The goalkeeper tried pleading with the referee but he arrogantly smiled and waved him off. As the referee was about to restart the game the captain of the visitors approached him and discussed something. The referee then ran towards the linesman and after a short discussion with the linesman and the captain, they were joined by the Manager of the visiting team who curiously carried an envelope. Smiling, the referee handed the envelope to the linesman and blew his whistle while running to the home-team’s penalty box. He pointed to the box signalling that a penalty was awarded.
The home boys, crowded round the referee to enquire what was going on but he just smiled. “I am the referee; I know what I am doing. I have been refereeing for a long time and I had always been fair.”
“Do you call this fair?” the captain shouted at the referee. The referee just turned to the stands and signalled the riot squad who ran in and beat the captain up. The home team supporters were getting restless and started stomping their feet to protest the referee’s decision and all of a sudden they were rained with chemically laced water from somewhere. A reporter from a middle east tv news station was also apprehended for filming the incident. All the crowd could hear was the words 'erection, erection, erection' from a burly dark-skinned man.
Back at the field, the referee instructed that the goalkeeper be blindfolded. He was asked to turn the other side facing the back of his own goal. Both his left leg and hand were cuffed to the upright post. The captain of the visiting team smiled and placed the ball on the spot to take the kick. As the whistle blew, he ballooned the ball over the post. The referee was silent for a while. The supporters of the home team were ecstatic by what the called divine intervention but their joy was short-lived. The referee awarded a goal saying that the goalkeeper had breathed causing a turbulence that made the ball missed the target.
The visiting team was thrashed that day. They did not take it without a fight and immediately filed a complaint to the body governing the competition.
After what seemed like eternity, the governing body released a press statement.
After viewing the replay of the match in question and following the many consultations we had with various experts, namely, The Department of Civil Aviation, The DOE, Rela, PUSPANITA, The producers of Akademi Fantasia at ASTRO, The Road and Transport Department, FINAS and The association of VIP Sons-in-Law we have come to the following conclusion.
1.. The centre forward of the visiting team fell because the manager of the home team had silently wished for it to happen. We have tape recordings of the silent wish.
2. In addition to the referee’s report that the goalkeeper had breathed when the kicker of the home team was about to take the kick we also have an affidavit from a Shaman in Chad who said that he was approached by the home team to sabotage the kick.
3.As for the sending off of the captain of the home team, the referee reported that the captain actually caressed his backside and asks him ‘How much’. For this misdemeanor we have also agreed to hand the captain a life ban from playing soccer.
4. We hereby award victory to the visiting team and will only be available to hear any appeals after we get home from our paid vacation in Switzerland where we will be taking lots of pictures.
MAJULAH SUKAN UNTUK NEGARA