No stone unturned

We are very serious when we say that we will investigate TBH's death. I am not merely paying lip service. I am as serious as serious can be. I will prove to the opposition that I am serious, I will prove that the Cabinet is serious, I will prove that the BN government is serious and you can take that to the bank.

Although we already have a Royal Commission and although we already have an inquest, it's not enough to satisfy me. I want to get to the bottom of this. I promise you we will not leave any stone unturned in our effort to get to the truth.

Today just to prove to Malaysians and the world, I have lined up the whole Malaysian Cabinet and backbenchers in this park on this beautiful morning.

Okay men and women, I don't want you to miss even a single one. Turn all stones you come across.

The Results

So they have promised the whole world that they are going to get serious about the TBH affair. Yes, they are damn bloody serious to get to the bottom of it.

Woo, its scares me when they say they are going to get serious, when they say they are npt going to leave a stone unturned and an arse unprobed. Hey, isn't that Saiful smiling there?

They are not going to set up one investigation but two. Oh my God, they are going to set up two sets of investigation units. They must be bloody serious.

Yes, they are serious alright. A Royal Commission to study questioning procedures and ..... wait a minute, did I say a Royal Commission to investigate questioning procedures? I did? Why did I say that? Because they said it first?

To study questioning procedures they need a Royal Commission? So the Commission is not going to investigate how TBH died?

Shit man, why do you need a Royal Commission for that? Wait, wait there is more. They are going to set up an inquest to find the cause of death. What only an inquest to find out the cause death? they do that even for minor things. So who is the coroner?

Okay, I am going to beat them to the gun. I am going to give the findings of both these commitees.

Royal Commission:

Nothing wrong in their queationing methods but there are some weaknesses though. We hereby recommend the following:

1. During questioning, all officers must use perfumes so that their body ordour do not cause unease.

2. Officers must be cleanly shaven so that they do not look too fierce and threatening.

3. Baju Melayu and Batik is recomended to potray a friendlier set of interogators.

4. Beverages and snacks should be provided to the interogators at all time.

5. There must be soft music played at all times.

Inquest:

1. TBH died because his heart stopped beating causing a cut of supply of blood to the brains which caused all the brain cells to die and therefore his brain could not function anymore.

What a day.

I am writing this at about 1.30 this morning. Couldn't sleep. Why? Well, there must be a reason, right?

Well you see, my baby, the youngest one is to be engaged this evening. Yes, my little girl, my manja girl is to be engaged and InsyaAllah next year, she would be married.

It seems that it was only yesterday, she was still feeding from the bottle and today she is a big girl, ready to face the world on her own. It is both a happy and sad thing for me.

Happy because she is getting hitched to someone of her choice. She obviously loves him a lot and I like the boy too.

Sad because it won't be long before next year rears its head to take my baby away from me. I can't help it, I can't help thinking about it. Anyway, to her, I wish her all the happiness.

Now, for a twist to this story, yesterday at about 3.20pm I received a call from her sister. My blood almost drained when my eldest daughter said that my youngest met with an accident somewhere near the centre span of the Penang Bridge. My baby wasn't hurt but the car was badly smashed up. I was in class at that time. All I could think of was to go to her.

I immediately left the class and met the PK Petang who ordered me to go to my daughter immediately. To Mr. Tuan, thank you for being an understanding boss. Then I realised that the Pengetua was also in her office so it wouldn't be proper for me to leave without informing her. She too was as understanding as Mr. Tuan.

Soon I was out, and after refuelling my bike I decided to call my baby first to get first hand info from her. From her voice I knew she was in shock.. She passed the phone over to the other party and to the tauts present and soon, I had them towing the car back to Penang.

We met at a stop just after the bridge on the Island side and I was shocked to see the damage to the car. Thank you Allah for sparing my daughter.

At home she started to cry. I knew that she was holding back all this time and only decided to let go in the comfort of her family. She is still in shock. She did not get to see much of her favourite team's match against Seoul FC.

She is now asleep and from my desktop, I could see the hantarans (gifts for the boy) all laid out on the dining table ready for tomorrow. The happiness and sadness returns.

The truth is out there.

Police: Thank you for agreeing to meet us here in your house.

Madam: I just want to know how my son died so I am willing to cooperate. Would you like to have a drink first?

Police: That's very kind of you madam. Yes, please, it is a rather hot day, could you give me something cold please? Err, maybe lychee with longan. No sugar please, just fresh maple syrup and can I also have some nice and cold cendol with pulut?

Madam: Here you are.

