This is shameful

Secretary: What the hell is happening to this party? This is no l0onger the party that I helped build.

DP: What do you mean? I don't understand you.

Secretary: There is a rot in this party and the rot is deteriorating really fast. It is now shameful for me to say that I am a member of a once proud party.

DP: Yes, yes, I know you are angry at something but I wouldn't be able to join you if I don't know what the hell are you mad about?

Secretary: Please, please let me compose myself. Its just that I hurt so much inside at what has become to my party. This was not the case the last time we had an election?

DP: I am warning you. If you don't let my know what the f@*k you are talking about, I would recommend that we get a new secretary.

Secretary: Sorry for the outburst. Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know that they are offering 10K for a vote for president and 5K for VP, DPs are going for 3K and MKT members 2K.

DP: Come on, you mean to tell me that you are upset about this? I know for a fact that when you were going for DP the amount was quite definitely much more. I mean this is our culture so what's the big deal?

Secretary: Exactly. This is our culture. Yes, during my time the damage was much higher, that is why I am sad. They are willing to sell themselves for pittance nowadays. Where is their pride? They have demeaned the party. A presidential vote costs only 10K. Are we that cheap?

DP: Er, er, slow down, slow down. I think I know what you want to say but at the same time I am confused.

Secretary: Look, our party is getting cheap. What would people say if they know that the rates have gone down? Where do we put our faces. Why can't they make a presidential bribe at least 50K? Hey, where is our pride.

DP: You mean, you are pissed because the rates have gone down?

Secretary: Exactly, I am willing to triple the amount. Not because I want the VP post but because I want to bring back our pride. I am thinking of getting to get the Disciplinary Committee to set a standard rate lest we be labeled as cheapskates.


Thank you Kerpov. Got this idea while reading your latest post.

You blew it.

When a group of people becomes terrorists people are fast to shout and scream without trying to understand why they resort to such an act.

Do they think that this group of people are natural born murderers out to make life difficult for others?

Do they think that suicide bombers get a kick out of knowing that his/her own body would be torn to pieces as the violent blast tugs tissue from bones and send them flying hundreds of yards away?

Do they think that they fancy knowing that their heads or whatever is left would land somewhere in the north and limbs elsewhere on the compass point making it difficult for their kins to identify any of it?

Don't just denounce terrorism as a violent act. Examine why there is terrorism in the first place. Don't go shouting and crying for punishments when, if properly addressed, there would be no terrorists and thereby no terrorism.

No I am not suddenly going global and now focusing my attention on the international scene since Pak lah has announced that he would not seek election as UMNO's numero uno.

What I want to touch on is Pak Lah's response to the Hindraf 'invasion' - at least that was what the media like to call it- at his open house. He was sad that that they did not come to wish him Selamat Hari Raya but to create a ruckus.

The media then went to town in painting the Hindraf as a recalcitrant group of Indian Hindus much like the western media's depiction of the Arabs and Muslims.

No I am not saying that Hindraf is an organisation filled with terrorists. They are just a bunch of people not satisfied with the way they are being treated. They are an organisation who not only felt cheated by their government but also by their own representatives, namely the MIC.

I do not know of their claims with the British government but I do see valid reasons for their complaints against the Malaysian government.

Have they not tried to voice out their grievances to the government? They have. Why is it that they are still voicing it out? Because their voices are not heard; because their pleas fell on deaf ears and because their own representatives chose to muffle their discontent.

Do you believe that they can simply budge into the PM's office and voice out their displeasure? No, they are not Saiful whose plea for a scholarship could get him invited into the DPM's residence for a consult.

Their leaders who fought for their cause are now in incarceration and others in their ranks are constantly reminded of a similar fate should they not cease with their demands.

Doesn't this paint the picture of a cornered victim? We all know that most cornered victims would not take the blows passively. They would fight back.

The open house is an opportunity for the Hindraf to meet the PM and say what they had wanted to say. If they had been greeted in the Hari Raya spirit at the door, I am sure they would have greeted the PM first before giving him a piece of their mind.

