But your honour ....

Judge: After going through all the arguments both by the defence and the prosecutor and considering the police report about the alcohol level in you on that night which was amply collaborated by the evidence given by the bartenders on that night, I find that the prosecution has proved beyond any doubt at all that you were guilty of reckless driving driving that resulted in the death of 5 innocent people.

Accused: But your honour, how could you disregard my line of defence which was totally plausible?

Judge: Plausible my foot? Just because there were marks around their necks doesn't prove your tall theory that they stood in circles and strangle each other. I have not heard a more stupid line of defence in my life.

Accused: But your honour no one said anything when that certain lawyer said that a certain deceased strangled himself?

Judge: Which idiot said that?

Accused: I can show you the video.

Judge: I don't have time for such nonsense and stupidity. I hereby sentence you to 5 years imprisonment and fine you RM20K or another 2 years.

Accused: Your honour, I know you are a kind and understanding man. In the spirit shown by a certain government, could I do my sentence in instalment?

Solved

Macai: Boss, last night my neighbour came to me to ask for help.

Boss: Help la.

Macai: Susah la boss, his daughter got expelled from school for being pregnant. She is only in form 3. In fact, 5 of her friends also suffer the same fate.

Boss: Oh like that ka. Okay no problem, we will open a state sponsored school for pregnant teenagers. Tell your friend to wait a while, a few months tops.

Macai2: Boss my friend's son also got expelled.

Boss: He can't be pregnant right?

Macai2: No boss, he is gay. He was caught for giving his friend a head in the toilet.

Boss: Hmm! Never mind, we will start a state sponsored school for gay teenagers. Ask your friend to wait a while.

Macai3: Boss, 1 state director's wife was caught red handed making out with her driver at the Farmosa. Her husband is fuming boss.

Boss: Never mind, we will start a school for wayward Datins.

Macai4: Boss an EXCO kena tangkap basah boss. Do you want to start a school for horny EXCOs boss?

Boss: No, make them teachers in the school for wayward Datins.

Next!

PP: Good morning Tun, how are you today. ....... er, Tun, how are you this morning?

Tun: What? Are you talking to me?

PP: Yes, Tun.

Tun: I am MM, why do you call me Ton. That is short for Zaiton, or Halimaton right? Can't you see that I am a man?

PP: No, I mean Tun as in T-U-N.

Tun: Oh, that, when was I conferred a Tunship?

PP: Okay, never mind Tun. Could you please look at the accuse. Do you recognise him?

Tun: What that chinaman there? Who is he? Why do you call me for apanama unimportant things?

PP: But Tun, don't tell me you don't know him, he was a senior member of your cabinet for a long time.

Tun: You talk as if I was a apanama PM before. Funny la you.

PP: Don't you remember Tun LLS?

Tun: What? Ah Ling ah? Hmm looks like him but I can't remember la.

PP: Tun, please cooperate with the court, do you remember him?

Tun: I don't know la, I can't remember. But if I did, why?

PP: Did he tell you and your cabinet the price of a certain package of land in the PKFZ project?

Tun: Land? What land? What is PKFZ? What are you talking about? Please don't waste my time. I have a meeting with the PERKESO boss, he wants to give me the title Hang Madet. This title is apanama better than a Tunship. It's only given to pure unadulterated Malays. With this title I can wear a tengkolok and keris wherever I go.

PP: PERKESO? What has PERKESO got to do with confering a Hang award? Maybe you mean PERKASA?

Tun: Aaah, whatever la, I really want to be Hang la. Anyway, apanama why ask me, ask Anwar la?

PP: But Anwar has nothing to do with this. He was already out of the cabinet at that time. Please Tun, please cooperate.

Tun: Yes, I know but really I can't remember that apek. He looks like an apek jual rojak only.

PP: Your honour, please instruct the witness to cooperate.

Judge: Wait a minute. Do you mean the crime was committed during the time of the Tun as PM?

PP: Yes, your honour.

Judge: Then I have no alternative but to dismiss the witness. The defendent can go and case dismissed.

PP: But your honour, the state has spent a lot of time and money to get the accused to trial. At least tell us why?

Judge: I am a judge in Malaysia. My boss is the CJ. I am only doing what the CJ recommends. Please read this.

        Tan Sri Azmi, the Chief Justice of malaysia said that the so-called 'Lingam tape scandal' is already an issue
        of the past and that the video which caught a senior lawyer trying to 'broker' an appointment of senior
        judges should no longer be deliberated and discussed by the current judiciary because it is more important
        to look forward than to look back

PP: But a crime is a crime. no matter when it was committed.

Judge: Enough la, this one old story la. Let it rest.