Wednesday, 31 December 2008

Serve me right.

I wrote this in cakappenang but I think it is worth repeating it in this blog. I have long been fed up of the laptop issued by the ministry. Its performance is way below optimum despite the number of times it was sent servicing. After each service there was no notable difference at all.

Fed up, I decided to get myself my own laptop. After looking at a few specs, I decided on an Acer with AMD processor. With the extra ram and bluetooth installed it costs just a little over 2K, a downliner you may add.

Yesterday, the laptop was supposed to be ready. I opted not to take the bag that comes with it in exchange for an access point. No it was not a 1 to 1 trade. I had to top up a bit. Since my laptop would not come with a bag, I went to Campbell street to get me a cheap backpack.

Backpacks are more handy with more storage. Don't go thinking that I wanted the backpack because it was the trendy thing to do. Anway it cost me only 55 MYR.

Last night the guy from the shop said that my laptop would be ready at 9 and so at around 9.05 I was at his shop which was also a cybercafe. The access point was not yet configurated so I waited. After sometime both my wife and I were fed up of waiting so we left for dinner.

I took the backpack with me but my wife advised me against it but I took it along anyway because it could be stolen by those who came to surf.

We went to MacD at Sungai 2 near USM. After helping myself to a quarterpounder and mywife a prosperity burger we left. As I approached my car, I saw the cabin light on and the signals blinking but no alaem. I thought that I could have left the door slightly ajar. When I reached the car, sure enough the door on my side was not tightly shut. I got in thinking that nothing was amiss.

Then my wife asked me where I put the backpack. I turned to the passenger seat and realised that someone had broken into my car and stole the backpack. If I had taken the laptop along and chose to take the access point today then that would be the end of the laptop.

Upon further investigation, I saw the window lock of the driver's door jammed inwards. So I did not only lose a stupid 55 ringgit backpack but would also have to spend I don't know how much to get the locks replaced.

I bought another backpack at another shop. The cheapest the had was 88 MYR. Thats more money down the drain.

Serve me right. Sometimes we must not try to be too clever. Its good to listen to logical advise.

Tuesday, 30 December 2008

Congratulations Datuk Aravindan.

Some may still remember about the JACHFRINS group that I dwelled upon a few months back, well one of the members is now officially a DATUK or to be precise a TATA.

Aravindan just sent me a message about 3 minutes ago saying that his daughter has just given birth to a baby girl, and a cute one I am sure considering the TATA is quite a looker himself, and to tell the truth I envy him.

He is only 51 going to 52 and is already a TATA. He told me that actually Imbaraj the 'I' in JACHFRINS is the 1st to be conferred the title TATA Sri.

To both these friends of mine, I am very happy for you two and pray that I join the club soon, not so much for the title of DATUK or in my clan it would be DADA, but more of holding a beautiful, helpless and innocent baby in my arms knowing that some of me is in it.

I got up feeling a little bit heavy in the head, could be the pressure but this piece of news has perked me up abit.

Who says one has to suck up to politicians to be a Datuk? Anyway congratulations DATUK ARAVINDAN.

Wednesday, 24 December 2008

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays

To all Malaysian Christians, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Now you drive home carefully ya hear. Its better to celebrate a day late at home than to celebrate early in the morgue.

Cheers to you all


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Tuesday, 23 December 2008

I thought we have a lot of money?

I was reading MalaysianInsider about how EPF is 'going to help the government' by buying a few parcels of the choicest and juiciest parcels of land in KL when suddenly in this hot and humid afternoon, a biting cold wind pierced through my sides straight through the liver and cocooned my heart in extreme frost causing me to drop from my chair in spasmodic shiver. I was writhing with Shaberic froth, pupils dilating and teeth tightly biting my tongue until a piece fell off.

In between picking up the bitten piece and wiping the blood that drained from my wounded tongue, I suddenlly had a vision. No it was not 2020, coz 2020 is bullshit coined by a bullshitter, the vision I had was one of chaos and mayhem. I wondered why should I fear chaos and mayhem for is not Malaysia the embodiment of both these devils?

Then it hit me, no, chaos and mayhem did not hit me, if they did then I would have used, 'they hit me' but I used 'it hit me' so don't interfere while I am telling a story or my story will short-circuit and I end up describing Mugabes's balls.

So where was I? Oh, yes, it hit me that I had just lost my chance of ever buying those parcels of land from the savings I made from the drop in petrol prices. Why do I say that I have lost the chance op ever acquiring those few sexy parcels of land? Simple, even Samy Velu could answer it, so don't ask questions lest you be accused of being stupider than him and I tell you that is really cruel. Don't snatch that title away from kayveas.

