MERDEKA

To all visitors, lets forget whatever differences we have and take a moment to celebrate this auspicious occasion. Merdeka is not just a public holiday, it is our National Day.

My wish for Merdeka is for the Malaysian people to be truly independent. What is your wish?


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Excuses Excuses Excuses

When asked why did BN lose to Anwar despite the whole government machinery camping in Permatang Pauh, here are the answers offered by the gomen people.

Gomen 1: I think I made a mistake by asking my number 2 to run the campaign. If I had been down there calling the shots, Anwar would have lost his deposit. I couldn't be there because I have a country to pretend to run and my beauty sleeps.

Gomen 2: I swear that I don't know all those people in the buses. I swear that I have done my best. I swear that I thought Saiful's swearing was a good idea at that time. I swear that I will come back and get back all the money we gave to people who did not vote for us. I swear that I think they charmed the voters using Mona Fandey's spirit.

Gomen 3: No, I don't think the MRR2 crack got anything to do with the way the voters vote. All the Indian votes that we got was because of me so don't believe Kayveas if he said he delivered.

Gomen 4: The voters from the Penanti Chinese Cemetary did not come out to vote.

Gomen 5: It is no big deal la. If 15,000 people did not vote for PKR but voted for us instead, we would have won handsomely.

Gomen 6: It's all Saiful's fault. We asked him to show his arse to the people but he refused. He demanded more money for it. Where to find?

Gomen 7: Actually the voters did not vote for Anwar, they voted for PKR because if you look at the ballot papers, Anwar's name was not on it, only the PKR's symbol. They cross aginst the PKR's symbol and not against Anwar's face so Anwar cannot claim that the people of PP voted for him.

Gomen 8: Right from day 1 I have already said that we were the under the dogs. So how can the under the dogs' people win?

Gomen 9: We did not lose the seat, it was theirs and they won it back so logically we did not lose. Anyway it is only one seat.

Gomen 10: I think the civil servants is sending a message to the PM. They want to make it clear that if in this budget still no bonus, he will be in trouble.

You are free to create excuses of your own and share it here.

Quick Rise Slow Fall

I still remember the PM being interviewed on tv after reducing the price of petrol by a WHOPPING 15 sens. You could see him smiling as if that was a killer blow that was surely to bring his ratings up. It is either that or he is so removed from reality.

Anyway he went on asking for businesses to follow suit. Businesses must not only be quick to raise their prices, they should also be willing to bring down prices when the government brings down the price of fuel. He had that 'look how clever I am' look when he made that urge.

He seems to have forgotten that as PM he is in fact the head of all GLCs and Tenaga is one blood-sucking GLC that would do his biddings should he decide to.

I know it is only 15 sens but Tenaga should also follow suit by reducing their tarrif by a sen or 2 per unit. That is only fair. They increase their charges when fuel prices went up but kept mum when petrol and diesel goes down. Now that is not the right way for a corporate citizen to behave especially one that is directly linked to the government.

I heard rumours that there will be another round of petrol and diesel price decrease and with that the total decrease would be more than 15 sens; all the more reason for Tenaga to reduce their tarrif.

Did I hear someone say "Who said the price of petrol and diesel is going to be further reduced"? Its just a rumour in this land of rumour come true. Anyway, Singapore and many other countries, non oil producing ones, have reduced theirs more than once so why shouldn't we be keeping up with the Jones?

Hey you better do it fast otherwise Singapore's oil price would be cheaper than ours so how the hell are you going to use the oft used excuse that 'but we are still cheaper than Singapore'?

Anyway, if I remember correctly, they said that they preferred to raise the price by a big percentage to raising it bit by bit so that businesses could come to grips with reality sooner.

Why is it so when you want to raise prices but chose to do it bit by bit when it comes to lowering it? Wouldn't it be better for bussinesses to adjust to one big drop than to keep on adjusting to many small drops?

Oh by the way, tomorrow is Budget Day. Remember last year, you did not give the civil servants any bonus? You were very sombong right up to election day and the civil servants returned your arrogance with a change of heart come election day?

You see, they were angry because when you said that the government was concerned with inflation should you hand out bonuses, they were actually hoping for that bonus to keep up with inflation.

You promised no school fees so parents spent school fees money on something else and when school reopened there was indeed school fees, in fact parents had to pay more. That got them a little bit uptight and when Cuepacs said that they were hopeful that you would give an honorarium the civil servants were more hopeful and still you let them down and thus they punished you by contributing to the March 8 Tsunami.

