Friday, 29 February 2008

The Rescue

Samy: Hello, hello, Datik Seri? Haiyo thank god, I got you. Please la Datuk Seri, do something. Please!

PM: Calm down, calm down. Take a deep breath. Okay, slowly tell me what's wrong. What's all the commotion there?

Samy: Ayo, Datuk Seri die la myself this time. I sure die la.

PM: Calm down Samy, tell me what's wrong so I can help you. Where are you now?

Samy: I am in Prai la Datuk Seri.

PM: What are you doing in Prai? You are supposed to be in Sungai Siput?

Samy: No time for that all la Datuk Seri. There is a mob of about two or three thousand people surrounding my car la Datuk Seri. They are all very angry. They are knocking my car. The police cannot do anything. Please la, Datuk Seri, do something.

PM: Okay, calm down, is your body-guard with you?

Samy: Yes, but he also cannot do anything. Ayo kadawale, po chi dah.

PM: Who else is there with you?

Samy: Kayveas, that's all.

PM: Kayveas? Since when you all become good friends?

Samy: Ayo, Datuk Seri please la, I'll tell you later, if I make it alive la.

PM: Let me speak to Kayveas.

Samy: Hey, idiot, he wants to talk to you la.

Kayveas: What idiot? No, no not you Datuk Seri. I will never call you idiot. I was talking to Samy. Sumpah! I swear, I was not calling you idiot. Upon my father's grave la Datuk Seri.

PM: Okay, what is happening really? Is the situation really that bad? Samy is known to blow things up a bit.

Kayveas: Quite tense la, Datuk Seri. We really need help. I don't know how long the police can control the situation.

PM: You mean, the situation is under control at the moment?

Kayveas: Yes, the police have kept the thugs about twenty metres away from the car?

PM: 20 meters? Samy said, they are knocking at the car?

Kayveas: No la Datuk Seri but if reinforcement doesn't come soon, it will come to that.

PM: How many thugs?

Kayveas: About one or two hundred, at most three.

PM: That idiot said about two thousand?

Kayveas: No la DS, but please send help.

PM: Oay, stay calm, help should arrive in about 10 minutes. I have contacted the base in Mata Kuching to send a heli. Stay put.

Kayveas: Thanks Datuk Seri. Do you want to speak to Samy? No? okay.

Samy: What, what did he say?

Kayveas: A heli will come in about 10 minutes.

Samy: Ayo, I hope it comes soon la. This all your fault la. You told me to come here and try to win the Indians over. See what happens.

Kayveas. Adei mote paile, I am trying to help the BN la. If we can settle the MIC problem, everyone gains la. I don't care about you or your MIC. Ungrateful Indian.

Samy: What, ungrateful? Who you think you are? You think the Indians love you ka? Maybe those thugs are your people? You send them to kill me?

Kayveas: I am not like you la bloody samseng botak. You got no hair, don't cover with that paper fan shape toupee la. Malu only

Samy: You wait la Kayveas, when everything is over, I promise you, I'll get PPP expelled from BN la.

Kayveas: When this is all over, MIC would be dead already la.

Samy: What dead? You think PPP will be strong ka? Don't dream la Kayveas.

Kayveas: Podah old man. Nobody listens to you anymore la. You are history la.

Samy: Shh, what's that sound? I think it's a heli la. Yes, yes, it's a heli. We are saved. Ha, ha, ha, ha, thank god. Driver, drive lowly to that heli.

Kayveas: Hey, Samy don't run la. Slow down.

Samy: Are you coming or not? Faster.

Kayveas: Never mind, you go first la. I'll take my chances. I'll go by car.

Samy: Are you mad? They will kill you la. That's your business la. We will wait only 2 minutes, if you are not on the heli, we will fly off.

Kayveas: Never mind, you go. I'll stay.

Samy: Any last wishes ah? Ha, ha, ha,

Kayveas: Go la, don't talk much. Hello, Hello, Datuk Seri? Yes, Kayveas here. Yes, the heli is here. Samy is on it.

PM: What about you?

Kayveas: Never mind la Datuk Seri, I'll take my chances la.

PM: Why?

Kayveas: I think I stand a better chance of making it to KL by car than by that NURI.