Anyway, back to the story, now that those naked parcels are being carresed by EPF, it would not take long before they would be completely stripped naked by some filthy sarkas hands and their amceeei buddies.

Okay let's be realistic about it. How many times has these kinds of deals happened before? Yes, you are right, plenty of time. Yes, the government made billions from these sales which were carried out with OUR money. Please remember, it was OUR money that changed hands.

Then what happened to all those deals. What ever orgasmic properties involved in those deals eventually fell into private hands at below market rates. Oh common don't tell me you can't see it.

Has there ever been a case where these groin stimulating properties falling into a non-highly-connected hand? I have tried looking back right up to Parameswara's time and no, no such thing has ever happened.

So this favour that EPF is doing to the government by giving them billions of OUR money would eventually be making some very highly connected people billions still.

What do we get? I love this government, they sure do know how to turn the economic downturn into money spinners, for them, that is.

Just a thought, once all the land that they owned has been sold, what would they sell off next? Hmm, The Klang and Gombak River?

Friday, 19 December 2008

Affordable la.

Read this first.

Patient: Before I go, I would like to thank you so much for saving my life doctor. I am so proud being a Malaysian. We have everything here and they are affordable.

Doc: Glad that you are feeling better and well on your way to full recovery. Please, for the 1st month, don't exert yourself and lay off sex completely. You will have plenty of time for that later on because we have extended your life by another 20 years.

Patient: What no sex ka? Light-light one also cannot ah?

Doc: That new heart of yours was once a monk's so it was was never used to strenuous pumping. No lar, we must wait for all the wounds to recover completely then you can do it as often as you want lar.

Patient: I was joking only lar doc, at my age, if I can get it up once a month also can consider an achievement already. I am just glad to be given a new lease of life.

Doc: Okay Mr. Osman, I have other patients to see. The nurse will bring you your bill, settle them and you would be given your discharge papers.

Patient: Er, er what do you mean settle my bills. I paid the full amount when I was warded what? Exactly as the price list prepared by the government.

Doc: Yes, you have paid for the surgery, operation theatre, scanning and x-rays, room and drugs but there are incidentals, small amounts here and there, thats all.

Patient: Oh, incidentals ka? Okay, okay.

Nurse: Mr. Osman, your bill sir.

Patient: WHAT!!!!!!!! 20 thousand

TV on/off switch: RM25 per click x 50 clicks = RM1250
Change Channels: RM10 x 150 changes = RM1500
Visitors: RM20 x 35 = RM700
Baths: RM35 x 20 = RM700
WIFI : RM250 per day x 10 days = RM2500 (charged whether used or not)
Handphone Charger: RM150 per day x 10 days = RM1500 (charged whether used or not)
Patient Parking: RM100 per day x RM10 days = RM1000 (charged whether used or not)
Wheel Chair service: RM500
Elevator Rental: RM500
Soaps and Shampoo: RM500
Toothpicks: RM300
Laundry: RM500
Nurse Visits: RM50 per call x 100 calls = RM5000
Ushering Services: RM350
Sub Total: RM15900
5% Service Tax = RM795
10% Hospitality Tax = RM1590
10% Tips = 1590
Grand Total=RM19850
Round Up = RM20000

*No queries would be entertained. To be paid within 8 hours thereafter a charge of 8% would be imposed every 8 hours. Should patient die after reading this RM15000 would be charged as handling charges to be paid by next of kin. Should there be no beneficiary, the MOF would bear all costs including RM10000 postal charges.

Thank You.

Thursday, 18 December 2008

PARANOIA

Boy1: Woi, woi look at that achi there?

Boy2: Which one? Got so many what there.

Boy1: That one la, on the left. Wah! cun la.

Boy3: Eh, true la, really cun one. I have not seen her before, she's new here ka?

Boy4: She's from Sabah, just transferred yesterday.

Boy5: How you know? Woit becareful, car coming.

Boy4. Thanks, if not the car langgaq me already la. She's in my class la.

Boy6: Woi, woi, go to the side la, police coming.

Police: Stop, stop, to the side.

Boy1: Okay tuan, sorry tuan.

Police: What are you boys doing?

Boy3: We all going to school tuan.

Police: Which school?

Boy4: The one at the end there tuan.

Police: Why don't you take school bus?

Boy2: Our parents want to save money tuan and anyway our house not so far away tuan.

Police: What proof do you have that you are school boys?

Boy5: This is our school badge tuan and we are in school uniform, look inside our bags tuan, got school books tuan. No cigarrete tuan. Got lighter only.

Police: Anyone also can do that. I need concrete proof.

Boy1: What proof somemore tuan?

Police: I am calling for the police truck to take you in. Headquarters, headquarters, come in. I have six suspects here. Please send in the truck to take them to HQ.

