Wednesday 28 March 2007


My brother, 56, was discharged yesterday from a hospital here in Penang. He is going home to die. I may sound crude but that is reality. The doctors have all given up hope and advised us to take him home.

He initially had colon cancer which has since spread to his liver. Both cancers are at stage 4. His colon is completely not functioning. His blood sugar reading shoots up despite him not eating anything for weeks.

My heart breaks everytime I look at him which is often. He is so frail but seemed to have not lost his sense of humour. Just yesterday, he told me to get ready. I was lost for words and did not know what to say in return.

I may not be posting anything new until evrything is settled or God decided to perform a miracle, which I don't think He would. I may drop occasional comments at some sites that I frequent but really do not have the time to put up a full-blooded post.

I am just plain tired and helpless but not hopeful


Unknown said...

Kata Tak Nak,

I empathise with your inevitable bereavemnt to come.

my uncle's wife too has colon cancer advanced with metastases all over.she is wheelchair-bound, at home, and has accepted the inevitable and daily, makes her peace with God. In between she sits her husband down at the kitchen table and teaches him his favorite dishes that he has always eaten cooked lovingly by his wife. he would then wheel her to the stove to cook the prepared ingredients for just the right interval. Ocasionally i see hie eyss glistening with tears as he nodded understandingly at his wife's instructions. they and most supportive family memebers had done what needs to be done to eradicate it or slow its relentless spread. But all is fated.

His daughter stays with her family nearby in same meighborhood., but our hero is not one to trouble others. he wants to be independent.

I hope he gets to learn all the reciped he loved from the woman he loves. i will drop then once ib awhile to keep him company and partake of his self-cooked dishes.

And i do hope your brothere, Kata tak nak, gets to do whatevr needs to be done to be at peace and leave less tears when he inevitably leaves us.May he go peacefully without pain.


Unknown said...

Thank you so much for your kind words and that very touching story of your aunt. For a while my eyes were glistening with tears. No I am not thankfull that there others suffering the same fate, far from it. I hope I have the strength of your uncle and my brother the strength of your aunt.

zewt said...

hey my friend,
so sorry to hear about this. i know exactly how you feel and i know no words can take away the pain that you're feeling.

may god bless you with strength and your brother's soul. take care.

421241-1 said...

When my daughter was sick, I got the feeling she was going. I read to her the Quran a lot and pray very hard for a miracle. Please try doing it.

Now that she is gone, those reading seemed to me like 'wrapping a gift' to send back to Allah Taala.

Unknown said...

When I read of your mom's stroke and eventual passing away, I understood how you felt coz at that time my bro was already diagnosed of stage 4 and when they say stage 4, I can of expect this to happen, so I knew how you felt, I really knew. Thanks man for your kind words, and may your mom be in heaven smiling upon you.

Thanks for the kind words and advise. You were at that time what I am now so I understand how you would have felt then. Thanks for the 'wrapping as gift' part for I have never seen it that way.

buayaputih said...

Hi chegu,

I am so sorry to hear..but still, thats a part of the parcel. Death is a reason for the next life.

If the reason to the life afterlife is not there, then we called it miracle (mencarik adat). It happens. So far I know two persons, Idris (AS) and Isa (AS). But still the greatest passed away in his bed i.e Muhammad (SAW).

I hope you be strong, and I am sure everyone here is with you (but frankly, i am not sure to be strong enough if i were you thou..)


Abu Rabu @ Ash Wednesday said...


I know how you feel.

In 1994, I lost my eldest sister to breast cancer and my father-in-law to colon cancer, both within two weeks of one another. My sister was then 48. (I had lost my mother 4 years earlier, in 1990, to complications from diabetes.)

3 weeks ago, on 8th March, I lost my younger sister, also to cancer. She was 51. She had spent the last few months of her life at home, because there was nothing more that the doctors could do. Even though we knew her time was nigh, when the time came, it was still a shock.

Your brother is a year younger than I am. I'm humbled by his situation, for it reminds me of my own mortality.


Unknown said...

Buayaputih and Sheih,
Thanks for the encouragements. I just got back a few minutes ago from visiting him and reciting the Yasin. He is deteriorating further.

I can't imagine what is going through his mind. I suffered just looking. Never a day passes that I do not shed tears for him. We are very close. We meet often and use to laugh away our times and now he is most of the time silent and I cry silent tears.

I know I have to be strong, and I am being strong but I do not know for how long.

Thanks again my friends.

Unknown said...

abu rabu,
Thanks so much. You must have gone through a real tough time. I pity my sis-in-law. 2 Years ago he father passed away, last year her mother and this year its her husband's time. Yes she was crying a lot but I think she is stronger than I am.

Anyway, thanks dear friend.

Unknown said...

Salam, bro
I'm a breast cancer survivor of 2 years plus. Reading your entry ticked my heart with sadness...but Allah is Al-Mighty. Ada nikmat di dalam setiap kesakitan...setiap yang sukar akan dimudahkan, Insya'Allah.

I pray that you continue to have the courage and strength to support your brother and to be next to him when he needed you most.


Unknown said...

raden galoh
Thanks, I wonder how you felt when you 1st heard of it. It must have been scary. Yes, I am scared to lose a brother but what saddens me is that I am sure he feels even worst.

zorro said...

Chegu. We have to accept that nothing can now be done. I am sure your brother prefers to be "home" with people who cares. The least we can do is to make him comfortable and give him the quality care he will need and to ensure that when it is time to go, he leaves with his loved ones around him and with the dignity that he deserves. I pray that you and your family will be rewarded by God for the fortitude and exemplary love and care you have rendered your brother. God love you and yours Chegu.

PS. kickdefella has a poster for you.

J.T. said...

"Grief knits two hearts in closer bonds than happiness ever can; and common sufferings are far stronger links than common joys." -Alphonse de Lamartine.

My heart goes out to you, Kata Tak Nak. Last year, I lost my mum to colon cancer. It was hard to watch her wither away.
I know you will stay strong because you do not want your brother to see your grief. I did the same thing for mum but I crumbled in my heart. You will get through this, as others and I have. Take comfort in knowing that at the end of the day, he suffers no more.

Unknown said...

zorro and jt martin
Thanks so much. This is when I really need friends. I just got back from visiting him since morning and yes, he is getting worse. I do shed tears but not infront of him. His voice is almost inaudible and he hasn't eaten anything for days. Do you know, what he said in that inaudible voice? 'I want to get better". He is fighting coz his son is getting married early may and he made it clear that he doesn't want it postponed. His son cried to me that he wants to postpone but I have to coax him into it since that is his father's wish.

Yes I saw the poster early this morning before leaving for my brother's house.

Thanks dear friends

zorro said...

KTN, Last Sunday was Passion Sunday and my family and I offered prayers for you to be strong and ....for your brother to ease and accept the discomfort he is enduring.

Unknown said...

I am not good with words so I really do not know how to express my extreme gratitude to you and your family except to say Thank You.

Clark Gable of Pulau Duyong said...

TDear KTN,
Sorry to hear this...this long goodbye can be very emotional for everyone involved.
Take care my friend.

jasgill said...

It is painful to see your brother slipping away right before your eyes. But the almighty has given you a chance to bond with him and show the love that you shared. My only brother died suddenly of a heart attack at age 30 yrs. I was 8 then. He was studying in London and died just after he got news of his success in his examinations. You have been a caring and loving brother. Take care.

Unknown said...

Gable and Jasgil

Thanks for the words of encouragement and I know they are sincere thats why they are meaningful to me.


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