Tuesday, 26 February 2008

Addendum to Manifesto

PM: I know you would rather be in your respective constituencies but I call you all here because the feedbacks we got are not very encouraging. Let me be ruthlessly frank, it is very bad. Unless we do something drastic, we are not only going to lose the 2/3 majority, there is a realistic chance that we may lose.

Samy: Aiyo, DS, I am already having a big headache, don't joke la DS. I don't think this is a good time to joke la.

Rafidah: I scraped through nomination day by the skin of my teeth and am still peeing uncontrollably and you find it amusing to pull a prank on us ka? Bad timing la DS.

Najib: What? What?, What is it that is disturbing? Has it got to do with the Altantunya case? Where is my passport ah?

PM: Idiots! This is not a joke la. Am I laughing? Do I look like I am enjoying myself? We are in big trouble and we have to do something fast.

Shahidan: SB report ka DS?

PM: Yes, anyway, I was up all night, and you know I have never ever done that before, brainstorming with our think tank and they have come out with a suggestion that may work.

Samy: May, only ka DS?

PM: Yes, it could help us halt the slide.

Rafidah: Well, if that is the best solution, then just do it, why call us all here. We have work to do you know.

PM: Because it involves all of you la morons. That is why I call all of you here. I don't want Samy's toupee to fall off or you to suffer from your incontinence la Fidah when I make the announcement.

Nazri: Don't talk in riddles la DS, what suggestion? What announcement?

PM: The think tank feels that they have identified the main reason for the slide. To halt this dangerous slide, they feel that there we should give the voters a stimulus that could help swing the votes back.

OKT: This is a caretaker government, we can't give bonus now.

PM: Who is talking about bonus? Anyway, we don't have the money to give out bonuses. If we had don't you think I would have done so before dissolving the parliament?

KTK: What stimulus did they suggest?

PM: They said that this drastic, never attempted before, strategy could be our last chance to salvage any chance of outright victory.

Nazri: Please la DS, no more riddles, what is it?

PM: They asked me to go on live television today and announce an addendum to our manifesto.

OKT: Yes, la, I think our manifesto contains nothing new. It's the same as 2004. What is it that they want us to add DS?

PM: Our new Cabinet.

Samy: Before the elections? A cabinet announced even before the elections? I think that is a good idea. The people would know who the members of the cabinet are. They would be more confident. I think your think tank is brilliant la. I agree DS.

Rafidah: If it is only that, I don't think he would drag us away from our constituencies la Samy. I have a bad feeling about this.

KTK: Yes, me too.

PM: You should because none of you accept me is in the list.

Najib: Not even me ka? Where is my passport ah?

Rafidah: Samy, Samy, Samy, Samy, somebody call 911 please.

13 comments:

tokasid said...

Salam che'gu:

Najib: What? All of us are not on the list? Whre is my damn passport la...

PM: None of you will be a minister no more.oi Fidah just sprinkle some water on Samy's face laa...he is prentending to pengsan only la...You know for so long also donno he auta only ka?

Rafidah: DS....mu name is also not in ke? Ayoo...I still have lots of APs for my SIL la DS....please lah...tooolooonggg laa...put me back la...I promise I will cry like I did when Tun Dr M announced he wanted to quit last time...

PM: Sudah lah Fidah....thats only crocodile's tears. Who knows you will hantam me like you hantam Mahadet about the AP issues.

Najib: Errr..DS...who will become the TPM?

PM: Okay I will tell you all now. I will still be the PM and Finance Minister and the Internal security minister and will also take the defence minister post. The TPM will be my SIL KJ. He will also be the Education Minister,2nd Financial Minister, Minister of Information, menteri belia dan Sukan, menteri Pengajian Tinggi and 2nd Menteri Dalam Negeri.
His friend Azeez Rempit will head a new ministry ie Kementerian rempit dan Payung Terjun.Noraini Puteri will be Menteri masak memasak dan solek menyolek.
Others in the line up will be decide by my SIL the new TPM.
Now all of you can go home...and Fidah don't forget to bring Samy along. Najib, passport hang dah kena kompaun hang tak boleh pi mana-mana kecuali Mongolia saja.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Doc,
I promise I will cry like I did when Tun Dr M announced he wanted to quit last time...

Yang tu klasik punya la doc.

Zawi said...

Chegu,
Earlier I thought you can never come up with anything better than the previous ones. How wrong I was. This is getting better and better. More will be coming definitely until after the election is long done. Keep em cumminnnggg. I love em all.

Zawi said...

Chegu,
Sorry I forgot to commend tokasid who seems to be able to add a few good ideas too. Thank you to the both of you.

monsterball said...

kata tak nak....Few more days....God willing...we both old fellas will witness the change in government....many moons long overdue.
Malaysians can feel and see the great hypocracies of UMNO....even by UMNO members..towards the peaceful protest walks...treated with tear gases and water cannons....to actually create fear by UMNO......but backfired.
Phillipines changed 25 years ago.
Indonesia did it 10 years ago.
And both are doing much better than Malaysia in every sense of the word.
There is nothing to change in Singapore....purely due to their excellent non corrupted government.
Citizens are proud of their government.
And your script....if that is what you think Pak Lah will do to win votes and confidences back....it is much much too late......as the die is cast....voters are going all out to throw UMNO and BN ......and vote for a change of government to respect and listen to us...not to treat us like animals.
I have never experience.....being treated like animals.. with two tear gas bombs and water cannons.. during the Hindraf walk. We did nothing wrong...but got that treatments.
I have spent less time as a commentator......and after the election...talking politics will be my last interest.
It will be coffee..cigars .....sleep..and eat....and hope one nice day....we an meet either in Penang or K.Lumpur....face to face.
All my Muslims friends ..who are UMNO members....told me..they and their family and friends have all decided to vote against UMNO...based on those walks...and newspapers one sided stories. They have enough of UMNNO's controls.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Zawi,
Actually, great novelists should come to Malaysia because there is so much to write about. They would be surprised at what they have missed.
I am only a kaki lima writer, venting my frustrations and I am glad that some find imy writings worthy of reading.
Thanx.
As for Doc, he is always there to support me and sometimes sms me to give ideas.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Monty,
If the government is good I would be amongst the first to praise them but if they are fucked up then I will fuck them up some more.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

ok i may have missed it somewhere but whos KTK?

monsterball said...

And perhaps I will shave my head bald...if my dream for a change in government will come true.
But I am sure ....going to do something good..when it happens.
I am actually feeling good about our Malaysians....not easily be influenced by bullshits and con jobs anymore.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Monty,
If you do shave your head, please send me a pic through my email. May we triumph over them.

jasgill said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jasgill said...

PM: You should because none of you accept me is in the list.

You must be working late lah so that except pun jadi accept... Tak rest and dont overstress.

yapchongyee said...

http://katataknak.blogspot.com/

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