I am saying all this because there is still time to change certain things here and there before tomorrow. Not that it is going to make a lot of difference because your past indifference had inflicted a deep wound in their hearts, but you see Raya is coming soon and cookies and cakes and ketupats, not to mention, mutton, chicken and beef and Basmati and broken rice is much much much more expensive than last year.

Ooops! I hope that I am not giving you ideas about how to get back at civil servants.

Hooked once more

First thing first. I was running high and low for news on polling day. First my hardisk decided that it was time for it to go for an overhaul so it was duly sent for formatting. After pressuring my son to press whoever was it who did the formatting to get it done fast, I was relieved that the thing is once more where it should be and it was only about 4.15pm on polling day.

I left everything else and straightaway hook the thing up and fuck who ever is responsible, my modem wasn't blinking and that was surely a bad sign. I gave a friend a call and was told that the bills have been duly paid, the modem is okay but TMnet, the bastardize son of the gomen people said that there was cable problems in the northern states and service could only resume on Wednesday, as in now, at 5. At a little past 5 I tried but still no blink, played some games and checked the modem and finally the contraption was blinking like a sex-crazed winking at a naked lady. Hey do you need to wink at a naked lady? I mean she is naked so you don't need to wink anymore, just do your stuff.

Okay back to business. While off the hook to the wired world, my source of info was a few friends in Permatang Pauh, some bookies in Bukit Mertajam, Ali Allah Ditta and my sifu Zorro. The fed me valuable infos otherwise the suspense would have floored me.

My friends in Permatang Pauh fed me with intel as to how the Malay kampung folks were taking to PKR's ceramahs. The bookies told me the going rate, which was Anwar and 10K votes. Ali gave me some kind of running commentaries on polling day and a friend at the counting centre who told me what was happening in one of the counting centres and how Hishammuddin and Khairy were hackled, Serve them right.

Zorro, kept me informed of the vote countings and tallies. Some UMNO people were also giving me infos about how confident they were that they would garner at least 60 percent of the votes. 60 percent my foot.

You may be wondering why is it that I was not there myself? Well yours trully was down with an escalating BP and the action on ground zero would surely be counter-productive. I would prefer to blog from the comfort of my home than from a hospital should there be wireless access.

Anyway, it was an eventful polling day even from across the bridge. My handphone was ringing like nobody's business and I was fed with all kinds of infos that I was confident of victory an hour after they shut the doors to the centres.

It looked like all those 'sumpah laknats' just did not catch fire. I hear of UMNO perayus, being chased away by their own white voters. I heard of how Hishamuddin was in celebration mood the night before polling day, I heard of the jams where at about 4.30, many PKR people were still not able to vote. I heard of the big numbers of Barisan workers but PKR cars were busier.

Anyway, victory is on the side where it should be and I thank Allah for it, not to mention the clever voters of Permatang Pauh for not being deceived by the massive Barisan propaganda machines.

Glad to be back in cyberspace and blogging once more.

Abu, Noodles and Permatang Pauh

The above caption is of KTN and Chung but affectionately called Abu by his friends in their Kelantan days. If you were to glance over to the sidebar there is an image of a print that Abu made at USM when he attended a printmaking seminar and workshop.

It was nice meeting up after so long but then again the meeting deserved a post of its own which KTN said that he would do in due time.

Do you know the only home-cooked food that KTN offered Abu during his stay here in Penang was his wife's special, he would like to call it such, gravied noodles with plenty of beef, prawns, potatoes, taukua and eggs.

Not much of a host that KTN fellow don't you think so? Well anyway, Abu is now back in Johor promising to be back in a year or two and may make Penang his next home, hopefully.

Anyway talking about noodles, just across the bridge in a place called Permatang Pauh where it was reported to be some kind of a war zone, friends have been calling me up to say that there is a new mobile noodle store serving an all new interesting noodle recipe.

KTN was salivating already when he heard about this new mobile stall because noodles is one of his favourite food. Back home it has always been either Hailam noodles, mamak noodles or his wife's special gravied noodles.

KTN headed across the bridge to catch this much hyped upon noodle stall, imagining a hot steamy plate of noodles full with dried sotong, chunks of beef, thumb-sized prawns and maybe pieces of chicken meat that would cover the whole plate.

Wait a minute, its a mobile stall so where is he going to find the stall? Being very familiar with Permatang Pauh, a constituency in which he was once a voter, KTN dialled a few numbers and was told that the stall would be operating in front of the UMNO building in Kubang Semang.

The suspense was killing him. He even told his wife that if the noodle was good enough, he would not be having any of her noodles anymore, at least until he gets fed-up of it, to which she gives a look that implied that he would be dissapointed because no one makes better noodles than her gravied noodles.

