Friday, 22 February 2008

APPEAL

The PM has finalised his list and many Ministers and Mentris Besar have been dropped. They all gather at Putrajaya to protest their exclusion. Some were sad, some were speechless, some were angry, and yet some were suicidal. They heard that the PM would consider their plea if they could convince him that their candidacy would help the party (or the PM). The PM enters with KJ.

PM: So you are all here to appeal your exclusion from candidacy? I am sure you know that you have to convince me why I should take you back. I have good and bad news. The good news is that, I still have some vacancies left. The bad news is that they are very limited. It can't accommodate all of you here. Who wants to start first?

Shahidan: Apa ni DS, saya dah lama jadi Menteri Besaq Perlis. Saya dah buat macam-macam kat Perlis. Apa yang DS sughoh saya buat, saya dah buat. UMNO di Perlis kuat. Pilihanraya lepaih kita sapu bersih semua, pasai apa gugoq nama saya? Awat pasai saya tak dak bini muda ka? Awat bini Azmi tu comel sangat ka? Awat pasai dia ada bini muda dia buleh jadi Menteri Besaq ka? Bukan saya tak mau kawin lain tapi bini saya tak mau mati lagi. Untung la depa, bini depa mati awai. Dapat bini muda, cantik, lepaih tu dapat jadi Menteri Besaq. Ni tak adil DS.

PM: Macam ni hang mau aku pilih hang? Belum apa lagi hang dah peril aku. Awat hang ingat aku suka ka bini aku mati? Aku sayang kat dia hang tau?

Shahidan: La, saya silap cakap la DS, saya bukan kata kat DS, saya kata kat Azmi. Saya tau DS sayang kat arwah. Tolong la DS, malu la saya. Selama ni saya dudok di rumah besaq, ada jawatan tinggi, semua orang hormat. Kalau tak dapat mana saya nak buboh muka? Azmi nanti perli saya haghi-haghi tau. Oghang nanti dok panggil saya MB pencen. DS mau apa, habaq saja, saya bagi.

PM: Aku dengaq oghang perlis tak berapa berkenan kat hang. Depa kata hang sombong, hang suka poya-poya, tunjuk act. Kalu aku ambik hang jugak, kita buleh kalah punya.

Shahidan: Takkan DS tak tau, depa dengki kat saya. Depa cemughu pasai saya berjaya. Takkan tak tau peghangai oghang Melayu. Dengki, busuk peghot. Alah, poya-poya tu semua oghang buat aih. Kalau saya bagi buntin pun, saya buat sengap-sengap, sapa pun tak tau. Yang artis-artis tu bukan saya yang goda depa, depa yang goda saya. Ntah tang mana depa nampak saya ni segak sangat?

PM: Tu, Azmi tu aku nak tauk mana?

Shahidan: Tauk la tang mana pun. Dia bukannya gheti sangat buat kheja? Tolong la DS.

PM: Ni ada ghamai lagi, aku KIV hang punya dulu.

Shahidan: Ala DS, tolong la.

PM: Ni, aku KIV ni pun kegha bagoih hang tau, aku tak reject teghoih. Nanti KJ jumpak hang. Sapa lagi?

Samy: Datok Seri …

PM: Yes, Samy, you are dropped, why are you here?

Samy: Like this la Datok Seri. I think I want to change seat la. Sungai Siput too hot for me now. Many people saying bad things all about me DS. I tell you what la DS, you give me Kapala Batas and you come to Sungai Siput. Like that means dua-dua kawasan kita bule menang punya. Apa macam DS?

PM: So you want to change with me ka? I tell you what, I put you in Permatang Pauh and transfer Firdaus to Sungai Siput, you want ah?

Samy: Ayo DS, why say like that. I die la there. Anwar will tear me to pieces la. Some more there got many Indians. Ayo, please la DS for old times sake. Kita sudah manyak lama kawan apa.

PM: Don't waste my time la Samy, Sungai Siput or Permatang Pauh, which one you want?

Samy: Sungai Siput pun Sungai Siput la. Ini macam kawan ka? Saya manyak tolong sama DS sekarang ini macam bikin sama saya ka. Kulit lupakan kacang punya orang.

PM: Who next?

SL: Datuk, Datuk please, before you say anything listen to me first.

PM: Okay Soi Lek, 2 minutes.

SL: If I change my name can ah? I already discuss with Samy. I change my name to Muthu and he is willing to let me stand under MIC. Can or not?

PM: Next!

Zakaria: DS, saya tak puas hati ni. Kenape dengki sangat kat saye ni. Saye pandai buat duit saya kaye la. Takkan sebab saya kaye, ade rumah besar lucut kelayakkan jadi calon?

