Butoi ka boss?

Wife: Kay, why aren't you ready yet? You don'y want to vote ka?

Kay: I don't feel too good la honey, you ask Maniam to drive you there la, I am too tired of campaigning for so many days.

Wife: Why you think you can win ka? So confident one. Everybody said you are going to lose and yet you yourself don't want to vote.

Muthu: Yes la boss, come la we all go and vote.

Kay: Muthu you shut up. You are not going anywhere, you stay here with me, let Maniam take my wife there.

Wife: It's your own funeral la Kay. Okay I am going now. Maniam take the Mercedes out, we are going to vote.

Kay: At last the old lady is out, she won't be back for a few hours, Muthu get dressed, lets go out.

Muthu: Why boss? Want to vote ka?

Kay: No lah, we go find pomple la.

Muthu: Find pomple ka boss? Where?

Kay: Anywhere accept the polling centers la.

Muthu: Why boss? Polling centre la got a lot of people.

Kay: You stupid la. All ugly women only go to vote because the indelible ink would dirty their fingers. I heard, the ink won't go off for 2 years la.

Muthu: Butoi ka boss?

Application For Waiver

To
Minister of Transport
Malaysia

Or,
Director General,
Ministry of Transport
(should the minister be not free)

Dear Sir
                    APPLICATION FOR WAIVER FOR SPECIAL NUMBER.


I would like to point to the minister's reply that he was awarded the plate no WWW 15, meaning he was given a waiver from paying sum of RM24K. I am sure as a learned man, he had written to the Director requesting for a waiver, but being a very forgetful man, he forgot about it when first confronted by the press but he has now cleared the confusion by his revelation that, he got it for free.

I am sure this is not restricted to VIPs only since the government has time and time again boasted that that it is a fair government having the people's welfare at heart.

Being from Penang, I have long been fascinated by a certain plate no but I am sure it is going to cost me an arm, a leg, a nostril, an ear and maybe even a pair of testes if I were to bid for it.

Since there has been precedent of special numbers being awarded for free, and since this is a caring and sensitive government, I hereby formally request to be awarded the special plate number PUK 2. You can have the one with the number 1 because I am not that special.

Thank you in advance.

Just another Wednesday

PM: Ok ministers, enough with the chatting, our weekly meeting's about to start. Secretary, what's the 1st agenda?

Sec: The reports sir.

PM: Reports? What reports?

Sec: Those reports sir. The ministers are suppose to brief you on the ....

PM: Aaaah yes, the reports. Ok, ok. Minister5 please tell me about the fishing project that your family was given. I understand, the government gave you 370 million to start a fish project so that we won't be dependent on fish from Thailand.

Minister89: What? 370 million? My family was given only 200 plus million only.

PM: That one for meat, not all take meat. Hindus don't take that meat, this is fish, everybody eats fish. Ok minister5, your report please.

Minister5: Thank you PM. First I would like to thank the PM for having faith in my family by giving us this unsecured loan. We are presently sourcing out for some sampans and nets.

PM: Ok, good, good, there is progress here. How much have you spent already?

Minister5: Actually we have used up all the loan and we would like to ask for another about half a billion to carry on.

Minister102: You are only sourcing out for sampans and the money sudah habis ka? How come?

PM: Yes, I would like to know. Good question Minister102.

Minister5: Actually, we have bought a few office lots in Dubai for our office and a few Condos and penthouses in Dubai, Qatar, Singapore, KL and Haadyai. Then, we purchased some BMWs and 2 Ferrari for my son the CEO. Of course there are travelling expenses, hotels, entertainment, credit card bills and the obligatory donations.

PM: Oh, you have donated? Good, good. Have you caught any fish yet?

Minister5: If you approved the additional half billion loan, then I am certain that after buying some more office lots and condos in New York, Paris and London, we could start buying at least 5 sampans to start but to motorise the sampans, I am afraid you would have to add another 2 to 3 hundred million more.

PM: Ok, ok, we would look into that and I would get back to you later.

Minister7: PM, could you give my family an unsecured loan of about 700 million to start off a belacan project so that we wouldn't have to import belacan from the Falklands anymore?

Public Enemy

Spy1: Boss, we have cornered the suspect.

Boss: Where? Do not do anything yet, wait for my instructions.

Spy1: At Brothers Barber Shop Sungai 2 boss. I think he is trying to change his hair style to fool us.

Boss: Good, stay with him and wait for back-up. A platoon of marines from the US of A will be with you soon.

Spy1: Why do we need the marines for boss? We could do it ourselves.

Boss: Shut up you fool. Don't you know that he is dangerous? That;s why he is high up in the most wanted list.

Spy1: But boss, we have 30 men fully armed, why hire marines from the US of A?

Boss: They are the best, anyway, they only cost 50 million a day.

Spy2: Boss, suspect is coming out of the barber shop and is taking his Suzuki scooter towards TESCO Sg 2.

Boss: Stay with him, I repeat, stay with him, the marines are at the traffic lights in front of TESCO, they will get him there.

Spy2: Okay boss, roger and out.

(After 10 minutes)

Spy1: Boss, we have apprehended the suspect. He was about to make the exchange when the marines stormed in. Only 5 civilian casualties boss. Caught in cross-fire boss.

Boss: Good. Never mind about the casualties, collateral damage. Did you get everything on video? We need the video in court to prove this dangerous transaction.

Spy1: Yes boss, in HD some more.

Boss: Good, we will make sure he rots in jail. Anyway, did you get the evidence?

Spy1: Yes, boss, the RM200 book voucher is now in our custody.

Calling For Freedom

If you love peace and justice and if you believe we Malaysian can live together irrespective of race, religion and colour then you must see this.

ALHAMDULILLAH

NOT GUILTY says the judge and also the millions of level-headed justice loving people. Only UMNO arseholes believe otherwise. Of course they will appeal but that is for another day.

ALHAMDULILLAH

Just in case UMNO arseholes do not know how to count, how many do you think came? 1 hundred? 2 hundred?

But Tuan ......

Awang: Hello tuan, can you please help me?

Tuan: Sure we are always here to help. Are you poor?

Awang: Yes, tuan I am very poor tuan. I only get 700 a month and must support a wife a 5 children.

Tuan: Oh, how sad. How may I help you?

Awang: You see tuan recently because my children very hungry I stole from the supermarket and got caught. The court fined me RM3000 tuan so can I borrow to pay the fine?

Tuan: Hey! This is Pusat Urus Zakat, not Ah Long. We don't help these cases all.

Awang: But Tuan, why Menteri can borrow?