There was already a crowd of rowdy Mat Rempits at the stall. KTN is one guy who despises Mat Rempits, calling them the scums of society, but the lure of a new noodle recipe made him set aside his hatred for these hellish characters.

Now this KTN fellow is not one to dive into any food straightaway without first giving it a look over. It has to be well presented, has the right aroma and colour and most importantly has that x-factor which makes him fall in love with it at first sight.

This stall, crowded by the rowdies and the curious, just doesn't give a good first impression. It looked dirty, smells awful and is just totally repugnant.

He had a look at the sign of the stall, looked at the stall again and walked to his car to his waiting wife. He started the car and drove off. His wife knew that, KTN was disappointed. "Where to" she asked. "Cherok Tokun" he answered, rather dissapointed. "The crap-gravy noodle at the junction"? He just nodded his head.

They headed to Cherok Tokun and ate the famous crap-gravy noodles at the junction opposite the mosque and went home. "Why didn't you buy any noodles at Kubang Semang?" His wife asked. "One look at the seller, I lost my appetite. He is dirty, smelly and do you know what he called his stall?". She kept quite but knew he would tell her anyway. " SODO MEE" 

Evil

PM: Okay what's the latest report in Permatang Pauh?

DPM: Not so good. We are still trailing sir.

PM: What still trailing? That Epol boy, hasn't he been campaigning for us?

DPM: Yes, sir, every night. We play his swearing cd everywhere. If possible we would like to play them in the cinemas and maybe sell them to HBO but it is just not enough sir.

PM: Enough, enough I don't want to hear any more on this election thing. Noh, how's the economy?

Noh: Not good sir. We don't have much money left. We must borrow and there aren't that many lenders around.

PM: Shit, I am getting a headache. Exports! How are our exports?

MY: Besides the 2 oils, nothing else is going smooth.

PM: What about the Anwar case? Can we win it?

AG: If we do not want to be rated lower than Zimbabwe we better drop the case. It's a roti jala case sir, too many holes in it.

PM: I think I need a bypass. What about my campaign for the presidency of UMNO? Are you secretly fighting behind my back Najib?

DPM: No, never, you know me what. But Mahathir is not leaving you alone. They are going to fry you alive in the next General Assembly. Hopefully you are still the PM at that time and not that Anwar fellow.

PM: Anwar, Anwar, Anwar. I don't want to hear anything about that fellow. Must I make a report that he sodomised me to make the people believe our story? Anybody has any good news, please?

Samy: I got good news. Yesterday I bought a 60 inch plasma tv with good surround sound. Fuh, the colour so nice and the sound so good la. I bought an original Tamil movie dvd, ayo, yo. The fighting so clear one. When Vijay fight on the hill and roll down the flowers, the colour so clear la.

Kayveas: You call that good news ka? You crazy la Samy. Shut up la.

Samy: I know la you jealous, kucing kurap.

PM: Shut up you two, shut up. I am in distress and you want to fight here. Everything is going wrong, there's not a single good news for a long long time, that Anwar is breathing down my neck, my MPs are working against me, the economy is in ruins, my IGP decided that its a convenient time to go for a change of spare parts, urgh! help me.

Samy: Sorry la Datuk Seri. I didn't know you are so distressful right now. I have an idea, why don't we fly the flags outside there upside down?

Happy Birthday Meiji

When my wife first told me she was pregnant, I did not make it a secret that I had wished it was was a girl. I don't know why but I really wanted a girl for my first.

The name was discussed between my wife and I and of course like all young parents at that time we had a long list containing names for boys and girls. No, no scanning so we really were in the dark as to the sex of the child.

My late mother in law was never one to meddle in my marriage life but she did whisper to my wife that she had fallen in love with the name of one of my neighbour's daughters so we reserved that name if it was a girl.

It could be that in Penang that name that my late mother in law fell in love with was quite rare at that time but in Kelantan, it was like a dime a dozen, very common.

To shorten things up, my wife delivered our first born at the Penang Maternity Hospital. We got a healthy baby girl who we duly named Marziah, the name of my mother in law's choice.

The date was 21/08/80. Yes, today is her 28th birthday. She is now of course married but is not a mother yet.

She may be 28, the eldest of the three children that I have but in our eyes she is still our baby, our first baby.

Happy Birthday Meiji, as she is affectionately called, and may you live a long and happy life.

Your mom, sister, brother and I love you very much. Happy Birthday baby.

