Sunday, 16 December 2007

I Object

Lawyer: Your honour, the defence intends to show the world that the accused is actually a victim of a vicious plot and conspiracy by certain forces in the organisation.

Judge: I object.

Lawyer: But your honour, you are a judge, you can't do that.

Judge: Don't you tell me what I can and cannot do. This is my court and I can do what I please.

Lawyer: But your honour. it is for the prosecution to object not you. And as you can see, he is busy with his mobile phone typing whatever he is typing. My god! I think he is sending messages, your honour, what is this? This total disregard for your lordship.

Judge: Lordship? Where, where.? Er, you mean me? Don't you think I can see that? That is why I am objecting on his behalf.

Lawyer: But how would you know he is going to object?

Judge: Well, let me satisfy your curiosity. Er, mister public prosecutor sir, I hope you don't mind me interrupting you, I know you are busy, but you see, the defence lawyer said that he intends to prove that his client is actually a victim of a vicious plot. So I objected, and he is not happy. I am sure you had intended to object had you not been busy?

PP: Of course I would object. How am I going to win this case if he could prove that. My bosses wouldn't be happy with me you know.

Judge: There, there, I told you what. He is sure to object what. Look I have been working with him for a very long time, I know lar if he is going to object or not.

Lawyer: But your honour, you cannot be doing his job. This is a travesty of justice.

Judge: Look here, don't use big words. Do you think I would be impressed? Go on with your opening statement. (hmm, travesty, must look that up in the dictionary)

Lawyer: Your honour..

Judge: Okay enough, Mr Public prosecutor sir, please call you witness.

PP: I don't have any .

Judge: Very good sir. After considering everything that has been said, especially the defence attorney's rudeness in questioning my integrity, I hereby instruct the defence to defend himself. Please call your witness.

Lawyer: What is this, your honour, the prosecution didn't say a word and you say there is prima facie an..

Judge: How many times have I told you not to use big words? I am warning you. (hmm prima facie)

Lawyer: This is only the preliminaries, of course my witnesses are not present.

Judge: How dare you come to my court without being prepared. What kind of a defence lawyer are you? I have no alternative but to find the accused guilty of treason. Sentencing will be set on the 22nd. I'll have to ask the prosecution what they want. No bail, no appeal and I don't want to here a word from you.

Lawyer: Your honour, would you be so kind as to grant me a minute for consultation?

Judge: Ah, that's the way. Politeness will get you very far you know. Yes, you may. How can I help you?

Lawyer: I find that your knowledge of the law is out of this world, mind boggling, where did you study law? UM, Oxford, Cambridge?

Judge: I tell you a secret, after my SPM, I did not go to any university. Through the Ketua Bahagian of my district, I was recommended to the YAMNO school of judges. The public prosecutor was my lecturer you know. He is a real good guy. He always skipped class and we had a nice time earning extra as cyber-troopers.

Lawyer: What do you think about my clients fate?

Judge: Gone case lar this fellow. I think its the gallows lar.

26 comments:

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

we should all hold the judge in contempt. ...hihi...boleh ke?

no cikgu, not gonna touch anything on tonight's game that was just ended between ManU and liv. my game's up next. could jinx it.

Kata Tak Nak said...

Kerp,
Of course I would like Chelsea to win but I think the edge is with your team so good luck.

waterlily said...

Cikgu,
Kat mahkamah mana insiden ini berlaku? Mahkamah kat M'sia ka? Detail location pls heh3 :D

monsterball said...

I object!! I thought you guys said no more football stuffs in your blog.
Had I know it is still on going...I would have told you MU sure to win la.
Now wait Arsenal.....must draw...cannot loose to keep bookies smiling to the bank....hahahahahaha
kerp!!...I am still waiting for your translation to my english to Bahasa at 'Stop Press" post.
Be a sport...give me the translation.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

over-rule, mr goh.

accoring to international bookies, arsenal are sure bet to take the crown. why shouldnt i want to believe all the games are fixed. anything for the EPL title!

cakapaje said...

Salam Cikgu,

Lol! That was real good! You should be a script writer!