Boy2: Tuan, what have we done tuan. Please tuan we did not do anything wrong, we were just talking about that girl, we don't know its wrong to talk about girls tuan. Please tuan, I promise I won't talk about girls anymore tuan.

Police: I am taking you in for riding bicycles in a convoy. I am sure you are JERIT people.

Wednesday, 17 December 2008

Bush Shoed

Do you think he deserves this? I don't know about you but I really think he deserves this and more. The scum. Is there any wonder that acts of terrorism increases dramatically during this man's reign?

I am not saying I agree with acts of terrorism but the terrorists do not risk their own lives and limbs just for the kick of it.

If there is one single person whom I think is responsible, then he wins hands down.

video

Tuesday, 16 December 2008

My New BM Blog

Cakap Penang

Some readers may have remembered that I once had another blog in BM called NakTakNak. Due to time constrain and laziness, I did not update that blog often enough and finally allowed it to die a natural death. In the end I deleted that particular blog, I think I did so, but whatever it is that blog is history.

Of late I have been itching to start a new blog, much in the same format as the old one, that is purely in Bahasa Malaysia but this time I would like to write primarily in Penang Malay.

Why Penang dialect? Go over and you will find out why. Anyway it's contents would be almost the same except that it is written purely in Malay but knowing me, there would be a lot of code-switching because I write in the way and medium that I am comfortable with so if by mixing Malay and English I feel comfortable, so be it. I really don't care what purists are going to say because they don't put food on my table. To hell with them.

I hope to be able to keep this blog up for as long as possible and not allow it to die a premature death due to extreme neglect.

I am now inviting readers to the blog and have a look see. If you think there is promise, you are invited to link to it but if you think its not your cup of tea then just give it a miss.

Oh anyway, the link to the blog is right on the first line of this post.

Monday, 15 December 2008

Chini oh Chini

KUANTAN: The Pahang Government is seeking help from the Federal Government to revive Tasik Chini which is dying a slow death.

Tasik Chini, the country’s second largest freshwater lake, used to
attract scores of visitors during its lotus blooming season every year
but it is dying due to a number of factors including illegal mining,
logging and pollution which had adversely affected the entire
eco-system.

Both of the quotes above are taken from TheStarOnline so don't go saying that I made them up. I wonder how the Pahang people went about asking for the help that they wanted.


The following, now this one is made up, could be the scenario.

Pah: I say man, DS, its been quite a while since you last holidayed in Pahang la. I think you should do it la so that we could publicise it and give tourism a boost.

Fed: Wah, Nan, you are not as stupid as you look ah? Once in a very-very long while you do come out with a good idea la.

Pah: No la, the idea came from my driver la, oops, no, no, I was talking with my driver on the way to Chini when suddenly I got this flash of brilliance la, hahahaha.

Fed: Are you sure, it was not you driver's idea because knowing you, I know you are incapable of thinking beyond tomorrow?

Pah: Hahahaha, DS you pandai joke ah?

Fed: Okay, which area do you suggest that I go for my vacation? Genting? Camerons?

Pah: No, la, Genting don't need any help and Camerons is a lost cause la, I am thinking about somewhere in the interior la, not fully exploited la.

Fed: Where? Jengka ka? What tourism can do there? Kelapa Sawit Tourism ka?

Pah: Hahahahaha, you are really good at joking la. No la, maybe some place with water, where people can relax, you know la, like a lake or something.

Fed: Lake ka? You got lake ka there?

Pah: Hmm, let me think. Aaah! Tasik Chini, the second largest lake is a good place.

Fed: Ha, that sounds like a good idea. Got crocodile or not there?

Pah: Since JJ has gone out to KL, the number of dangerous crocodiles is now zero.

Fed: hahahaha, you also clever to joke ah? Now cigar bars in KL are being targetted by dangerous crocodiles, hahahahahaha. Good idea la. When can I go?

Pah: When ka? Let me see ...... Alamak, DS, got problem a bit la.

Fed: Problem? What problem?

Pah: The lake is not in good health la. I don't know la who go and mine there and then got illegal logging somemore so the lake is getting a bit polluted la er, but but still can salvage la.

Fed: Can salvage ka? Then do it la.

Pah: We want to do it, swear I tell you but it is quite costly la. You can help a bit ka?

Fed: How much?

Pah: Not much la, about 3 billion only.

Fed: What!!!! 3 billion? What you all want to do? Build A Taj Mahal there ka?

Pah: Like this DS, about 1000 hektars of land has been illigally logged so we have to replant. To replant we have to cut down another 1000 hektars to allow people to go there. That cost money.

