Sunday, 19 April 2009

The Strategy

Boss: We lost so many by-elections and with bigger majorities. This is hurting us. This is hurting me the most. We need to do something.

Member1: Yes, la boss, everywhere I go, they all 'perli' me la boss. I malu only

Boss: You say you malu, what about me? I lagi malu you know.

Member2: Easy only la boss. We push through parliament a bill to abolish all by-elections.

Boss: You know why we lost? Because we have people like you la. To do that we need two thirds. Do we have two thirds in parliament?

Member2: Oh like that ka boss, sorry la, I am 1st term MP la.

Member3: I say boss, easy only la boss.

Boss: What easy? I am going bald pulling all my hair and you say easy? How?

Member3: Every time we had a by election in their constituency we lost with bigger majority. When we fight them in our own place where we won with small majority, we also lost. So fight them in our own place where we won by big majority la.

Member4: But Batang Ai big what?

Boss: What do you mean your batang big? Are you insinuating that our batangs all small?

Member4: No boss, I mean we won big in the Batang Ai by election.

Boss: East Malaysia don't count la. There we can cheat any way we want and nobody can do anything about it. Anyway member3, go on.

Member3: Although we did badly in the last GE, we still manage to win big in some constituencies so if some of these constituencies were to suddenly fall vacant, we can still win there. Maybe majority reduced a bit la but we can always blame on something else.

Boss: Hmm not a bad idea. Which constituency do you think is safe?

Member3: In Pekan we won big what. If pekan were to suddenly fall vacant, we surely have no problem to win it.

Boss: Why Pekan? Why not somewhere else?

Member3: Pekan is in Pahang so if we won a by election there easily we could always say that the people of Pahang loves you.

Boss: What do we do to the ex MP of Pekan then?

Member3: I say boss, we give him a few million and ask him to shut up la.

Boss: Who is the MP for Pekan now?

Member3: I can't remember which idiot la but don't worry la boss, all our members can be bought one.

Member5: Woi, woi, psst, psst, he is the member of Pekan la.

Member3: Why are you whispering, talk loudly la, we have no secrets here la.

Member5: Never mind, never mind.

Boss: Are you sure you are not related to Dollah or Khairy or Ku Li? Okay I agree with your idea but why not you resign? Say la you are sick or you need time for your family. We give you a few million and you go main diam-diam.

Member3: But why me boss? I am not the member for Pekan what?

Boss: I know you are not the Pekan MP because I am.

Member3: Alamak! You ka boss? I say sorry la boss, I didn't know. Shit la that Samy trapped me la. He gave me the idea.

Secretary: Boss, your prayers have been answered, I just received a confirmed news that there will be a by election in Penanti.

Boss: What Penanti? Want to die ka? No la, we are not contesting la.

20 comments:

Hamba said...

Memandangkan yang UMNO dan BN tak boleh menang dalam pilihanraya...saya rasa si Naji$ tu akan menggunakan SPR ( Suruhanjaya Perompak Rakyat) untuk mengishtiharkan bahawa kerusi adun Penanti akan di pilih melalui cara O' SOM atau pun perlawanan TING TING! Oleh kerana UMNO dan BN ramai wakil2 yg perangai macam katak...Naji$ merasakan perlawanan TING TING merupakan peluang terbaik UMNO utk menang kerusi Penanti....UMNO tak nak letak Ibrahim Ali sebagai calon ke? Ibrahim tu kan Si Katak pelompat tegar! Mesti dia menang dgn mudah lawan TING TING! LOL!

Kata Tak Nak said...

Hamba,
Itu idea yang baik, mungkin saya buleh buat satu post tentang cara baru by election. Thanx.

monsterball said...

These boots are made for walking....
One day these boots will walk all over UMNO BARU.
Size 10 shoe thrown to Bushy.
Malaysians mostly size 6 shoes.
Come on..lets twist gain..like we did last summer.
Lets twist again...like we did last year
Do you remember when...Malaysians are happy and singing.
Lets twist again..twisting time is here.
Round and round UMNO goes again
All the loosers are in the cabinet again.
Lets twist again..
Twist till 123th GE.
PS: I put out the above at Rockybru's blog and had hordes of insults hurled at me.
One even scolded my poor mother with foul words when she did not uttered one word!
I wonder all those idiots born from what hole.
Surely not golf course holes!!

Kata Tak Nak said...

Monty,
What do you expect to get from Rocky's?

Hamba said...

Monsterball, what do you expect from a blog that's frequented by all hantu and puaka! They are not born in fact they are created by a C4 explosion ordered by Satan...To Cikgu..You're welcome and by the way SPR now should be known as Suruhanjaya Permainan Rakyat...established to monitor the game of TING TING and O'SOM!

cakapaje said...

Salam Cikgu,

Lol! Ayoyo, I got laugh big reading sarkas bigwigs talking, hehe.

Cikgu, Pekan oso the town where that guy actually lost in 1999 GE remember?

