

Satan: Let me rewind it to about 25 years ago.

Fallen Angel6: Hey those people are real cool man. We sure do have a lot to learn from them.

Satan: That's the problem. It's we who have to teach them but look how good they are at destruction. Hey my reputation is at stake here you know. What if word gets around that there actually are badder beings than me? Look at their moves, I mean, even I couldn't think of such strategies. They make George Bush and the Republicans look like Girl Scouts.

Fallen Angel2: Hey I love that pack them away to Taiwan stuff, real first class man.

Fallen Angel3
: I love the lock the whistle blower part, that's really original man.

Fallen Angel5: Nah! I love the ISA man, that's real cruel man, my kind of thing man.

Fallen Angel1
: They could've handled that Saiful part better you know. If only they had planned it real proper. The idea is good man but the execution is, at best, amateur.

Satan: They are after all mortals so they can't be perfect but you've got to admit, they are good.

Fallen Angel2
: Hey boss, you are right. Your Kingdom is really under threat. You've got to do something about this boss if you want to continue being King.

Satan: I could enlist them? Do you think they will accept it?

Fallen Angels2
: Bad idea boss. They eat up their own kind. How could you trust them?

Satan: You've got a point there.

Fallen Angel1: Tell you what boss, if we can't beat them, join them.

Satan: You mean go down there and be a part of them? They'll make us look like novices.

Fallen Angel1
: No, I mean we watch and learn and use the same strategies elsewhere. Let them do the thinking for us.

Satan: Hey, you are right. Alright, all sattelites on Malayuss. Learn their every move.


Kerp (Ph.D) said...

another fallen angel barge into the room and proudly claimed to have influenced a malayu into creating racial tension in a mixed community. the fallen angel has managed to cloud that fool's heart with hatred and added some bitterness preservative for that extra flavour.

now even Satan is proud of this bigot.

cakapaje said...

Salam Cikgu,

I can just imagine this being made into a Bolehwood blockbuster and titled "Land, Even The Devil Dare Not Tread!".

Anonymous said...

Brilliant writings cikgu, I had a good laugh. # Salam and Ramadan Kareem,

Fr Kuwait

Kata Tak Nak said...

Yes, should have included that racist in.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Sometimes I do believe that the Devil holds certain people here in very high esteem.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Salam, and thanks for dropping by.


'notsohollywood' should make a film out of this....

monsterball said...

He should combine few scripts and make a great Mumbo Jumbo movie.
All will die laughing...and he will get the Devil's Oscar..his foot print...forever remembered...at the gate of hell....next to monsterball...hahahahahaha

Monster Mom said...

I thought the Israelis should be learning a thing or two from this Kingdom....

but you're far more wicked Sir!!!!

Kata Tak Nak said...

Maybe one day but the whole saga in this country would be a real blockbuster if filmed.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Never mind la monty, you stay in hell and I'll visit you often. I think it is too hot la there.

Kata Tak Nak said...

'Wicked' happens to be my middle name.


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