Police: But madam, this is ice water only?

Madam: That's all I have, so please let us go on with your investigations.

Police: Okay madam. Did your son mention that he had problems at work?

Madam: No.

Police: Did he say that he was suicidal? Did he say that he could not stand life anymore and that he wished he could die?

Madam: You gila ka?

Police: Did he act strangely prior to his death, like forgetting to wear his clothes to work or wearing slippers in his hand?

Madam: Confirm you sudah gila.

Police: Was he talking to himself or singing loudly in public?

Madam: Lu memang gila.

Police: Did your son tell you that all the DAP assemblymen in PR Selangor are on the take?

Madam: No, he said they are very-very clean.

Police: Did he say that the MB is corrupt?

Madam: No.

Police: Did he say that he wanted to report to the MACC about corruption involving his boss?

Madam: No, but he did say that he wanted to make a report regarding Toyo's corruption.

Police: Lets not involve other people here especially when there is no evidence. Was your son friends with undesirable people?

Madam: No, he was not buddy-buddy with any BN people.

Police: I mean was he close to triad members, loan sharks, pimps, drug lords?

Madam: No he distanced himself from BN people.

Police: Was your son close to Nordin Mohd Top?

Madam: Who is he?

Police: Was you son a friend of Osama Ben Laden?

Madam: Why? Is he your grandfather?

Police: Was your son with Anwar when he sodomised Saiful?

Madam: What are you up to? I thought you wanted to investigate his death, what will all these prove?

Police: Sorry madam, I know the truth hurts. We have reasons to believe that your son was not mentally stable. He was suicidal. We also have reasons to believe that he had got himself involved with bad people.

Madam: Don't be crazy la. Unlike you, my son was mentally healthy before he died and he did not mix around with BN people.

Police: Where was your son on September 11 2001?

Madam: How would I know, that was 9 years ago?

Police: Has your son ever gone to Memali to meet Ibrahim Libya?

Madam: Have you ever been for a brain scan?

Police: One last question madam, Did the PR Selangor people coach you to answer all our questions?

Madam: They asked me to tell the truth but they never warned me that I would be dealing with a mad man?

Police:Madam: You have been most uncooperative. I am very disapointed with you. I think if you could follow me to the MACC office where your son died and meet the officers there, your memory could be refreshed.

Madam: Can you guarantee me that I would come home alive?

Clever hero

Reporter: Encik Samad, congratulations for being awarded the Medal of Valour for your bravery.

Samad: Thank You. I did it for my country.

Reporter: Tell us, during your 20 years in service, where have you been to.

Samad: Oh, Bosnia, Somalia, Philippines, Palestine and New Guinea.

Reporter: Where would you say was the most trying place to go.

Samad: I would say, Bosnia and Somalia. There was mass slaughter and endless fighting. I had to be called to do battle everyday but of course no one knows about this.

Reporter: Were you ever hurt?

Samad: Yes, I was shot in Bosnia and was beaten up in Somalia. I was beaten up quite badly actually.

Reporter: There are still some more volatile places where UN Peace Forces are needed. Iraq is back in turmoil and Palestine has never seen peace. Honduras is in big trouble. Would you go to any of these countries if called upon?

Samad: I have been to so many explosive places and come back alive although I met with lots of hostilities. I have faith in my abilities to survive. I will go on even an hour's notice just as long as they don't send me to a police lock up or to the MACC. I may be brave but I do want to live.

Condolences

Teoh Beng Hock, pic above, political secretary to Selangor executive council member Ean Yong Hian Wah passed away in quite mysterious circumstances. As a mark of respect, I would like to extend to his family and loved ones my deepest condolences and I urge readers to do the same.

Out of respect for the deceased too, I would refrain from commenting on this issue for a while. Let his family do the needful.

The Job

People1: Look, I want to know why have you not acted on that ex MB and his bungalow?

MACC: Act what? What is there to act? He said he bought it for about 3 million and he has documents to prove he got a bank loan for it.

People1: And you believe him that it costs only about 3 million?

MACC: Yes, I saw the photos in Malaysia Today and the bungalow looks small, I think 3 million is expensive la.

People1: You looked at the photos? You didn't go there?

MACC: We went, I personally went there by helicopter and from 2 miles up, I could see it very small. There is no case la, someone is jealous of him.

People2: What about the PKFZ, it's very clear something is wrong.

MACC: Tell me what is wrong then?

People2: Well the cost of the land and the people involved in the dealings.