Lee Chong Wei has done Malaysia proud

Lee Chong Wei has done the country proud. He has advanced into the finals of the Olympic Badminton competition and has assured Malaysia of at least a silver.

For a Malaysian I am very-very proud of his achievement. He fights for his victory and never gave up.

No matter whether he strikes gold or settles for silver, Malaysia is proud of you.

Go do the country proud in the final. The whole country is rooting for you.

Pesta Janji

Scene 1

Takpa Mak Timah, ambil la, ni kami bagi ikhlas ni. Kalau Mak Timah tak tau jahit bagi kat anak.

La, anak-anak Mak Chik pun tak tau jahit langsung. Depa pi beli baju kat Machang Bubok nu.

Kalau macam tu, Mak Timah cakap Mak Timah mau apa? Cakap, apa saja Mak Timah mau, Television? Astro?, Peti Sejuk? Washing Machine? Cakap saja, kami bagi.

La awat hampa ni semua buang tabeat kot? Aku tak mintak apa pun yang hampa tiba2 mai ghumah aku nak bagi baghang ni semua buat apa?

Tidak Mak Chik, kami ni bukan apa, kami kesian kat penduduk kampung ni, hidup miskin papa kedana, jadi kami nak tolong la.

Awat hampa tengok ghumah aku ni bughok, takdak pirin Astro, hampa ingat aku miskin ka? Ni Awang oi, duit aku dalam ASB pun banyak lagi la. Aku dah pi Mekah 2 kali, tak payah hampa nak mai bagi baghang kat aku, tak aku kebuloq baghang hampa. Huh! mai sini cakap pelek macam oghang kolumpo nak hina kata aku miskin papa kedana. Nu, pi bagi kat misjid duit tu lagi bagoih.

Scene 2

Pak Dollah, kami ni datang nak bagi baja.

Baja? Buat apa?

Untuk sawah Pak Dollah la.

Sawah? Sawah aku dah bekughun jadi ghang dah hampa nak bagi baja buat apa? Dulu kami mintak tulong sapa pun tak mai tulong, lani tak tentu pasai mai nak bagi baja pulak.

Tak apa Pak Dollah, kami boleh tolong hidupkan semula sawah Pak Dollah yang terbiar tu.

Tanah aku tak mati aih, yang yang nak bagi hidup balik buat apa? Hang pi juai baja tu, duit dia hang pi derma kat sekolah Agama lagi bagoih. Hang dah pi sekolah Agama dak lagi?

Er, er belum lagi Pak Dollah. Sekolah Agama tak masuk dalam senarai bantuan kami.

Awat? Yang di sekolah Agama tu bukan oghang ka? Depa tak perlu bantuan? Awat pasai depa semua oghang Paih, hang tak buleh tulong?

Scene 3

Pak Leman, kami ni datang nak besarkan kedai kopi Pak Leman ni. Kami nak naik taraf jadi macam restoran.

La, mana mai oghang gila semua ni. Awat hampa semua ni tak nampak? Yang ni kandang kambin, bukan kedai kopi. Awat yang buta sangat?

Oh maaf Pak Leman, kami tersilap tadi, tapi tak apa kami boleh bagi kambing baka baik kepada Pak Leman? Berapa ekor Pak Leman nak? Kami boleh besarkan kandang ni sekali.

Awat hampa ni semua dah sawan ka? Seumoq idup aku tak pernah oghang mai nak bagi baghang macam tu saja. Awat hampa ni semua penyamun ka? Aku ni miskin, tak ada apa yang hampa nak samun. Oh penyamun lani pakai baju puteh dengan seluaq itam nu?

Kalau Pak Leman tak mau semua tu kami boleh bagi duit. Pak Leman nak tak?

Baik hampa pi balik sebelum aku bagi penyapu kat hampa.

Scene 4

Ya tuan-tuan dan puan semua, mari daftar di sini. Semua yang mendaftar akan kami bagi percutian percuma ke Medan bersama wang belanja seribu ringgit seorang. Mana nak dapat tawaran macam ini?

Bagi kad pengenalan dan tandatangan saja dapat pergi bercuti ke Medan dan wang belanja RM1000.

Pergi pulak bukan naik feri, tapi naik kapal terbang tuan-tuan dan puan-puan.

Scene 5

Tuan tuan dah puan puan saya berjanji yang Permatang Pauh ini tidak lagi akan ketinggalan dari segi pembangunan. Kerajaan telah pun meluluskan sejumlah wang yang besar untuk pembangunan Permatang Pauh.

Di tanah sawah yang saya bercakap ini kerajaan bercadang hendak bukak Disneyland.