But unfortunately, what you wrote may be a premonition of things to come with the appointment of that Zaki guy...sigh. More pain and hardwork for my left foot :)

Kata Tak Nak said...

Kerp,
You go on fighting with Monty.

Shah,
If that is the case then we have no alternative but to keep on fighting.

Hi&Lo said...

Sir,

Facts are stranger than fiction. Your script imitates life in Malaysian court. Who can forget Augustine Paul the judge whose famous word is 'irrelevant'?

Kata Tak Nak said...

hi&lo,
That was the whole idea. Who could forget Augustine Paul and his band of clowns.

monsterball said...

hhhmmmm..You are cock sure Arsenal will win the title.The only way you can be right...is the bookies have decided....but bookies are not that foolish right now....as you can see... both teams within one piont difference....is to catch more suckers to bet and loose....and you maybe right....provide bookies say so,....not that you know so.
As for me....the reason I keep MU as favorite is because MU is the darling team for them in English football...but since you do not gamble...haram to Muslims....what do you know what I am talking about....unless..you are a devil in disguise....a small time bookie yourself....then I am in trouble......hahahahahaha

monsterball said...

And kerp..... I am still waiting your expert translation to Bahasa..at 'Stop Press" post.
Be a sport...do it la.

Mr. Right said...

Hello...! Wei...! Liverpool belum out from the title race la...

Kata Tak Nak said...

Mr. Right,
The title race is far from over, that is plain clear for all to see. Liverpool need consistency which means Benitez should not mess around with the team too much.

monsterball said...

But the bookies with the club owners will decide what the managers to do... or not to do.
Those out of the race..not so important....bets very small...but still goes into millions per game.
As such...yes Liverpool will come within reach of the cup....when they let MU and Arsenal loose a game....than the bookies will have a field day to correct...collect...korect..collect ...ya....koret from all fools ...betting in games to get more excitements. For those non betters...like kerp...good for him...but bookies know the result already la.....so those like us who knows how bookies think.....football games not so much fun to watch....hahahahahaha
Seeing Tiger Woods play golf is more exciting...totally non coruptable and no bookies can buy him up to loose a competitions. In the future...never know....money is the root of all evils. No matter having so much....still want more and more...conning others.
Our UMNO leaders are expert to tell you how to to it...so we need to know Tiger Woods hero worship or despise people like from UMNO.
His future games will tell all.
So far no corruptions..but FOOTBALL....aiyo....plenty fixed games la....hahahahahahaha

tokasid said...

Lawyer: Yang arif.......Saya membantah perkataan Yang Arif itu.

Judge: How dare you call me Yang Afif! My name is not Ariff okay? I'm Judge AP. And don't you try to make fun of my name AP with the APs of Rafidah. As for you bantahan,its irrelevant.

Prosecutor: Correct,correct,correct yang arif! ooppsss!!! Your Honour!

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

Mr goh,

My apology, I may have missed that one. I can assure you I’m a good sport but should we really taint further on cikgu’s blog unnecessarily?

I imagine cikgu would say something like…’go ahead kerp, one for the masses…’…

Ok thanks cikgu, you said so…here we go…

Motherfucker= penjimak ibu (?).

Hahahhahaha…ok, that’s sick. I’m done.

You wanted me to believe on the bookies. Now that their bets has swung strongly towards the north London side, I sure would love to!!!!!!

sorry cikgu. blame it on monsterball!!

Kata Tak Nak said...

Kerp,
I have got no qualms about it. Its too literal la your translation. You have to be natural. What do Malays really say?

monsterball said...

Whatever it is...you are a real sport...kerp!
Don't worry...kata tak nak did say go ahead. He did give us the green light.
From this blog....I also have a bad reputation..talking 4 letter words. Blame it to blog owner...he is most filthy too.....hahahahahaha
Mother's 4 letter words...actually started by the chinese quarreling amongst each other ..."f...you mother smelly k...t".
Say that to a mild and timid chinese man....he will turn to be a wild man.
Similarly..pull the turban out from a bangali.......you better run for your live!!
Then the Malays caught up with those filthy words too..but worst of all....the Afro Americans are the filthiest people on earth.
"motherfucker" is their invention.....actually copied from the chinese...hahahahahaha
on football....may the best team win with bookies approval...and millions will loose like hell.....if Chelsea or Liverpool takes the cup. Steven Gerard calls the shots with the bookies for Liverpool...not the owner.......so easy to deal with that team.
He is the darling of the owner and team manager.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

hahaha...hey, enough already, guys. i felt sick right to the bone!

monsterball said...

