I Object

Lawyer: Your honour, the defence intends to show the world that the accused is actually a victim of a vicious plot and conspiracy by certain forces in the organisation.

Judge: I object.

Lawyer: But your honour, you are a judge, you can't do that.

Judge: Don't you tell me what I can and cannot do. This is my court and I can do what I please.

Lawyer: But your honour. it is for the prosecution to object not you. And as you can see, he is busy with his mobile phone typing whatever he is typing. My god! I think he is sending messages, your honour, what is this? This total disregard for your lordship.

Judge: Lordship? Where, where.? Er, you mean me? Don't you think I can see that? That is why I am objecting on his behalf.

Lawyer: But how would you know he is going to object?

Judge: Well, let me satisfy your curiosity. Er, mister public prosecutor sir, I hope you don't mind me interrupting you, I know you are busy, but you see, the defence lawyer said that he intends to prove that his client is actually a victim of a vicious plot. So I objected, and he is not happy. I am sure you had intended to object had you not been busy?

PP: Of course I would object. How am I going to win this case if he could prove that. My bosses wouldn't be happy with me you know.

Judge: There, there, I told you what. He is sure to object what. Look I have been working with him for a very long time, I know lar if he is going to object or not.

Lawyer: But your honour, you cannot be doing his job. This is a travesty of justice.

Judge: Look here, don't use big words. Do you think I would be impressed? Go on with your opening statement. (hmm, travesty, must look that up in the dictionary)

Lawyer: Your honour..

Judge: Okay enough, Mr Public prosecutor sir, please call you witness.

PP: I don't have any .

Judge: Very good sir. After considering everything that has been said, especially the defence attorney's rudeness in questioning my integrity, I hereby instruct the defence to defend himself. Please call your witness.

Lawyer: What is this, your honour, the prosecution didn't say a word and you say there is prima facie an..

Judge: How many times have I told you not to use big words? I am warning you. (hmm prima facie)

Lawyer: This is only the preliminaries, of course my witnesses are not present.

Judge: How dare you come to my court without being prepared. What kind of a defence lawyer are you? I have no alternative but to find the accused guilty of treason. Sentencing will be set on the 22nd. I'll have to ask the prosecution what they want. No bail, no appeal and I don't want to here a word from you.

Lawyer: Your honour, would you be so kind as to grant me a minute for consultation?

Judge: Ah, that's the way. Politeness will get you very far you know. Yes, you may. How can I help you?

Lawyer: I find that your knowledge of the law is out of this world, mind boggling, where did you study law? UM, Oxford, Cambridge?

Judge: I tell you a secret, after my SPM, I did not go to any university. Through the Ketua Bahagian of my district, I was recommended to the YAMNO school of judges. The public prosecutor was my lecturer you know. He is a real good guy. He always skipped class and we had a nice time earning extra as cyber-troopers.

Lawyer: What do you think about my clients fate?

Judge: Gone case lar this fellow. I think its the gallows lar.

Something Funny Happened

This story is fresh from the oven. It happened barely half an hour ago. Let me start from the beginning.

This morning, my daughters took their mother to a dental clinic. At the clinic, a nurse who happens to be a relative of my eldest daughter's friend was extremely friendly. She was talking and enquiring about the girls and my wife.

True to form, the dentist refused to extract my wife's tooth saying that it is still good. She asked my wife to come back in 2 months for the extraction, although my wife complained that the tooth was giving her sleepless night. No this story is not about the tooth nor the late date for the extraction. That part is just to highlight the kind of service you get in government clinics.

Back to the story. About half an hour ago, my wife got a call from a number that she doesn't recognise. The person introduced herself as the nurse who tended to my wife this morning. After some short formalities, she went straight to the point. She enquired about my eldest daughter. She wanted to know if my daughter is married. When my wife told her that my eldest is already taken she enquired about the other daughter who is only 20.

She told my wife that she has a suitable suitor for my daughter. He is an officer in a government agency. She also said that she has done this many times before and that all those couples are happily married off. My wife was obviously shocked. Apparently, when my wife registered at the clinic, she took down the phone number for her own consumption because my wife told me that another nurse also asked my wife for her phone number since it was not written in the card.

My youngest daughter was fuming mad because my wife had entertained that nurse. She gave a definite no. What strikes me most is that, this thing still goes on on this time and age. Its not something new, but I thought this practise is already dead. I have not stopped teasing my youngest daughter and she was none to please with it.