Kita juga bercadang untuk membina jalan 5 tingkat supaya tak ada ada kesesakkan lalu lintas.

Di sebelah sana akan kita bina Stadium taraf antarabangsa yang boleh menampung 100000 penonton.

Di sebelahnya kita bina Velodrome untuk adik adik naik basikal dan di belakang sini kita akan bina Kompleks membeli belah yang terbesar di dunia.

Kerajaan tahu yang penduduk perlu beriadah jadi kami berjanji yang setiap kampung di sini akan dilengkapkan dengan kolam renang saiz olimpik.

Kami juga akan bina sebuah tapak konsert terbuka untuk anak-anak muda dan gelanggang untuk merempit supaya anak-anak kita tidak berlumba di jalanraya.

Buat permulaan, kita akan menderma setiap rumah dengan 100 kilo beras, voucher minyak RM1000 seorang dan setiap orang murid sekolah akan diberi sebuah basikal.

Ini lah keperihatinan kami.

Where was their Jihad when.....

A group of Mak Datins, from a woman's wing of a political party has declared Jihad on a certain personality whom their husbands claim to have to a preference for man's rear end.

Now why would those Mak Datins be angry? Their men said this politician has been humping man's behind whenever he has the chance. This means these Mak Datins behinds are safe. Let me think here for a while.

I got it, these Mak Datins are actually angry that he has not touched their behinds. You see, this politician that they have declared Jihad on is quite a good looking fellow and maybe they think it is a waste that he chooses to do it to man's behinds and ignore theirs.

Anyway, what do these Mak Datins know about Jihad? Do they really know what it means?

Who is going to do the Jihad anyway? They or the ordinary kampung ladies who are ordinary members who wear ordinary clothes and eat ordinary food in ordinary stalls and who struts in ordinary shoes and wear ordinary tudungs?

What war are they waging against him? A religious war or an economic war? Are they waging Jihad against him for fear that he will destroy their religion or he will destroy their husbads' bank accounts?

Are they afraid that if he wins, more women will shed the tudungs or that they will be forced to wear the tudungs?

Come on la, what do they know about Jihad. Where was their Jihad when their male counterparts were plundering the country to the bones?

Where was their Jihad when a foreign woman was blown to pieces and you can't even find her bones?

Where was their Jihad when the poor was made to pay more to survive and the country was being ruined by their own kind through non-stop politicking?

Where was their Jihad when some people up there decided to put the country into auto pilot while they stop to do more important things?

Where was their Jihad when the children of other ladies were forcibly sent to risk life, limbs and chastity in some camps just so that their kind could make each other rich?

Where was their Jihad when other ladies' children who studied their butts out and upon graduation find it difficult to find jobs as helpers in burger stalls because there are too many burger stalls already?

Where was their Jihad when graduates are forced hide their degrees and use their SPM certificates to apply for clerical or production operator's job?

Where was their Jihad when squatters were forcibly evicted in lands they have been living for generations just so that some of their kind could make many many millions building condos and shopping malls?

Where was their Jihad when known criminals are allowed to walk free because it seems our prosecuting teams suddenly lost the ability to put up a good show?

Where was their Jihad when a cigar chomping male counterpart could go free after groping the arse of one of their kind?

Where was their Jihad when their kind provided easy access to everything that we had to the evil regime of USA to facilitate the bombardment of Afghanistan, Iraq and the destruction of the Abu Sayyaf?

Do I need ask more? Come on ladies, is the whole woman wing declaring Jihad or is it only the Mak Datins who are so fond of rhetoric and suddenly find that Jihad is the fashionable word to use?

I wonder too, what they were wearing when they declared this so-called Jihad? Were they in Purdahs or were they in Gucci's, Jimmy Choo's and Zang Toi's while instructing their baju kurunged ordinary members to take up arms against this enemy of theirs while they planned their next shopping trip to London, Paris and New York?

Tell you what ladies, get your priorities right and then maybe we will give you a listen.

Stormtroopers

I just don't get it. We are living in the 21st century and we still have babis shouting Cina babi. The real babi are the Melayus shouting Cina babi and asking them to go back to China.

Shit man, they are born here and are as much a citizen of this country as you are. Okay, so you are angry that they are discussing something very sensitive. Hey, I felt uncomfortable too. Yes, I do believe it was something that they should handle more sensitively but what they have discussed should not be something that should not be discussed at all.

As long as the discussion is done sensitively without ulterior motives and discussed by people who are not out to get any mileage by it, by all means do it in the best way possible.

