After extensive investigations that span all the continents and suspicious looking satellites circling the Earth and with the co operations of the CIA, FBI, Mossad and consultations with the WHO, RSPCA, Yakuza, the Pallin For President group, the World Silambam Society and also the KKK, we finally got a lead as to the modus operandi of the group that stole the jet engines.
We are glad to inform that prosecution papers are being drafted and the culprits would be charged in court on the 30th of February.
The department would like to lay to rest speculations that personnel in the armed forces are involved. After going through volumes of files, logs, Readers Digests and Mad Magazines, we find that not a single personnel of the armed forces are involved in this hideous and treacherous act.
Our own investigation teams aided by Bomoh Pujangga Salleh of Jengka 5, Shaman Mwambra of the Tipu tribe of Uganda and the spirit of Mona Fandey, finally managed to trace the culprits. Forensic evidence were confirmed by Dr. Pornthip and the department has enlisted the services of Lucas Films, Steven Spielberg, Bruckheimer and the world famous director Datuk Eusoffe Grandslam to recreate the scenes in HD, the premier of which would be aired live on Astro Beyond at the affordable booking fee of RM99.99.
We have initially booked Judge Augustinus Hackus to sit on the bench but due to his indefinite unavailability, we have decided to alleviate the just married Bungkus of Sabah to the Bench.
We urge and plea to the general public to stop further speculations and to cease making comments that may tarnish the immaculately clean image of the arm forces.
To lay to rest all doubts about this whole affair we hereby name the people to be charged,
1. Aung San Mway ( Myanmese beggar along Petaling Street)
2. Jahangir Khan ( Pakistani carpet seller in section 22)
3. Daisy Loh Poh Kee ( China Doll of Rumah Urut Syiok, Batu Pahat)
4. Sheikh Mujibur Saifol ( Bangladeshi construction worker in Melaka)
5. Bahadur Kumar (Nepalese restaurant worker in Klang).
The department would soon get the services of several interrogators from the MACC to interrogate several other suspects whose name would be randomly drawn from a chest containing the names of thousands of illegal immigrants.
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