Tuesday, 8 January 2008

The Case of the Reappearing Fees.

Yes I know that I had mentioned in the comment section of my last post that I might be away for a short spell but I just can't lie down and do nothing can I? They say, an idle mind is the devil's workshop so if I were to be idle I may invite the devil to take me on a trip to a CCTVed hotel room. That would not be good because, first I don't have Angelina Yam or affectionately called Ah Yam waiting for me and most importantly I have not inked the royalty agreement yet.

Well, anyway, I was blog-hopping as usual and got over to Mat Salo's blog and in an instant I turned green with envy. He was doing a book review. He's a rigger and doing a book review and here I am an educator sleeping my butt away. No, I can't let that happen. How dare you Mat Salo doing a book review behind my back. "I have to do something", I said to myself. Did I sound like a writer there? If he can do a book review so can I.

I immediately googled 'new books' and one stood out like a giraffe doing an anaconda in a congregation of mormons. 'That's it, this is the book I am going to review and Mat Salo you can stuff your Soi Lek DVD up Samy's behind", I whispered with a vengence.

It took me a whole 12 and a half minutes to finish the book online and boy did I land myself a winner. You cannot get a better book than this. Its so contemporary as if you are reading some thing that is currently happening.

A few things struck me about the book. The sherlockholmish title and the fact that the book is rated 18SX. The title is The Case of the Reappearing Fees (tcotrf) and its written by a keris-wielding politician called Aaauw On. Its interesting to note that the 18SX rating is not due to the contents of the book or the presence of vulgar language. According to the publishers, NOAM Publishing House, no relative of Chomsky here, they had to rate it such because the author insisted on inserting his image in every page of the book. After viewing the image, I have to agree. You see the author has a mouth that stretches from one ear to another. It looks just like a vagina after delivering sextuplets. Its just too disgusting. The publisher wisely inserted a warning that they would not be held responsible for any case of diminished libido.

The 245 pager discusses a strange phenomena where a fee that was announced dead and buried suddenly makes a mysterious appearance which throws a whole country into confusion and chaos. Amidst the mayhem the main character of tcotrf surfaced from the floods of Johoho to add more confusion by saying, "you don't have to pay if you don't want to because it is not going to hurt us but we truly hope that you pay up or the whole system would short-circuit so please, please pay but I cannot do anything if you do not want to because the elections are so damn near but you wait next year, I am going to get you".

The book also gives deep insights about what actually happened during the planning stages of the 'no fees' announcement. The author says that he had a bad feeling that something is amiss when the announcement is not followed by a fireworks display in Parliament House. Apparently, the person entrusted to make the announcement and press the secret button in his pocket, fell asleep, which was not uncommon, but he could have chosen a better time to do it.

The author also divulged secret information on how the reappearance of the fees played a vital role in the resignation of an official charged with dispensing free condoms to addicts and free Viagra to his colleagues. According to the author, a certain Angelina Yam was approached by some rogues who promised her that they will help her pay the fees for her children if she agreed to treat the officer to some ice-cream and apom balik. She agreed because she had already spent the money meant to pay the fees on a lap top.

All I could say is that this book is a must read safe for the image inserted. You are advised not to read with a full stomach because the image of the author is known to induce vomit. For those who buys the book this January a free copy of a very popular DVD is included. According to the author all proceeds from the sale of the book would go to the Keris-Wieder's Association and Apom Balik & Ice-Cream Addicts Association.



cakapaje said...

Salam Cikgu,

(with English accent)I say, old chap, that's a pretty decent review you have there. But sadly, Her Majesty has also read the review and decided to ban the book throughout the entire Commonwealth and more! You should, take this as a compliment.

Her Majesty has also instructed me to encourage you to give more of such reviews, especially those relating to those kris wielding species, and those using the Injustice Scale coat of arms. Might I add, even had Her Majesty not, I would most certainly have taken it on my own. Jolly good show, old chap! Jolly good show!

Kata Tak Nak said...

Capital idea my dear Watson, simply splendid. As they say in Westminster, a review a day keeps the flu away. Care to join me for a cup of cyber-tea and online biscuits?

tokasid said...

Salam che'gu:

I think TCOTRF might be no 1 at the mamak newsvendor stall all over the country but will not be in MPH list of fiction or non-fiction.
Why you might wonder? Well,MPH book buyers or browsers gets turn-off easily with photos of writers who smiled like a vagina just given a multiple deliveries.And to have that for every page!!

But the mamak newsvendors, they will sell like hotcakes or goreng piasang panas or kepoklekor or cucoq kodok baru keluaq belanga,making the mamaks smiling all the way to the banks(to send money back to Chennai).But the publisher NOAM will somehow be disappointed for the hot seller is actually the pirated( actually photocopied) books,like those of 50 dalil a few years ago.

But knowing NOAM Publisher, they might suggest to Auww On to make his book as a compulsory text book(free some more) to all schools and intstitues of higher learnings, tadika,tabika included. They might as well supply it to PLKN too.

I find your review too kind to the writer.Maybe its becoz you knew him at a personal level or he might have been your boss. word you used are to benign to describe TCOTRF. I know you could do a much better and more deserved review on a trash like TCOTRF, like the review you did on Soil Ek DVD.

Maybe you need to read and review the latest book to hit the stand- "Why all the noise with toll when cooking oil is what you need?" written by Semi Value JKR.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Anybody to review The Mystery of The Vanishing Minyak Masak by Papadal Goodfornothing? How come his mouth is so wide huh? I think in his younger days he use to lie a lot, not that he is different nowadays, and his father made him stretch his mouth for hours on end.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

hehehehe...this is cikgu Nazir in one of his best mood. obviously the flu's gone.

if that fella can be cynical, our KTN can be 10 times that.

this is not targeted at anyone in particular, right cikgu? bak kata docTA, sape makan cabai melaka, dia kepedasan.

hold on, here's my twisted version of that saying;

sape makan cabai, dia cibai.

ok i'm done for tonight.

Kata Tak Nak said...

I have written many times my dislike for cabai so I am definitely not a cibai. Phew!

monsterball said...

Talk of one cibai...kerp is done.
What if he acts with a cibai...how long can he last? How low can he go? How deep can he feel. I say..reading he is done by just talking...he will be real done up within one minute.
With no staying power...no wonder one suspect he himself is a cibai.
I have just rock & roll...and cibai is asking me to do it one more time......but I say wait...kerp is done..I will be ready to do do do all over again.....hahahahaha
Rafa days are numbered in Liverpool...kerp. One can see it coming...from the day he changed his appearance.
Books review..you say?
I say forget all the reviews.....go grab a book by Groucho Marx...and we can all die laughing reading them..What great way to go.

hantutelur said...

The success of "The Case of the Reappearing Fees" to me is just a flash in a pan. Very soon the book will be totally forgotten when the GE extravagancy develops. People will see the smiling faces of our youngish PM all over the country, on trees on lampposts on walls dangling across roads on teeshirts on buses and trains. But soon after the GE a new book will be on shelves, tentatively titled "Everything Will Go Skyrocketing High Now and Suddenly There are Plenty of Oils" by Sheffie Pedal. Paperback version is RM99.99 per 100gm

hantutelur said...

typo in my comment above, please use your own discretion (I can't afford to do a reprint).

Mat Salo said...

MS: Ma'ap Chegu, Chegu marah? Saya tak buat homework Chegu, saya buat book revie---

Chegu: Saya tak suruh awak buat review. Awak kan pelajar. Masih beringus lagi. Ini apa bau rokok? Awak dah keje ke?

MS: Eh, tak da Chegu..

Chegu: Nanti spot check bag awak. Apa? Benson? Tapi macam bau Winston aja..

MS: Burung Helang Chegu

Chegu: Ah, that's good, bak sebatang, and don't do any any book review without approval ok?

MS: (terketar-ketar) Yes chegu, ma'ap. Ambil lah whole pack Chegu.

Chegu: Ha, jangan rokok dalam jamban lagi. Dah install CCTV!

MS: (tepuk dahi) Alamak, Kantoi Chegu...

Chegu: Tak apa. CCTV saya control dalam bilek computer. Ha, CCTV dalam toilet guru pompuan pun ada...

MS: (sambil menjilat bibir). Dapat skodeng Angie Yam Chegu?

Chegu: Kurang ajar punya budak. Chegu Yam tu baru kuar MPSI, baru 23.. saya dah brape? Bodoh!

MS: Alaa Chegu, Sorhai menteri Chegu. OK aje...

Chegu: Hmmm, ya tak ya,nanti saya bikin dalam blog. Awak jangan buat book review lagi.

MS: Abih, saya nak buat apa Chegu?

Chegu: Tolol! Lihat sekeliling awak. Awak tak baca paper ke? Tengok TB? Banyak ketidakadilan. Sebarkan semua. Internet ada..

Goddang, what the hell was I writing about?

But seriously, I read your post before going up to my driller's console. I was grinning from ear to ear, laughing inappropriately. The client thinks I need to go to town soon. Bayaq bill api. "Ayak dah meleleh kluaq dari telinga". Going Bonkers. Just like the whole of Bolehland. Bonkers. Yes, that's it.

Tak leh keje aku dibuat Chegu nih... :)

Kata Tak Nak said...

You seem to be in a good mood. We all old people should always try to keep our spirits up, its good for the old ticker.

Kata Tak Nak said...

To those who hoard and smuggle oil, may they fry in the same oil.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Dry land awaits you, or are you on dry land already, whatever it is make sure your work schedule allows you to vote. If you have to do it by post then do us all a favour, don't.

ali allah ditta said...


salam maal hijrah....


Kata Tak Nak said...

Salam Maal Hijrah kembali

monsterball said...

Where is cibai kerp!!
I miss him.
He was done last night....just talking.
He cannot be doing it now!!!
Oh Gosh!!!.Happy Muslim New Year kerp!

zorro said...

Shucks Chegu....you literally can review a book when it has not reached the publisher. You da man when I am looking for a publisher. The current title (but it could change anytime): The Government (read BN) Suppository.Think about the shit that will fly. You game?

Kata Tak Nak said...

The Government Suppository is too telling. What about The G Suppository, that sure promises lots of shit.


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