From what I gather the reception they received was anything but courteous. So what do we expect them to do? Turn back and walk off? If you have a genuine complaint, you wouldn't just walk off.

Why is it that others are welcome and not them? Aren't they Malaysians? The act of giving them a difficult passage to meet the PM lent credence to their cry for justice and equality.

So Pak Lah, don't complaint why Hindraf acted the way they did, ask what is their complaint and look into their complaints.

Again you have let a golden chance of doing good go down the drain like the way you refuse to deliver justice to the rest of Malaysians.

Do you know what should make you feel sad? You should feel sad that many Malaysians are happy that you are going away. You should feel sad that many are willing to party and feast when you descend.

The Landlord

Mat: Oi Halim, where to?

Halim: Thirsty la, come join me for teh tarik.

Mat: Thirsty and you want to drink teh tarik ka? I cannot like that. I must drink something nice and cold.

Halim: What ever la, come, there is something I want to tell you la. I betoi-betoi pening kepala la.

Mat: Okay, lets go.

Halim: You know my landlord, the one I was complaining to you about?

Mat: Oh, that heartless fellow that you said you would like to C4?

Halim: Yes, la that evil fellow la. He has sold the house I am renting la.

Mat: So, you have to move ka?

Halim: No, the new owner has allowed me to stay on.

Mat: So your problem over la? No need to find C4 anymore la. Like that means you must belanja me a nice lunch.

Halim: You head la belanja. I already know this new landlord. He is as bad if not worse than the last one la.

Mat: What, worse than the last one?

Halim: Yes, teruk la. At least the last one, his wife won't meddle into his affairs, this one I tell you, I don't know how to start la.

Mat: Alamak, die la you like that.

Halim: All of us die la.

The process

Boy: Dad, look at that man there.

Dad: Which man?

Boy: That one in the white shirt and black pants.

Dad: They all wear the same, which man?

Boy: That one standing against the reception counter reading Utusan Malaysia upside down.

Dad: Yes, so whats with him?

Boy: Can't you see, he is hiding a dagger.

Dad: Oh that. If you look carefully, all the men and women here carry daggers.

Boy: But dad, isn't that against the law.

Dad: Yes, but no one cares actually and this doesn't happen everyday.

Boy: Why are they carrying daggers dad?

Dad: Its their election season so they need daggers to stab people in the back. Oh, don't pay them any attention. They do it all the time.

Boy: Why are there so many counters and Commissioners of Oath at every table dad?

Dad: This year's elections are no more decided by votes but by statutory declarations.

Boy: What's a statutory declaration dad?

Dad: You see, a voter would go to a Commissioner of Oath and declare that he would vote for so and so. The document that he or she signs would be a valid document.

Boy: Why don't they just vote? It would be simpler that way.

Dad: The candidates are afraid that after taking their money, the voters vote for somebody else who offers more money.

Boy: Oh, isn't taking money to vote a form of corruption?

Dad: No, not if you put the money in green packets. It becomes duit raya.

Boy: That means they cannot change their minds after this?

Dad: Actually last time, that is the case but nowadays its different. If we come tomorrow there will be different Commissioners of Oath to nullify the SDs taken today. Its called the Bala Retraction Oath.

Boy: They can do that? But then can't the candidate sue the voter if he nullifies his SD?

Dad: Not by law, but he could try try the last alternative?

Boy: What is that dad?

Dad: Day after tomorrow, if we come here, there will no more be Commissioners of Oath around, instead there will be officers from Jakim with Qurans for the Sumpah Laknat.

Living breathing and evolving language

A language is alive and vibrant if it is willing to accomodate changes. Words are constantly coined up in a natural way by people based on their experience in life.

The Malaysian political scene provides a fertile ground for the breeding of new terminologies because of its constant turmoil which grips the people's attention and thus the creation of newer and more contemporary terms.

Below are just a few examples of what may be common words in times to come.

1. He was issued a warning letter for dollahing during the meeting.

2. They put all the evidence in a box and altantuyaed it so that no one could get access to the sensitive information.

3. The epileptic was writhing on the floor and shaberying in the mouth.

4. Your honour, this is a classic doublemuhammad. My client is not conversant in the language of that country and thus did not know that he had broken the law.

