Jokes on Politics

1. A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road when all of a sudden the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer after seeing what happened went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and then asked the old farmer, "Were they ALL dead?" The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."

2. Remember the good old days where you decided which candidate to vote for by asking who would do the most good? Now you ask who will do the least harm.

3. Elections are like a horse race. They end up exactly where they started. And when they're done, manure is everywhere.

4. An election year is when the air is filled with speeches and vice versa.

5. A highly politicised couple got married after many years of doubt about the wisdom of such a move. The problem was that they saw everything in political terms. He was a Conservative and she a staunch Labour supporter.On their honeymoon to Brighton, they were returning to their hotel after walking along the beach front. Outside the hotel a beggar approached the man saying, "Excuse me 'guvner, can you give me 50p for a cuppa tea?" The man refused and walked into the hotel. His wife was incensed. "If it wasn't for the Conservative Party that man would not be on the streets having to beg. And you refuse him a measly 50p.""If it wasn't for the failure of Labour Party economic policy he would have had a job and would not be begging!" A flaming row ensued, and the couple went to bed, back to back, furious with one another.After a lengthy silence, as a conciliatory gesture, the wife said to her husband, "There is a split in the Labour ranks, and if you can get the Conservative member to stand, he has a good chance of getting in!"Her husband replied, "The Conservative member has already stood and lost his deposit. Go to sleep."

6. How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?None, they only *promise* change

7. The word politics is a fairly ancient word, as it comes from two latin roots. The first part of the word comes from the latin root "POLY" which means many. The second part of the word comes from the latin root "TICS" which means "blood sucking parisites", hence the word politics actually means, "MANY BLOOD-SUCKING PARISITES." Need we say any more.

8. When the best actors are chosen by other actors, it's called the Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, it's called an election.

9. One night, after a long hard day at work a politician went home. It was fairly late, around 10:00 p.m. All of the sudden, a masked man jumped out of the bushes and demanded all the politician's money."You can't do that!!" The politician cried. "I'm a politician!""Oh," said the masked man, "in that case give me all MY money!!"

Courtesy of The Clyde's Searchable Humour Archive