16 comments:

Zawi said...

Chegu,
I really laughed when I reached the last word NURI! You really leave it to the last word la.
In 1990 I was a polling officer in Gua Musang and my post of Pasik was only accesble by heli only. The timber track was there but too risky. You know what happened? During landing the other crew opened the door of the heli when we were some 10 feet above ground to tell the pilot how much longer he had to lower the machine. The door almost fell off if it was not held on to by the crew and another member of of the polling staff. Anyway that one above is definitely first class.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Zawi,
I have heard of how bad NURI is, but I never knew it could be that bad. Wow, that must be harrowing.

tokasid said...

Salam Che'gu;

What a punchline.That was genius.

PM: What? Noreen?Whats my daughter doing there? She is supposed to be in Rembau with Khairi.

Kayveas: Not Noreen la DS.NURI.NURI the heli...

PM: Oh...NURI.And what the heck is that NURI doing there? That NURI is supposed to be in Rembau too.I asked the RMAF to send the Sukhoi to fishedSamy and you out...

Kayveas: Really ar..???Wait..wait DS.I'll make several calls first. Hello!!Dei tamby! Where is the Sukhoi now? What? Rembau? Are you sure?Okay...okay...correct,correct.correct.

Kayveas: Aloo...DS? Its me again. Actually arr..DS, the Sukhoi is in Rembau at some school padang. Your SIL wanted the Sukhoi there and he send the NURI for us.

PM: Oh! If like that takpa lah Keyveas. At least I also can use the Sukhoi because my executive jet is at the Airod for repairs la...

Kayveas: But DS...my balaci said your SIL said the Sukhoi is for him only. DS and DS Najib can use the NURI.

Kata Tak Nak said...

PM: Okay never mind take the Sukhoi but tell Najib not to take the submarines ha.
Kayveas: Why DS? Rosak ka?
PM: No, after election, if I lose I want to blah to Australia and sell them for scraps.

tokasid said...

Che'gu

check this out:

http://rockinsince86.com/2008/02/27/samy-vellu-was-not-welcomed-in-lunas/

its about Samy V.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Doc,
I bukan nak kutuk bangsa sendiri la, tapi tengok orang India ni, depa berani la. Kita ni selesa sikit dengan sedekah yang gomen bagi dah layu, longlai.

acciaccatura said...

itu kot yang depa berani tembak melayu kat batu buruk.

no-to-bn said...

Well,

your stories have a moral lesson at the end of each. I liked this story from another blog who comments here too:

Since everyone is now talking about politics, a little boy goes to his father and asks, "What is politics, Abah?"

Father says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
..1. I'm the head of the family, so call me the Prime Minister
..2. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
..3. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the Rakyat.
..4. Bibik, we'll consider her the Worker or the Taxpayer.
..5. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense."

So, the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Abah has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper So, the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to Bibik's room.

Finding the door locked, he looks in the peephole and sees his father in bed with Bibik.

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Abah, I think I understand the concept of politics now".

The father says "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about".

The little boy replies, "The Prime Minister is screwing the taxpayer, while the government is sound asleep. The rakyat are being ignored and the Future is in deep $hit".

http://tokasid.blogspot.com/

Kata Tak Nak said...

Accia,
yang di Terengganu tu yang berani. Saya tabik kat depa. Depa ada maruah. Depa tak terperangkap dalam zon selesa tapi bagi polis kita, atau pun lebih tepat lagi bagi pegawai2 tinggi polis kita, di negara ni, yang musuh adalah Melayu. Depa tak berani kalau bangsa lain.

Kata Tak Nak said...

no-to-bn,
If you like our writings for the moral than please spread them We don't write to be popular because we are small time bloggers but we have conscience. Hope the spirit will catch on. Anyway, the writer of that post you wrote is a committed person and a good friend of mine.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Hehehehe...

Maybe political analysts/sopo bloggers should give some break to Sam and have a dig at Kebias instead. But then again maybe harder to get it done, since Sam is one hell of an easy target la...hehehe...

Nazri said...

Mahatir: I wronged Anwar. He is innocent.