This however reminds me of how my sister got married. One day 26 years ago my late mother went to the Jelutong market with my sister. She did not know that on her way back she was followed by an elderly lady. Later that evening, the lady came to our house with her eldest daughter. My late mom was of course puzzled because she was not familiar with the lady.

They introduced themselves and said that they would like to ask for my sister's hand for the lady's son. Initially she did not say that it was for her son. I was in Kelantan at that time. That night I called home as I usually do. My mom told me what happened and asked for my opinion. I just said I would object if my sister objects. My sister being the filial daughter that she had always been left everything to my daughter.

My mother accepted the proposal and they have been happily married for the past 26 years. They have 2 sons and 2 daughters. He has taken her almost around the world so I guess it was a wise decision.

As for me right now, I am going to have fun teasing my youngest. I know she already has a boyfriend so I am not about to go mess with her life.

Replacement Video For The Previous Post

Aamir Hafiz - Teri Deewani - saregamapa lil champ

Listen to this boy. Remember, he is only a boy. Put your bias against hindi songs aside and listen to this as a song, nothing more.

MAJULAH SUKAN UNTUK ?

The through pass from the defence split created an opening right in centre-field. As the forward tried to get the ball he accidentally tripped fell flat on his face. There was not a soul near him. The referee blew the whistle to stop the match. He ran to the goalkeeper of the opposing team and dug his back pocket for the yellow card. The crowd was silent and stunt except for a pocket of supporters of the visiting side who were cheering the referee’s decision.

The goalkeeper tried pleading with the referee but he arrogantly smiled and waved him off. As the referee was about to restart the game the captain of the visitors approached him and discussed something. The referee then ran towards the linesman and after a short discussion with the linesman and the captain, they were joined by the Manager of the visiting team who curiously carried an envelope. Smiling, the referee handed the envelope to the linesman and blew his whistle while running to the home-team’s penalty box. He pointed to the box signalling that a penalty was awarded.

The home boys, crowded round the referee to enquire what was going on but he just smiled. “I am the referee; I know what I am doing. I have been refereeing for a long time and I had always been fair.”

“Do you call this fair?” the captain shouted at the referee. The referee just turned to the stands and signalled the riot squad who ran in and beat the captain up. The home team supporters were getting restless and started stomping their feet to protest the referee’s decision and all of a sudden they were rained with chemically laced water from somewhere. A reporter from a middle east tv news station was also apprehended for filming the incident. All the crowd could hear was the words 'erection, erection, erection' from a burly dark-skinned man.

Back at the field, the referee instructed that the goalkeeper be blindfolded. He was asked to turn the other side facing the back of his own goal. Both his left leg and hand were cuffed to the upright post. The captain of the visiting team smiled and placed the ball on the spot to take the kick. As the whistle blew, he ballooned the ball over the post. The referee was silent for a while. The supporters of the home team were ecstatic by what the called divine intervention but their joy was short-lived. The referee awarded a goal saying that the goalkeeper had breathed causing a turbulence that made the ball missed the target.

The visiting team was thrashed that day. They did not take it without a fight and immediately filed a complaint to the body governing the competition.

After what seemed like eternity, the governing body released a press statement.

After viewing the replay of the match in question and following the many consultations we had with various experts, namely, The Department of Civil Aviation, The DOE, Rela, PUSPANITA, The producers of Akademi Fantasia at ASTRO, The Road and Transport Department, FINAS and The association of VIP Sons-in-Law we have come to the following conclusion.

1.. The centre forward of the visiting team fell because the manager of the home team had silently wished for it to happen. We have tape recordings of the silent wish.

2. In addition to the referee’s report that the goalkeeper had breathed when the kicker of the home team was about to take the kick we also have an affidavit from a Shaman in Chad who said that he was approached by the home team to sabotage the kick.

3.As for the sending off of the captain of the home team, the referee reported that the captain actually caressed his backside and asks him ‘How much’. For this misdemeanor we have also agreed to hand the captain a life ban from playing soccer.

4. We hereby award victory to the visiting team and will only be available to hear any appeals after we get home from our paid vacation in Switzerland where we will be taking lots of pictures.

MAJULAH SUKAN UNTUK NEGARA

Rowan Atkinson Live: Welcome to hell.

This guy is hilarious. This is only for laughs, that's all.

Eric Clapton: Groaning The Blues

You've got to have lots of soul to play and sing like that. His weeping and groaning guitars with the occasional pleading slowhand screams is just orgasmic.