5. At first there was peace until someone dastardly decided to turn sonofkoyakutty. From then on the world has never experienced justice.

6. I am not a power broker and I object to anyone calling me a triplecorrect.

7. Why are you giving all these evidence? They are simply not Augustine to the case.

8. Ladies beware, there is a pekanman on the loose.

9. The real power in the firm is not the CEO. Yes, I agree, the firm is being bigmamaed by someone sinister.

10. Although the organisation is supposed to be run by a team of people, the reality is that it is umnoed by only one person.

11. This is the 21st century, your thinking is too beeanned and therefore obsolete.

12. His kayjayness is the real cause for his downfall.

13. I never knew you are such and mca, you just do whatever he asks.

14. Although that group is supposed to be independant, in reallity it is spr. It actually does the bidding of the governing body.

As always feel free to add.

The Open House

Businessman1: Aah, selamat hari raya DS. Waa, somemore people say you not popular ah. So many people come for your open house la.

DS: You are right la. See so many Malaysians come for my open house until the food also going to finish. Hahahahaha. Stick around la. Don't forget ah, at 1.00 we adjourn to the private room.

Businessman1: No problem, no problem, I'll stick around one. There are so many people and ministers I would like to meet.

Businessman2: Ayoyo, DS, selamat hari raya la. Waa. so many people come ah. Last time MM time also not crowded like this la. The people love you la. I think you should think about staying on la. Don't worry, I can help one.

DS: Yes, la, I am thinking about that also la. Ah, don't forget, stick around, we'll have another session in the private room at 1.00.

Businessman2: Sure, sure. I say, isn't that Samy sitting there?

DS: Yes, he came at 6.30 this morning.

Businessman: Okay la DS, I want to talk something to Samy for a while. See you at 1.00.

Caterer: I say Mr. PA, the food all going to finish already la.

PA: What? So fast ah? How many pax you brought?

Caterer: As you said la. 15K.

PA: I say, I think you should bring in another 15K pax la.

DS: Ha, there you are. I have to compliment you la, everybody said the food is good la. Did you bring all 200K pax that I ordered because I am worried we may run out of food la.

Caterer: Ah! er, er, I ....

PA: Actually DS there is not enough space so he brought 50K first, another 50K is on the way. We purposely asked them to bring in 4 installments because of space and also because we want the food to be always warm.

DS: Clever, very clever. If you bring all, the food may get cold. Don't worry, next year I cater from you again. It's worth the RM50 per pax that we are paying. Okay, I have more guests.

PA: What la you er, er, you want to make him suspect ka?

Caterer: I panic la because he mentioned 200K. You told me the order was for 100K and that I should send only 15K because you are sure not many people would come. You said the order is for RM25 per pax but now DS said it is RM50. Waa. you makan alot la like this.

PA: You don't talk much, just get that extra 15K.

Businessman25: Selamat hari raya DS. Waa very grand la your celebration.

DS: Thank you, thank you. er, it's 12 now, don't forget the usual room at 1 afterwards.

Businessman24: Don't worry, I come ready for it. MM didn't come ka?

DS: No, because I didn't invite him.

Businessman24: Hahahahahahaha, good, good. Like that I like. People who kacau us, we all don't friend him.

Announcement: ladies and gentlemen. The time is now 12.45 and this open house would take a short break. We will continue at 3.00. Please leave in an orderly manner.

In the private room.

DS: Clap, clap. Okay ladies and gentlemen. Please line up here starting
from my right. DPM first, followed by ministers, deputy ministers and
then MPs. The non-muslim ministers, deputies and MPs please leave. This
is for those who celebrate raya only.

DS: Businessman1 you may proceed.

Businessman1: Selamat hari raya.

DPM: Selamat hari raya towkay, maaf zahir batin.

Minister: Selamat hari raya towkay, maaf zahir dan batin,

MP: Selamat hari raya towkay, maaf zahir dan batin.