PM: Dah bagi kat menantu hang, hang mau apa lagi?

Zakaria: Itu menantu, saye mau untuk saye. Menantu saye tu bukan nye baik sangat. Die tu pro Mahathir. Jangan la bocorkan rahsie pulak. Jangan pilih die, bahaye.

PM: Sudah saya tak mau dengaq lagi.

Zakaria: Kalau gate keretapi tak tutup dan orang mati jangan salahkan saya pulak. Ingat, ini Zakaria ni.

PM: Next!

Jasin: DS, DS apa khabar? Sihat?

PM: Lah hang ka? Aiee! Dulu mata kiri tertutup, lani mata kanan pulak?

Jasin: Ha, ha, ha, DS melawak dengan saya ka? Tolong la saya DS. Kalau saya tak bertanding, jangan kata anak balak, cucu balak pun saya tak buleh import. Tolong la. Nanti semua kastam nanti ludah muka saya ni. Sumpah kalau saya bertanding kali ni, saya sepatah pun tak cakap dalam Parlimen dah. Saya dudok diam saja.

PM: Next!

Mukhriz: DS, saya tak puas hati, saya mintak Langkawi, bukan Jerlun. Jerlun tu ulu, macam mana saya nak tinggal di sana? Nak bunuh saya ka?

PM: Awat, bapak hang sughuh hang mai rayu? Kalau nak rayu, buat la macam nak rayu. Ni mai garang satu macam, nak arah-arah orang pulak. Oi, lani aku PM tau, bukan bapak hang. Tu pun aku bagi jugak. Kalu aku tak mau bagi hang nak buat apa? Oghang dah bagi Jerlun, pi Jerlun la. Awat hang ingat Langkawi tu bapak hang punya? Awat pasai situ selamat, hang mau la. Pi la Jerlun. Kalau hang bagoih sangat, oghang sayang sangat kat bapak hang, depa undi la hang. Hang mau Jerlun ka tak? Kalau tak mau, aku bagi kat Soi Lek. Okay, sudah, aku dah letih ni. KJ, take over.

16 comments:

Zawi said...

Cikgu,
KJ is definitely powerful. He made a statement in The Star of today 22 February when asked about state liason committee chairman Datuk Seri Annuar Musa, who is slated to contest in the Ketereh parliamentary seat, Khairy said Annuar would continue to serve as chairman "for now".
For just being a mere deputy UMNO youth head, he seems to carry so much power. Sleepy head definitely lets him runs things.

Mr. Right said...

Politik anak beranak menantu yang aku tak berkenan sangat kat Malaysia ni. Baik BN atau pembangkang, sama je. Semua pakat2 nak naikkan anak menantu sendiri.

Anak Soi Lek umur baru 30an, menantu Zakaria pun sama. Anak Karpal Singh, anak Taib Mahmud. Anak pemimpin2 politik semunya naik mendadak. Anak Nik Aziz bertanding tak tahun ni? Lim Dinasty...

Tak leh nak tunggu sampai betul2 berkemampuan ke? At least Dr. M tunggu dia berambus dulu baru anak dia menonjol, sejak KJ berkuasa ni, semua anak2 dan menantu2 merasakan mereka juga patut diberi peluang. Hampeh betoi...!

Aku harap PKR tak calonkan Nurul Izzah. Biar la minah tu main puas2 ngn anak kecil dia dulu.

tokasid said...

Salam che'gu:

Marang: DS..DS...saye macang mane?

PM:Awak ni Machang ke Marang?

Marang: Saye YB Marang. Cume nok tahu saye macang mane?

PM: Machang ke Marang? Hang jangan main-main ngan saya tau...saya dah ngantok ni

Marang: Maksud saye...kedudukang saye ni macng...eh..mace..mane...err...maa..cam mana?

PM: Macamana lagi?Macam tu lah...dah gugur.

Marang: Tapi DS, saye dereh guggurkang sebab dia dekki ke saye...

PM: Bukan dia dengki kat hang aih...hang dok bising-bising di bahagian hang pasai Patrick buat apa? Aku yang suruh Dereh jangan boh nama hang...

Marang: Jadi bukang Dereh le? Patrick? macang ni DS...kalau sae di calungkang semule..Patrick biar buat 10 masjid kristal...saye dok kesah.

PM: Dah..dah...hang pi balik Machang...eh..Marang hang belajaq buat kepok lekor hang juai depan mesjid Hj Hadi di RhuSila.