Anonymous said...

Question time cikgu,
Whats the rough estimate on the number of people who will swim or sink with the gov of the day?
As a teacher, arnt u bound by the surat aku janji? technically u have to support the gov of the day right?
My one million dollar question, Will you swim and sink with gov of the day?

Kata Tak Nak said...

shah,
Yes Pekan the town where their soldiers voted very late.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Anonymous,
I hold on to Freedom of choice and Freedom of association.
I'd rather sink then swim with them, akujanji or not.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Anonymous,
I mean sink with the opposition than swim with those idiots.
Many in the government are silent protectors. They would not want to jeopardize their careers but would vote opposition.

Anonymous said...

Are you implying that many gov servants dont give a damn about the surat aku janji?
I m curious too cikgu, how come there are some gov servants( including you sir)who openly say that they disagree with certain gov decisions or policies.How come leading a charmed life and no fear about kena tindakan tatatertib?
Yet there are some who have been not very lucky and those who choose to remain silent and unseen.I have witnessed many in disguise attending ceramahs, hiding behind trees.
whats ur take on this issue?

Kata Tak Nak said...

Anonymous,
Do you think I am not wary? Of course I am wary, my family is anxious but I can't stop myself from speaking up. That was why I got transferred in the first place, for speaking out against my pengetua. I was the Senior Assistant. Maybe I just gatal la but then as it is right now, I leave everything to Allah.

Anonymous said...

You are one awesome educator and leader.Its always a great feeling when we meet sumone inspiring.Cikgu Nazir, u are one of those inspiring people in my life.You know y?you dont hide behind a mask and speak ur mind.i like that.i posed two questions and u answered honestly and truthfully.i like that too.
ITs a pleasure to be able to know u through this splendid blog of urs.It would make my day if we could meet over ais kacang swatow lane or the taukua rendang joint beside chowrasta market.Ais campoq thrown in.nyum nyum!

Kata Tak Nak said...

Anonymous,
The taukua rendang joint at the Bazaar? Now that is one place I can't forget. It may be a bit hot there but the taukua rendang more than compensate for the heat.
Actually it was better many-many years ago but its not that bad now.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

alaa...buat pe nak susah2 by-election. naik mahkamah je. kasi adjust sikit dan voila, kerusi Penanti jatuh pd tangan BN.

fatsogigolo said...

salam..hey chikgu,long time no see..

sorry,i went to the top of Gunung Jerai,to find my true self,to clean my self from my past gigolo works sin,hehehee...

owh..u remind me of my school ustaz and ustazah,all of them are PAS die hard fan :) but hey,they such a good ustaz and teacher..and i respect them most...plus they funny and sacarstic too,just like you..hehehe...

Penanti oh penanti,siriusly,because i just got back from Gunung Jerai,o know nothing about it,ahaha..

but last time in bukit selambau,theres no ameno peraih undi kemah there,hahaa..i think they aspected aleady they are going to loose.but hey,ameno surely bring along a lot of beautiful puteli ameno there,so i think it will be the same if theres an elaction in Penanti

uh uh uh,so in that case,i have to thanks them,i went out with 2 of puteli ameno from Baling or from where,i can barely remember la..but sure they know how to meraih me intead of meraih undi,kah3...SO to Penanti's rakyat,if got elaction,u surely got some ERACTION from the puteli oooo...

owh btw chekgu,want to promote me and my friends project here..
do visits http://www.kerjakosong.net

thanks chekgu,
salam

Kata Tak Nak said...

Kerp,
Yeah maybe the Federal Court would say " since the seat becomes vacant by choice rather than ill-health or death then PKR should be fined 120 million for betraying the trust of the people. To top it, all present PKR reps must vacate their seats.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Gigolo,
So you better pray that there would be another by-erection here. The pussy... er, I mean Puteris would be coming in droves.

Malaysian Joe said...

Member 2: Aiya.. boss, if you scared that we lose badly.. just declare we would not contest la. Save money for the rakyat..

Boss: Hmm... not a bad idea.

Member 1: Cannot la... our contractor all in Penanti waiting for instant noodles..

Boss: Can they wait?

Member 1: Wait? They give you middle finger if you tell them to wait. After they see all those at the bukit and batang and kuala got millions.. you ask them to wait?

Member 4: Ya la.. boss.. my food contractor for the police actually looking forward to by election.

Boss: Like that we lose how? 5 in a row?

Member 2: Opposition stronghold wut.. all we want is to enrich our cronies only.. why bother if we win or lose. Either way, we win.. my pocket now also quite dry liao boss, since Permatang Pauh... no durian runtuh.

Boss: But I malu you know...

Member 1 and 3: Malu is face only boss, the durian runtuh is worth the malu-ation la boss..

Kata Tak Nak said...

Malaysian Joe,
You are right. There are many hungry contractors waiting to make a big kill that would last them a few years.

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