Fed: The extra 1000 hektars you all want to clear, what do you want to do with the timber?

Pah: That one you don't worry la, my son has graciously agreed to help to dispose the timber. He said he would charge only a nominal sum for the job.

Fed: Waa, pandai ah! He wants to charge for disposal, and then he makes money from the timber, 1000 hektars is quite a lot of timber la.

Pah: No la DS, the timber there lousy quality one, cannot sell one.

Fed: Are you sure? What trees?

Pah: Er, er, I also don't know la, but lousy quality one.

Fed: About the mining, what are you going to do?

Pah: Yes la, those people are illegal miners. We intend to arrest them and put them under ISA then my other son would set up a legal company to mine legally and for that I hope the federal government can give him inerest free loans to buy some machines, pumps and lorries.

Fed: How much?

Pah: Not much la, about 1 billion only.

Fed: You have very good sons la. So willing to help one. I think my son and son-in-law are also willing to help la.

Pah: No need, no need, why trouble them, they are so busy as it is right now, let my sons handle all these.

Fed: I think if my son and SIL cannot help, then the Federal Government also cannot help la.

Pah: Who said they cannot help, I said I don't want to trouble them but since they insist I am sure we could find a solution. Maybe your sons could handle the transportation of workers.

Fed: I was thinking more of my sons handle the disposal of useless timber while you sons handle the supply of labour and transport.

Pah: Like this la, we handle everything together, what say you?

Saturday, 13 December 2008

Light & Easy

Got this in the mail this morning. I am sure if I could get this so could many others but anyway to those who did not get this, it should be a good weekend read. Have a nice weekend and take it easy on all those kenduris.

SIXTEEN THINGS THAT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN:

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved,
and never will achieve, its full potential that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share
yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we
observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think
she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal
about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion,
economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that
we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person.

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A
large group of professionals built the Titanic.

16. Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the
crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY :

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them !!

Friday, 12 December 2008

Kayu.

I want to write about football today. Yes, football or to be precise, good football is a passion of mine as I suspect it is to many other Malaysians.

No, I am not going to talk about the biggies of football though I may touch on them. I am going to write about a certain sickness afflicting Malaysian football with reference to the Suzuki Cup or whatever cup it is.

Being 52, I was not exposed to the football of Ghani Minhat and those of his peers but since they are very highly regarded, I am sure football fans during their times got hard ons after hard ons culminating in multiple orgasms watching them play.

I am more familiar with the football of the Mokhtar Dahari, Soh Chin Aun, Santokh Singh era. These people are true footballers with skill spilling over to the crowd.

Who could forget the agility and sharpness of Chow Chee Keong, Wong Kam Fook and R. Arumugam in goal? In them we had so many safe hands to manage the post that freed the defenders to venture upfield confidently.

The stone fortress of Soh Chin Aun and Santokh Singh once dubbed the best centrebacks in Asia aided by Namat Abdullah was awe inspiring. We don't let in that many goals in a year as we do in a game now.

In Wong Choon Wah, Shukor Salleh and to a certain extend Wan Zawawi and that young boy who came later on, Azizul Abu Hanifah, we had midfielders not only with skills but also with vision to match.

Then we had the legendary Mokhtar Dahari, Shaharudin Abdullah, Syed Ahmad and even James Wong.

It wasn't any wonder that we qualified for the Olympics twice. Those people mentioned played with their hearts, soul and passion.

Frank Lord took Zainal Abidin Hassan from defence to the forward line and we had a lethal striker something which we can't do now because our present players do not know how to play in their present position what more a different one.

The choice of that present coach who would not admit that he has not in him the qualities to be a anational team coach only makes things worse. I still remember when he said we did not qualify because we lost to Vietnam.

Okay, that is fair, but does that mean that we knew all along that we could not beat Thailand? Anyway why did we lose to Vietnam in the first place? Did that idiot coach really pick the best players Malaysia has to offer?

The problem with us is favouritism and interference. Only privilaged players get chosen when Malaysia has many jewels ignored. These jewels are not hidden, they are there for the picking but they serve certain people in FAM no purpose and therefore excluded.

The reserve keeper Malaysia fielded in the match against Thailand wasn't even a regular keeper for his club team but the FAM people saw it fit to take him along for the ride. The way he fumbled makes my balls want to hide in shame. Why was he picked? Is it because of connections? Look we don't have foreign keepers so all the keeprs playing in our league are locals and I am sure that are safer pairs of hands than his.

We struggled to beat Laos. In the warm up matches we were trounced by Myanmar. Lets learn from teams like this. Leave Singapore aside because they are a bunch of mercenaries but at least the few local players they fielded are real good players. At least they have good goalkeepers.