DS: Okay, what do you all say to businessman1?

Chorus: Thank you businessman1 and thank you for the duit raya. ..........

After 1 and half hour the session ends.

Minister1: Hey how much did businessman1 give you?

MP: 50K. You got how much?

Minister1: I minister so more la. I got 125K.

MP3: That businessman19 really kedekut la. He ggave 15K only. Wait la next time.

MP6: Hey, isn't that Samy?

MP3: Where? Ya, la, that's him la. Hey Samy, Samy, come here a while.

Samy: Pelan, pelan la, jangan kuat kuat la. Nanti sumua orang tau.

MP3: What are you doing here? This one for muslims only and only for MPs and above.

Samy: I say, now I am unemployed la so I come to collect duit raya as we always do la.

Glitch in heaven

Judge: This is a special inquiry to find out what actually happened on the day in question to decide on measures to be taken to prevent this catastrophe from ever repeating. Mr. Prosecutor, you may proceed.

Pro: Your honour, I call upon Angel 2 to take the stand. Angel 2, since you are an angel, you will not be able to lie so no oaths necessary. Tell us what happened that day.

A2: I was on my way home after my shift when I dropped by Angel4's place. He looked very tired. When I asked him if he was feeling alright, he said he was okay and that he had one more job to do before calling it the day.

Pro: What did you do then?

A2: I asked if he needed a hand, he said that his work was delicate and that I wouldn't be able to do it without proper training.

Pro: Okay thank you, now I would like to call Angel4. You are also an angel and are incapable of lying. Tell us what happened with the last job on that day.

A4: I was talking to A2 and was really tired because I had to do double shift. You see Angel3 called in sick so I thought I'd continue and maybe he could stand in for me on another day.

Pro: Did you realise you made a mistake that day?

A4: No, not at all, I thought all went well until I received a letter asking me for my log on that night. I checked through the log and was aghast that I had made a serious error.

Pro: What was the error?

A4: Since my department was the 'high priority' department, we were supposed to be extra careful and record everything we put in. As you could see in my log I put in everything that was needed accept one.

Pro: What was it that you forgot to put?

A4: First of all I would like to apologise that my negligence caused this catastrophe. As you know, being an angel, I am incapable of malice so nothing was done on purpose. I admit I was negligent and it was a result of extreme fatigue and that short conversation I had with A2 made me lost track of what I was doing.

Pro: Now tell us what is it that you forgot to put in.

A4: I was extra careful because of the highly sensitive nature of my work. I checked through all genes and double checked them before marking them ready.

Pro: Is this the log belonging to that specimen you are talking about?

A4: Yes, this is it and that is my signature.

Pro: Please mark this evidence as AAB. You may continue.

A4: Last week I was asked to produce this log that I did 60 over years ago because it seems that I had been grossly negligent in my duty resulting in a catastrophe of epic proportions.

Pro: After checking the log, did you identify any specific mistakes?

A4: Yes, I found that I made a grave mistake, infact after realising it I also checked all other logs I was involved in for the last 1 century.

Pro: Oh, you did? Did you find any other mistakes?

A4: Yes, I found 2 more. One could not be undone because it has expired and another is potentially even more dangerous.

Pro: This is very disturbing, I thought there is only one and now you say there are 3.

A4: Let me begin with the 1st one, the one that cannot be undone. I had carelessly filled in too much ego substance in the ego genes and forgot the compassion genes altogether. The evil genes left by Satan that was meant for destruction was mistakenly marked and I had inserted them into that specimen. This specimen is marked MM.

Pro: My God, what have you done? Go ahead.

A4: The next one is the AAB specimen that we are inquiring into now. After fixing the brain genes in its proper place, I forgot to fill it with the 'mind' substance.

Pro: You mean, you created a brain without any mind?

A4: I am afraid so. After checking through I also found that I had put in extra active sleep genes in the specimen.

Pro: Do you know of the gravity of these mistakes of yours? You said there is another one that could be undone, what is it?

A4: This one is marked NAR. I accidentally filled it with Boer Stud virility genes.