MACC: They have proper papers what. Everything was signed and they have lawyers. If someone got it cheap and sold it at a high price it means that that someone is a good businessman so why should we get involved? No, no way,, everything was done properly.

People3: What about those houses on slopes built without proper studies. Those slopes are simply too steep and the law prohibits them from building mansions in such terrains.

MACC: Nothing wrong there what. They have money they can build houses wherever they want.

People3: Even if they endanger the lives of people further down the slope?

MACC: Then don't build houses further down la, go higher la, what's so susah?

People3: Is it because they are influential people that you do not want to nap them?

MACC: Look, we are proffesionals, we don't care who you are, you do wrong we tangkap. We have nabbed, office boys, clerks, drivers and garderners. We don't care.

People3: Have you caught Directors, Senior Police people and Ministers?

MACC: They did not do wrong how to tangkap them? Be sensible la, eh, wait a minute, I have a phone call. Yes, speaking, ...... what! ....... who! ....... are you sure! ....... so that fellow told you! ...... where are you now? Okay, I'll meet you there in about 2 hour's time, I am busy right now.

People3: Are you leaving this meet the people session? You have not answered a single question we posed.

MACC: You all always complain about corruption involving big shots but without a shred of evidence, we can't act but I think you are going to be happy. We have just received a complaint which we think is backed by very strong evidence.

People1: It involved big-shots?

MACC: Yes, big-shots, a few of them. I think if we do our work well we'll be able to take them to court tomorrow and and get a conviction in about a week.

People2: Can we know who and what case?

MACC: Sure, some DAP YBs from your friendly Pakatan Rakyat government in Selangor and maybe at least 1 exco.

People3: Who is the complainant and what evidence have you got that makes you so sure that you could get a conviction?

MACC: Okay, I'll tell you but please don't let this out to the press yet. It seems that an MCA ketua cawangan overheard a conversation during a cross-line incident in his phone. One speaker said that, his mother in law's neighbour heard that her driver's son in law told someone that he dreamt that a bomoh told him that there is something fishy in Selangor. Ha, ha,  there you are.

People1: What? And you are going to act on that? Where is the evidence? It never identifies who, so how come you are sure it is DAP people and not BN people?

MACC: What evidence some more you want. I have been in this business for a long time la, so I know what is true and what are lies, so please excuse me, I have a job to do.

Beautifully reduced.

Alhamdulillah, it's official now, PAS has won Manek Urai by 65 votes, so am I upset? No, au contraire, just the perfect result I had hoped for.

Nope, I am not hiding my disappointment by trying to sound optimistic like what the BN would do soon by saying that it is a morale booster when actually they are cursing themselves and kicking each other silly because despite the millions they had spent, the use of government machinery and personnel and the open support of the SPR, they still could not stop PR's good form in by-elections.

Now why would I be happy with such a reduced majority? Well for one, it is a lesson to, not PAS, but, Hadi, Nasha, and PAS Youth. Never ever mention unity government again. The voters do not like it and they are not shy to show it.

The fact the PAS had won despite this Unity shit that is paraded, is due to the charisma of TGNA. He single handedly showed Hadi and Nasha that PAS voters do not like this idea they had concocted called Unity Government.


So, Nasha, shut the fuck up with this Unity Shit and go hang yourself at the nearest tauge plant. Hadi, remember, you position as the President of PAS does not guarantee subservience if your suggestion is chicken shit so shut the fuck up too.

Now let's talk a little about the by-election proper. I was thinking that they were going to have recounts till the next GE because to count about 12K votes took them so damn bloody long. I was reading a chat site and was tickled when reading how someone suggested that first they had a recount in English and then another recount in Bahasa. I guess it was the recount in Tamil that got the nod. I wonder if the recount in English entitled the staff an extra allowance?

So Khairy, where are you now? You were so cock sure that you were going to win. Of course you were sure of victory because you had plenty of time to plan on how to go about it. So who is eating humble pie now? I am sure the pie is not that tasty as you had initially thought. And that goes to you too Hadi and Nasha. Not so sweet a victory don't you think so, considering the reduced majority is attributed to you two idiots?

Ehem! Muhyidin, does this mean that the people of Manek Urai are no longer citizens of Malaysia and would not be eligible to receive federal aid in the form of a RM7 million bridge? What? Speak louder please. Oh, you do have goodies for them despite the lost? What? You are asking us to away the 'ta'. Hey wait a minute, you mean JAMBAN. So your JAMBATAN has now turned to JAMBAN?

