Friday, 22 May 2009

Today

So what do one call it, a happy day or a sad day? No, this has got nothing to do with the current political sitcom that is not screening on our tvs but being acted live.

Is it a happy day? Well I guess it should be, almost everyone who goes through this day calls it a happy day. Events that greeted me this morning even suggest that it is a happy day.

Celebrate it then. Why is it that I can't. I don't feel like it. The joy with which I should feel when the events I mentioned earlier was not full-bodied ones. Yes, there were smiles but that was what it were, just smiles. No joy, no air of celebration, no screams of elation, no nothing.

You see today I turn 53. Yes, its my birthday today and as early as yesterday I got birthday wishes in my facebook. Last night I received a few messages wishing me a happy birthday and this morning I was greeted with kisses from the missus and children.

Should I be happy then? Of course I should be happy. I have a family that I love so much and from whom I received so much love in return.

No don't think that this lack of jubilation has anything to do with the fact that I am now a year older and getting closer to the grave. I am not one who cares about how old I am. All I care is how young I feel.

As I opened my eyes and was greeted with a birthday greeting and kiss from the missus, my mind raced back 30 years ago.

For those who had followed my blog this few years would know what I am talking about. 30 years ago, today, I was in Pasir Puteh Kelantan. It was a holiday but I do not know for what. It was definitely not a weekend because it was a Tuesday. Yes, there is a significant to Tuesday that is why I can still remember clearly it was a Tuesday.

I was in the bathroom when I heard knocks on the door. We usually don't lock the door then. I wrapped myself in my towel and ran dripping wet to get the door when I was met with someone unfamiliar who was already walking into the house.

"Cikgu nazir"? "Ya", "Saya dari balai polis Pasir Puteh, kami dapat panggilan dari Pulau Pinang, bapak cikgu meninggal dunia tadi pukul 2", or something to that effect.

No, I didn't faint or let loose my towel but just quietly thanked him. I knew he was staring at me searching for the slightest sign of emotion but I guessed I must have dissapointed him. I knew my father was going to die, just a matter of when.

Yes, today marks the 30th year of his death. Do you call it an anniversary? I don't think so. I had always thought of anniversaries as equal to celebrations and frankly I do not feel like celebrating.

Yes, what is the significance of Tuesday then? You see my father had this 'pantang' or you may say taboo. He disliked Tuesdays. He will not do anything important on Tuesdays. He died on a Tuesday and by the way, I was born on a Tuesday.

So I am 53, and my family was happily wishing me a happy birthday to which I greeted with smiles but it couldn't go beyond that, just smiles.

Despite everything, I would still go out with them for the annual dinner we will have on my birthdays. I would fake joy and happiness as best as I could but I could not really fully enjoy the event.

You see, I loved my father so very much. Imperfect as he was, as I am imperfect myself, I still loved him very much and missed him so much as if it was only yesterday I was at his bedside, in the hospital, completely devastated, when my mother told me that there was no hope.

Some birthday huh?

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

CherGu
Cheer Up! Happy 53rd Birthday lah.
You're still young, as young as our 'beloved PM'.

Go have fun lah, what past was past. Thinking positive always good for good minds...

No need C4 to burst your Birthday Candles; oops you may end up in Jail with Birthday Cakes and Candles you know.

Just burn a mancis on top of McDonald Big Mac will do lah...

Take Care, Lao-Sher!

Kata Tak Nak said...

Anonymous,
Thanx. Err, I was actually thinking of lighting the candles outdoors but what if they swoop on me and the family?
Better do it indoors then.

joolee said...

Be happy. Be happy that you're alive, loved by your family, respected by your teachers and readers. Be happy that your father loved your mother and so you were born. Be happy that you had your father for 23 years because many people don't even have that. Be happy that you have honoured your father's name. Be happy.

joolee said...

I meant to say respected by your students.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Joolee,
You are too kind. Thanx.

zorro said...

A belated but blessed 53rd Sir. Ad Multos Anos - And Many More Years.

Hamba said...

May Allah bless you with long and fulfilling life. May it also be full of goodness to all mankind. A mark of a man is not his wealth but the many deeds he left for the good of mankind. Seorang muslim yang baik adalah seorang yg banyak membawa kebaikan kepda mayarakatnya, may you be in that category, Insyaallah!

Anonymous said...

