Friday, 1 February 2008

Awards Anyone?

Wow, they are now dispensing awards for Federal Territory Day. What next then? Who knows, since the demand for Datukships and Tan Sriships are high, they would extend this exercise to Hari Raya Aidil Fitri, Hari Raya Aidil Adha, Maulidul Rasul, Maal Hijrah, Chinese New Year, Chap Goh Meh, Wesak Day, Cheng Beng, Taipusam, Deepavali, Ponggal, Valentines' Day, School Sports Day and PTA Meetings Day.

The day will come when they will have open tender for these awards. To blind the rakyats, every newborn child's birth certificate will come with the suffix AMN; register for primary school and you will be awarded PJK and once you go to secondary school the PKT would be yours.

Imagine walking into a Nasi Kandar Restaurant and the cashier is a certain Tan Sri Raheemah Bibi. She would be smiling to you with the crimson trickle of sireh juice down the side of the corner of her mouth. She courteously asks you to take a table and in no time Datuk Habibul Rehman from Bihar and Datuk Malek Bacha from Tamil Nadu comes to take your order.

After your lunch, take a cab driven by Datuk Seri Tan Ah Kow to the bank and meet the manager Tun Tiu Nia Mah.

Fancy reading a newspaper report:

Mat Rempit arrested for crashing into traffic cop. Mat Rempit Dollah Jamaluddin AMN, PJK, PKT, 17, was arrested last night for injuring a traffic cop Sergeant Datuk Kumaren at KM 3 Jalan Kucing Last night. According to KL Traffic Chief Tengku Sameon, who was present at a press conference with ACP Tengku Lim Boon Chit and the IGP Tengku DiRaja Kelas 12, Ariif Bedol, Datuk Kumaren sustained serious head injuries and has been warded in the ICU, in Kuala Lumpur General Hospital.

Director of KLGH, Tengku DiRaja Kelas 15, confirmed that Datuk Kumaren has just had surgery and is recovering. He is under the care of Neurosurgeon Tengku Diraja Kelas 14 Milosavic Miloslav from Serbia.

Meanwhile, the Minister of Transport Maharaja DiRaja Kelas 6, Chan Boh Hong said that the government is very unhappy with this development. The Cabinet would meet next Tuesday to discuss this matter. The PM Maharaja Yang Maha Besar Lah Bin Lan will issue a statement after this.

Stop Press:

The Social Welfare Board, Da Ma Cai, Sports Toto and Magnum 4 Nombor Ekor are proud to announce that each of them would be conducting special draws for Tan Sriships and Datukships on different days, every 1st and 3rd week of the month. 50 Tan Sriships and 75 Datukships are up for grabs per draw. More details later.



11 comments:

hantutelur said...

My goodness! You're getting more and more hilarious, Tan Sri Dato' Che' Gu! That's why...

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

this datukship thing is getting really ridiculous every single year. who the fuck are those guys to be given such awards?

i sure hope what you've written will come true sooner or later. judging from how things are going, it sure is on the right track. i'm not gonna ask for much, just a YM Datuk Seri Utama Orang besar 4 Lelawangsa si Kacak Bestari would do. my contribution towards the society? blood donation.

tokasid said...

Salam to Sir Tan Tin Tun Maharajaratnamsari Lord 3rd class Che'gu:

Just the other day I meet several foreign who just arrived here 1 week ago.Came for the compulsory Fomema medical check-up.
I was honoured for their attendance for upon arrival they got their titles at the KLIA car park. They were:
1-Dato' kurang seri Md Lilh Miah of Bangladesh
2- Lato' Beseli-seli Dilaja klas 16
Aung A Ngan
3-Tun Paduka Royaljeligamat Bikay Pingham of Nepal
4-Tan Sri Sichilorotelopapat Gunawan of Indonesia.

They told me another 20 will come for medical check-up next week.Now, my girls are gonna have problems of writing their names and titles on the specimen bottles.

Me: Dato'takdakmenantuatauucucu Tokasid JPJ,BPR,ACA,ISA,FAM,BAM,MOM.

cakapaje said...

Salam Cikgu,

Horrors! Imagine what horrors the immigration people would have! Then again, US and Europe officials might just wave us through for the hassle of reading our names! lol! This is something Robin Williams should have thought of!

Me, I'm waiting for the summer cheap sale before getting one :) Er...Malaysia no summer?

hantutelur said...

Those days such awards were conferred to good men who had served the people and the nation, normally after they retired or in recognition for people who had given a lifelong remarkable contribution in their fields. Later, to people who gave monetary contributions in the form of large donations or sponsorships to programmes that benefit the people or needy institutions. Now they give to everyone as long as you are famous or help make Malaysia boleh. So you have now Datuk Singer, Datuk Actor, Datuk Swimmer, Datuk Sailor, Datuk Mountain Climber, Datuk Tennis Player, Datuk Dart Thrower, Datuk Pancake Maker, Datuk Who-can-swallow-30,000-needles-and-has-his-feat-entered-into-Malaysia-book-of-Records, Datuk Crime King Pin and many more. Now the most legitimate Datukship it seems is for you when your daughter or daughter-in-law gives birth to your Cucu.

I wonder why people call all police constables Datuk?

Kata Tak Nak said...

Hantutelor
Awards will only be meaningful if they are jealously awarded. When they are a dime a dozen, they become quite meaningless.

Never, never must a person's social and economic status be a criteria.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Kerp,
Ridiculous is the right word to describe it.

It should be
YM Datuk Seri Utama Orang besar 4 Lelawangsa si Kacak dan Macho Bestari.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Doc,
Pasai apa kepimpinan Melayu tak tahu membezakan apa yang lebih esklusif? Adakah 10000 Datuk eksklusif? Takkan kita tak mau pingat yang kita beri itu sesuatu yang eksklusif> Kalau mau adakan kuota. 1 Tan Sri setahun, 5 Datuk Seri dan 10 Datuk. Jangan ada kelas 1 kelas 2 semua, tak guna. DK hanya kepada kerabat bukan any mamak maidin buleh dapat.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Shah,
That reminds me, award Datuk jugak diberi musim tengkujuh dan musim kemarau. To make a long story short, award Datukships every alternate day senang sikit.

monsterball said...

Our awards are the laughing joke to the whole world.
The bigger the crook....the higher the award given....and right now Mahathir is getting another award......hahahahaha
For the lower titles....you can buy them like from the fish market...each depending the quality of the fish you pay for.
Some of my close friends have titles...and they know I know how they got them. I always cal them by their names...so much so the telephone operators sometimes dare not put me through.....until I mention my name...hahahahaha

monsterball said...

Mahathir said he put Pak Lah there for one term PM
If you believe him..then you should believe Pak Lah recommended Mahathir to get decorated again with an award by the King.
It's the UMNO kingpins...that decides what are recommended by Mahathir....and not Mahathir put Pak Lah as PM. Of course...his recommendation is accepted by the more than 500 UMNO kingpins.
And kerp should be happy Pak Lah announced RM81 million allocate to the poor and the disabled.
Wow!! so much goodies....just few months before elections..and after the election...if ever they win again....they will shelve the multi million projects....saying lack of funds....and MAS will keep loosing money..a reputation they have build for themselves...for decades.
And we idiots need to pay at least 50% more for the daily essentials....with our fixed income...thus the saying goes.....money getting smaller and smaller for the poor...getting poorer and the middle class...welcome to join the class of poor Malaysians.
But all these can be avoided....if we dare to change the government.

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