Pukimak..ku.....nak mian mian eerrr?
Nanti Pak Lah tutop ini blog..baru tua siapa mak puki bertol busok.
There......kata tak nak.
Kerp.....is a gentleman clown....dare not use the right word.
Me....simply incorrigible la...hahahahaha

monsterball said...

And on the serious side...may I report bad floods all over the country and few blogs ...like Sheih and Rocky seems to report...what's happening.
Kelantan have 14 deaths out of 29 reported all over the country.
I am sure much much more.
I need not repeat all our frustrations of the government who cares more how to win votes more than saving lives...all these 50 years.
China with 1000 times more flood problems have solved it so fast..when money was available. They were so poor..now filthy rich country.
We are filthy rich all the time......yet no one cares to solve floods problems...but cheat..steal...con and send man to space...build cars and very soon...rockets and even brag of going to the moon soon too.
Look at those flood photos at kickdefella blog....and you can clearly see how corrupted our government is.
Yes...puki mak dia....always treat votes like idiots and suckers.

monsterball said...

And my old friend...Patrick Teoh use 'NAIMAH"..meaning "your mother"....and chinese filthy guys....including me and Patrick too.....will say it privately...'niamah fahai"cantonese}...means motherfucker. This expression by chinese is to show their angers and dissatisfactions...not necessary to pick a fight with anyone.
So kerp...bahasa please..that is...if mine is incorrect.

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

you've got it all correct surely. i've learned a few dirty words in cantonese and sound similar to the ones you mentioned.

monsterball said...

Come to think of it...the Chinese have the most filthy mouths on earth!!
But if one know the right meanings...they are not filthy at all.
For example..in Mandarin....'fung hi ma te pee" meaning "you mother futed"....actually telling the other guy....you are a liar and a bullshitter.
But it can mean...."you motherfucker"...if spoken by one who is real angry to the other person.
Similarly..the word "bastard" by the Aussies have two meanings.
Pak Lah should get such remarks mostly from MCA or Gerakan...but alas...both have no guts to tell him off.

monsterball said...

And finally in hokkien.."ni low boo chow chee bai"..meaning "your mother smelly cunt" is commonly said by the down to earth..not low class...I repeat...down to earth....hokkiens....for a laugh...or for a point...or want to pick a quarrel. So one needs to observe how these words are started..with a smile or with a serious face expression.
At kickdefella....talk floods and religious ceremony.
At Dr. Hsu's Forum blog.......very refine and deep thoughts discussions.
At Liz Wong....exposing all UMNO's hypocracies..without fear not favour.
At this blog...it's natural...it's fun..it sometimes dead serious....sometimes...dead stupid...sometimes make me never grow old..but one thing is sure...these few blogs bring out the best....and the 'harmless' worst of me.
Good-night kata tak nak...kerp and all.

monsterball said...

It looks like...after the religious celebrations on Hari Raya Haji maybe possible to get kerp talk cock and bull again.
Meanwhile..Liverpool is gone case...and bookies have made it loud and clear..Arsenal....MU...Chelsea...pick your team....they will get the feedbacks and hentam all betters...hahahahaha
Seriuosly speaking..international bookies do have a room ...like war is on...with sophisticated computers and smart assistants constantly monitoring each important game....and high betters do go into bets on every 15 minutes by the thousands RM..to get maximum kicks out Of it......at very private places..with beautiful sexy girls serving them anything and everything...to keep them happy...no complaints after loosing a bundle....as those girls will make sure...loosers are happy too...to come back over and ove5r again.
But the real market bookies are focusing now ....are the many thousand millions of crazy Chinese gamblers from China. That's why few teams ...it is a must to have at least one Asian player in their teams now.
Manchester City is a great team for bookies now..especially with an Asian owner like Thaksin...a natural brave gamble too...who seldom looses.

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