So you are angry because you feel very strongly for your religion. I feel very strongly for my religion too which is incidentally the same religion as yours. You storm the place and displayed a behaviour that is frowned upon by the very religion you are trying to defend.

If you want to defend Islam, then do it the Islamic way. Islam does not ask you to storm a meeting and brand those attending the meetings 'babi'. Islam does not ask you to deny someone the citizenship of his country of birth.

As much as I am uncomfortable with what was happening in the room and as much as I was and still am in the dark as to the motives of the organisers, I do not condone the behaviour of the so-called defenders of Islam.

Anyway, I think that whatever it is they wanted to hold was ill-timed and the behaviour of the stormtroopers shameful.

Next time when you want to do something, do it the Islamic way.

SMS with Bakaq

Just a while ago I was having an exchange of sms with blogger Bakaq of Penarik Beca. I guess he must be bored stiff with the inability to blog since his desktop and modem is not where they are supposed to be. That's what we poor Malaysians do really, we communicate through sms because it is way cheaper than voice call.

Well for your information, Bakaq and I are cyber-friends. We have never seen each other and differ in certain things regarding politics and politicians but we do have one thing in common and that is a Fair and Just Malaysia to call home.

He described himself to me as like a junkie cut off of his normal supplies. He must be going cold turkey now. I know the feeling because there were times when yours truly was cut off from the Internet either because of bad bad bad connection or from being a bad bad bad subscriber who got his connections cut off for being a bad bad bad paymaster.

Well anyway Bakaq said that he is trying his level best to get himself connected to the wired world again but times are not that good and getting oneself a pc is not exactly like walking into TESCO and carting one out in trolley without going through the cashier, if you catch my drift.

I did offer to help in the little way that I could and maybe rally a few friends but, true to form, he refused asking me to allow him to try learning to walk without a cane. That's Bakaq for you.

He did did talk of his dream, "a new Malaysia for all and a reformed police force". Those were his exact words.

Now I am not exactly a magician who could dive into his heart and know exactly how he feels about the two things he mentioned above but through his writings I guess I know what he means.

We all know how critical he has been of the present government but then again aren't we all. Some chose to keep it to themselves but Bakaq would not. His dream of a new Malaysia I guess is a Malaysia with Islam as the basis to how this country is ruled.

Don't be cowed with the word Islam. Bakaq is not an extremist or a fundamentalist. He is as open-minded as they come but like any open minded person you have to have something to hold on to and being a Muslim, he holds to the teachings of his religion.

Is it wrong then when he is advocating justice, respect for the law and true humanity as the way a country should be governed? The bottom line is that what he aspires for is a Fair and Just Malaysia where every race has a place and deserves the respect that is due to them as citizens.

Yes, I know some may feel uncomfortable when he talks about being a Malay but the Malay he means is an unsullied one, a true to the core proud Malay in this country who practices fair play, compassion and who is tolerant.

As for his other dream, "a reformed police force", I am sure he speaks for us all. The only think is that he went overboard by the cut and paste episode to which he duly apologised, very much a Muslim who should admit that he had gone overboard.

I am not saying that those who display that spiced-up crest is wrong. I am only saying that upon contemplation, he realised that he has gone a little bit too far in his criticism of the police force which would suffice with mere words rather than the addition of the said crest.

His dream for a reformed police force is still strong and that he wouldn't give that up. We Malaysians too do feel that for the good of a rapidly developing 52 year old country, the police force should change with the times and be more people-centred in discharging its duties.

Mr. Minster sir!

Press: Mr. Minister sir, is sodomy really that wrong?

Minister: Oh, yes it is wrong, it is repulsive and Islam takes a very serious view over it. I am a Muslim and I am a leader, so being a Muslim leader I cannot just accept this especially by a high profile figure.

Press: You mean sir, this persecution of Mr. Ibrahim is also because of the fact that you are a Muslim leader?

Minister: I can't run away from that fact. I am a leader, I have to do what is right?

Press: Then why not charge Mr. Ibrahim in a Syariah Court? Is it because it is more difficult to get a conviction because Syariah Laws are very strict as far as witnesses and evidence is concern.

Minister: No such thing, no such thing. Since our own laws have enough provisions to handle crimes of this nature and since we have ample experience to handle this, let the courts handle it.

Press: So it is really a big crime to you?

Minister: Oh yes, Sodomy is a very very big crime. We are Muslims and anyone caught committing such a crime must be severely dealt with.

Press: Anyone sir?

Minister: Yes anyone. This is Malaysia where the rule of law applies to everyone. No one is above the law.

