Tuesday, 22 September 2009

Priority

Press Statement

We have finished our investigations into the PKFZ affairs and are glad to announce that the MACC has found no evidence of wrongdoings in any of the dealings. In fact, it was found that everything was done very transparently. All dealings were done in accordance to the law.

As from today the MACC has d4ecided to close the files in the PKFZ affairs. As for the complaint lodged against the former Menteri Besar of Selangor, after exhaustive and very thorough investigations, the MACC also found no irregularities in his trip to Disneyland, and his purchase of the small landed detached hut. We found that all dealings were conducted above board. We would also like to congratulate the former menteri Besar for being a clean and incorruptible leader.

The MACC would also advise the former Menteri Besar to lodge a report against those who had intentionally tried to sully his impeccable image. If such a report is made, we would personally request the police to hand over the investigations over to us and we will conduct a thorough investigation, as thorough as the investigation in the TBH case.

We would also like to inform the general public that we have begun investigations into the Open House of the Selangor Pakatan Rakyat Government. Initial investigations have unearthed the following very serious inrregularities.

1. The Open House started 10 minutes early and ended half an hour late.

2. Exco members were believed to have also eaten food meant for the public.

3. Cordials served were not sweet enough and paper cups and plates used were not made from recycle materials.

4. The female singer performing was found to be scantily dressed. We have photographs that show her exposed ankles.
 
5. No Penans from Sarawak were invited. We believe this is done to sabotage the PM's 1Malaysia campaign.

6. 3 curry puffs were found to be 2 mm shorter and 1 gm lighter than the what is in the invoice.

7. All curries were cooked using Alagappa's curry powder instead of Adabi. This is an act to sabotage Bumiputra businesses.

8. The lawn was not properly mowed. The grass was found to be 3cm longer than the permissible height.

9. The MB did not change his Baju Melayu every hour as is required by National protocol.

10. None of the waiters and waitresses employed could speak German, Spanish, Russian, French and Italian which would put us in bad light in the eyes of European tourists.

11. Guests were allowed to have second helpings which is a waste in current hard times.

12. Irregularities in the invoices where many 'T's were not properly crossed and 'I's not properly dotted.

In view of this serious development, we hope to be able to complete our investigations soon and a final finding would be announced on the 29th of September in Bagan Pinang, Negeri Sembilan.

This post is inspired by Bakaq - Penarik Beca's post here

18 comments:

Clifford said...

Excellent satire!

Tiger said...

Hahaha, Che Gu!
Great one!
Have a great Raya and enjoy!

Anonymous said...

che gu,

you are my man.

Selamat Hari Raya and pls jaga your good heart.

Anonymous said...

Dear Cikgu,

Selamat Adil Fitri to you and your family.

Been waiting for your write up and you did not disappoint with this latest press release.

I'm extremely pleased that MACC concluded the PKFZ is above board and our beloved ex-MB is also clean and incorruptible. All along, I was of the opinion that some "underworld" politicians were up to no good to discredit our honest, transparent and impeccable BN leaders. I urge our clean and efficient MACC to go for the kill against such undesirable "underworld" politicians who are intent to confuse and incite ill will against our fellow Malaysian brothers and sisters.

Gosh, I must be suffering from delusions and hallucinations when I wrote the para above :)

Anonymous said...

Thats a bloody kick to the groin style of writeup cikgu! astounding piece! Our capati date is on me cikgu for this magnificent satire.U RULE CIKGU NAZIR!

Singam said...

Good stuff. Hit them right where it hurts. I'm sure you didn't need any extra minutes to deliver your punch. :-)

romerz said...

Vintage stuff cikgu!!!!

I see that the MU win in the derby gave you impetus to write and write well.

Lucky for you and other supporters that the ref's watch was not working properly that day!

Kata Tak Nak said...

Clifford
Thanks pal

Kata Tak Nak said...

Tiger
Glad you enjoyed it.

Kata Tak Nak said...

anon 16:00
Thanks buddy

Kata Tak Nak said...

anon 17:20
Wo! a kick in that place? Ooo that hurts.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Singam,
Thanks. No I don't need that extra minute.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Romerz,
Thanks and actually the Big Guy up there stopped the ref's watch. This is what we call Divine Intervention.

Kata Tak Nak said...

anon:
How lucky we are to have such super clean and super effective agency.

kopitelp16 said...

You nailed it again.....and you nailed it hard!

BTW, MACC found no irregularities on the supplier of paper cups and plates? Or supplier of green packets?

Hmmm.... Pakatan's rep sure koyak for such blatant abuse of public fund..... We need the clean Toyol back ASAP!!!!!

Kata Tak Nak said...

Kopitelp,
Yeah lets demonstrate complete with cow-head. We Want Toyol, We Want Toyol

ahoo said...

We want "Toyol" back but 1 condition though, he must sell his palatial hut to us at 3.1 mil. He said its worth was only 3 mil, so we offer to buy it at 3.1 mil mah !

We can then easily sell it for around 24 to 25 mil and with tax at 28%, we still have between 17.28mil to 18 mil. Divide it between us, we can easily feed another 3 generation without any sweat. Cheers !

Anonymous said...

MACC.... AI YAH,THEY ARE LIKE LEECHES SUCKING OUR BLOOD, MAY GOD LET THEM ALL ROT IN HELL!

OUR TAXED MONIES CAN BE BETTER USED IF THESE MACC WORKS USING COMMON SENSE AND BRAINS, NOT OTHERWISE...

AND SADLY, THEY GIVE DUIT RAYA ORIGINALLY FROM OUR POCKET, NOW THATS REALLY SHITTY!!!

DONT YOU THINK SO...

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails