Wednesday, 1 July 2009

It's Our Money

PM: Okay people, lets start the meeting coz I think this is going to be a long one. Please take out the projects booklets and we will be going over them. Pahang, please look at item 25. Why do you want to contruct  high speed double tracking from Jengka 1 to Jengka 7?

MB Pahang: Yes la, everybody wants to do double tracking why can't we? We are a part of Malaysia also. Anyway, the people of Jengka need to transport their produce around. They do have chicken and goats and tapiocas and pucuk pakus to sell.

PM: But at 5 billion it is too expensive la. Anyway it starts from nowhere and ends at nowhere. It doesn't bring any economic returns la.

Samy: Ini macam la Pahang. You bikin itu jalanraya lagi bagus. Bikin lebar punya dan kasi toll sama dia. Saya punya company buleh bikin sama you. Saya taro you punya nama kasi sikit percentage. Gomen kasi gerentee, kalu rugi dia kasi top up. 1 billion cukup, buleh ka PM itu macam?

MB Pahang: Okay la toll pun toll la.

PM: Negeri Sembilan look at item 12. You also want high speed electric double trackking? It says here around the state. Why?

MB: Tourist attraction la PM. The people bored already visiting Sri Menanti, we have nothing to offer tourists so this should get people visiting us. Aiya 7 billion only what, not so expensive la. Petronas got a lot of money what. Give us some la.

PM: I don't think it is economically sound la. It;'s just ........

Samy: Sorry PM saya intterupt sikit. Bikin jalan toll around.......

MB Negeri: Diam la lu Samy, semua toll saja.

PM: Times are bad la. Think of something else la. Give me a new suggestion now, I want to settle everything today.

MB Negeri: Er, er, Night Safari la, okay ka?

DPM: What do you want to exhibit? Pigs ka?

PM: Don't disturb him la. Okay, okay Night Safari, as long as it is cheap la. Aah, Terengganu, item 5 please. You want a Crystal Stadium? For what?

MB Terengganu: To twin it with the Crystal Mosque then it would be unique. The only twin of its kind in the world. If you let me build it, I guarantee you it would be cheaper than Deris and stronger.

PM: Here it says 3 billion. Do you think it can give you a good return?

MB Terengganu: Terengganu contribute so much to the country, we are only asking for 3 billion for the stadium, like that also you want to be culculative ka?

PM: Okay la, I am approving this just because of Terengganu's contribution but I don't think it's a good idea.

Samy: Hey Terengganu, lu tamau bikin jalan toll ka? saya bole tolong .....

PM: Shut up Samy. Melaka item 17 please. I like your idea but can't you scale it down abit? Too big la.

Others: What did he propose PM?

PM: He proposes to build a statue of Datuk Shah Rukh Khan next to the Eye On Melaka. It's to be the same height with Eye On Melaka. 2 billion. make it smaller a bit la. I'll approve 1 billion only, you scale it down. Perlis item 22. Land reclaimation 1500 sq miles. 35 billion. What for?

MB: Everybody perli us. They say if a train parks at Kangar, the head would be in Kedah and the tail in Thailand. Malu la like this. We want to make Perlis bigger and we want to plant groundnuts on the land.

PM: No, cannot la, too expensive. I'll give you 1 billion and you give me your suggestion later. Okay Sabah and Sarawak. Your joint proposal is that you do not need any allocation. You just wanted 200 million each and the money is not to be audited. Okay, no problem there. Now lets go to the important part. The Federal Government also has its own plans. We need more fighters, submarines and other things. So we will need to find the money. Never mind, I'll get from Petronas. Before we break off for lunch please have a look at these new clothes designs. We plan to make it compulsory for every Malaysian to wear only these designs. Don't worry, I have the tailors ready.

MB Terengganu: Why PM?

PM: You see, the design incorporates Traditional Malay, Chinese and Indian styles. I am serious about 1Malaysia. We are also working on compulsory recipes now.

12 comments:

ahoo said...

Chegu,

I say, you forgot to include the
" missile defence shield systems " costing US$ 70 billion station in and around the whole of JB.

No.1 ask mb guni why so much, don't ask me lah ! Please ask no.2 and also the minister in charge of defending our nation, mah. I think they all wanted to park some loose change as saving in "swiss alps" for their 3rd generation children. They need to study in switzerland uni on how to own hotel chains and mis-manage them.

But how to justify such a huge project to the parliamenterian ? Easy lah, latok sily. Tell them that after the round trip by mm lee, the little emperor of the south island, our own intelligentsia informed us that the army from south island have the ability to launch zionist made missile into our land soon.

But, but I'd spoken to them to assist us by protecting us from our common enemy from the nation of too many people down south-east, lah. Why target us instead ? Anyway, good proposal as our sovereignty can never be compromise.

Ok and we will have special round table in due time BUT you, guni go fly kite, ooops, I mean fly to the red island and ask that " tambi " not semi-value here lah. The one now sitting on the ministry of finance. Ask him for jv to install long range rfid technology all around jb for auto toll collection. In this way we can collect toll from all cars coming into jb in a faster manner. Also, ask him to form another company to install highway "speed trap" to catch all speed maniac with their ferari, porshe, lambroghini, skyline, subaru evolution etc. Better still get him to propose it from jb to kayu hitam. In this way the roi will be very quick and tell him to arrange all financing. We will prepare this contract with 50 year validity and tell him it is 50/50 venture between his govt and our mof incorporated.

This will spice my day, Chegu !

Anonymous said...

Salam cikgu,
Whateverlah cikgu. Let them built whatever they want. They are shameless. Let their own children and descendents bear the shame. All will be in the history book to show how corrupted their ancestors are!!!With the internet the whole world will know and judge them. Just my 2sen cikgu.

kopitelp16 said...

Another kick straight to the balls! Ouch!

zorro said...

How come Zambri did not put up a proposal. Is he getting ready to be shipped out?

Kata Tak Nak said...

ahoo,
I can really taste the spice of your life. Verdict? Very spicy.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Anon:
If you think rhinos have thick skin you are sadly mistaken. These people's skin makes rhino skin feel like newborn skins.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Kopitelp.
You think they are hurt? Think again. They can smile while being slaughtered as long as there is RM in their hands.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Zorro,
Apoo boy is a rookie. His role is to prepare teh tarik and nothing more. Anyway wasn't that what he was doing before the court appointed him MB?

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

my apology for resorting to personal attack but by judging from his looks alone, it wouldnt surprise me if the MB believes the crystal stadium is actually a good idea.

Singam said...

KTN, you are GOOD lah! :-)

Thanks for brightening up a Black Thursday. You wearing Black today?

Cheers.

Kata Tak Nak said...

kerp,
No need for apologies. Those people believe everyone of their ideas is good for all especially them.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Singam,
Bro, batik thursday la but my batik is dark enough.

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