"SAYA ZALIMI ANWAR OLEH TUN"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60rkbOIdbu4&eurl=http://fuziahsalleh2.wordpress.com/

Kata Tak Nak said...

Kerp,
Yeah, la poor man. Everyone hentam him but he is very sombong. He thinks he alone can take on the whole country. kayveas is no different.

monsterball said...

I was writing so many serious stuffs in other blogs....thinking it's time to get out of those shit politics....get unwind....visiting your blog...and here I am...reading and laughing at this comical scrip....yet do tell the story.....what SAMY is facing nowadays.
Did you read in S.Times...he went to few places from morning till night...almost all centers arranged for him to speak ...were empty....no one turn up to listen to him. Even sitting at a coffee shop...drinking coffee..with few Indians looking away from him...simply hate the sight of him.
I think UMNO also hate Samy....shaming him with the picture and bad write up for all to read..
But you see...UMNO have the famous sickening attitudes... to blame others for their failures/downfalls....in coming election...and MIC is planned to be blamed....for sure.
Once again....kata tak nak....great imaginations and excellent script.

yapchongyee said...

THE TIGERS THAT LOST THEIR ROAR
The decline of crony capitalism ( Feb./29th)
This is a precise of the book “Asian Godfathers “ by Joe Studwell and I will keep very closely to the text by liberal quotes from the book. I thought of not commenting on this work because the arguments are so close to my own 3 part posts that I had published last week under the title of the “Year Of Change” only my article was written all about Malaysia and this one is all about South East Asia(Asean). You can read the www.economist.com article dated 29th/Feb., from which I had quoted most of it.
The book examines the factors that underpinned the sharp decline of most of the S-E Asian economies, excepting Singapore.“In a recent book, “Asian Godfathers”, Joe Studwell, a journalist, examines this failure in stark terms. The region's business scene, he says, remains dominated by old-fashioned, mediocre, sprawling conglomerates, run at the whims of ageing patriarchal owners. These firms' core competence, such as it is, is exploiting their cosy connections with governing elites. Their profits come from rent-seeking: being handed generous state contracts and concessions, or using their sway with officialdom to keep potential competitors out. If they need technology, they buy it from abroad. As a result, Mr Studwell says, the region has “no indigenous, large-scale companies producing world-class products and services.”
“Corruption is another great burden on business. That is true elsewhere in Asia too, but several South-East Asian countries—notably Indonesia—are afflicted by corrupt and unreliable judicial systems, making it difficult to enforce contracts.” I had written many, many posts (83 posts on my own blog. http://yap.chongyee.blogspot.com) setting out in detail how Judge Zainon binti Mohd. Ali had corruptly and incompetantly struck out my wife’s petition. The judge forced the complicity of my wife’s counsel Mr David Hoh of M/s Lim & Hoh of Jln. Bukit Bintang, KL to render my wife’s petition, COMMATOSE. We do not know how the alleged “appeal” has gone and we do not know whether any appeal has been lodged or not because Mr David Hoh has held himself and his partner father Mr Frank Hoh INCOMMUNICADO. We just got no response from our many letters that I had published on my blogg.
Judge Zainon binti Mohd. Ali had committed the criminal offence of Malfeasance by approving to respondent Stephen Lim Cheng Ban both (1)an order for security for costs (2) later after the security for costs had been paid Judge Zainon binti Mohd. Ali approved to Stephen Lim the second Order for striking out petition. Just the fact that these two orders were made afte my wife had paid the RM.60,000 is proff that Judge Zainon binti Mohd. Ali has committed the said crime. To cap it all Judge Zainon binti Mohd. Ali FROM SHEER IGNORANCE OF THE LAW PROBABLY DID NOT THAT SHE HAD COMMITTED A CRIMINAL OFFENCE; but tough for Judge Zainon binti Mohd. Ali has no excuse because knowledge of the criminal offence is not required to be proved, bloody IGNORANCE WILL DO.
