Comm: Mr. Veekay, please take a seat. Remember you are under oath to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
VK: I say Haidy, Dev, what is this oath, oath thing all, come on man.
Comm: Mr. VK, let me remind you that this is a Royal Commission and as such, we, members of the Commission are all royalties. Please address us as Tengku.
VK: Ooops! Sorry, correct, correct, correct. Sorry your highnesses Tungkus.
Comm: That’s more like it. Counsels, your questions.
Lawyer: Please watch the video clip we are about to play.
VK: Ayoo! I’ve seen that video so many times already la, boring la seeing that mad or drunk man talking nonsense.
Lawyer: So you have seen the video, the whole 14 minutes, and do not want to watch it again?
VK: Yes, la, if I see it one time I will surely vomit one.
Lawyer: Do you recognize the man in the clip?
VK: Aiyoo, I already told my lawyer what, that man surely looks a lot like me and his voice also like mine.
Lawyer: So you are saying it is not you?
VK: I say or not that is not me? I say look and sound like me but I did not say that is not me.
Lawyer: Than who is that man?
VK: Not my job to know who he is, that is your job so why want to scold me?
Comm: Counsel, let me remind you that the witness has given a clear answer there.
Lawyer: Whats so clear with that answer your honour?
Comm: Are you saying I am talking nonsense? If I say he has given a clear answer then you must accept it. Go on to your next question or I will dismiss the witness.
VK: Aiyo, Tungku Dev, don’t scold him la, he is a young man, what he know? I am here to give my full cooperation with the Commission, I want to help my country, I love my country so much, and in fact I have already written the findings for this proceeding. It’s all here in this pendrive. Last time I use diskette la, but now modern what, so I use pendrive. YES! That is me in the video clip.
Comm: Do you realize the implication of your admission? Would you like a year’s break before we proceed? This is very dangerous you know. Think of the implications on some of us here.
VK: Don’t worry la Tungku Dev, Tungku Haidy, I discussed this with that Patel fella already, all rehearsed already one. Young man, go on with your questions.
Lawyer: Who was the person you were talking to on the phone? Was it ex-CJ Fairuz?
VK: Actually, that night, I had a quarrel with my wife, I ask but she don’t want to give so I got angry la I went down and had a few drinks. I am only a social drinker so if I drink a little bit too much I will talk nonsense la. Then these 2 Chinamen came to my house trying to sell me Amway products. I don’t like to turn people away. I pretended that my phone vibrated, so I went on and on la. Every time I looked, they were still there, don’t want to go away. I saw that young fellow recording me, I thought he was working for Kamalhasan or Rajnikant and they were looking for a new hero, so I put on my acting skills la. Actually 6 years already I have been waiting for a call from Mollywood and suddenly this thing happened.
Lawyer: Do you expect us here to believe this story?
Comm: Counsel, we believe his story. It is obvious he is telling the truth. Look at that pitiful face. Can that face lie, you tell me.
Lawyer: His story is not convincing enough. We have other witnesses to prove that he is lying.
Comm: We believe his story and it is up to us to say if he is telling the truth or not, not you. Anyway he has already written the findings which would make our job easier. He has in our encounters with him helped us in such manner many times so why must we ditch him now? We are not like that useless TA who pretended not to recognize a friend who had helped him a lot. We are not like that other ex-CJ who had forgotten who paid for his holidays? We are grateful people you know. We stick by our friends; we don’t ditch them in their time of need. You have a thing or two to learn about friendship.
Lawyer: But your honour ..
Comm: No buts, the Commission is pleased to announce that our job is completed. We will announce our findings later. Er, VK, where is that pendrive?
VK: Take from Apu boy there. Er, next week we meet in New Zealand ok? Vincent, Tun, that idiot TA, Patel and all the friends would be there. Make sure you come aah.
Comm: Aiyo! Why everytime New Zealand and Switzerland one. This time we go to Haadyai la.