Do we know what ails Malaysian football? Yes, we do. If that is the case why nothing is being done about it? Like everything else in Malaysia, football is also part of the political equation so I don't think I would be able to be proud of a Malaysian football team anymore. I hope my Children or theirs would one day be touched by a Malaysian team as much as I was in the times of those great players mentioned earlier.

Thursday, 11 December 2008

Bills, Bills.

We hope to reduce the negative perception on these two institutions
among the people and investors as much as we can, and it will be
reduced
".

The above quote is taken from The Star online, reporting the PM's comments on the tabling of 2 bills: the Anti-Corruption Commission Bill and the Judicial Ap­­pointments Commission Bill in Parliament yesterday.

When he said "we hope to reduce the negative perception on these two institutions", he is admitting that there are negative perceptions. My question is when did he realise that there are negative perceptions?

Did he only realise this after the March elections; did he only realise this once he knows that he has overstayed his welcome; did he realise this when he assumed his premiership of the country or he had all along known that these two institutions have been suffering from acute negative perceptionitis or whatever 'itis'?

Why is it that he did not initiate these changes much earlier like the first year he became PM? Why wait till the eleventh hour or is it eleventh hour fifty ninth minute?

I do not want to go deeper into this because it sickens me. Yes, I am sick because I know, knowing the BN, that somehow the wordings of whatever would be tabled would leave loopholes for the authorities to get their dirty paws to manipulate things so I would just touch on a few quotes from The Star.

Just have a look at this:

"Asked on the strengths of the Anti-Corruption Commission compared to
the ACA, Abdullah replied that it would act as an advisory board, whose
committee members would also comprise MPs
".

Who would the MPs be? Any provision for equal number of government and opposition MPs? If yes, is it clearly spelt so that there would not be any abuse later on?

The coup de grace; the pièce de résistance; the Saiful's sumpah keramat is this:

The A-G can step in only if there is a problem,. But this doesn’t mean that he will always do so,” he added".

With this, he had, even before the bill is passed, relegated the bill to trash. What is there to stop the AG to declare that there is a problem and therefore warrants his meddling? Who the hell would be responsible to elect the AG? Would it be The Agong on the advise of Parliament with two thirds voice? Would it only be the Parliment with two thirds support? Would it be the Parliament with simple majority or would it be the PM alone?

There are just too many questions to be answered. This two bills, to me, is just changing fresh underwears but the rotting maggot infested dick the underwear is supposed to cover is the same puss oozing one.

Wednesday, 10 December 2008

Greed

I wonder which comes first, riches or power? Those already with money would eventually use money to seek power while those blinded with ambitions for power would first have to get down and dirty to get money with which to buy power.

Then again there are those with money but could not get the power they wanted simply because they seek shade under the wrong tree. What ever it is, the main ingredient here is GREED.

It is actually greed that got this country in the kind of mess it is in now. It is greed that is the main cause for the ground shift that caused the fatal landslide that perished  a few and disrupted the lives of so many recently.

Yes, they all tried so very hard to blame sudden movements in the ground for the killer slide without wanting to say why the ground moved.

The ground does not actually have a mind of its own. It did not suddenly, out of boredom, decide to do a few push ups. If left alone to its device, the ground would, like yours truly, prefer to just laze around doing nothing and as Hazlit implied in his essay, 'On Doing Nothing', if you just sit down doing nothing then nothing will happen.

I heard on tv how in just 2 days after the disaster the authorities could come out with a quick explanation on what caused the landslide. I had also waited and waited for them to say why the ground had moved but it was not forthcoming.

A certain Mr. Tempe, the previous CEO of the land where the slide happened chose to point out on some imaginary incompetency by the present government of the state in handling the situation. I wonder how he must have been ruing the missed opportunity of making shit turn to gold.

I mean if he were still CEO, he would somehow find the opportunity to make this disaster turn into a money spinner for him. Who cares, those who have died, have died, so let it be but those who are alive should find ways to profit from this like how to make millions in giving emergency supplies and millions more by providing services they got free from the army and other institutions.

Of course he did not touch on why the ground moved. What made the ground situation there so volatile that with some rain, it loosens up terribly and just gives way.

I was thinking to myself what the reaction would have been if this were to happen in Kelantan, a land ruled by the opposition for so long. They would have pounced on the opportunity to blame the government's handling of development. They would spare no time in accusing that greed and corruption were the main cause.

Since this happened just a few months after the opposition wrested control of the land they couldn't possibly blame it so they did the next best thing, blame their handling of the situation.

Then they will pay some idiotic machais to shout and scream blaming the PR government and the tvs and papers would make a circus out of this and the real important matter of what contributed to the ground movement would be lost in chaos.