Common sir, you can't be serious. I mean I am okay if you were to give them JAMBANs but at RM7 million? Wow, mighty expensive JAMBANs don't you think so sir?

I wonder who is kicking whose arse and who is blaming whom in the BN camp and who is counting all the dough that got hijacked and I also wonder when will the contractors of the instant mee projects be paid or will they ever be paid?

As for PAS, you don't have to look far to find who is to blame.

Why court disaster?

Okay, a short break from politics and on to my other passion, albeit a bigger one: FOOTBALL. Oh yes, football is my real passion besides passion itself, if you know what I mean.

It doesn't take a magician to know which football club I support unless of course if you were a numbskull who has a terrific eye for bargains like getting a 24 mil property for 3 mil. Oh shit! There I go again.

As much as I have very high regards for Sir Alex and his managerial exploits, I would say, he has gone a little too far this time. he has bitten more than he could chew, gone a mile too far than his jalopy could go and take on one straw too many on his back. All I want to say is that not all challenges are surmountable.

No, I am not talking about letting Ronaldo go. Yes, he is a damn bloody good player but he is only one player. If he was that good, than Perez wouldn't need Kaka, Benzema and Ribeiry. As much as I like him, I don't think, his going away, would hurt Man Utd too much except probably in the entertainment department. He is a classy act.

Letting Ronaldo go is not The Big Challenge, I am talking about. Not landing another Star Player is also not a big enough challenge as far as Man Utd and Sir Alex is concerned. Man Utd currently have the stars to weather the 2009/2010 storm.

The team that starts the next season must be mentally and physically ready for another crunching season. Everyone knows that but something that not many give too much thought about is the fact that the team must also be emotionally ready. The players should start with confidence.

It is this confidence department that I am very worried. What do I mean by confidence here? Simple, the players start the season believing that they could win the Premiership. How do you give them this confidence? Simple, give them the best pre-season preparation you could give, like beating Real Madrid in a warm up match, or trouncing a Brazilian Selection or make mince meat of your neighbours, City or beating barcelona with your youth team or putting beating the shit out of the scousers. That is the perfect emotional tonic..

This time he is doing it all wrong. He is taking his invincibilty a little too far. Yes, he has got Owen, Valencia and Oberton, and they are going to go on a tour in which they are going to whup the ass of many of the teams they are warming up with but, yes there is a but here. But, why Malaysia?

Like I have said earlier, the players need morale boosting performances and results in their warm up. They could easily get that in Thailand, Singapore, Indonesia, South Korea and Australia, these are minnows. Doesn't Sir Alex know that Malaysia is a different league altogether? Does, he truly think he could take on the mighty FAM and the Malaysian Selection?

Malaysia have already shown how cock sure they are by picking an under 23 squad to play the Devils and I predict the Malaysian boys are going to give the Devils a hiding they deserve for daring to take on the real big powers. This is not Real Madrid, or Milan or Barcelona we are talking about. We are talking about a collection of players from a SUPER LEAGUE not Premier league.

Sir Alex, please, put your ego aside and give some excuses and get out of this impending disaster. You are leading your players to the slaughter house and this would kill them, emotionally. It doesn't matter if, by default, you would have to pay FAM 100 million pounds, just get out of this suicide mission and never ever come back this way again.

Doesn't he know that Malaysia is representing Mother Earth for the Inter Galactic Universe Cup?

Report card.

Father: Son, I went to your school this afternoon and met your teacher. He showed me your report card.

Son: What! How did you know that today is Hari Waris?

Father: That's what I want to talk to you about. How come, you did not give me the letter from your school?

Son: Er, er, I forgot la dad, anyway who told you about today.

Father: Majid's father, but that is not important, how come you failed your science subjects. I asked you to take  science subjects because I have high hopes that you would do well but you flopped all the science subjects and your maths and also add maths. Why?

Son: Alamak dad, the subjects susah la. I cannot understand la. Anyway I don't want to take science, you forced me.

Father: I did it for your future.

Son: But I don't like science, I like Sastera.

Father: Sastera? What can Sastera do for you? Why, do you want to grow up and be a writer? You want to be a nuisance like all those bloggers? You want to be like that katataknak felow who don't have a single nice word to say about the government? No, I won't allow it. From next week, you go for tuition classes.

Son: But dad, I don't like science. I want to change to Sastera la. Please la dad. Anyway, if I did well in science what can I be? I don't like engineering, I don't want to be a doctor, I don't want to be a scientist.

