It Was Just Not Meant To Be

I've wanted to blog about this for quite sometime now but had always put it off for some other topics. Ever since in form 1, I had been interested to learn music seriously. We couldn't afford a piano and neither could my father afford to send me for music classes. Even my eldest brother, the one who is suffering from cancer, could not persuade my father to send him for music classes. In fact it was my brother who indirectly brought out the interest in music in me.

One day my brother brought home a box guitar, a Suzuki, which he bought second hand for about 15 bucks. This was when I was in std 6. Whenever he was away, I would take the guitar and strum away. I tried to remember the chords he would play but it was not that easy. My brother had this habit of turning the other way whenever he knew that I was watching him play. That drove me even more to learn. I remember the first song that I could play was House of the Rising Sun.

As I played, I started to sing and began to like singing. I remember winning 3 talentimes in form 1 singing Yesterday, Patches and Bangawan Solo. Then in form 5 I took part in another talentime opened for all schools and I got third. This time the song was Small Town Woman. Next I got an offer to sing on Rediffusion Penang. I remember singing Small Town Woman and Help Me Make It Through The Night.

When I got to college, after coming in 2nd in the college talentime I began to develope a deeper interest in music. I said to myself that once I graduated and started work, I would enroll myself in a music school and study music seriously. Meantime, I was a member of the college band and we used to play whenever we had shows. I would rather give up the dancing and groping to play in the band. I would sometime play lead and sometimes bass and I would also sing. Then one day I was invited to sing on RTM Ipoh. I thought my music and singing career was about to take off.

Take off was abandoned, I was posted to Kelantan. Its not that I could not sing in Kelantan but I found it difficult to find the time to travel to KB and study music seriously. I did sing but it was mainly in the teacher's band. I got a big break one day when I was judging a local talentime. It was the qualification round. While waiting for the results to be announced, I asked the band from RTM Kota Bahru to play Too Late. After singing, on my way out, the band leader offered me to sing in some of their gigs. I was only too pleased to accept. I was first offered to sing on RTM Kota Bahru and after that they asked me to practice with them every thursday evenings. I had to decline coz I was in the afternoon session. At the end of my 3rd year in Kelantan I got married and that effectively killed any hope of making music another career.

After being posted back to Penang, I did go out with boys once in a while to pubs and clubs and sing a few numbers here and a few numbers there. Then the outings began to decline in frequency and I completely stopped singing. I did play the guitar at home when I was free and that too stopped. It died a natural death.

Now I don't even have a guitar at home. Yesterday at my brother's place, I saw my brother's fender. I was tempted to pick it up, but with my brother's condition not actually getting any better I decided against it.

I guess that is why, I never stopped my son from getting involved in the music industry. I had to make certain decisions in my life and those decisions did not have any place in them for music. I don't have the time, or rather do not want to have the time to regret my actions. What is passed is passed but I am not going to stop my son from doing what I never had the opportunity to do. I figure it is just not meant to be for me.