I had also argued that Malaysia had wasted billions of ringgit to educate the children of Bumiputra, but lacking in vision Malaysian leaders hogged all the scholarships for their own children, while leaving those who do not have UMNO connection out of the loop. Therefore the Malaysians find that their choice of candidates are circmscribed by a clutchful of about 5,000 to 6,000 families. This limited choice also disadvantaged the selection of candidates to the easier academic courses in the arts and consequantly Malaysia does not have a sufficiently large pool of talents in the much needed fields of engineering and science. Here is what the author has to say “ Malaysia has also spent heavily on universities and the promotion of technology but its efforts have been stymied by the country's messy racial politics (including preferential university places for the Malay majority) and by the handing of state contracts and concessions to undeserving government cronies. Both the lack of fair competition between businesses and the failure to widen access to education may have a common underlying cause: that South-East Asian countries remain in the grip of narrow elites.”
The result is that there are very few Malay talents of any kind that will provide leadership that will grow their industries or provide a talent base for the growth of science and scientific innovation that is sweeping the font runner economies of India & China. In Malaysia UMNO leaders live in a bubble dream world of make belief. The incident that really cracked me up is the claim that Malaysia had produced an ASTRONAUGHT; this Malay dentist hitched a ride on the back of a Russian SPACE SHOT at the costs of at least riggit 100 million, because that was how much another SPACE TOURIST, an Iranian computer entrepreneur paid for her ride on another Russian SPACE SHOT. It is ridiculously silly to claim that this dentist is any kind of an ASTRONAUGHT because an astronaught is a SPACE TECHNITIAN and he “drives” the space vehicle and to say that this dentist is a space astronaught is really STRETCHING REALITY TO BREAKING POINT. This phenomena is stated in these terms : “This dilettantism was once summed up damningly by Michael Porter, of Harvard Business School: “These companies don't have strategies, they do deals.” Gerry Ambrose in the Kuala Lumpur office of Aberdeen Asset Management laments that it is indeed hard to find Malaysian companies with “a business plan that will last ten years”. Because even the best-run firms often have boards and shareholder lists dominated by the founding family and their friends, it is hard to believe that their thinking will change.
Hitherto, Malaysian companies have had a remarkable record of picking duds when they buy foreign firms. Laura Ashley, a fashion designer; Costain, a builder; Lec, a fridgemaker; and Agusta, a motorbike-maker: all were bought by Malaysian firms with less than glorious outcomes. This was also described by me in my article as fact.
However, he says that there are hopeful signs there are “…..hopeful sign for South-East Asia's corporate future is that it seems to be getting easier for those outside the closed circle of the politically well-connected to set up new businesses and challenge the incumbents. Mr Fernandes's AirAsia is the prime example. Started only six years ago, the airline now criss-crosses the region with a huge network of low-cost flights. Mr Fernandes, a former music-industry man, is still frantically adding routes: he expects to be allowed to start domestic flights in the Philippines and Vietnam soon. He has started a separate, low-cost, long-haul airline, AirAsiaX, which is flying from Kuala Lumpur to Gold Coast airport in Australia and Hangzhou near Shanghai. Flights to Melbourne, Amritsar and eventually London are on the way. “In other once-coddled industries, too, governments are starting to dismantle monopolies. YTL's Mr Yeoh says there will soon be “no hiding place” for firms trying to live from old-fashioned rent-seeking.
The rise of China and India, with their huge home markets, may mean that it is too late for South-East Asia to become big in manufacturing. “The region already dominates some types of agricultural produce: Thailand and Vietnam are the world's two largest rice exporters, for example. Since the region has so much coastline and so many rivers, there is much scope for expanding fish-farming and seafood production. Thai Union, a giant tuna-packer, is already in BCG's top 100. Vietnam, the region's rising star, has several big seafood firms which, if they can resist the regionwide scourge of diversification, may one day reach similar heights.
But they do seem to be linked to the perseverance of narrow elites and to the countries' sluggishness in overcoming old rivalries and building an integrated regional market. It is already too late for Malaysia to catch up to the regions major players, but at least Malaysia may want to remain a little bit ahead of the wost of them all at the bottom rank of S-E Asia. Malaysia has lagged behind because Malaysia’s economic model is built on the FOUNDATIONS OF EXCLUSION. A System that excludes 27 million to enrich an elite of some 10,000 families has no other way to go but DOWN.

Flights to Australia said...

An interesting blog with moral lesson! Great Job.

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