Father: Son, I don't want you to be an engineer or a medical doctor or a scientist, I want you be a dentist and buy me a 24 million ringgit house for 3.5 million ringgit only. Dentist are clever people, they can make expensive things cheap. They also know how to make their skin tight and fair with natural resources and they know how to shred documents, and travel first class using other people's money. Please la son I also want to have an all expenses paid, first class, trip to Disneyland.

Shooting without focussing.

Here we go again, they are doing it again. What? They are making statements from their arse without thinking of the implications.

I wonder if those people really know about our present school system. The Minister of Education has made an announcement about the discontinuation of PPSMI. Good. He then went on to say about how they are going to give more attention to English. Good. He then continued by saying that more hours would be allotted to the teaching of English in schools. Disaster.

Look, I am not against giving English an additional 80 minutes at the secondary school level. Heck, I am not even against the introduction of a new subject called English Literature, if they choose to do so. Okay, I have talked about the importance of having trained teachers so I won't dwell on the matter so much.

What I am going to talk about is one of logistics. We have many schools with 2 sessions and just so much daylight to accommodate these 2 sessions. Many years ago, the ministry made a shit boast that by 2007 all schools would be single session schools. Frankly, I was very apprehensive and I am damn bloody right. Not even a single double session school that I know off have new school blocks to increase the number of classrooms to be able to operate on a single session.

Then there is that directive that schools teach ICT two periods a week. This added to the already crowded timetable of the afternoon session because only form 1 and form 2 classes would study ICT and we all know that in double session schools, both forms 1 and 2 are in the afternoon session.

In my school, we have to squeeze every available room we have to accommodate these additional two periods a week. Our students have to come early , 12 noon, 3 days in a week. Every Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, about 7 classes have to start early. On Mondays, all Muslim students must come early for Agama classes. On Friday, we can't do anything because of the short time we have.

To top this, the introduction of Siviks for the form three students means that the form three classes have an additional 2 periods a week meaning they will use their classrooms way into the afternoon slot. Forms four and five classes too have way too many subjects meaning they too, on certain days, eat up into the time alloted to the afternoon session.

We are bursting at the seams as it is right now. Now they want to add another 2 periods a week per class. Being the teacher in charge of getting the timetable ready I have already calculated that on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, an extra 5 classes would have to come early. If we could find the classrooms to accommodate these extra 5 classes then we do not have to have an afternoon session. It's because of classroom constraints that we have double sessions.

When the people up there make statements, have they given any thought to this very pressing problem that we have? Yes, I have the solution but they are not going to be too happy about it.

Please bear in mind that so far I have been talking about the problems posed when they add 2 additional periods for English. We still do not know what they mean when they say they want to add English Literature. Are the two extra periods meant for English Literature or Is English Literature going to be a new subject by itself?

Then the Minister also said that BM is also to be upgraded. Good. The question is, will there be additional periods for BM from the present 6 periods a week? If English Lit is a new subject and more periods per week alloted to BM where are we going to find the time to fit all these in? Don't tell me that you will build more classrooms because you have said it already and nothing came out of it. They are so bloody good at making empty promises that I suggest they teach that as a paper at university level. I can assure you we have plenty of over qualified lecturers at Putrajaya.

You can only do this if all schools are single session schools but I don't see that happening in the near future. Then the other alternative is to reduce subjects. Make History and Geography into 1 subject of 3 periods and you save 3 periods. Take off Sivik because the syllabus is a joke. Take off ICT because the skills taught can be taught during the teaching of other subjects. This is an additional 4 periods save and add that to the 3 already saved, it would enable them to add 2 periods for English, 2 for English Lit and 1 for Bahasa.

With this there will be 42 periods a week plus assembly. If we were to have 8 periods per day from Monday to Thursday and 7 periods on Friday it makes 39. With 3 periods of Agama being taught outside the normal school hours as had always been the case in double session schools, the will be no scramble for classrooms but mind you, there is a catch. With the 8 and 7 allocation the afternoon still can't teach full 40 minutes per period. We will have to do what we have been doing all along that is 35 minute periods.

To tackle everything, build more classrooms and make sure that double session school is history then we have just managed to tackle a very small logistic problem. There is a bigger problem buried. Where do we find English teachers good enough to teach English the way it should be taught? Do we have enough English teachers good enough to teach English Literature and are we going to change the useless syllabus that we have now?

PPSMI and English

Officer: Pengetua, are all the Maths and Science teachers present?

Pengetua: All present except 2. Both of them are having tuition classes.

Officer: What? You condone this? Don't you know that teachers must get approvals to give tuition? Do they have approvals from the ministry? Even if they do, why during school hours?