These once very powerful warlords, whose greed knows no bounds, are the ones to blame. Their insensitivity to what would happen when hillslopes are abused; their relentless quests to make money to remain in power and their continous abuse of authority without the slightest regard for lives, is the main cause. Don't blame nature and don't blame God.

Yes, it is now the blame game and blame we must for if we don't then no one will learn anything from this sad episode.

Let not the lesson that we could learn from this be lost in the ensuing mudslinging. Lets get the culprits, high up warlords or low down machais, and give them what they deserved.

We would have thought that the lost of lives in the Highland Towers tragedy would be a lesson to avoid anymore Highland Towers buy sadly, no amount of tragedies could get in the way of greed, money and power.

Tuesday, 9 December 2008

Cellotua

For those who are interested in the Arts, here's a blog belonging to a friend of mine who is very-very talented. If you remember well, he did have a blog once which I linked to but the blog went kaput and he has been silent for quite a while. I saw my mail today and there was a message from him announcing the setting up of his new blog cellotua.

Do give him a visit, especially those interested in printing, cello, designs, vespa and volkswagon.

Monday, 8 December 2008

Kerpov's Tag

Okay, I know, I know, Kerp would have thought that I had chickened out of this tag game. Well sorry to disappoint you you, I am here. Sorry for being a wee bit late but ah what the 'f' man.

Okay the tag goes like this.

1. Do you think you are hot?

Warm-warm fingernail (suam-suam kuku) about 36.1 to 37.8 Celcius.

2. Upload a favourite picture of you.

3. Why do you like the picture?

This is a picture of me and my 1G boys. There are many more of them but I don't have any with all of them. They are a real bundle of energetic terrorists. They terrorise their teachers but they, or most of them, are not actually hoodlums, far from it. They are innocent children who never thought that what they have done is wrong. They are far from shy but sadly quite a number in that class can't read and write.

4. When was the last time you had pizza?

Hmm, let me see about 2 weeks ago. In fact we had pizza delivered 2 nights in a row. I love the pineapples on these pizzas but those bastards are very stingy with them.

5. The last song you listened to.

Just 2 hours ago I transferred Black Dog by Led Zed to my new phone. Nothing special, just a W910i but it is fantastic as a walkman.

6. What are you doing right now?

What else, besides watching Om Shanti Om, I am also typing this entry lest Kerpov would call me a chicken.

7. What name would you prefer to be called besides yours?

Hmm, I love my name so no, I would not want to be called by any other but to those close to me they always call me AJIT and I am very comfortable with it.

Okay, job done and no, I am not passing this over to anyone else.

Saturday, 6 December 2008

Appeals.

Director: Okay read me the 1st appeal.

Officer: This appeal is from Miss Jane. She said her brother died a few days after coming home from his PLKN. She believes that his death is related to the PLKN training he went through

Director: Oh, you mean that case? Do we have the medical report of her brother's death?

Officer: The hospital has not released the report sir.

Director: Good, if they release we all sure kena from the oppositions.

Officer: So, how tuan? Want to approve ka?

Director: You write a letter stating that we sympathise with her but rules are rules, but anyway on humanitarian grounds, we would offer her a 3 year deferment. Next?

Officer: This is an appeal from a Muthupalaniapan. It states here that he is blind and his wife is paralysed. He has no pension. Raj is his eldest son and is working to feed the family. His other children are schooling.

Director: Does the press know about this appeal?

Officer: No, I have not read anything about this.

Director: Tell him that on humanitarian grounds we have decided to give a deferment of 1 year. In the meantime, the department hopes that Mr. Muthu would work hard to get his sight back and his wife should stop being paralysed. Next.

Officer: This is from En. Halim. He said that his son Johari suffered serious incapacitating injuries in a road accident. He is now deaf and blind and lost the use of one hand and had is left leg amputated. Here's the medical report sir.

Director: Tell him that the department understands his concern but the country comes first. Anyway, the programme could help to toughen his son up and not grow into a blind sissy. As long as the kid is still breathing, there will be no exception. Reject. Next.

Officer: I think this one also we reject la sir.

Director: Whats the case?

Officer: This is from Tan Sri Jay. He says that his daughter always gets rashes when it is hot and she is addicted to the series CSI Miami. She loves Horatio and couldn't wait to know if he actually died in last season's cliffhanger. She also has 3 kittens totally dependant on her for love and affection.

Director: Ayo, pity la that girl. Just imagine the depression she'd be in knowing she can't find out what happened to Horatio. Er, er, you think Horatio really died ka?

Officer: Surely die one la sir. Got so much blood some more.

Director: Where can like that? If he died, than Miami just would not be fun anymore la. I think this one is a trick only la.