Press: But Mr. Ibrahim is not charged with using criminal force or rape which is safe to assume that he is charged with consensual sex? Doesn't that make Mr. Bukhari equally guilty? Since it is consensual, it means he has committed a crime too? Why wasn't Mr. Bukhari charged sir?

Minister: Er, er, Saiful is a young boy. Perhaps he doesn't know that it is wrong. We can't go down hard on him. Pity the boy la.

Press: He doesn't know? Isn't it too lame an excuse sir? Why not charge him and let the court decide if he is not aware that sodomy or anal sex is a crime?

Minister: No we can't do that, we must also have compassion.

Press: Shouldn't compassion be applied to all sir?

Minister: No not that way, Saiful is evidently misled.

Press: Misled sir? He is not a minor and he is after all educated. You did say that anyone committing such a crime should be severely dealt with sir?

Minister: Ask the police that.

Press: But you are their minister sir?

Anja Nak Balik

I tak peduli, hantar I balik ke rumah mak bapak I

Kenapa ni Anja, kebelakangan ni Anja asyik nak marah saja? Jangan la macam tu, mari sini Sayang pujuk.

Tak mau, tak mau, Anja nak balik jugak. Sayang pun sekarang ni mana ada masa sangat kat Anja? Asyik meeting saja.

Alahai Anja, dah tanggungjawab nak buat macam mana? Mai lah Anja Sayang sorang tu, Mai la bucuk soyang.

Sayang jangan cuba nak pujuk Anja. Kali ni, tak ada pujuk-pujuk punya. Anja nak balik, Anja nak balik, Anja nak balik. Faham tak? Anja dah tak tahan dah hidup macam ni. Lain yang Anja bayangkan, lain kenyataannya. Tolong lah Sayang, hantar lah Anja balik, tolong la.

Kalau ya pun Anja, hujung minggu ni kita balik la sekejap. Kan Anja ada kerja, Sayang pun ada kerja, mana boleh tinggal macam tu saja? Ala Anja ni, sabar la sikit.

Tak boleh sabar lagi Sayang. Anja dah fed up dengan semua ni. Please la Sayang, izinkan Anja balik.

Sayang nak buat macam mana lagi? Nampaknya Sayang dah gagal memimpin rumahtangga ini.

Bukan itu Sayang. Anja dah tak boleh tahan dengan semuanya yang ada di sini. Tolong lah Sayang, hantar Anja balik, tolong la.

Baik lah Anja. Mat! Mat! Mari sini kejap. Bawak Pak Encik kau balik ke Kepala Batas.

The Candidate

PM: Okay people, you all know we have to face Anwar in Permatang Pauh and that is not exactly kacang puteh, so we must get the best candidate or we will be eaten alive.

Najib: Actually there is only one candidate here who can fight him there and he hails from a nearby constituency.

PM: Who, who? Call him now.

Najib: Its you Pak Lah. Only you can win there. I suggest you resign your seat and take on Anwar in PP. As for KB, it is a safe seat.

PM: Wow, what a good idea. When he trashed me real good, I will be without a seat in government and an easy target in our own elections in December. Very clever ha you. Why not you go there?

Najib: Cannot la. I am not from the North and the people are blaming me for that sodomy case so they won't take too kindly to me. I still believe you are the best candidate la.

PM: I know you la Najib. Okay, I could do it but when I resign, Khairy will act as the PM. You agree?

Najib: Er, er, it was just an idea la, and I can see that it is a bad one. Forget it la.

Samy: Er, Pak Lah. I also can. I have no seat now so I am free.

PM: Samy why don't you stop joking? We are serious you know.

Samy: I am serious la. Why you think I Indian, I cannot win in Permatang Pauh ka?

Najib: Hey Samy you can't even beat a Muslim fundamentalist if you were to contest in Mumbai la.

Annuar: Like this la. Lets accept facts, we know we are going to lose. Last I heard, punters are willing to kuyu BN about 5000 votes, its a lost cause la. Why not we say we are fed-up with them playing a fool with the elections and boycott the by elections.

PM: You mean run away?

Annuar: If we lose with a smaller majority, Anwar will still get in but if we lose with a bigger majority, malu and mampoih la.

Samy: Why must lose with bigger majority?

Annuar: In March no sodomy case also we lost by nearly 14K votes, now got sodomy charges and everyone don't believe it, so what happen?

Muhyidin: I think we put Ezam la. If anybody is going to get slaughtered let it be him.

Nazri: Why not the last candidate, Uz Firdaus?

PM: I heard he is afraid that if he loses, his chances for Ketua Bahagian would be lost.