Pengetua: Wait, wait let me explain, those 2 teachers are from the afternoon session and they can't get out of their tuition classes so I gave them permission not to attend this meeting. Anyway, they will be in school before the afternoon session starts. Anyway .....

Officer: Did they get permission to give tuition?

Pengetua: No.

Officer: Why not? You are in big trouble for this.

Pengetua: Because they are not giving tuition, they are taking tuition and there's no regulation compelling them to get written approval to take tuition.

Officer: What? Err, err, taking tuition? What subject?

Pengetua: English. Their English sucks so I forced them to take tuition in English if they were to teach my students the subjects in English.

Officer: Oh, I see, then its a different matter. So please may I address the teachers?

Pengetua: Please do, before that let me introduce you to them. Ehem! Dear teachers, today we have an officer from the Maths and Science department of the Ministry of Education, En. Arshed, who wants to address all of you.

Officer: Good morning teachers. This won't take long. The ministry has decided to do away with PPSMI. The minister would make an announcement soon so I am here to order all of you to return all notebook computers, LCD projectors and schools must also return all screens and empty their computer labs. The labs would be torn down because they don't serve any purpose anymore. They were built with Science and Maths money so no other subjects could use them. Ah, you have until the end of the month to return the equipments failing which you would be fined. Thank you. Pengetua, you may dismiss the teachers.

Pengetua: Thank you Mr. Arshad and all teachers I hope to start receiving the equipments from next Monday. You may leave but please call the English teachers to come in immediately.

After 10 minutes.

Pengetua: I would like to thank the afternoon teachers for coming for this meeting despite the short notice. We have an officer from the English Language Department from the Ministry who has something important to say to you. Teachers I present to you Mr. Shamsuddin.

Officer: Thank you. This will be a short session. The minister will soon announce that PPSMI would be thrown into the dustbin. He would also announce that we will adding an additonal 2 periods per week for English. English has been up-graded. All of you would be issued with brand new notebook computers and LCD projectors. We will supply all schools with state of the art screens. No, we would not used the equipments used by PPSMI, ours would be brand new ones. The contractors to supply these equipments have been appointed by UMNO. As soon as the computer labs for PPSMI are demolished, on the same grounds, we would build new computer labs and furnish them with new state of the art desktop computers. We would also be sending all of you for courses. Thank you. You can go back to your classes.

Come to Malaysia, it's dirt cheap here.

Don't you simply love this country? I mean, we have everything here, sunshine, rain, more sunshine and more rain. Isn't it simply a lovely place to live in.

Okay lets be serious, don't you think that Malaysia is one hell of a cheap country to live in? Hey, go into a posh restaurant and eat all you want and the damage would only be a few tenners, definitely less than the number of fingers in one hand.

Go look over a nice looking Mercedes or a BMW or a Jaguar, heck you could also look at a Ferrari or Maserati or Lamborghini and buy one for maybe a 100K for the Mercedes or BMW and maybe a little more for the 3 Italian make.

I am told that a penthouse would only cost about 300K to 400K. A simple apartment costs roughly about 20K. Hey we else can you get such fine living for such prices? Nowhere I tell you except Malaysia. Okay let's not debate about this cos you would want to win and start to talk nonsense and I would want to win but I won't talk nonsense, I back what I say with facts, cold hard facts.

Still not convinced? Okay, a case in point. This my friends, is a palace built on 50000 plus square feet of prime land and the owner is willing to swear upon Saiful's arse that it's only about RM3 million. Now why would he want to lie? If it costs RM30mil of course he would say so. Come on have any of our leaders ever lied?

Instant Mee

Man1: Urai 57 to headquarters, please come in, headquarters come in please, over.

HQ: This is headquarters, yes urai 57, what's your problem, over?

Man1: Headquarters, this is Urai 57. We are approaching Kg. X. Will rendezvous in about 15 minutes but where are the stuff? I repeat, the stuff are not with us. Please advise, over

HQ: Urai 57, HQ here, there is a slight delay, please proceed. merchandise will arrive at 1400 hours. Stall them first. Give the penghulu RM100 and he knows how to delay, over.

Man1: Roger HQ, but wait a minute, if I give RM100, when can I claim the money, over?

HQ: Urai 57, HQ here, tonight meet election director at KB and claim, over.

Man 1: HQ, urai 57 here, I claim 1K can or not?

HQ: Urai 57, claim 2K, 1 for you and 1 for me, over.