CherGu
Today your Birthday, Nice day to you. But many people sad woh. Some Halam fellow now became Halal leader woh... How come like that one; so sad to read YB Nizar cannot become Halal leader now for Pelak.

Mee Hailam hou-chak woh; but that Halam fellow ee-yak!!!!

K L said...

Happy Birdday !
Remember to apply for permit should your buddies decide to join you for candlelight whatever !

kopitelp16 said...

Happy Birthday, cikgu. i think you have been warned about lighting candles, cakes and gatherings.

Maybe you can get your family members to celebrate your birthday in small groups but no cakes please. Tempe will do. I don't want you to spend your birthday in lock-up and miss your posting!

Anyway, cheers! Many happy returns...

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Happy birthday, cikgu sir!

hikmahnya jelas cikgu. yang pergi sentiasa diingati, lebih dipermudahkan melalui hari yang signifikan buat diri cikgu dan seluruh keluarga.

payah nak explain but you get what i mean.

cakapaje said...

Salam Cikgu,

A very touching entry. Semoga Allahyarham ayahanda ditempatkan bersama mereka yang beriman, insyAllah.

And a Happy Birthday to you, dear Cikgu :)

Anonymous said...

Salam cikgu,
Yang pergi tetap pergi.We live from day to day. Setiap hari ada yang baru. We have no control over many things. We can plan but god decide. Jadi tak payah fikir banyak banyak cikgu. Just be happy all the time. Be happy for nothing and the people around you juga akan terasa happy.Just my 2sen cikgu. Oh ya terlupa pula. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU. You have grown up !

aN_archi said...

Happy Birthday dude ! Cheer up, you still have many more miles to go, two more unmarried kids' weddings to see, grandkids to play grandpa to and your pension and gratuity to collect. Who is going to write your blogs anyway ?

fatsogigolo said...

why are u born to the earth??
why are u born to the earth??
hahahaa..

happy besday chekgu,that was a song sang by my peers from Costa Rica,and i forgot the rest of the song already,hehehe..

btw,what a touching entry, and remind me also how to appreciate my dad even though he merry with his 2nd wife and surely my step mom is the worst thing ever happened to me,hehehe..btw,she got nice pair of boobs hanging and bouncing around..oops..to much already..

cheer up ur life,keep it cool,and u look much more younger than ur age.. :)

Kata Tak Nak said...

Zorro,
Thanks old buddy. I am sure you were in Penanti. Actually I cheated, I saw a picture of you with your pipe somewhere there.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Hamba,
I have always taught my students that it is not how much money you make but how happy you are. But I did add that making money is also important but just don't make it a preoccupation.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Anon:
That halam oh kow is really bloody halam one.

Kata Tak Nak said...

KL,
We had the candle blowing ceremony behind heavily locked doors with only 1 small candle which was doused no sooner it was lighted. I felt a heard a helicopter swooping down on the premise but then it flew away.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Kopitelp,
Only 1 small candle and immediately blown off.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Kerp,
Yes, yang pergi selalu diingati. Yes, selalu diingati.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Shah,
Thanx. I wished I had told him that I loved him but we were raised to not show our love. With my children, I encourage them to express their love freely.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Anon:17.43,
Betul tu, we have no control but it still smarts you know.

Kata Tak Nak said...

An_archi,
Yeah, an engagement this July and a marriage possibly this December. How I wish I could get my hands on the gratuity now instead of later. I got a bigbike to buy.

Kata Tak Nak said...

fatsogigolo,
Don't be too hard on your dad la. He needs a friend too you know.

ali allah ditta said...

Cikgu,

Hope its not too late to wish you..

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY"

from me & my family.

Take care.

cheers.

Kata Tak Nak said...

ali,
Thanks bro. No its never too late. If you are afraid that you would be late for next year's you could start wishing my 54th birthday from tomorrow.
In Penanti Yesterday?

D'ayo said...

Selamat hari jadi Cikgu... nasib baik kita kira hari jadi kita ikut tahun orang putih... kalau ikut Hijrah... kita lebih tua 2 - 3 tahun ...

Kata Tak Nak said...

Dayo,
Kalau kita kira ikut tahun di Jupiter or Saturn kita masih bayi lagi.

Thanx bro.

imbaraj said...

happy belated birthday..ur 53? u look younger maybe 52+.anyway many happy returns always.

take care pundek

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