Samy: I know, I know. We put that Sepol fellow. In our posters we put a picture of his arsehole. Surely can get sympathy one.

Kayveas: Hey Samy, you go play outside with the Puteri UMNO la, kacau only. Talk like retarded boy only. Chit.

Samy: Hey Kayveas, what you say? I cannot tahan you already la, come la if you are brave.

PM: Shut up you two. Go to the corner there and turn towards the wall. Go now.

Nazri: What did Tan Sri Rashid say?

PM: Not enough time to bring the Nepalese, Tibetans and Eskimos here. We have run out of ICs to issue.

Samy: Hey Najib, what about your wife? Nowadays everybody is afraid of her what. Put her la. Surely very explosive affair one.

Najib: Shut up la you. What my wife did to you that you want to talk about her like that? You want me to call her here ka?

Samy: Haiyo, no la. Joking only la. I want to die in one piece.

PM: We still do not have a candidate.

Najib: No matter who the candidate is we will still lose so why bother with a strong one? Lets just put in someone insignificant and let him be slaughtered.

PM: Yes I agree. Aaaa, Samy! Samy! Are you really interested in Permatang Pauh?

The Examination

Doc: Yes young man. What's wrong with you?

Epoi: Doctor, I was raped.

Doc: You mean you had sex with your girlfriend and she was a little bit rough with you? Ah that happens. I know of a certain very high up politician who got raped by his wife almost every night, so much so he had to run to Mongolia.

Epoi: Hey I think I know that politician la.

Doc: You do?

Epoi: Yes, just the other day I met him. Yes la, I agree with you la. His wife is a real witch. Just because I am a softie, she was very suspicious of me. Aactually it was not sex with my girlfriend lar doc, it was my employer. He raped me yesterday.

Doc: Oh, that is a serious accusation. Who is your employer.

Epoi: Never mind la, you check my hole first la.

Doc: Okay, take off your pants.

Epoi: Doctor, you want to put that thing into my anus ah?

Doc: Yes, I want to see the inside of your anus for telling signs of forced entry.

Epoi: Hey, that thing so small la, got anything bigger ah? Can't you use a cucumber?

Doc: Okay lie down and bend over. Hmm, quite loose la your anus. No sign of forced entry, no tears, puss and very dry. Epoi, its difficult for me to accertain that you have been raped. Your anus is not tight at all. There is no sign that you have had an operation before so I could only conclude that you have been having anal sex for a long time.

Epoi: No, no, they said that nobody would know about my past. Hey doctor, please la write there that I have been raped. I'll make it worth your time and effort.

Doc: I can only write down what I see. I can't make up stories.

Epoi: You check again doctor. This time don't use that small thing. You can use your own thing, I don't mind.

Doc: Get the hell out of here. If you want to report a rape I suggest you go to a government hospital or straight to the police. This is a respectable organisation, at least we the non administrators are respectable.

Epoi: You'll be sorry for this. Don't regret it if somebody else pays you a visit after this.

How time has changed

Okay enough of politics for a while. I mean a short while. Okay, okay, I admit, a very very short while. Satisfied?

This entry may be insignificant to some but an eye opener to me really. Yes, just one event and it got me to thinking for quite a while. Okay let me just go straight to it first and we'll discuss later.

Yesterday like any other days, during Zohor prayer time, I'll allow my Muslim students about 10 minutes to go out to perform their prayers. Then when they have done the needful, a boy came to me to complain that Mahathir (not his real name, though how I wish it is) did not pray, he was playing outside the surau.

I waited for Mahathir to come in and as he stepped into the class I motioned him over to my table. Mengapa awak tak sembahyang tadi? Like any Malaysian who is pressed for an answer, he scratched the back of his head and answered, Saya tak sempat mandi hadas. I was taken aback. Is this boy saying that he had sex last night or is he saying that he masturbated or had a wet dream?

Now this boy is a form one boy, mind you. Kenapa awak kena mandi hadas? I probed further. He just gave a cheeky smirk. Kalau dah tak mandi hadas mengapa awak pergi surau? I probed deeper. Saya tak ingat, he answered.

This is my 32nd year of teaching and I have never encountered form one students so bold as to admit or imply that they have masturbated the day before, I don't think it was sex or wet dream, and his answer really threw me off.

It could be that he just didn't want to pray and gave that hadas story as an excuse but still, I wouldn't get this kind of answer a few years back.

Yes, they are more daring nowadays, too daring should I add. Anyway for a first offence I asked the discipline teacher to just give him some demerit points but if it persists then he would be whacked for fooling around during prayer time.