Man1: Roger and out. ........ Assalamualaikum, Tok Penghulu, nice of you to greet us here this morning.

TP: It's nice of you to come. Why only 1 car? Where are the barang-barang? You don't bring barang-barang and you expect the people to vote you?

Man1: Don't worry TP the barang-barang are on the way. The truck got stuck in mud at Kg. C so they had to wait to be towed but it would be here in at about 2.00 this evening. Err, this is for your effort.

TP: Eh, what is this? I say you shouldn't la. This is after all for the people but since you insist, thank you la. Err, RM35 only?

Man1: There is more don't worry, wait till we win. Is there a place where I we can rest till the truck comes?

TP: Please come to my house. You can freshen up. Feel free to use the jacuzzi and the pool room.

Man1: Thank you TP.

Time:2.30pm.

Man1: Thank you Tok Penghulu. Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to apologise because the menteri could not come because he is currently overseas but he sent his Salam to you all. This meeting with the people has been planned for 2 years already but because of some problems, we could only come here today. Of course the opposition would say that this is an election mee segera project. They are always like that, always saying bad things about us but I am sure you people know us and our sincererity. In a moment a truck would arrive with gifts from the minister and I am proud to announce that the minister has approved a new bridge to be built in this kampung.

kg Man: Excuse me, My friend told me that he saw the Minister at Golok this morning and you said that he is overseas. What is he doing there and why can't he come here?

Kg Man2: Golok is in Thailand so he is overseas la. Must be visiting some orphans in the hotels there.

Man1: Hahahahahaha, glad to see that the people here have good sense of humour. No he is overseas, the person you friend told you must be someone else or your friend is working for the opposition. They are always out to discredit us.

Old Man: If you had bothered to go round the village instead of resting in the penghulu's house then you would know that there is no river in this kampung. We don't even have proper drains so where do you plan to build the bridge that your minister has approved? From the Penghulu's 1st wife house to his 2nd wife's house?

Man1: Hahahaha, good one there. You are a real joker. Did I say bridge? I mean ( hey penghulu, quick tell me what do you need, quick, quick. What? Okay) to say that the Minister has approved a computer lab for the people of this village. Your children can use this facility for free.

Old Man: I support the idea but could you also ask him to provide us with electricity. I don't think it's a good idea to have a computer lab without electricity.

Man1: Oh yes, I forgot to say. After we win Manek Urai, we will build a new power plant here so you don't have to worry about electricity anymore.

Old Man: What if you lose?

Man1: Err, err, aah, here comes the truck with your gifts. Let's all go over there, come on. Tok Penghulu please lead the people over there.

TP: I would like to thank the Minister for this gift to the people of Kg X. I know that the people's welfare is always in his heart and this truckload of gifts is his way to show how much he loves us. Please wait in line while we distribute the contents of the truck. Don't rush because I am sure there is plenty for everybody. Open the door.

Old Man: Hahahahaha, look at the boxes. "SUMBANGAN RAKYAT MALAYSIA UNTUK MANGSA TSUNAMI 2004"

Man1: Oops! wrong truck, penghulu can you explain to the people, err, penghulu, penghulu, where are you going, penghulu wait for me.

Hari Perkembangan Staff

Yesterday the 4th July was no fireworks day for us. Nope we did not celebrate no Independence Day. Anyway why why should we?

I got up very early coz I had to be in school by 7 am, so they said. I reached school at 6.45, speeding all the way coz I was afraid I might be late. When I reached I was declared the second prize winner. Yes, I was the second person to reach the school. A morning teacher beat me to it.

Well to make a long story short cos there're gonna be lots of pictures in this post. We all boarded the bus at about 7.30 am and was soon on our way to Pulau Aman.

Yesterday was our Hari Perkembangan Staff (Staff Development Day) kali ke 5. Yeap it was the 5th Saturday we had to go to school and there are 2 more. Anyway this time we were going to Pulau Aman, about an hour journey from school. At the Jetty at Tambun we took a ferry. Actually it was 20 per ferry and there were almost 70 of us so you do the maths.

From the Jetty on the Island it was a leisurely 5 minute walk to a small hall where they served us breakfast of, yes your guess is right, Malaysia's very own breakfast special, red hot but not piping, nasi lemak, so what did yours trully do? He took 1 hard boil egg. a liitle nasi lemak and no killer gravy cos he was intend on living for about 20 to 30 years more.

