DG1: Mr. TPM sir, regarding the payment for project 3145, the contractors are threatening to screw my backside if they are not paid la. Please la Mr. TPM sir.
TPM: Aisay DG, you yourself know that at present we don't have any money. As it is I don't even know how the hell we are going to pay the civil servants this month's salary so you just klentong them a bit la.
DG1: How to klentong, they are screaming. I dare not even answer their calls la.
TPM: I tell you what, you tell them that they can plan any new project they want. It doesn't matter how much the projecst cost. Send to me and I'll approve. They go ahead with the construction of the new project and I will pay for all as soon as we got the money.
DG1: Mana buleh TPM? Lama punya hutang also cannot pay, want to hutang some more ka?
TPM: This is the gomen la, sooner or later we pay them la. Okay, offer them a fifty percent discount in their income tax. I'll talk to the Inland Revenue people. Okay bye, I have to go. Ahmad get the car and lets go to Hulu selangor.
Ahmad: Okay boss, the car is ready.
TPM: Hello TPM speaking, ah yes, DG of Education. What can I do for you?
DG2: Sir, about the uniform aid for this year, so many state directors have called me to enquire if we are giving free uniform for KOKO this year?
TPM: Sure, sure, surely give one. Tell them to go ahead and collect the names.
DG2: But last year's payment pun tak bayar lagi, how to get suppliers for this year?
TPM: Aisay, you pandai pandai la. Tell them this year we increase the allocation to 120 per student, that's a 20% raise. As for payment I promise to clear all in 3 months. Okay, I am busy now.
Ahmad: Orang mintak hutang lagi ka boss?
TPM: Ya la Mat, kita mana ada duit, semua dok bayar dengan air liur saja. Si Arab2 tu janji nak hantar bulan lepas tapi tak sampai2 lagi duit tu. Ntah la mat, saya rasa awak punya OT pun saya tak buleh bayar lagi bulan ni. Pening la Mat. Simpanan kita kering habis.
Ahmad: Dah sampai boss.
Penghulu: Welcome mr. TPM sir, welcome please take your seat. I know you are busy so we will call you for a quick speech and then you feel free to go round the kampung.
TPM: Tuan, tuan dan puan puan, this government is a caring government. We have always kept our promise. We will continue to give and give and give to the people. I promise you if we win this buy-election we will build 10 more mosques. On the way here, I could not see any schools so now I am announcing an immediate grant to build 5 more secondary schools, 7 primary schools, 1 vocational school, 1 SM Teknik, 10 bridges and a dual carriageway running the whole length of this kampung. We will build a 10000 capacity Indoor Stadium, an olympic size swimming pool and an IT centre with 200 computers ready with internet access. All students would be given a netbook and every home would be given a 50 inch LED tv. Thank you, thank you.
Penghulu: Thank you very much Mr. TPM, you are so generous.
TPM: Aaaah, no problem, negara kita kaya. Anyway how many thousand people are there in this kampung?
Penghulu: Actually we have only 52 people here.
TPM: Aisay DG, you yourself know that at present we don't have any money. As it is I don't even know how the hell we are going to pay the civil servants this month's salary so you just klentong them a bit la.
DG1: How to klentong, they are screaming. I dare not even answer their calls la.
TPM: I tell you what, you tell them that they can plan any new project they want. It doesn't matter how much the projecst cost. Send to me and I'll approve. They go ahead with the construction of the new project and I will pay for all as soon as we got the money.
DG1: Mana buleh TPM? Lama punya hutang also cannot pay, want to hutang some more ka?
TPM: This is the gomen la, sooner or later we pay them la. Okay, offer them a fifty percent discount in their income tax. I'll talk to the Inland Revenue people. Okay bye, I have to go. Ahmad get the car and lets go to Hulu selangor.
Ahmad: Okay boss, the car is ready.
TPM: Hello TPM speaking, ah yes, DG of Education. What can I do for you?
DG2: Sir, about the uniform aid for this year, so many state directors have called me to enquire if we are giving free uniform for KOKO this year?
TPM: Sure, sure, surely give one. Tell them to go ahead and collect the names.
DG2: But last year's payment pun tak bayar lagi, how to get suppliers for this year?
TPM: Aisay, you pandai pandai la. Tell them this year we increase the allocation to 120 per student, that's a 20% raise. As for payment I promise to clear all in 3 months. Okay, I am busy now.
Ahmad: Orang mintak hutang lagi ka boss?
TPM: Ya la Mat, kita mana ada duit, semua dok bayar dengan air liur saja. Si Arab2 tu janji nak hantar bulan lepas tapi tak sampai2 lagi duit tu. Ntah la mat, saya rasa awak punya OT pun saya tak buleh bayar lagi bulan ni. Pening la Mat. Simpanan kita kering habis.
Ahmad: Dah sampai boss.
Penghulu: Welcome mr. TPM sir, welcome please take your seat. I know you are busy so we will call you for a quick speech and then you feel free to go round the kampung.
TPM: Tuan, tuan dan puan puan, this government is a caring government. We have always kept our promise. We will continue to give and give and give to the people. I promise you if we win this buy-election we will build 10 more mosques. On the way here, I could not see any schools so now I am announcing an immediate grant to build 5 more secondary schools, 7 primary schools, 1 vocational school, 1 SM Teknik, 10 bridges and a dual carriageway running the whole length of this kampung. We will build a 10000 capacity Indoor Stadium, an olympic size swimming pool and an IT centre with 200 computers ready with internet access. All students would be given a netbook and every home would be given a 50 inch LED tv. Thank you, thank you.
Penghulu: Thank you very much Mr. TPM, you are so generous.
TPM: Aaaah, no problem, negara kita kaya. Anyway how many thousand people are there in this kampung?
Penghulu: Actually we have only 52 people here.
6 comments:
CherGu
betul betul lawak lah CherGu, that TPM memang NGOK BAHLOL BENGGAP lah, bagi bilion project untuk 52 orang aje.... dah sah TPM Kepala Otak Punyea Olang aje nih.
TPM itu apa CherGu....? Taik Punyea Mangkok kah.
Salam Cikgu,
lol! But sadly, the promises of LED TV and their likes will come true as many experienced during one by-election just before the last GE. The payors for the goods will be the companies themselves. Typical bribery which SPRM turns a blind eye.
Cikgu,
Expect more projects to be announced at Hulu Selangor because of the by election. How nice it will be if there is to be a by election for the Pasir Mas parliamentary seat.
SPRM (dan juga PDRM, MACC) ni garang macam anjing bila PR buat hal, walaupun benda kecik. Kalau BN buat hal, jadi ponen macam kucing bangsat.
sri hartamas
betul Pak Zawi. kalau Pasir Mas ada by election bermakna killing 2 birds with one stone. Project baru dapat, MP baru pun dapat.
Pasir Mas By-Erection.... but that incumbent fella not yet die what. even if die oreadi, who going to PERKOSA?
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