Sunday, 17 February 2008

My Sweet Rose

It is so shocking that something so beautiful, so sweet and colourful could cause serious convulsions, spasms and painful constrictions of the innards that squeeze the oxygen out of the body and block the entry of this life giving gas. Victims would writhe in pain. Their screams, often inaudible, caused by the absence of oxygen, would be followed by the bluing of the face. The victims, while alive, could neither breathe in nor out. Finally, the internal constrictions would cause all internal organs to rupture causing the victims to spew out blood. Blood would also find its way through every orifice and opening in the body. The end, though swift, would be excruciatingly painful. Eyes popping out of their sockets, is not uncommon.

This latest finding, released by the United Nation, baffles every scientist and world leader. It is believed that this new phenomena is caused by an extremely rare, yet to be named gas, from vents and cracks in the Earth's surface. These vents and cracks only appeared after the series of quakes to shake the Earth after Acheh, 2004. What is baffling scientists all over the world is that this new gas would only have adverse effects if it touches plants of a certain specie. Inhaled directly by humans and animals, the gas is harmless.

The WHO, has dispatched warnings and instructions to all government leaders around the world. It is reported that many countries were skeptical about the validity of the findings and choose to ignore it. A few countries, however, have taken the initiative to act on this report. Most of these countries are from countries near Acheh, where these vents and cracks are spotted. Amongst the actions recommended were to destroy all rose plants. It is this specie that is found to react dangerously with the gas. The chemical which gives off the sweet fragrant would react with the gas making it highly toxic.

It is in light of this latest discovery that the Malaysian Government out of deep and grave concern for its citizens has instructed the police not to issue permits to an unregistered Hindu body to hold a gathering to give out roses to the Prime Minister. A spokesman said that, the non-issuance of the permit was not to protect the safety of the Prime Minister. In fact it was out of concern for the gatherers especially the children. Applications to hold the gathering were refused but the reasons were not given so as to prevent a panic. The Minister of Agriculture said that, he has instructed all his officers to go through the country to destroy rose plants. Imports of roses were banned.

The Deputy Home Minister said that, the government had to prevent the gathering and was sad that the police had to use force to break the gatherers. It was not the Government's intention to stop the people from gathering to show their extreme love to the Prime Minister, who was very touched by their appreciation for his work record and by the love shown by the Indians of the country to him. The minister added that a permit would be given out next week to allow for such gatherings. The Prime Minister would personally be present to receive the gifts from the 200 young children originally suggested by the organizers for the disrupted first gathering.

The Health Ministry, however, has come out with a strict guideline on what could be brought by the gatherers. No roses or any other flowers are allowed within a 50 kilometer radius of Parliament house. The children could only bring with them durian leaves, rambutan leaves and pandan leaves. The Children would be given 'KAMI SAYANG PAK LAH' badges to wear while the senior gatherers would be given 'PAK LAH PENYELAMAT NEGARA' badges.

Meanwhile a Minister in the prime Ministers's statement has released a statement that the Prime Minister had expressed his sadness at what had happened during the recent gathering. Those arrested would be released as soon as the police are satisfied that they are not privy to this latest information released by WHO. As a sign of gratefulness to the Indian people who had shown so much love to the Prime Minister, tomorrow, Monday, 18 February would be declared a public holiday to all Indians.

13 comments:

tokasid said...

salam che'gu:

Some the facts that UN gave is. Another significant finding was wrong. This gas was given the name of Paklaxygen but upon protest by by the M'sian gomen the UN decide not to release its name.Another significant finding was this Paklaxygen was only detected in Malaysia.Again the Malaysian gomen protested and said that the UN is being biased.The malaysian gomen's argument is more test should be made esp in Myanmar and Sri Lanka.

The Ministry of Agriculture is conducting its own test to see if the orchids and hibiscus is also affected or not. One important and significant finding is petai and jering are not affected aat all. The Police deptt will come out with strong recomendation that the PM can accept gifts in form of petai and jering by ant groups to show their love and loyalty to the PM.

MOA is contemplating to start off the jeruk petai and jering gift shops through FAMA,Felcra and Felda.

Pemuda UMNO through the SIL is understood to the major broker for this industry.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Bukan Paklatidogen ka?
Kaya la orang2 asli yang petik petai. But if Pemuda UMNO control market petai then sure harga naik. Samy will impose toll to all roads leading to petai trees and Rafidah will issue APs. These petais must be exported first then some well connected people will be given APs to import them.

Zawi said...

che'gu,
Your satire is taking a new form eh? Nevertheless they are as good. I hope Paklah can understand this one. He will give a silly smile after digesting everything you said.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Zawi,
We have to vary it a bit. Selalu tidor saja pun tak best kan? Sekali sekala berjaga pulak la kan?

tokasid said...

Che'gu:

Most likely pemuda will appoint Mydin as their sole agent.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Doc,
Petai ini ditaja oleh Mydin dengan kerjasama Pemuda UMNO Malaysia. Satu lagi projek KERAjaan Barisan UMNO.

Packaging dia pulak,

Petai segar cap Menantu.

cakapaje said...

Salam Cikgu,

Tomorrow holiday? Wow! Er..sure or not? Afterwards, I don't go to work...oops! Terlupalah Cikgu, I don't have an office to go to work to! :)

So tomorrow, I can help my mother plant a rose lah! :)

Mat Salo said...

Maybe I'm lucky to be away from Malaysia and unable to watch the daily sketches and pesta lawak hosted by our jesters in court and in the now-dissolved Parliament. Next round lagi banyak jokers ke? I suppose okay jugak so our Chegu here can have unlimited wealth of material to mine from. Ko tak life would be boring. So I suppose that's why these jokers get voted in. To provide entertainment.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Shah,
You have to be Samy Shah or Muthu Shah to qualify for the hols tomorow.

Kata Tak Nak said...

MS,
Yes, lull us with what we think is free entertainment potraying their stupidity but the hidden cover charge is very high.

tokasid said...

Che'gu:

Latest findings on the gas Paklaxygen.
It will cause the head of gomen go to sleep.
The Kementerian Penerangan is taking this finding to justify why our PM always sleeps at meetings of long functions.
But we know he sleep way before the tsunami right?

Kata Tak Nak said...

Doc,
Samy dalam usaha memerangi HINDRAF yang dia gelar ganas telah menunbuhkan satu persatuan.

P Persatuan
U Untuk
N Nafikan
D Dakwaan
E Ejen
K Keganasan

monsterball said...

One commentator said Pak Lah was afraid the roses are poisoned!!
I say....a person who has great guilty conscience do not trust anything or anybody.
there goes the PM who is supposedly....the nearest to Allah....with his holy holy acting role.

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