Officer: Yes la sir. If no Horatio, I don't want to watch that series anymore la.

Director: Hmm, she got kittens also ah? She also gets rashes when it is hot? Kesian la if we put that girl through this ordeal. Okay approve this appeal. Next.

Officer: This is from the Minister of .....

Director: Approve.

Thursday, 4 December 2008

Doctor doctor, what are you doing?

Doc who grabbed nurse faces arrest

The above is taken from TheStar.

Stupid doctor, who does he think he is? A politician? Bodoh punya orang. Hey doc, let me give you a few tips on how to go about your amorous ways.

First, please tell me, do you belong to a political party? You don't? You do not belong to a political party and you want to grab some nurse's backside? How do you get to be a doctor anyway? I thought doctors are those people who get straight As in their exams; people with brains.

Okay, here's the deal. Go be a member of a political party. Oh, before you do, use your brains please for once in your sick life, join a ruling party. You get into the opposition's bandwagon and they are gonna say you actually stuck your finger, no, make it 3 fingers up her shithole.

Uh, uh, that's not all, not by a long shot. Ordinary members are just a little better than opposition party members. Sell your father's house, your mother's jeweleries; borrow from your relatives, friends and take as many bank loans as possible to buy yourself up the division ladder; hold on tightly to the balls of some very influential party leaders, a minister would be nice, and then, only then can you actually go and stick your whole fist up that nurse's shithole and get away with it.

In fact doc, if she made a report, its she who will be hauled up for defamation. Depending on how high your position is, she could get herself ISAed for making that report.

As for now, since you are not a big shot member of that party, I have a few alternatives for you. You choose.

You could go see the nurse and pay her 5 years salary and beg her to retract her report.

You could fight the case with the help of the korek korek korek fella.

Run away to Zimbabwe and be a timber salesman coz I know of a person who was fond of shipping timber to his friend there.

But my advice would be to cut that shit horny dick of yours and feed it to the dogs. What would you feel if some idiot doctor groped your sister or your wife? You dickhead.

Wednesday, 3 December 2008

Papa's boy.

Candidate: There shouldn't be any vernacular schools. All must be national schools, period. Teach everything in Bahasa Malaysia accept of course mother tongue subjects laa, ha, right or not. I mean how can't you teach Chinese and Tamil in BM, right or not? hahahahahahaha. You see they all also laughing at my joke, why aren't you laughing? Laugh la, laugh. If you don't laugh I tell my father, hahahahahaha. Hoi you all over there laugh la, I am joking la.

Machais: What Datuk, you are joking ka? I thought you serious, oi, laugh la, Datuk joking. Hahahahahahahahahaha.

Journo: But, but Datuk, when your father was in power for centuries, why didn't he do it, why now his son is asking for it?

Candidate: At that time cannot. You gila ka? If he had demanded that, in 1999 we all bungkus already. Now can la.

Journo: Yes la, Datuk, why now can? Whats the difference?

Candidate: The difference is that at that time I wasn't going for the post, now I am. Hahahahahaha, you see, so simple one. I am clever like my father no?

Journo: You said all other subjects should be taught in BM, what about Science and Maths Datuk? Teach in BM also ka? What would your father say?

Candidate: Maths and Science are very important subjects, especilally in this day and age. Everyone must be good at Maths and Science. The government should provide teachers with 3 laptops each to teach these subjects. Don't worry, we have the suppliers.

Journo: Yes, thats good Datuk but in what medium should they be taught? English or BM?

Candidate: I say, why worry about small matter like that one. We have bigger issues to talk about. That is why we are not progressing as rapidlly as we should because we like to look at small matters. I mean we should talk about building science labs at every bus station and public toilets where people could go in and conduct experiments. Don't worry we have the contractors and suppliers for it. We have Petronas and EPF to finance.

Journo: No, la Datuk, just out of curiosity, just now you said teach all subjects in BM accept mother tongue languages, so what about Maths and Science?

Candidate: See, see, touching on trivial matters again. Do you know that in Palestine, thousands are being slaughtered? Do you know that Mugabe is actually a philantropist? Do you know that Mars at one time could have living organisms? Do you know that Hang Tuah actually did not circumsise until he was 32 and that he did it because Puteri Gunung Ledang called him Kulup? These are the things we should talk about not about small matters.

Journo: So, you are not going to answer the question Datuk?

Candidate: No, ask me about more important matters.

Journo: Do you think the Chinese and Indians would take to this idea?

Candidate: Why shouldn't they? This is Malay land, that is why it is called Malaysia not Chinasia or Tamilsia? Hahahahahahaha, terror or or not I joke. Oi, machais, laugh la, I just cracked a good one.

Machais: Hahahahahahahahahaha.