Ustazah Baling: DS...DS...cek lagu mana pilak. Takkan cek sepenggai saja kot.Cek dok ceramah pasai Hadhari rata tempat semua oghang suka samapi tepok tak menang tangan...Walau pun cek tak setuju ngan Hadhari tu pasai tak sama dengan apa yang cek belajaq dan dok ajaq di unibersiti dul..cek sokong jugak.

PM:Nama hang tak dak ka?Hat tu kena tanya menantu saya la noo...tadi sapa tak tahu habaq mai kat saya kata Balin depa bagi kat Azeez kepala rempit.

Ustazah Baling: Memang depa boh nama Azeez. La ni lagu ni DS. Cek pi belajaq rempit 2 hari ni...paih tu cek buat wheely mesti lagi best dari budak-budak Azeez. Cek pun muleh teghejun payung.Payung cap dacin tau DS. Di Kedah kami ramai mat rempit jadi cek buleh belajaq. Boh nama cek balik naa...kalu dak malu la cek mana nak letak muka. Pasai lepaih ni mana ada oghang mau jemput cek ceramah lagi...tulong la DS.

PM: Satgi aku tanya Menantu.Kalau menantu kata muleh muleh lah.Kalu menantu kata tak muleh, minta maaop la noo...Okay saya nak masuk tidoq. Mana Jin ni...Jin! Jin! Jom balik.

Zawi said...

chegu,
Tumpang lalu saya nak habaq kat mr.right. Tok Guru Nik Aziz tak benarkan anak dia Nik Abduh bertanding selagi dia dok jadi MB. Tunggu dia bersara lepas pilihanraya 12 ni bolehlah Nik Abduh bertanding kat pilihanraya kecik.
Harap-harap budak celupar yang nak bertanding kat Rembau tu akan kalah dan bolehla dia bertanding kat bye election tu lawan Nik Abduh di Cempaka.
Eloknya kalau bekas MP Baling tu bertanding sebagai calon bebas tapi atas tiket PAS seperti Ibrahim Ali buat kat Pasir Mas. Boleh menang you.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Zawi,
Yes, that SIL is very powerful because he is very unscrupulous. As usual in UMNO it is orientation. Kalau yang berorientasikan KJ, dia selamat tapi kalau yang berorientasikan Hisham, dia goyah until of course something happens. Nasib dalam UMNO boleh berubah overnight. Kalau dahan yang dipaut patah jatuh merudum la.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Mr. Right,
Yes, Mahathir did not allow his children to stand for election. He just ask them to suck the country's money dry. Tak apa, kalau bankrupt sebab anak tu memang tolol tak reti business, ayah ada. Ayah boleh bailout dengan duit Petronas sampai 1.2 billion pun tak apa. Bapak ambik. Kalau macam tu baik suruh dia bertanding daripada dok bagi duit rakyat free untuk bailout anak dia.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Doc,
Bila dia dok sebut Machang, Samy pulak jawab. Yes, Thamby?

Kata Tak Nak said...

Zawi,
You are right, TGNA bukan jenih tu. Itu membezakan dia daripada puak-puak UMNO dan itu lah jugak mengapa ramai orang bukan Melayu pun hormat kat dia.

Athene said...

hahahha... you really kill me with your stories! Just spend the whole of last nite and early this morning reading each and every posting you blogged! They were priceless! You should team up with Zunar and come up with something.

Chegu, I really enjoy reading your blog, why didn't we get you as our teacher masa skolah dulu?

~org penang~

Kata Tak Nak said...

Athene,
So you are from Penang and are in fashion. Artistic person I see. I am flattered by your comments and glad you liked my entries. Who knows maybe I have seen you before, Penang is after all very small. Thanks any way for drifting to my blog. Have a nice day.

Athene said...

I think I have seen you, and... I've seen your daughter @ the banks :)

Penang mmg kecik, tak boleh lari lah chegu! *ooppss... time to cover my *ss!*

Btw, I'm not really in fashion per se, but blogger doesn't have that much variety do they? I actually deal in textile and stuffs. :)

Athene said...

blogger should read blogspot

Kata Tak Nak said...

Athene,
So you deal in textiles? Hmmm, interesting? You have seen my daughters in the bank? Could be. One is in Cina Melayu India Benggali Bank Bayan Baru and the other in EON Bank Pulau Tikus.

Athene said...

the one in Bayan Baru, I do my banking there & she's always generous with her smile :)

I wonder if I know her from before, I'll ask the next time I see her.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Athene,
Actually today and maybe for the rest of the week she would be away. She is in hospital scheduled for a minor surgery.

yapchongyee said...

http://katataknak.blogspot.com/

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