Then it was briefing time. First there would be kayaking and rafting. Yours truly almost fainted because those 2 activities meant sweating it out. His idea of a sweat session was to lock himself in a room without the fan or aircond on, on a hot day and bathe in his sweat. He is one of those who had sworn never to sweat by labour. Then the big crunch. After breaking off from the session at sea, there would be lunch followed by a short break for prayers and for repairing torn or shredded limbs before a mindless walk into the jungle. Yeap, they were gonna let us loose in a jungle and get a few tigers and bears to stalk us till we shit in our pants.

Then its off to the sea. Yours truly of course armed himself with a camera so that he could use it as an excuse to be excluded from the suicide mission. The kayakers got themselves into their kayaks while yours truly and few others of from the 'anti sweat by labour' movement got their asses into a boat provided by Mr. Mat Nor, the guy who ran the whole thing.

Yours truly was of course busy shooting with his Olympus lest he be charged with shirking his duty or worst still, charged with skipping National Service.

Actually, it was a bargain I had with my head. I go but no kayaks and no jungle trekking and she agreed to a few of us.

I dare say all of them enjoyed the activity and I enjoyed watching them enjoy pushing and hurting themselves silly, so we could call it a draw or better still, win win.

Anyway after a short break we received news that the mother of one of our teachers, who was anyway absent, died. The Pengetua immediately gave orders to scrap jungle trekking. The tigers and bears, last I heard. were weeping. The bus driver was frantically called over the phone to inform about the change in plans.

After a hearty lunch of, aaah, you could see what we ate in the photos, we hurriedly left to be in time for the funeral and we barely made it.

At cikgu Zurina's house there was much tears and crying and huggings. It was indeed sad to see her mourning her loss. What started as a promised fun-filled day ended in tears.
Al Fatihah.

Who says the early bird gets the 1st worm? Huh, it gets to wait


Still waiting.


That's Mr. Tuan, the Penolong Kanan Petang.

Rohizan, the master of gadgets. Loves big bikes and high sugar readings.

Aiee, no toilet ka here?

Yeap, we have reached the jetty.

I swear la I tell, the squid was this big and looks like someone from Putrajaya.

.

Shit man, this is Saturday la. What the hell am I doing here?

If you think Pulau Aman is this clean, then think again.

Not too clean huh?

Definitely not from our group. They look too happy.

Hey, true la, the people there don't wear clothes la. You brought your camera or not.

Huh? This is Pulau Aman? Where are the hotels, the malls, the muscular lifeguards?

Okay, who has not circumcised yet? What do you pick, the knife or the axe?

Okay, who wants to go to the nudist camp, off with your clothes.

What! They want us to kayak? But I did not bring my thong.

Yeah, go ahead stretch till your arms drop, it would not make you any good a swimmer.

Ayoo, why must do this all? Want to kayak, just kayak la.

No ladies, you don't pee through those tubes.

Yes, writing your will is a prerequisite.

I say, today got sales at Sunshine la.

If we die kayaking, we will sue.

Didn't I tell you so? Yours truly cheated his way through. Hey its better than sweating.

Actually they cheated, they had hidden on board motors.

This thing can really keep me afloat ka? Ayo, die la like this.

No, no, no, I want my mummyyyyyy.

Isn't this how they make dodol?

Pengetua and the PK koko. Pengetua must be happy cos the attendance is quite good.

She would rather die than ride in one so I asked her to act act only. See. no life jacket.

The Pengetua said if you came in first you would get the APC.

Alamak, like this no APC la this year.

Excuse me ma'am, that's the way to No Return Island. Are you sure that's your destination?

No Ramizan, this is not the nudist camp so wipe that smirk of your face.

Excuse me, which is the way to the JPN?

Turn right, the nudist camp's that way.

If I die, bury me face down so that the whole world can kiss my arse.

No marks for guessing what this is. Yes, its lady's fingers.

These thing is cheap la here, serious cheap man.

Hey haven't we met before? I could have sworn I saw you in an aquarium somewhere. Why so sombong one, don't want to talk to me.

Ayo, soru inge daa? Fish and ketam only, where's the rice?

No sir these prawns are not stolen from the Tambun market. They are stolen from the Juru market.

Ladies and gentlemen, as from tomorrow I'll be taking over this thingy. I promise you a nudist camp would be set up by latest, day after tomorrow. So undi la saya.

Our first line of defence. To get to us, get through them first. Remember looks can be deceiving.

Oi, want to play police and thief ka?

I hope the Pengetua is not aware that I had ponteng.

Hey she's not with us but with looks like that, I guess I can make an exception.



Ah what a feeling, my very own island.