Candidate: They must accept this. I think I would also like to propose citizenship rentals.

Journo: What? Whats that?

Candidate: We privatise the citizenship status of all citizens in this country but of course the Malays would be given a discount la. If you don't pay your citizenship rental, you leave the country. Don't worry we have the companies to handle this.

Monday, 1 December 2008

At 52, could there be anything new?

At a little over half century years old I wonder if there could possibly be anything new in life. I mean you have gone through life. As usual, for the common man there are some ups followed by many many downs, then downs and more downs and finally death.

Of course certain things could qualify as earth-shatteringly new if only they happened but they just didn't.

I mean if all of a sudden I got a letter in the mail or since this is the age of the wired world, I received an email saying that my application, the application that I did not send, to be the first Malaysian to go to Mars is successful and I am to pack my bags and be in Fiji to catch their craft to Mars next week, it would surely be something new in my life but I checked my inbox and my mailbox and there was no such communication.

Maybe, all of a sudden I get a call saying that since a certain Mr. North has taken ill, and so they have decided to rope me in as replacement as the lead in a new Hollywood mega-budget porn, featuring amongst others, Monica Belucci, young Sharon Tate, Angelina Jolie and a host of other Hollywood beauties and to just spice it up, they throw in a few Bollywood hotties like Aishwarya, Pretty Zinta, kareena Kapoor and for that local flavour, a certain Ms Karin would be making a cameo appearance; now wouldn't that be something new in the uneventful life of a 52 year old school teacher? But alas, it was not to be.

But wait, hold the phone, there was something new; something more thrilling, more scintillating, more stimulating and something more orgasmic that happened to this 52 year old man.

I know you have guessed it and sorry no prizes for guessing it right because everyone saw it coming.

Many have written about the bloggers do at The Terrace, The Curve on the 29th and like any other blogger who is currently experiencing a long bout of writer's block, I am going to pounce on this golden opportunity to come out with a post.

Actually, jokes aside, that meet was indeed earth-shattering to yours truly. I had so much wanted to meet my friends that as the taxi approached the designated place I had butterflies. I had never felt that way since the day I took my driving licence in 1981.

I was about to call Doc, when suddenly the man himself called me and he gave me a wrestler's bear-hug followed by another sincere heartfelt hug from Shah after wich they escorted me inside.

I was almost dizzy as I saw the array of blogging dignitaries. What really tugged at my heart most was to see a smiling Raden, so full of life and so cheerful despite only just being discharged from hospital.

The people whom I hadreally wanted to meet were there except for Pak zawi whose absence was understandable. I tried to be at every table but was mostly seated beside Kerpov who had asked for a hug from me.

It was very eventful indeed. Initially I thought of snapping some shots with my specially-bought-for-the-occasion-Olympus 1040, but the excitement of the whole affair relegated photography to the last item on the list. Anyway, Mat Salo took plenty of pictures and sportingly burnt a cd containing about 200 shots for me.

For the photos, maybe you should go to Mat Salo's or Shah's or I was told, Pak Idrus's blog. The pics that I am inserting is of a private meeting a few of us had the next night, which was last night.

Anyway, I was a little disappointed at not being able to meet Nuraina and a few other bloggers who had to leave early.

The next night, doc called me about a proposed hastily arranged meet at Halim's Ayam Golek somewhere in KL, how the fuck am I going to know where. Since Shah has sportingly volunteered to fetch me, or was he forced to do it since it was his idea to begin with, I immediately agreed.

It was a private meeting between bloggers. There was Doc, Mat Salo, Shah, Kerp, Razlin of muteaudio and yours truly. We had some birds succulently 'goleked' and rice and over 2 BPL matches I dare say that I learnt so much more about my friends that I could ever imagined.

My friends are truly humble, down to earth, ordinary, peace-loving, justice-seeking Malaysians and I wouldn't want to have it any other way.

All in all, it was truly eventful and I am told that some bloggers would be coming over to Penang early next year. I would really loved it if the next bloggers' do could be held in Malacca at the end of next year. Why Malacca? Shhh! tell you a secret. I have never been to Malacca. Would love to meet Hang Li Po. They say she's hot.

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The ever smiling Kerpov who couldn't hide his anxiety over the Chelsea Arsenal match.

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Shah, the writer of the group, ever so willing to help.

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Razlin. Watch out for this boy, he has a great future ahead of him.

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The Docta. You would be surprise at how friendly this man is. There's no airs about him.

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Razlin and Docta. I am sure Doc was trying to persuade Razlin to be a Gynae and Razlin was blushing in anticipation

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Two for the road. Sorry Mat Salo, couldn't get a solo shot of you coz you never stood still

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